tuscl

How to take a vacation from a "regular"

Wednesday, January 4, 2006 9:48 AM
Here's my problem....I started to go to a club about a month ago..have been going about every week. On my second visit, I "clicked" with a good looking dancer who is able in her profession in every way. When I once asked her her schedule, she said, "I am here all the time." Several subsequent visits have vindicated that claim. The problem is that she now comes over to me when I am at the club, sits with me, and seems to have claimed me as her territory. As soon as she sees me, she breaks off whatever company she might be keeping, comes and sits in my lap, GF style, and hangs with me for the rest of the time I am there. I would have no problem getting rid of her if she was some ugly hag who gave crappy dances. The problem is that she is hot, generally of my physical "type," and gives great dances. But this club has a lot of other good looking girls, of various other types, that I would like to sample. Does any one have any suggestions as to how I can have my dancer and have othres, as well, without pissing off the current one (who is in hot ATF contention at this point.) I don't want to get rid of her, I just want to take a break Other clubs are an alternative, obviously, but, in the words of a contemporary NYC philosopher, " I'm not the kind of man who likes to socialize...I tend to lean on all familiar ways...."

43 comments

  • chitownlawyer
    •
    18 years ago
    Actually, I think that if you are committed to staying a "regular" (as a now am), having her drop everything and come running to you is only a problem if you want to get dances from other girls. As has been very correctly pointed out, you can't have it both ways...if you expect to get a pretty, semi-nude girl on your lap within thirty seconds of entering the club, you need to make it worth her while.
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    18 years ago
    Chandler, I was apparently reading into Chitown's post something that wasn't there. My priorities come from going to a lot of small clubs with poor dancer quality and ratio. If you can find a good one you keep her in my experience.
  • chandler
    •
    18 years ago
    Exactly, FONDL. It's not even a dilemna. Having a hot stripper who wants to sit on your lap all night is not a real problem, nor is seeing other girls you want to sample. And, AN, I don't think I was necessarily right and you wrong. We just have different priorities.
  • FONDL
    •
    18 years ago
    I get the impression that it is both - he likes the fact that she drops everything and comes running to him (and if she's hot who wouldn't?) but at the same time it keeps him from seeing other girls. It's like the kid in a candy store - he has a favorite and would love to fill up on it, but he'd like to sample the rest too. It's the kind of dilemma I dream about.
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    18 years ago
    Chandler, after re-reading the origional post I see you're right. Chitown seems to characterize the exclusive attention as part of the problem. I'm not sure where I got the impression it was part of the attratcion. In the words of Emmily Latella... "nevermind".
  • chandler
    •
    18 years ago
    I meant to add: There's no guarantee that sacrifices you make to a fave will keep you her #1. She could find something better and drop you cold at any time. Much more so than in real life.
  • chandler
    •
    18 years ago
    AN: Excuse me, but I missed where this was about wanting all that. I thought Chitown was just hoping to keep seeing her and not piss her off. Perhaps I'm unable to relate, because I assumed that business of dropping everything instantly for him was part of the problem. It's the kind of monopolizing I can always do without.
  • swami
    •
    18 years ago
    To escape a regular I'll say I'm calling it an early evening and getting ready to leave. Then have a seat at the bar to finish my drink. This work well when she's going up on stage. Generally this gives some time to single out the next dancer. I can always find an excuse for changing my mind and staying.
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    18 years ago
    I'm with Chitown on this. If you want to be her number one priority, if you want her to drop everything the moment you walk in the door, if you want her to make sure you are taken care of as if there are no other customers that matter to her like you do, she's got to feel like it is worthwhile for her, i.e. you feel the same and reward her for her efforts. Once you let her know you are as interested in other dancers as you are in her, the incentive to make you #1 vanishes. Decide what you want, but in clubs as in all of life you have to make compromises. What you want will come at a cost. Wether that cost is not sampling a variety of dancers at the club or is not having your favorite make you her #1 priority is up to you. Now, if you want to open up to some fun see what she thinks of a two girl VIP.
  • chandler
    •
    18 years ago
    Chitown, not to belabor the point too much, but I've found that codes of fidelity simply don't apply in strip clubs like they do in the real world. Some dancers want you to believe you have a stake in being faithful, but it's mostly a bluff. I can't help but think about the other pretty girls in the club you wanted to sample. I hope this one is special enough to warrant passing them up, regardless of any concern over fidelity. In any event, isn't it nice that having that other club so close allowa you to have your cake and eat it, too.
  • FONDL
    •
    18 years ago
    Welcome to the wonderful world of regulars and good luck. And I know what you mean about OTC activity making your life complicated, that's why I no longer have much interest in it. I leave that to the single guys.
