tuscl

Disposing of the Evidence

rickdugan
Verified and Certifiable Super-Reviewer
Monday, July 29, 2013 10:31 AM
Perhaps last night was some type of cosmic warning for me. I visited two clubs last night and came home with far too much evidence of my various crimes. For starters, I visited my favorite at Club 1 and came to find out that she was covered in glitter. Unfortunately I did not learn this until she had transferred a fair amount of it onto my face and shirt. It was so damned dark by the bar that I did not notice it sooner. I only learned of it when another dancer commented about it, saying something to the effect of "you're gonna' get some guy divorced with that glitter you're wearing." This led me to step under some lights in another part of the club, where indeed I found that I had been infected. Imagine a grown man in the bathroom with baby wipes trying to get the glitter off of his face. The rocket scientist who covered me in it lost some money last night and will not be seeing another nickel from me in the future. Next stop, Club 2, I was pitched OTC by an attractive girl and I bit. Now it was bad enough that she gave about the worst OTC performance that I've had in a while, but what compounded my displeasure was discovering her stripper bag in my car this morning. And, of course, my vehicle stank from one of those crappy Victoria Secrets scents that I not-so-affectionately refer to as eau du skank. So my morning started with the disposal of both a nice shirt and this bag filled with stripper gear, and then moved on to a full service interior cleaning of my car to remove any lingering traces from that very smelly bag. As is the norm with VS eau du skank, everything it touched stank of the stuff. I felt bad about tossing the bag, which included stripper heels, her outfit and a hair iron, but I have no idea how to get in touch with this girl as I never received a phone number. Obviously I cannot just drop it at the club and I do not know when she is working again or when I will be going back. Now I might have been able to store it somewhere until the stars aligned again, but I could not take the chance given how badly the bag reeked - the scent was so strong that it would have filled up anyplace I tried to keep it with that odor and infected anything that it touched. Also, if the bag or any of its contents were discovered, how in the world would I ever explain it? The most disturbing part, however, is that it was only good fortune that allowed me to get ahead of these issues. If a dancer had not tipped me off about the glitter, or if someone went to my car this morning before I did, then I might be having a different discussion now. I clearly need to do a better job of keeping my eyes open during these adventures.

19 comments

  • SlickSpic
    •
    11 years ago
    That was a close call. I appreciate your tale of mishaps and misadventure. With that being said, never be a criminal. It's not in your cards.
  • shadowcat
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    11 years ago
    I haven't seen any glitter in years. Was she older or Eastern European? That is how I got my last glitter shower. Another dancers noticed and began brushing me off. I told the Czech dancer glitter was a no no and she said that she didn't care. That it was the customers problem. Thankfully she moved to Myrtle Beach.
  • SlickSpic
    •
    11 years ago
    The next generation rock the spray on tan.
  • Clackport
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    11 years ago
    @SamPepys- actually Dougster and Txtittyfag is the same person. Check it out [view link]
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    11 years ago
    I am *so* glad that I do not have to worry about that sort of thing.
  • Dougster
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    11 years ago
    It would be interesting to see how many people still think me and txtittyfag are the same person. Since that time that I think all but the most die-hard morons have come to realize we are different people.
  • gawker
    •
    11 years ago
    Funny, I recently used the same phrase, "disposing of the evidence", when she swallowed instead of spit. Who knew?
  • mjx01
    •
    11 years ago
    no S.O. = no need to worry about evidence
  • gatorfan
    •
    11 years ago
    Used condoms go inside the lap dance couch
  • rh48hr
    •
    11 years ago
    Same for me. No s.o. no worries.
  • Lone_Wolf
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    11 years ago
    "discovering her stripper bag in my car" Holy shit! That's a close one. The glitter could be overcome but there would no getting past that. It is so easy to become complacent reminders of how easy it is to fuck up are good. Thanks posting this.
  • gawker
    •
    11 years ago
    I really fucked up one time. I have a DSLR camera and shot several pictures of my ATF getting undressed in a hotel room. I printed several of them as prints and thought I had erased the memory card but a month or so later my wife picked up the camera and thumbed through the memory. She turned to me and said I didn't know you had pictures of your niece, Jessica in her bathing suit. The resemblance was close enough for me to escape a major clusterfuck.
  • ididthisonce
    •
    11 years ago
    Let me see....Glitter...Perfume....and the infamous lipstick left the crotch of your pants? I have always voted for having an extra pair of matching clothes hid in the trunk of my work car. Don't know how many times I changed and washed them when the lady of the house wasn't around. I used to travel on short notice for business, and that was my cover should the clothes or shaving bag was discovered. BTW...I rarely went to clubs closer than a hour away.
  • lopaw
    •
    11 years ago
    Us married folk often think of clubbing as an extreme thrill sport. I have come home with enough DNA evidence to fill a crime lab. I've had too many close calls to mention. After a few years you learn to be very diligent about removing anything incriminating.
  • KingxGorilla
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    11 years ago
    Fortunately I'm not married but if I ever roll into strip club when I'm cruising on my chop, by the time I get back home smell and everything else is gone from the road winds.
  • SlickSpic
    •
    11 years ago
    It's agreed, then. Sneaking around your SO is next on the X-Games.
  • georgmicrodong
    •
    11 years ago
    If YOU can't pay the PRICE then you shouldn't COMMIT to a FAITHFUL marriage. Did I get that about right, Alucard?
  • Dougster
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    11 years ago
    Unfortunately, in alutard's case, it was never a choice for him - knows he would never have found a willing partner on the other side. (Women scared away by his mental issues.) So now he tries to rationalize that his outcome is okay anyway since paying strippers for sex is no different, fundamentally than being married. In the latter, the man mainly provides the money and the woman, in return, offers up the sex. But the man is tied down to sex with one woman so only a fool would not make the non-choice alutard made. alutard's non-choice also offers him the opportunity to preach about how morally virtuous he is because he never cheated and "non" chose a life of complete singlehood. (Since he has even gone to the extreme of calling paying strippers for sex/companionship "dating" he will deny he has never dated, but you just have to be onto his games, rationalizations, denials and other mental gymnastics.)
  • looneylarry
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    11 years ago
    gmd, that impression was right on the money. One very bad indicator not mentioned is cigarette smoke. Around here, all bars have gone smokeless. Strip clubs, as "private" establishments are allowed to have their own rules, so most opt for smoking. So if I go out and come back with a smell of alcohol I can pass it off as the local bar. But if I come back smelling like smoke, the clear indication is a strip club. And you are usually covered in it, because it is one of the very few places to light up and of course they all do. So you smell like an ashtray from across the room. That has seriously curtailed my clubbing habits. Even a change of clothes and washing up at the truck stop doesn't quite get rid of the smell.
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