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The Felon Boyfriend and I

jackslash
Detroit strip clubs
My favorite dancer Mandy told me she drives 2 hours to visit her boyfriend in a Michigan prison. She said he went to jail for drugs.

She aroused my curiosity about this boyfriend, who I'll call Earl. Fortunately, the Michigan Department of Correction has a website where you can find information about prisoners.

The website reveals that Earl's criminal history is more extensive than my CF indicated. He was sentenced not only for drugs but also for retail fraud, auto theft, and home invasion. He has convictions going back to 1999.



So how do I measure up against Earl? Here's the comparison:

Race
Earl: White
Me: White

Height
Earl: 6' 3"
Me: 5' 6"

Weight
Earl: 240 lbs
Me: 150 lbs

Age
Earl: 34
Me: 60+

Tattoos
Earl: Center left neck--spider; Front right hand--cross; Left arm--flaming skull; Right arm--Harley Davidson wings; Back--eagle
Me: No tattoos

Length of sentence
Earl: Earliest release date: 04-20-2017; Maximum discharge date: 07-20-2034
Me: Not currently incarcerated



Given the typical stripper values, my CF must find Earl more attractive than me. But I won't worry about the competition until 2017.

29 comments

Latest

SlickSpic
•
11 years ago
I wouldn't worry about Earl. He'll find friends or religion in the clink. Let's see how long she drives the two hours to visit him. It's sad to say, but the longer an individual is incarcerated, the less mail, less phone calls, and the less visits one gets. Then a day comes when only your mom or number 1 Road Dog makes it. I know. Two of my old-school homeboys were locked up at young ages, one at 16 and one at 22. I kept up with one homeboy from 16-21, then he got lost in the system. I kept up with one homeboy from 22-28 and also from 30-32. My money, letters, and visits kept him going. I even picked him up from Chuckawalla the last time he got out. I pray he stays out cause the next time is strike number three.
motorhead
•
11 years ago
I'm stuck in Folsom prison
And Time keeps draggin' on
SlickSpic
•
11 years ago
San Quentin, you've been livin' hell to me
You've hosted me since nineteen sixty three
motorhead
•
11 years ago
but the worst 'prison' of all?

When Kramer warns Jerry about marriage...

"They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time! You get up in the morning, she's there. You go to sleep at night, she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. (pleading voice) "Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?"
SlickSpic
•
11 years ago
@Moto-I love that show. I have both the first and last episode on vhs. One of the last vhs tapes I still have.
Alucard
•
11 years ago
"Given the typical stripper values, my CF must find Earl more attractive than me"

Her loss. Maybe she'll join him behind bars soon.
ididthisonce
•
11 years ago
Jack.....you got a great sense of humor!

LMAO
shadowcat
•
11 years ago
Jack - You left out one BIG trait, dick size! :)
ilbbaicnl
•
11 years ago
Have you looked up Mandy's rap sheet?
jackslash
•
11 years ago
"Have you looked up Mandy's rap sheet?"

Actually, I did a search on her. No criminal history. She's very nice and sweet, and so I'm surprised she was involved with a felon.
Papi_Chulo
•
11 years ago
“… She's very nice and sweet, and so I'm surprised she was involved with a felon …”


Haven’t you heard that many a woman (usually the IQ deficient ones) like and are into bad-boys and roughnecks.
Papi_Chulo
•
11 years ago
BTW – when did sweetie pie Earl get sent to the Hanoi Hilton?
Papi_Chulo
•
11 years ago
"… They're prisons! Man-made prisons. You're doing time! …”


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSDmfdiiT…

23cambyman
•
11 years ago
^^Papi- HAHAHAHAHAHA
gatorfan
•
11 years ago
Earl sounds like a keeper.
ilbbaicnl
•
11 years ago
If a woman loves a vicious punk but isn't one, that just means she's chickenshit, not that she's nice.
SlickSpic
•
11 years ago
The Dixie Chicks said it best-"Earl's Gotta Die."
toysales
•
11 years ago
I had a run in with a strippers boyfriend once. She had told me she did not have a boyfriend. I was at a bar with the stripper when this guy walked up next to me and started talking shit. When I stood up, I'm 6ft 210lbs he was maybe 5'8" and 140lbs soaking wet and 5lbs of that was dreadlocks, he changed his tone. And she got pissed at me. Needless to say I did not see her again.
duomaxwell
•
11 years ago
Not everyone that ends up in prison is an asshole and not everyone that keeps themselves out of them is a good person.
jester214
•
11 years ago
"Not everyone that ends up in prison is an asshole"

Agreed, but it's a decent indicator.
motorhead
•
11 years ago
"Not everyone that ends up in prison is an asshole"

No, some use their mouths



jester214
•
11 years ago
LOL
Lone_Wolf
•
11 years ago
Funny.

Question though, if your Mandy came to you tomorrow and sincerely asked you to be her new BF, would you go for it?

Not sure what your answer would be but I would run like hell if any of my fav's were looking for the real thing.

I guess I'm lucky there isn't a snowball's chance in hell of that ever happening.





crazyjoe
•
11 years ago
Duo is correct
crazyjoe
•
11 years ago
Duo is correct
SlickSpic
•
11 years ago
I agree Joe that not everyone locked up is a horrible person, but if you met the people I know who are or were doing time then you'd agree that these outstanding members of our society are in a very deserving institution.
Lone_Wolf
•
11 years ago
"Not everyone that ends up in prison is an asshole and not everyone that keeps themselves out of them is a good person."

Sounds like something a convict would say to get into a dancer's panties. Those dudes are smooth.
Clackport
•
11 years ago
Unfortunately nowadays a lot of dancers are dating felon boyfriends.
ilbbaicnl
•
11 years ago
People who deal pot or E have not really committed a crime. People who deal coke are no worse than people who sell alcohol. Some people are falsely convicted but that's a minority.
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