One-night stand

"I'm a happily married"

If this is the case, WHY exactly do you need a One-night stand?

Resource: A Dating Service.

I agree with Alucard.

You don't think she was truly serious, do you? But if you insist - stick with the stripper/escort. "Civilians" could get messy.

Be smart and tell her you're happy with her.

If you still want to do this, tell her that, and then quietly go find a nice escort and get it out of your system ONCE.

Alucard: Because even a happily married guy can appreciate variety, and wonder what it would be like with someone else. 25 years -- one woman. And as wonderful and lovely as she is, evolution made me crave variety. I'm sure that not all happily married guys see things this way, but I'm also sure that many do.

Watch "America Pie - The Naked Mile".

Are you going to give her the same birthday gift?
Women "crave variety" too, ya know.

"Alucard: Because even a happily married guy can appreciate variety, and wonder what it would be like with someone else. 25 years -- one woman. And as wonderful and lovely as she is, evolution made me crave variety. I'm sure that not all happily married guys see things this way, but I'm also sure that many do."

I expressed my views about infidelity before & won't repeat them here. BUT I still maintain that infidelity in a marriage is wrong.

Is it infidelity if they really give you permission?

I don't think so.

Go to bars with lots of drunk girls and roll the dice.

"My wife has given me a really nice birthday present -- permission to have a one-night stand, guilt-free" ROTFLOL! There is no such thing dude.

I'm with alucard and motorhead. If you are "happy," then why?

Excellent point by lopaw.

"Once I'm talking to someone and we're getting along well, how do I turn it into one-time, no-commitment sex?" Wrong approach. Provider + money, duh.

"Is it infidelity if they really give you permission?"

Is he being entirely truthful about the permission? There is no way we can know for sure.

I'm trying not to speculate outside the given information.

It is tough speculating because we don't know the context of the present. Some women will say it and not care, some will say it and then cut your dick off while you sleep and throw it out the car window. Others will say it and watch and maybe join in. I agree that any civilian will make it complicated. Unless you find a good hotel bar with a woman from out of town on a business trip looking for something anonymous, but even then understand that there is some guy and probably a couple of kids in the background.

I agree with motorhead, if you do go through with it, stick to the stripper/escort line. Then you don't have to worry about feelings. Why does in have to be a "civilian?"

And then there is always the possibilty she may be easing her own guilt.. Perhaps SHE had a one nighter herself and this is her way of leveling the playing field. Just a thought...

If you do find a way to make this "gift" from your wife a reality, keep it to yourself. A lot more downside to you telling your wife you had sex with another woman than any potential upside, no matter what her motivation for presenting you such an enticing birthday present.

Things are not always what they seem and if it sounds to good to be true, yada yada yada...

"My wife has given me a really nice birthday present -- permission to have a one-night stand, guilt-free. She understands that a guy has needs."

She did not give you permission. She gave you a test. The correct answer is, "No, dear, I love only you. You're as beautiful as the day we met and I'm not attracted to any other women." She will make your life a living hell or divorce you if you screw someone else and tell her about it.


" What sort of place do I go to? (Not a strip club -- I want a "civilian" for this.)"

Why are you asking the pussyhounds on THE ULTIMATE STRIP CLUB LIST about fucking civilians? What the hell is wrong with banging a stripper? I bang strippers exclusively because they are young, attractive and easy. Easy but not always cheap. Go to a strip club, try a couple strippers, and you'll see what I mean.

A "free pass" would take all the fun out of sneaking around!

Elron, I can't believe you fell for the "birthday present" ploy. No wife or girlfriend will give you "permission" to fuck other women.

Whats wrong with dancers? They are the best short term relationship you can find.

You need some serious training. Start with your local stripclub and DON'T tell your wife you are going. Take cash, no credit or debit cards.

Find a dancer that likes you and start training. If you don't know how to do this by now you need to forget the whole idea. Stay @ home and be grateful you never entered this underworld.

There are always strings with wives you would be better off to stay home. If you decide to do it stay with a pro. Remember you are not paying for the sex you are paying her to leave and have no emotional attachments.

Agreed with the traveler. She could also be cheating on you, testing you, or setting you up for divorce. "But judge she TOLD me to bang other chicks!"

Jackslash is correct. Heed the truth of his warning.

As another "happily married man" of 25 years who hangs out at strip clubs, I agree with the majority here. There is no such thing as "permission". My wife has played that card more than once.

