How far does this go...
hopalong
Well, after reading everything I could on this site and the pink site the past
two or three weeks now,I've decided to tell my story and get some opinions.
I know I always liked reading the tales of woe some have,so here's mine...
About a year ago I went to a SC for the first time in probably 20 years,after urging
from others to "get out".My buddy that was also going cancelled last minute, so I said
WTF I'll just go myself. So after some idle chit chat from a couple girls, over
walks a tall leggy blonde with gorgeous blue eyes.We talk for awhile,yes I tipped her
for her time,lol.We both had recently suffered a similar life changing event,so we had a lot to talk
about.Well I got a couple CR dances that night from her and then became her "regular"
I guess.She's a strictly business dancer,there to make money,no extras,drugs or partying.
I'd be there every couple weeks,we'd text back and forth everyday..."how are you",
"hows your day" etc...This continued for about 3 months,then one day I got
a text something like: "had a fight with my manager and quit,lets go hang out saturday".
Now we had talked about "hanging out" as she calls it, but didn't think it was gonna happen.
So thus began our "hanging out" phase.She started back to school,medical field, and
doubled her shifts at her other job,between school and work for her and my odd work
schedule, we would go out.We'd do dinner and a movie, jazz club,hockey games etc...
This continued until about February,maybe about 7-8 times in all,she lives about an hour and a half
away,so another obstacle...No,no sex and I didn't give her money,at the end of the evening
I got a hug and a kiss on the cheek,sucks to be the "nice guy",lol.About then she started
turning me down on our "dates",she was always busy.I gave up asking after a while,so
then began the "texting" phase.We text just about everyday, it's a 50/50 on who initiates
the first text, but still usually it's just the "how's it going"thing or what's going on in our lives.
She also sometimes added the "I miss you" thing in there.Then around the last week of
April the texting stops, no answers,nothing...So I move on, or so I thought... until about a
month later I get a text from an unknown number: "Is this (hop)? this is __. "yes it is"
"why the number change?" "Long story".... Now I didn't ask and she didn't volunteer.
So within a few text exchanges I get the "I'm thinkin about going back to dancing again".
"No school?" I asked. "I quit,too stressful right now...with the economy, I'm not making what
I need to at my other job,so I'm looking at different clubs".So she started back at a
club about an hour away from me,it's a 2 hour drive for her.That was about 5 weeks ago.
On her second weekend I went to see her.Now, I will say since she started back, not once
did she "ask" me to come see her.I went to see her again this past weekend,she worked til
about 10pm at her other job,then I met her at the club at 1,we stayed til 5.
I guess my question is "what the heck is going on here!? I've met her kids,her mom,
and her roomate,she met my niece and has talked to my daughter on the phone.
Would a dancer cultivate a regular for a year even after she quit, just in case she started again?
Is this a common practice? I'm thinking of telling her I need to step back for awhile and clear
my head,because I'm not sure what's going on with her,and just ask her point blank:
"What is the truth?"
I tried to keep this short by leaving out some details,but also for a little privacy.
Tell me what you think,am I being played?...PL,RIL? lol
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17 comments
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Treat her as a friend, but I would go talk up another gal for a more meaningful relationship.
It seems you both tried it out, and while it didn't end badly, it didn't end well either.
To be a RIL you have to to be having a significant amout of feeings for said dancer. I didn't pick up on thiat in your OP (but didn't read every word) so probablly not RIL. RIL is probablly more self diagnosis anywy at leat that was my experience.
PL? Maybe but given the time frame, etc., jist of OP, SoWhatt's observation of "Stripper friendzoned" sounds about right to me. Don't let it evolve into RIL.
Steve: she is a pretty good girl,and yes, there is something about me that most wouldn't exploit..for now. And I try to remember for most of them it is about money.
Why step back? What's the problem? It sounds like a perfectly reasonable friendship, especially if she's not making any financial demands, and you're not making any sexual ones.
What kinds of things happen on your dates? Talking? Just hanging? Are you having fun and enjoying each other's company? If so, then enjoy it while you have it and stop stressing over where it is or isn't going. It'll go where it goes. Enjoy the ride.
Not every friend has to be with benefits.
If you're fine with just hanging with no sex, kinda like one of her gay guy friends who goes shopping with her, and really REALLY don't have any expectations like "yeah, maybe if I just hang with her long enough it will happen" or anything stupid like that, then it might be okay. But if you're like any other man on the planet, and she's hot, you're gonna want some of that. And you ain't gonna get it.
My recommendation: Don't walk away, run away. Now. She's stringing you along, suddenly no contact for a month, and then you're supposed to be there for her when SHE decides she's ready. Dude, that's not healthy. She knows she's hot and you want some, so she can do what she wants with you. Dude, not healthy. Maintain your dignity and self respect, tell the bitch to go, and take the upper hand. Move on.
And be careful...there are guys here who will have you paying her rent for her and walking her dog. Don't let them talk you into anything stupid.
I would never stoop so low as to volunteer to walk her dog.
Baby sit her ferret? Maybe
Feed her fish? Probably
Change her cat's litter box? Most definitely.
But walk her dog? Never!
Like WHAT for instance??
jerikson40 just has a BAD attitude. LOL
Thank god for going in one night when she wasn't there, and being offered bbbj in exchange for paying a phone bill by some other rando. Made me think. Wait a minute.....SHIT!
Now it's easy to spot. Watch your progress meter, if you've been zoned it plateaus, generally in the vicinity of the best available legit lap dances in whatever establishment she's working in, sometimes with discounts, but usually not. You're her friend, and you're reliable. Why give you a discount? Save that for the guys who still need to be hustled. Every other girl your progress meter will go up or down continuously depending on a variety of other factors that are certainly discussed in many other threads.
Looks like everyone's covered this pretty well already. I meant to comment on this earlier, but had to get a check in the mail and walk a friend's dog.
Sometimes it's best to go with your gut, which I didnt do, lol. Maybe I should have asked/waited for a female perspective, s25 maybe? Now lets see if I can repair the damage.