Stupid Stripclub Tricks

I've done this more than once...take the cell phone out of my pocket for a lap dance and put it on a table..have a few dances....talk to the dancer a little go to my car....ready to pull out of the parking lot...wait cell phone is still in the VIP!! Luckily I've recovered it each time.

One night I was in the middle of getting a lapdance in a semi-private VIP area. This customer came up to the door and kind of moped around for a few seconds then started half-smiling at me and my dancer like he was about to say something. I assumed he knew her, probably a regular. He was beginning to really get on my nerves when he moved towards us, excused himself, and reached down between the cusions of the couch we were on and pulled out his cell phone. After he left, the girl said she assumed he was a friend of mine. I told her to give me some credit.

A couple of years ago I was backing my truck into a parking spot in a SC parking lot. I backed in a little too far and my back wheels wound up in a ditch. I was pretty embarassed when the tow truck driver arrived to pull me out. As he was getting back into his truck I asked him how often he has to pull some idiot out of the ditch. He told me he was down there at least three or four times a month and had pulled the club's manager, a couple of dancers and the Deputy Mayor of Providence's cars out of that stupid hole. I felt a little better after that.

This, in reference to himself, may be the most honest thing davids has ever posted: "Anyway, they laugh my ass right out that strip club, even though they were just strippers, even they new more math than me."

Backed into a brand new limo trying to exit the club parking lot.

Went to a strip club and told them I was the professor of an anonymous physical science when I was merely a bartender to try and impress them. It blew up in my face however, when:

a) they started questioning me about godel's theorem
b) asked me what a turing award was
c) I told them I went to church which, though it didn't clench it for most, made them more skeptical
d) demonstrated I didn't know bayes's theorem
e) was clueless as to basic notation in probability e.g what is P(S) given the predicate S?
f) didn't that fraction could be convert back and forth between percentage and the later, indeed, was just another notation for the former
g) When asked what the limit as x went to zero of 0.212 x /x was, I told them infinity (the denominator is getting reall small right, makes sense?)

Anyway, they laugh my ass right out that strip club, even though they were just strippers, even they new more math than me the alleged professor, and I could never show my face in there again.

I'm getting slammed for something I did in my very early 20's by a troll who never leaves his little trailer. He just sits there and tries to make others miserable. I feel so bad now...

Locked my keys in my car and had to pay a locksmith about $200 to come to the ghetto on a Sunday and open it for me in time for the six hour drive home.

Left a very expensive cashmere overcoat at my table while I went for an extended VIP session. Fortunately, my keys, billfold, etc. were all in my suit jacket., so I lost a coat but not a car, cash or ID.

Although parody ran away, he later learned from club employees that this was actually the classiest and least gross he had ever acted.

Got drunk in this little club once. (16 screwdrivers) I knew I was going to punch big time so I ducked into the restroom and there was no where to puke. Someone was at the sink, there was one urinal and one stall. I just thought the stall door was stuck or something so I kicked it in and projectiled all over the interior. Unfortunately this included some dude who was sitting on the toilet. Got the fuck out of there. -- Now that was Punk Rock!

One time, I had to go out to my car, but I didn't tell the bouncer I was going out to the car, so I had to pay the stupid cover again.

1) Give a local club a less than great review- even when they deserved it. Fast way to become persona non grata.
2) Not agreeing on the price of a dance when there are many prices offered in a club, depending on the location, amount of clothing removed, etc.... I ended up paying the highest price per dance but didn't get all the options that should have come with it. Now I ask a lot of questions when in a strange club, before the first dance, so as to get the ground rules down. Probably makes me look silly, but whatever.
3) Going to VIP with a girl I never has even seen before, much less had dance for me. Doh!
I am sure I have dozens more, but this just depresses me to think of it.