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13 years ago
Avatar for Leonard313
Leonard313
Michigan

Fake Reviews (If you were a stripper writing one)

Okay...just for fun....

Sometimes I read reviews and I think, "theres no way a dude wrote that! Thats obviously a stripper writing a good review about her and the club she works at!" So I thought Id start a thread/game...imagine you're a stripper...and you can read/write....and in English (sorry Tijuana). Write a fake review that you imagine a stripper writing...THEN...write a review that the stripper "should" write if she really wanted a guy to go.

Okay...sounds confusing...but here's an example...

"Hey fellas!! Just got back from "Bonerpalooza Cabaret" in gorgeous dowtown Milltown!! Wow, there gals a really cute!! And top notch performers!! I talked to SHELLY and CINNAMON and they were very pleasant and interesting to talk to. Then I ran into CANDY...she had curves in all the right places (if ya know what I mean!) ; ) CANDY gave me 3 lap dances and they were well worth the $50, I'd have even paid more they were so good! So if you go there and see CANDY, tip her well!!

The bartender is super awesome and the DJ Rob is really, really cute and funny. The only bad thing about the place is when guys show up and don't tip....so dont be jerks like those guys. And also, if you come across a dancer named STARLA, don't get a dance from her because she's a bitch and she steals and does meth."

What she SHOULD say;

"Hey...I'm a 300lb, hairy, sweaty guy with no personality and I went to "Bonerpalooza Cabaret" Thursday....and even though I forgot to wear deodorant and only had $10...still got drunk and laid...twice by girls that I SWEAR are Victoria Secrets models! Just saying...if you're within 30 miles of this place and even if you got no money and look like you have Down' Syndrome...this is the place to go to get laid by the hottest women in North America. No cover every night from open to close. And if they're playing stupid music you don't like, they'll play whatever you want the bitches to dance to."

HAVE FUN!!

comments (18)

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Avatar for Alucard
Alucard
•

A review of that sort is HIGHLY unlikely to get me to visit. There is a more simple way to get me interested.

There's enough fake reviews being offered here without encouraging more. :))

Avatar for Leonard313
Leonard313
•

Party pooper. Way to be a buzzkill.

Avatar for sclvr5005
sclvr5005
•

huh? wtf?

Avatar for carolynne
carolynne
•

i don't get it either

Avatar for harrydave
harrydave
•

My theory is a bit different. I figure most of the shill reviews are written by a bouncer or a shift manager. What else do you do with your incomplete "phys ed/communications major" but write poor marketing screeds for strip clubs?

Avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
•

Leo! Your really starting to piss me off.Will you just shad up shading up

Avatar for tumblingdice
tumblingdice
•

Slip Mahoney

Avatar for JuiceBox69
JuiceBox69
•

Yepers

Avatar for Dougster
Dougster
•

In reality, I think guys are most interested in three things - are extras available, how much do they cost, how hot are the girls?

Now if a stripper is discussing the matter she will think guys are most interested in things she would be interested in if she were a guy, which turns out not to be things guys actually care much about. How good are the girls' stage shows? How good are their customes? Do they have sensual/seductive looks? Are most of the girls working there in situations worthy of guys helping them out (i.e. hard working single mothers)? What are club employees (beyond strippers and waitresses, which real customers don't even notice) like?

Avatar for Dougster
Dougster
•

The OP has some good points. Yeah, "real customers" suggesting that customer need to remember to tip the girls, and, even, the none stripper employees - pretty telltale.

Avatar for Leonard313
Leonard313
•

Am I the only one that doesnt know what "shad up shading up" means? Is that eubonics?

Avatar for Dougster
Dougster
•

Sounds like a double negative. So either he really wants you to shut up, or he wants you to talk more.

Avatar for Leonard313
Leonard313
•

It might mean my shades are open...and he would like them closed...twice.

OR...he wants me to wear 2 pairs of sunglasses...it's hard to say.

Avatar for carolynne
carolynne
•

PLEASE... always remember to tip the girls (both of them).

Avatar for she_is_covfefe
she_is_covfefe
•

I had written similar reviews, but my reviews are not for the customers but for the other dancers.

Avatar for gatorfan
gatorfan
•

Tits cannot write

Avatar for 23cambyman
23cambyman
•

Fuck Candy...I want to hook up with Starla...where is this place so that I can see her

Avatar for twilight12
twilight12
•

this COULD be a fun idea to play with but the way it's set up it's just too complicated to bother with, sorry. i honestly wanted to play.

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