  • chitownlawyer
    •
    18 years ago
    By the way...the more clubs I go to, the better Brad's Brass Flamingo gets. A review of Bare Elegance will follow shortly. About ten years ago, the last time I was in LA, I went to a strip club, and failed to get the name (I just stopped at the first strip club I could identify). Monday night/Tuesday morning, in the cab going back to the hotel, I saw the club in question, and immediately recognized it...the Century Lounge. I may take some gingo biloaba to jog my memory, and submit a review of historical interest....
  • chitownlawyer
    •
    18 years ago
    I appreciate the input on this thread. I think that, in my case, the only way to take a vacation from this "regular" is at another club. Fortunately, that should not be a problem, as there are several in the general area, including one about twenty yards away. I spent the last three days in LA, and a visit to a strange (in the sense of unfamiliar, not wierd) club persuaded me of the value of having a dancer whose immediate attention you can get upon entering the house, and who knows exactly how to handle things in VIP. I really don't want to screw that up on the basis of conjecture or a need for variety, especially since it probably wouldn't hurt me to try some other clubs, anyway. When I was in VIP at Bare Elegance on Monday night, I was thinking how nice it would be if the "regular" in question was there, so I wouldn't have to deal with so much of the bs you have to consider the first time you have a dancer in VIP. (or even beforehand...the mystery...is she going to get me into VIP, then tell me there's no touching? Is she going to be an inveterate talker, who I can't get to shut up long enough to do any "dancing"?) I fully understand the theory of "the customer is king," and as a political and economic conservative, I embrace it. However, those kind of theoretical rules have a way of breaking down in human relationships, especially when one of the humans in question has a vagina. As many of those who are, or have been, married will understand, sometimes those who insist on their legitimate rights, to the exclusion of other considerations, will end up with only their rights to keep them company. By the way, in response to some of you, I don't see this situation as an OTC in the making, or even a non-paying OTC relationship in the making. Frankly, I did a little of that in 2005, and although I wouldn't say it was without its benefits, on balance, it added far too much complication to my life.
  • chandler
    •
    18 years ago
    I got a note from Chitown this morning. Says he's been very busy with work but should have news for us in a couple days.
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    18 years ago
    Waiting for an update...
  • FONDL
    •
    18 years ago
    Me too. Chitown, what did you decide to do? Are you going to try to have your cake and eat it too?
  • chandler
    •
    18 years ago
    FONDL, I was just trying to inject some levity. My tone was all wrong. Too much jerk coming through. Don't worry, we all engage in off topic boasting, myself included. I am curious to hear more from Chitown on this.
  • davids
    •
    18 years ago
    FONDL paid alot of money to develop the relationship he has with her. Give the "man" a break.
  • FONDL
    •
    18 years ago
    Chandler, if you're referring to me I apologize. I don't consider it boasting because I have nothing to boast about, we've never done anything remotely sexual, we're just good friends. And that doesn't sound like the holy grail that most of you seem to be looking for, so what's to boart about? I like to talk about her because I enjoy thinking about her, she's a neat kid. And I also think it's relevant to talk about past experiences with regulars on this post because Chitown is asking for advice and my opinion is that if he likes this girl as much as his original post suggests he should hang on for the ride and go elsewhere for his "vacations." I think I said that in my first reply here. Sorry if that sounds like off-topic boasing to you, it doesn't to me.
  • chandler
    •
    18 years ago
    Sorry, but there's a limit to the ATF boasting a man can stomach. On a thread asking how to best *TEMPER* an unwanted ATF monopoly in the making, no less. Yoda: I wouldn't dream of tempting you to cheat on your favorite insult partner.
  • Yoda
    •
    19 years ago
    Chandler: Do you have something to add or are you just going to insult us? We already have somebody to do that.
  • FONDL
    •
    19 years ago
    Ease up, Chandler, it's not that bad. Actually it's a price-benefit thing. When clubs used to be cheap, I bought dances from lots of girls and didn't worry to much about their beauty. But now that places are so expensive, I'm not interested unless she's drop-dead gorgeous. Fortunately I've managed to find a few of those recently. The last 3 girls I've gotten dances from (many in fact) were two 10's and a 9. And always left a happy man. But at $30+ a pop I don't waste my money on 7's anymore.
  • chandler
    •
    19 years ago
    You guys need to turn your sappiness dial WAY THE FUCK DOWN or I'm gonna hurl all over my keyboard.
  • Yoda
    •
    19 years ago
    FONDL: You are not alone. I've just about given up on clubs when I travel. I almost never find a girl worth spending money on-especially when I compare them to my favs back home. A notable acception was a visit to San Diego last summer where I found a great club and a couple of terrific dancers. I hit 3 clubs in Philly over the last year and several in NYC without spending a dime.
