What is YOUR line of BS?

If I'm out of town (not at my regular club) and I want to go the BS route I usually go with a name from a Clive Cussler novel (Dirk Pitt or Kurt Austin) and my job is underwater marine explosives expert (if I'm near an ocean on my travels) or a consultant for the defense industry in I'm in a landlocked city.

I'm too old for anyone to believe I've never been married so I usually go with married for 25 yrs but recently separated (we just grew apart, but still great friends).

Otherwise, any interestig character from a recent novel I've read will do. Not much chance the dancers will have read the same books.

I usually tell them the truth but some of them still don't believe me.

Not a fan of the BS.

badjack, you have such well written reviews that you could BS as a novelist.

Personally, I don't recall any recent examples of BS...but I have told them I work as a male stripper and get a decent reaction. It cuts out their stripper BS because it makes them think I'm like one of them. Start talking about my regulars and getting stiffed on tips. And throw in a stalker or two for more entertainment.

BaddJack,
I once introduced myself and the dancer asked, "what is that, your alias?" I asked her what she meant, and she said when guys use fake names, it's usually Steve or John. I never heard that before.

muni48,
Ever get this exchange:

Her: What do you do?
Me: I'm in the defense industry.
Her: Oh, do you like building fences?

Like many of you, I usually tell the truth, but with a twist. I use a childhood nickname, for instance, as an alias. I tell them I am a writer, as I do review many of the clubs that I visit for TUSCL. In life, I am a criminal defense attorney, so in my local clubs, the chances that some of them know me professionally is very high. I only slip out the BS when I am on the road. Strippers take a bigger interest if I tell them I am a writer, or a consultant. If I tell them the truth, all they want is free legal advice.

Steve you are a funny guy. I guess if i said i was in the defense industry I would expect her to ask if I like removing (de-fencing) fences. Oh well, it seemed like a good idea to make this post but who knows. Anyway Steve, I like your entertaining posts. Keep it up.

I've always been tempted to introduce myself as Ben...Benjamin Franklin. Just to see if any of them would "get it". My other line would be, "hi, my name is Alan Trent Michaelson, but you can call me ATM, for short".

But alas, BS isn't usually my style either.

re: "free legal advice" = sheesh! A strip club, if that isn't a ripe den for folks with legal issues! I've run into guys who "just got out" of the pen, and gals with suspended licenses for DUIs among other things. Jack, I think I'd say anything (like maybe you're a sanitation engineer and you're there to meet the people making the *stuff*) before revealing you're a defense attorney.

Okay, I plead a little in-house A.D.D. I missed the part about using the writer angle. Sorry.

Years ago when everything stayed in the clubs I used an alias.

It just got to be too much trouble. Same thing with what I do for a living. I don't give ultra specific detail, but it's in the in ballpark and makes it easier to cover no matter how tired, distracted, or whatever else is going on at the time.

In general I try to get the girl talking about herself. Then all I have to do is nod occasionally and say enough so she feels I'm listening.

Didn't you know I'm a Rocket Scientist Prof from the U.Fla?

Gatorfan, don't you mean pocket rocket scientist? To my favs I give my first name. When they ask what I do, I just answer, "I do well".

Before I divorced 6+ years ago, I lied and said I was divorced. Not much to lie about anymore. Like I have said before, being honest opens doors and spreads legs

I'm just myself, but a freer version. I'm pretty funny but for some reason at the strip club I'm on my 'A' game. Seems to be a hit with the girls. Basically I do a two hour standup routine.

No money. No funny.

Simce I habit several clubs I stick with the same easily behaved B.S. I use a long ago nickname and I tell them that I'm a dispatcher for a company that hauls garbage. No one is interested in a garbage dispatcher, which allows me to be interested in them. If I see stretch marks, I ask about kids, which gets her to open up, sometimes.

Why lie to a stripper? It's not like anyone should care what they think anyway or try to impress them, which will usually just have the opposite of the intended effect.

I'm a terrible liar, and I never know what any of the dancers will actually remember, so I keep it real.

For a while, I was "Dirty Harry" 'cuz I got the name from a girl who was going to school in the Bronx and she and I both liked the same hip hop artists. Now, I'm simply Dave, I'm divorced and I like sex.

As for what I do, the truth always results in blank stares or polite nods. "I'm a civil engineer who does management and IT consulting for an environmental engineering company." her: uh huh (WTF)?

My simpler version is, "When you turn on the shower, clean water comes out. I work for the guys that make that happen." her: oh yeah, I like taking showers!

"Didn't you know I'm a Rocket Scientist Prof from the U.Fla?"

What are you doing in Jersey then? LOL...