Understand, my wife has reached a point in her life where she absolutely hates sex - she can barely stand to be touched. I've been through the emotional roller coaster from thinking she might be cheating on me to considering an affair. Ultimately, we always end up going out to dinner, talking about our day, and having a great time - without the sex.

But I really did get permission to go to the strip club which I took advantage of this past year. She went out of town on a cruise with her friends and I ended up arranging a trip to the club along with 7 mutual female friends half my age - yeah, I'm bragging. My wife laughs and jokes about it as much as I do, but let's face it, I was chaperoned. It wasn't like I could have gotten away with anything in a crowd like that. We'll be going to Vegas in a couple of months and I once again have "permission" which I intend to take advantage of.

But yes, I've been to the clubs a number of times behind her back because I found that I really liked the adrenaline rush of girls fawning over me and frankly, the sneaking around is a rush in itself.

My wife has also given permission for an affair. She said as long as I "don't bring anyone or anything home". But I'll be honest, there was that glint in her eye that she was going to put me out of my misery if I ever really did cheat on her.

I don't consider the clubs as cheating but I can still get a little affection - even if I have to pay for it. I also know my wife enough to know that if I ever did get caught sneaking around to a strip club, I can get away with it once. It's not like she's going to cut me off from sex - she did that about 5 years ago anyway. She'll be a little miffed and I'll have to stay away from my newest hobby, but things will go on the way they have been.

OK, that's the long-winded way of saying to stick to the "innocence" of strip clubs. And understand there are others out here in the same boat as you.

Elron, this could be a test. If I considered myself happily married and my husband told me I could have a free pass for a one nighter, a red flag would go up. Nothing is completely free, especially with women. If you do choose to go through with it, there will be consequences. I don't know what they are but you should be prepared.

I call BS!

Well, speaking from my own experience, there is, in fact, sincere "permission". I'm not claiming that it's common, or that the rest of the cautions you read in this thread are invalid, but the possibility does exist that she's being honest. I don't think it's likely in your case, primarily because of the "one time" nature of the offer.

I do think you should talk to her, in a non-confrontational way, and find out exactly why she's offering it, what her expectations are, what limits she expects you to respect, what level of detail she wants to know afterward, and how she'll feel about it if you actually go through with it.

And no, it's *not* infidelity if one has sincere permission, or never made that particular vow in the first place.

You asked for advice and got judgement. That's how it goes here. I would recommend you forget civilians and go to a pro. Faster, less complication, probably better sex, and usually cheaper in the long run. Escorts are easy to find and fast to set up, but you don't know what you're getting except possibly from reviews on web sites other than this one. Strippers can be had pretty quickly too if you know where to go, but usually require at least a few days. And you can audition them, which is a huge plus in my book.

Never forget what a wife can do with a knife.(Lorena Bobbitt comes to mind)
As others agree, I would not rely on the wife being sincere on this one. It does sound as it could be a test, that if you go through with it, there may be repercussions down the line.

Never forget what a wife can do with a knife.(Lorena Bobbitt comes to mind)
As others agree, I would not rely on the wife being sincere on this one. It does sound as it could be a test, that if you go through with it, there may be repercussions down the line.

Is your wife a dentist by any chance?

Just what I was thinking, Ermita!

Thanks for everyone's thoughts on this.

lopaw: Am I going to give her the same birthday gift? I offered, she declined. When we were first married, she actually was thinking about an open marriage and I declined. We've both been faithful (I have absolutely zero doubts about her). Over time, she's gotten less interested in outside pursuits, and I've gotten more interested.

driver01: See above, this is absolutely not about her easing her own guilt.

Alucard: Am I being truthful about getting permission? Completely. Why even raise the subject here otherwise?

jackslash and others: Is she testing me? I really doubt it. We're both pretty direct about what we want and don't want, and don't have to resort to indirect approaches to get it. Now a different question is whether she really will be OK with it, or whether she is offering knowing that I won't (or can't!) follow through. Maybe.

Which brings me to georgemicrodong's comment: Yes, I think discussing it with her, and gaming out the possible outcomes is a good idea. The deal is that it happens once, it's safe (condom), and I discuss it with her afterward. It's probably a good idea to have a conversation: "let's assume this is the next day and I've actually slept with someone. How do you feel about it?"

Civilians vs. pros: My wife and I haven't discussed the "pro" option, and in fact I hadn't considered it. Knowing that I'll be discussing details with her afterward, there is really no alternative. The very first topic is going to be: how did you meet, who made the first move, etc.