  • FONDL
    •
    19 years ago
    I guess I've been going to the wrong clubs. I usually have trouble finding any girl who I want a dance from, let alone several, so I've never had the problem you all are talking about. And if you saw my most recent fave, you'd know why none of the other girls there appealed to me. I don't think I've ever been in a club where I saw several girls who I wanted dances from.
  • davids
    •
    19 years ago
    Hey, T-BoneHead: Why not just be a man and tell your girls: Yeah I like to date lots of women and buy LDs from other, if you don't like it the door is that way. Do you lack THE BALLS to say something like that? Do you to resort to PLAYING GAMES and TRICKS instead? Why not just be a man about the situation: You won't what you want. Just let the women know that. Like I say, I think you will find that if you just deal honestly with women you will get some pretty surprisingly good results. Women are incredibly adaptive.
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    19 years ago
    There is some good advice here. Going for the direct method does have a lot of merit, but I've found that once you do that you don't get quite the same special treatment. My guess is that once Chitown told his regular that he wanted to get dances from others she'd stop dropping everything to go see him. She'd probably make sure to stop by quickly if he is still a good customer, but once he opens up the relationship up, more than likely she'll back off a bit. If that is what you're looking for Chitown, I'd so go for the direct method. It sounded like you were enjoying being her number one top priority. If that is the case, I don't think there is a way to have both. Such is life unfortunately. Then again I'm sure others will tell me I'm wrong and you can get everything you want for nothing.
  • casualguy
    •
    19 years ago
    Just remember if a dancer ever acts angry about you sitting with another dancer for awhile and then she says something like "what, are you sleeping with her too?" Just tell her,"not yet." You know you're really getting under her skin if you're sitting with another dancer just talking for 30 minutes or so and she seems to be waiting and then she comes over and says "why don't you get rid of that bitch?" Some dancers are quite amusing.
  • davids
    •
    19 years ago
    Contingency plan: If you do decide to go with the straightforward approach and she does freak, then I would make fun of her about it: "It not like you aren't SEEING TONS of OTHER guys? What are you my wife? I am supposed to pay to hear crap like this? Come on, be a big girl now. Etc..." Should get her back in line in under a minute.
  • casualguy
    •
    19 years ago
    I remember I had one dancer I liked apparently want to spend her whole night just chatting with me as long as I was there. She got one $10 dance from me each hour for 3 hours. At one hour till closing I told her, I like talking to you but I would like to get dances from some of the other girls as well. She understood. If a single dancer tries to hang onto to me too much, I will let her know that I enjoy getting dances from other dancers. The dancers go around performing lap dances with several customers usually so it only makes sense that guys can get lapdances from several girls. If a dancer starts acting like I'm her husband or boyfriend or something, I have to let them know one way or another that I'm in a strip club to have fun usually with more than one female. If a dancer really didn't get it or leave you alone enough, I might start going to other clubs or go when she wasn't working. Of course if the sex is really good OTC, you may have to take that into consideration. In that case I might skip her club and just enjoy her OTC.
  • tropicalH2O
    •
    19 years ago
    I agree with davids advice, "be honest and upfront". Tell the girl that you like her but want to dances with other girls. Some of these dancers really work the guys. One of my colleagues saw a guy I had an appointment with and chased him out of the club before I could dance for him. She felt that she owned him and that he should only get dances with her. He called me twice apologizing for leaving. He said that she gave him an anxiety attack because he was just trying to be nice and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Later on he told me that her anger and jealously reminded him of RoseAnne Barr in the movie "She Devil". He asked me to please call him when she wasn't working so he could come in and get dances. If you set things up right in the beginning with a non-exclusive approach you'll be happier. If you decide that you want to be exclusive with her later you can change your mind.
  • davids
    •
    19 years ago
    You know thinking about this some more it's actually a good situation: She'll know she can't take your business for granted, and she'll be sure to work hard to regain it. Plus she'll respect your honesty if you just tell her the deal straight up. This is all assuming she's not a total/idiot or loser. Yeah some will freak out, but hopefully you are savvy enough to have screened out that type already.
  • davids
    •
    19 years ago
    Oh, man, you guys are truly pathetic: This one is a cinch. Back in my LD buying days this situation would arise. You just tell them honestly what the deal is. You like to buy dances from other girls: It's not like we are married or dating are we? I still like and will continue to buy dances from you in the future. You understand this isn't a negative comment against you right? Not a hard problem. Put even more concisely: Just be honest. I think you would be surprised how much these women are able to handle if you are just with them. You'll gain some respect too. Good luck!
