THE ULTIMATE "KLINGON"

28 comments

• SuperDude

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  13 years ago

  Tell the manager. Advise him that you enjoy his club, but if this situation is not corrected you, and your friends, will be moving on. A less dramatic approach could be to tell the bartender, a waitress or a bouncer that you may go the manager if this situation is not addressed. The risk is that word of your complaint will get around to the other dancers. Some may avoid you out of fear and loyalty to the Klingon. The more likely response is that others will feel free to approach you which is what you want.
• jackslash

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  13 years ago

  10inches, I like the term "Klingon." That should become part of our vocabulary.
• vincemichaels

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  13 years ago

  Eat a lot of cheese 1 hour before you go there and fart a lot when she sits down. :)
• steve229

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  13 years ago

  Wait, she's hot and has a great body, you don't spend any money on her, but she still won't leave you alone..I think she wants your, er, 10 inches.
• SuperDude

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  13 years ago

  Jackslash--We have a glossary which can be updated with
  Klingon: An agressive and ill-mannered dancer determined to invade your space and force you to surrender your wallet. It make take the full force of the Federation (manager, bouncer, waitress) to repel the invasion.
  
  You may have other ideas about this. When you finish, please add it to the glossary and let us know.
• georgmicrodong

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  13 years ago

  Aside from the fact that you *shouldn't* need to abandon your seat for the sake of the dancer, tactically, it's a sound move. Get up, immediately approach another dancer who interests you, and buy her a drink or a dance.
  
  The manager ploy should work, too.
• Alucard

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  13 years ago

  Chemical warfare, heh Vince? ;)
• Dudester

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  13 years ago

  Adding to Superdude's definition-Klingons usually invade the neutral zone and have been known to launch fake distress calls in order to lure in the unsuspecting and ruin their day.
  
  translated from Klingon
  
  JAH DOH JIH OH ghobe tlhej guch= Go away, I am not with money
• overnights

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  13 years ago

  Hmmm...I've always noticed that the Klingon women seem to have the best cleavage though (check out their outfits on the movies or shows) :).
  
• TABB

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  13 years ago

  I do have a Klingon at one of the SC I used to go to. She even said at multiple occasion (ill put my bra on the table to mark my territory) she okay looking but I don't want to be a dick. My ATF knows what to do when I arrive.
• Stiletto25

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  13 years ago

  Thats unfortunate that is happening to you. By any chance, did you ever piss her off? Some dancers annoy certain customers on purpose if they hold some resentment towards them.
  Some girls honestly don't take a hint though. If she's got a great body but she's hanging on someone who's not spending any money, she may genuinely be stupid and unable to interpret any body language, the English language, basically any kind of language.
  It's going to be super hard to get her off your case. Sometimes managers will not do anything, especially if the girl pays out every night and shows up on time, etc.etc. I would recommend getting another dancer next to you ASAP. When she's sitting by you, flag someone else over and say to the annoying girl " sorry but this is the girl I've been waiting for" then immediately get up and get a dance.
  Other than that, tell her to Fuck off.
  
• steve229

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  13 years ago

  "I have tried everything short of slapping her silly"
  
  Careful, Klingon mating rituals involve combative foreplay. Slapping her silly would signal you want to mate for life.
• Dudester

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  13 years ago

  Steve-ROFLMAO !!
• lopaw

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  13 years ago

  I know it's chickenshit, but I'll excuse myself from her clutches to go to the head, and then return to the opposite side of the club and lay low so that she doesn't see me. If that tactic doesn't work, I'll bail on the club (of course, in my case she might follow me into the bathroom). It's a crappy position for a dancer to put you in, and honestly short of making a scene there's often no tactful way to dislodge her. Best to bail to another club.
• troop

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  13 years ago

  
  
  
  
  vincemichaels 08/15/11 3:24 AM
  Eat a lot of cheese 1 hour before you go there and fart a lot when she sits down. :)
  
  ^^^
  that might get rid of her but it would surely attract the bl-strip-club spamming fart sniffer.
• troop

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  13 years ago

  personally i think i'd prefer the klingon over the zero spammer.
• sharkhunter

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  13 years ago

  She's hot? Tell her that you want her phone number and we need to have sex if she wants to keep hanging out with you in the club. Of course you won't be paying her any money but might arrange a place to meet up. That might get rid of her, if not, then you're stuck having a hot date or coming up with an excuse that you made up with your ex girlfriend or something.
  
