How to tell a dancer to move on?

avatar for daveyray
daveyray
OK, I have a problem. I'm a nice guy (read: PL).

I'm working on that, so I need some advice from some more experienced (i.e., jaded) members here. What is a polite, or at least appropriate, way to ask a dancer to go away for a while?

Now, I'm not the most attractive guy in the world. I'm the stereotypical fat one-eyed bald guy. BUT it almost never fails that when I'm in a SC -- one that I'm familiar with or one that I'm visiting for the first time -- that one girl will latch onto me. Sometimes they're cute, but sometimes not.

Oftentimes they will come up to my table or barstool and just sit down and start talking to me. I'm not a psychiatrist but you would not BELIEVE (actually, most of you would) some of the things I get told; I guess I'm a good listener. And believe it or not, most of the time it's NOT (or at least it doesn't seem to be) the standard "I'm in trouble, can you give me money please" scam.

Other times, I may find them attractive and either tip them on stage or even get a lap dance. Neither of which, to ME at least, justifies them expecting me to spend the entire evening spending my money on them, or even talking to them. I like variety, I like to "try out" several girls, particularly in a new (to me) club or if there are several dancers I've not met before.

So, what is a reasonable (i.e., polite or at least not pissy) way to say "Hey, thanks for your interest, but please go away for now?" I would like to at least maintain a semblance of politeness since, you know, dancers talk. Besides which I may, at some point, be in the mood to spend some time with her, no burning bridges if I can help it. Or if she is like that should I run away and never even think about her again, burning everything behind me like Scorched Earth?

24 comments

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avatar for gatorfan
gatorfan
15 years ago
Sounds good, "Hey, no thanks for your interest but please go away now" would work. Give it a try.
avatar for Dudester
Dudester
15 years ago
A onetime ATF "borrowed" 100 from me. 100 would neither make nor break me. So, when I was in the club, she would approach me and ask me if I wanted dances. I asked if she was going to repay the loan, or pay in trade-she wouldn't. After three seperate instances, I just started saying a firm "NO" when she would approach.
avatar for Jpac73
Jpac73
15 years ago
You already have the right idea dave, just tell her "Hey I appreciate you coming by and talking to me, but I would like to meet some of the other girls at the club now." That should work with no problem.
avatar for Philip A. Stein
Philip A. Stein
15 years ago
Just flat out tell her, be polite. "I'm not interested and I don't want to waste your time. Please give me a few minutes to myself"

Or, if there's a hawttie that you're interested in, put her to work. Give her a $5 tip and tell her to send Bambi over.
avatar for Jmoney007
Jmoney007
15 years ago
There is no easy way to politely ask a stripper to leave without her feeling rejected, and most of the times if you do (in my experience)
ask her to leave in a polite manner, she will most likely avoid you for the rest of your visit, but luckily some strippers can take a hint and will return a little later.
avatar for steve229
steve229
15 years ago
“need some advice from some more experienced (i.e., jaded) members”

Well, I don’t think you have to go all Dougster on the poor girls. After all, if you’re really not interested, the “nice” thing to do is tell her upfront, so she doesn’t waste her time. A polite but firm, “Nice talking to you, thanks for stopping by” should do the trick.

Now, if she won’t take the hint, you can always take a page from the Bloodhound Gang and tell “Bambi”

"Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
avatar for samsung1
samsung1
15 years ago
they get rejections every day they work. I would not worry too much about your tact. Just be polite and smile when you say no thanks.
avatar for 59
59
15 years ago
I'll say "thanks, but I'm meeting up with a girl" or "thanks, but I want to spread the love".
avatar for chi_sam
chi_sam
15 years ago
I always try and be polite and respectful. That said, if the girl is a ROB or overly-aggressive I've been known to toss-in a bit of sarcasm. And I have had a few obnoxious ones that I simply asked, politely of course, to 'get the fuck outta' here'.

But where I have a problem is with the truly soft ones, that haven't been jaded yet. The ones that really want nothing more than a brief respite and a casual conversation. They're the ones that get hurt no matter how mildly rejected.

But... I had this one recently. Nice enough girl, I suppose. It wasn't very busy, but there were a few groups of rowdy, aggressive guys and I think she just felt secure perched next to me. That would have been fine by me, if she hadn't tried talking to me. To put it bluntly, I've had more interesting conversations with my parrot!

Either she was too dumb, or obstinate, to take any of the hints that I proffered, ratcheting up the 'rudeness factor' each time. But she was as interesting as a blow-up doll. And I was getting a headache trying to think like a twelve year old in order to converse with her.

So (and I do feel sheepish about this), I felt I had no choice but to stand up, shake her hand, and tell her, 'It was nice meeting you'.