  • Yoda
    •
    19 years ago
    FONDL: I don't think it's a matter of being too picky, you just prefer that sort of ATF relationship. I did too for a long time and I may again someday. When my ATF retired there was no obvious replacement in site and it was just about the time I stopped working full time and became a freelancer in my field. My schedule changed dramaticaly and I found my club habits changed as well. I don't visit a particular club on a particular schedule anymore so I wound up with a few girls in every club I go to. One or two get jealous once in a while but thats always going to happen. It's really just a matter of what works best for the customer. If you are a nice guy and you treat a dancer well she will always be around when you have money to spend.
  • Doverman
    •
    19 years ago
    "Honey, I think it's time we see other people."
  • easyed14
    •
    19 years ago
    chitown, I know what you're going through. I've run into this problem on a couple of occasions. Couple suggestions you might want to try. First of all, ask her what her schedule is. There's no way she can be there all the time. Just go in when she's not working. This isn't always the best solution because if your like me, I have no set schedule as to when I go into the club. I like to go whenever the mood strikes. It sucks if you have to schedule your time around a dancer not being there. Second, and this has worked for me in the past, when sitting with her if you spy a dancer that appeals to you ask your friend if she knows who that dancer is. Mention that you find her attractive and would like to get a dance from her some time. I've even had the girl get up from my lap and bring the other dancer over and introduce us then leave us while I had dances from the new girl. I think most dancers understand that we go in there for variety and I also feel that most dancers feel that it's to their benefit to spread their talents to more than just one guy. It could be that she really like you and thinks you go in to see only her and she doesn't want to offend you by leaving you. Ultimately, you are the paying customer and therefore should control who sits or dances with you. Just be tactful and try not to hurt anyones feelings.
  • FONDL
    •
    19 years ago
    I think we're coming at this from different places here. In my recent experience it's very hard to find a girl who I really like who treats me the way I want to be treated. So when I find one I try pretty hard to keep her happy too. And I'm willing to make sacrifices to do that. As long as she continues to treat me the way I like. Maybe I'm just too picky.
  • chandler
    •
    19 years ago
    Chitown, are you two going back to do privates, then returning to your table, then getting up again for privates, over and over? Or is she just hanging out all night at your table? Cause, if it's the former, I'd just tell her before or after the privates that you'll get more next time you're in and then turn her loose. There has to be a moment where it's natural to suggest that. However, you ought to start soon, before your one-girl routine becomes even more established.
  • chandler
    •
    19 years ago
    I'd be more inclined to tell her directly you're done with her for now at some point rather than get in a lap with another girl while she's onstage or in the bathroom. If she doesn't understand that, it's time she learned to. She'll come back eventually.
  • FONDL
    •
    19 years ago
    And let me offer a different view. I'm a believer of the old adage, if it ain't broke don't fix it. If you like the way she treats you and want that to continue, I'd focus exclusively on her at that particular club. If you start spending time with other girls there it will probably change the way she treats you. Why risk it? When you want a break go to a different club. In fact I think it's good to have 2 clubs where you're known, one where a favorite works and one where you're a free agent. That way you can have whatever experience you're in the mood for on any given night.
  • Yoda
    •
    19 years ago
    I'm with T-Bone here. The only time I worry about this is if it's OTC. ITC it's your money. My last ATF was very cool with me buying dances from other ladies-though she knew every dime I spent and who I spent it on. She was smart enough to realize that guys go to strip clubs for variety. If this girl doesn't understand your need to want to sample a few other ladies during your visits your headed for trouble. As far as a "break" from her while trying other girsl, I don't see that working. If yo want to keep her on the possible ATF hook, you need to spend on her even when you are spending on other girls.
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    19 years ago
    Put this one down under the downside of having regulars. I've usually stuck with the regular but come in when she wasn't there. It sounds like you don't have that option. One possibility is to do it in a gradual way. Ask her if there is a dancer she'd like to do a two girl with? Maybe add another to the mix on occasion? I dunno, might be worth a try.
  • T-Bone
    •
    19 years ago
    CTL - IMO, this is a tough position to be in and your actions should carefully depend on what you want out of it. When this happens to me, it's usually because I'm casually dating a stripper OTC on a frequent basis. And to be honest, this same situation is happening to me as we speak with 3 different girls at three different clubs. I like to have lots of mutual fun and sex with hot strippers OTC. And this generally requires a relationship/dedication of some sort if you want it to continue. Therefore, I don't sample the other girls in the club in order to keep what I have OTC. However, if I were you and were NOT interested in any OTC action, and rather, more interested in sampling ITC, I'd politely find a way to get some lappers while she's in the bathroom, taking a break, on the pole, whatever.... She should understand, and if not, that's bullshit. It's a stripclub. On the other hand, if she's really pissy about it, maybe she's into you for more than $$?? Good luck.
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