  I like the term klingon. I remember one klingon was engaging in verbal combat with me after I refused to get a dance multiple times. Since the club was dead and most customers had not arrived, she must have been new and did not realize it would be better to go sit alone rather than engage in verbal combat. However being a Klingon, she preferred combat with few opponents to fight so early. She wasn't that hot. After 15 minutes of combat, I got a bit ticked off and left her at the table and went and sat at the stage. She looked rejected and avoided asking hardly anyone for dances and I believe she left early. That's what happens when a hard headed Klingon does combat and doesn't get her way. All or nothing.
• sharkhunter

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  13 years ago

  Klingons act stupid continuing to argue with a customer for several minutes after they say no several times. One Klingon resorted to attempting to pull me and my chair all the way to the dance room. She pulled me and my chair (had wheels) several feet across the club before I literally put my foot down to stop her. Then on another night I used the tactic saying I didn't want to pay for lap dances. She offered to do them for free no strings attached. When I said no to that, she kept upping the offer until she finally offered to take me to her home. I thought she was bluffing on that one but why would I want to go to her home if I didn't even want to get a free dance from her? She finally left me alone after that.
• sharkhunter

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  13 years ago

  One of the most bizarre Klingon attacks I've encountered involved me telling a dancer no and then she proceeds to dance for me anyway. Then my own body betrays me and gets aroused. Maybe there is a fine line between anger and something else. I wasn't exactly happy with her but surprised at what a Klingon can do. I decided to pay her the table dance fee instead of arguing about it since I never agreed to it. Maybe I have some Klingon blood in me. I believe I am related to the Vikings.
  
  I believe I like being a boob sandwich in between two sets of boobs rather than a Klingon target.
  
  
• Club_Goer_Seattle

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  13 years ago

  I don't have a Klingon story worth telling. I just have to say that I think this is the best thread I've ever read on TUSCL. So funny! Congrats to all of you above for the hilarious and witty contributions!
• farmerart

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  13 years ago

  Laugh at her and tell er to go away.
• rh48hr

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  13 years ago

  Many strippers are like Klingons -- they like to drink, are combative and have a fiery temper. BUT, if you get with the right one, they can take you to Sto'Vo'Kor.
• shadowcat

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  13 years ago

  10 - I have never run into the ultimatew Klingon. My advice, if there is a next time, Just ask her if she wants to FUCK. FOR FREE.
• SuperDude

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  13 years ago

  True Trekkies also are wary Romulans in clubs, not to be confused with Klingons. Romulans were genetically related to Klingons.
  Rip Off Men Using Lust As Noose--ROMULAN
• fetish_dancer

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  13 years ago

  This thread is fucking hilarious.
• georgmicrodong

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  13 years ago

  Funny, except SuperDude is *obviously* not a real fan. *Everybody* knows that Romulans are related to Vulcans, not Klingons.
  
  Sheesh.
• rh48hr

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  13 years ago

  I agree GMD, he is not a true trek geek like the rest of us. I was about to write the same thing. Although there are strippers who are like the Romulans, they are the ROB. The connive, cheat and try to take advantage of your good nature. Then they decloak, tell you you had eight dances when you had five and then when they have your money, they cloak themselves and you don't see them anymore.
• SuperDude

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  13 years ago

  Yeh, I blew that one. But I stand by my defination of a Romulan stripper regardless of my mistake concerning genetic heritage.