Oh... Are you leaving already? No. You are.

avatar for mmdv26
mmdv26
15 years ago
"Not right now, but check back with me later", usually gets the interference out of the line of sight. The ones that plop down next to you and want a drink or want to spend the rest of the day occupying the seat you have unofficially reserved for the object of your desires, can be a bit more difficult. But, remember, they are executing a well-rehearsed tactic. A matter-of-fact "Actually, I'm saving that seat, but maybe we could talk later". None of what you say will be unique or "ease the pain of rejection". LOL

SC'ing is all about rejection; and that can work BOTH ways. For you, it's all about connecting with the one that strikes your fancy just that day, or every day. Unless you are exceptionally rude, I don't think you can hurt a stripper's feelings.... even if she has any.

avatar for mjx01
mjx01
15 years ago
Be open ended: "not right now, but maybe later" sort of thing. Unless you have no intention of ever having a dance with her.

In the places I've been to, dancers usually come back to you even after you said "no thank you." They expect you to loosen up as you drink. As long as you are polite you'll be ok.

Get a dance from another girl. It will give you an opportunity to break aways and you can buid a good reputation with the other girls. If you have an ATF, odds are most of the dancers know. So go along with it. "You know I'm waiting for my ATF."
avatar for gk
gk
15 years ago
Several ways:

Polite direct honesty:
Excuse me, Im going to walk around to check things out.

Subtlety:
Excuse me, I'm going to go tip that dancer on the stage.(Then take your time.)

Striper shit trickery (butstill polite):
Wait here, I'll be right back (not).

The unwinder:
Hey, I just got here and I need to unwide by myself a little, would you mind?

The standard:
I'm waiting for (anybody).

When she's a rock and won't move:
Would you mind moving over a seat? ...I think I'm going to invite (anybody) to sit here.
avatar for gatorfan
gatorfan
15 years ago
No more money, works well. If that doesn't, buy a tazer.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
15 years ago
I'm surprised Dougster hasn't chimed in with something on the order of "get lost, bitch!" it doesn't meet your politeness requirement, but, based on my own experience, it *is* effective. Probably a last, or nearly so, resort tactic, though.
avatar for CTQWERTY
CTQWERTY
15 years ago
"No more money, works well."

Turn an empty pocket inside out for a visual cue.
avatar for ilbbaicnl
ilbbaicnl
15 years ago
If at all possible, go when the club is fairly busy, so even the less successful girls will have other options besides you. They should leave within a few minutes if they see no prospect of getting dances or drinks. If not, the club is poorly managed, try another if possible.
avatar for wallanon
wallanon
15 years ago
"Unless you are exceptionally rude, I don't think you can hurt a stripper's feelings.... even if she has any."

Because I don't have time to write a book, I won't throw in all the sound bites that just came to mind (while laughing) when I read this. I only wish it was true, since over the years I really did try not to offend the entertainment. One of my favorite dancer meltdowns was at Rick's in Seattle, though. I said I was waiting for someone to come back (true) and she sits down and demands to know why I don't want to talk with her. Is she not my type? Did she not approach the right way? What was wrong with her? It was ugly, and utterly hilarious.
avatar for casualguy
casualguy
15 years ago
I remember I arrived at one club early in the evening. Well the club was still pretty dead even though it was somewhere between 9 to 10 PM. Every one of the few male customers already had a female at his table. The dancer who sat next to me refused to leave after I told her I didn't want any dances. She actually argued with me for about 10 to 15 minutes. After about 10 minutes of arguing, I wasn't too happy anymore. I finally got up and left the table leaving her alone. I could tell she felt very rejected because I noticed that she wasn't approaching anyone even an hour later.

On another occasion a dancer I liked came over to me in one club and asked if she mind if she just talks to me. After about 45 minutes, she said she had to get one $10 table dance every hour or the boss would say something to her. Then she said something about staying with me until the club closed if I didn't mind. It was only around 10 PM. Around 1 AM, I politely told her I wouldn't mind getting some dances from some of the other dancers before the club closed. No problem. She moved on and made some money.
avatar for LeeH
LeeH
15 years ago
I've used most of these ideas. One other that I use is to ask her name. This adds to the open-ended-ness, and actually shows that you give a sh*t.
avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
15 years ago
My first line of defense is the ignore button. If that doesn't work it can go all the way to nasty.
avatar for txtittyfan
txtittyfan
15 years ago
I will usually just say hello and then proceed to watch the show and ignore her. Usually they get the hint and leave.

If they linger too long, I tell them my name is Dougster ftom TUSCL, they leave everytime.
avatar for Dougster
Dougster
15 years ago
Actually tittyfan tells them to short treasuries the day before they bottom. They get rathered pissed at him over that one and don't talk to him anymore.
avatar for LeeH
LeeH
15 years ago
txtittyfan, that's brilliant. I'll have to try that.
avatar for Dougster
Dougster
15 years ago
LeeH: yep short treasuries the day before they bottom. very good idea (like most things coming out of tittyfan's "mind"). Let us know how that one works out for you.
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