Married
Try googling that... All you find is advice for married men trying to date a stripper. After reading many discussions on tuscl, and realizing that there are some intelligent, experienced, and candid opinions, we have come to you for advice.
We are a happily married, 30-sthing attractive and fit couple. We are unique in that I love women as much as he does.
We have had a number of threesomes, trips to Amsterdam/Vegas, and are looking for a permanent 3rd wheel.
We met a unicorn at our local sc a couple months ago. She's in her early 20s, drug free, and just started in the biz. She's a single mom, working her way through college (we've even helped her on some term papers). She claims to be a good girl in the club.
We tried to pay her for OTC the first time, and she refused to take our money. We took her on vaca with her kid, and have seen her OTC about 7 times over the last 4 months. We do go to the club and drop about 100-200 on her about every 2 weeks, but she sneaks some of it back to us on dinner etc.
Here's the problem- She's horribly unresponsive. She will go days without returning our texts and voicemails. She likes to refer to us as her "girlfriend," and she sends incredibly sensual/emotional/sexy texts and pics. She makes plans and cancels constantly, which she blames on her busy schedule and ADD. And, she won't tell us where she lives (due to a psycho baby daddy issue). We express ourselves to her constantly and she often fails to reciprocate. However, she always finds a way to reel is back in
Are we kidding ourselves that we can have a real relationship with this girl? We have tried to emotionally detach ourselves and just be happy with sex, but she hates being treated like a girl for hire...what does she want from us and what should we want from her?
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22 comments
This will be interesting. Is the board going to treat a female the same way they treated a dude the other day for essentially saying the same thing. Hmmm,,,,,
A 20something flaky stripper is probably not the best choice for a "permanent third wheel" in your relationship.
First, you must be very naive to be exposing your "husband" to 3-ways with other girls, which is what I understand from your story. These "relationships" never work out, and one day you will come home to find that your "husband" has found someone he likes better than you. Unless of course, your husband can't get it up and he just watches you have sex. Eventually, you will become the 3rd wheel.
Second, there is no such thing as a "permanent" relationship with a dancer. They live in an underworld of vice, immorality, and sex.
That is why we like them. They use us, we use them, then they are gone. This is the kind of life you can expect with dancers.
The problem with 3-ways is that somebody is always the 3rd wheel.
In this case it may very well be the "husband".
You are not a priority. She clearly doesn't trust you. She may enjoy the sex to the point that she doesn't want money (have trouble buying this) but I doubt she wants the entanglements of some kind of relationship. Especially considering she has a job, a child, and school. Keep in mind she's also young and may just be caught up in the adventure.
Obviously all that is predicated on this being a true story.
That's why they don't work pabloantonio.
I think most dancers are only interested in making money for the night or so they say when they see you if you ask them. Some bill is due and they want to make some money. I rarely even ask.
I have learned the hard way these girls can not stay off drugs. And getting their score and feeding their habit takes way more priority than anything you may have to offer. Even a great home and a future for her kid.
I don't have the answer yet. In spite of their condition a lot of these girls would make decent life partners if they could break the cycle. A great many of them get locked into this and they just can't stop the momentum they have built up.
I fell head over heals in love with one beautiful lady who had just earned her graduate degree at the local university. She has everything ahead of her and is smart and seems to have more common sense than you would expect in someone under 30. But she just couldn't get off the merry go round. I tried everything, made ultimatums, and then finally told her not to call me again until she decided to turn away from that lifestyle. That was a month ago. We do still talk. But we talk as friends only. She is still stuck. Nothing I can do.
I would suggest you take her out of town for a weekend, explain your concerns, make an offer that she has to decide on THAT weekend and then if she can't accept your offer, let her go. It will just cause you more pain than you can take in the end.
Enjoy the threeway sex and forget about having a relationship. Do you really want her drama and excess baggage? As long as your getting your money's worth with the sex, whats the problem? Be careful though, their pimp or BF could be planning to rob your home.