I guess I could do like HarryDave and just tell them what I do. "I try to keep your boyfriend from getting raped in prison. Or, at least, keep his time to a minimum." Yeah. I can work with that.

Usually pretty much the truth, unless one starts to get too "clingy".

In one club, the rumor got around that I'm an attorney. Two girls asked me for legal advice. In another club, the rumor got around that I'm a professor. Two girls asked me where I teach. In another the rumor got around that I have a big dick (fueled by eye-witnesses). Three girls asked me for a dance. Go figure.

txtitty/mister-guy, my point exactly, do you actually think a stripper actually would pay enough attention to the details to ask "how are you a scientist for U Fla if you live in NJ". Most strippers dont really care about the details, it's a conversation to serve a purpose to get us to do lap dances/$.

Sometimes, not just in a club, when I'm asked what I've been up to lately, and nothing terribly dynamic comes to mind, I might say something offhand like, "Oh, you know, nothing special. Just hanging loose, keepin' it real, and of course, solving crimes in my spare time."

Anyway, the last time I said that to a stripper, she asked if I really did moonlight as a private detective.

I'm a semi-freelance gynocologist! As I posted in the past, I sometimes say I'm Brad Pitt or Bill Gates. After I get a reaction, I usually give my real first name.

I've had fun a few times bullshitting strippers when they ask if I've been in the club before. I get bored with the interview routine, so I'll say no, in fact it's my first time in a strip club. I'll ask stuff like can't she get in trouble for coming out into the audience and mixing with the customers? And what, pray tell, is this "lap dance" of which you speak, and how do I learn it? Sometimes, she'll catch on that I'm putting on an act and play along. Beats giving a straight answer.

I just go with my natural wit and charm. After that fails I resort to flashing my money clip at them.

I think we should all take steve229's advice, shut up and show them our money clip!

I like my local jack joint because it has mainly foreigners who dont do alot of talking but rather come up say hello by rubbing the package outside the pants, give a little hug, then a brief booty rub in the lap and then ask "do you want a dance". I think that really says everything that needs to be said!

chandler,

I like that idea of being a newbie, but might be difficult to accomplish. I would bet that dancers can spot a newbie with their eyes closed. They could hear newbie's jaw hit the floor!

The most effective line I ever had was the honest truth:
"You in town for business?"
"No, for a funeral. My best friend from high school's mother. I was a pallbearer. Have you ever been a pallbearer..?"
Now it's pretty unlikely that anyone would use this hundred-pound pixie as a pallbearer, so I felt a little stupid after asking that, but I was genuinely grieving, 3/4 drunk, and stumbling for comfort. I found it -- sweetie hung around in my lap long after I'd run out of money, and we had a pretty good time.

I went to a strip club in Memphis many, many years ago, after having been a pall-bearer. I was so downcast that the dancers figured I was not in the mood to be bothered. One tiny spinner finally came over to me and asked why I was so down. I lied to her even then. I told her that I had just seen B. B. King play (the truth) and that I was grieving because I knew that I would never be able to duplicate his genius (also true). She laughed. I laughed. It was my very first experience with "extras" and could not have come at a better time.

i don't have to b.s. cuz dancers seem to give me my opening line. It doesn't matter what club I go to, whether the dancer is drunk, or whatever...

I always get told by dancers I look like Steve Martin. I don't see it, but it's easy to take it from there...

I went with a cardiothorasic surgeon once to a club near an Army post where the dancer refused to believe he was a "heart doctor". Then he confessed to being an elite special forces soldier, that she believed. Oh yea... he was in his later 40s and balding in decent shape but not buff. He though it was amusing how anyone could believe he as a SF guy and not a doctor.

Clubber, I never try to keep the newbie act going for longer than a few minutes. If a stripper actually took it seriously, I'd probably drop it in order to get better treatment.

I don't usually tell too much BS. However I do remember a couple of times when I was getting harassed for dances all the time. I started telling a couple of dancers who came up to me at the same time that I had spent all my money and only had a few ones left for tips. I forget what else they asked me. I had them going believing me until I started smiling too much. One dancer saw that and immediately said "He's lying!" and when I laughed the other dancer caught on. I told the same line without smiling to the next dancer and before I knew it, most dancers stopped asking me for dances. Success even though two dancers knew the truth.

I once told a story that was so good, the dancers were all talking about the story the following week when I came back to the club. I forgot what I told and never expected the dancer to tell all the other dancers. Maybe it started off with me telling a dancer about a dream I had where I was abducted by aliens but the alien devices didn't paralyze me and I went on the attack. Alien terrorist number 1. The aliens were running in fear as I was taking them out left and right. I wanted to take over their ship. It was several stories tall and very large but that didn't bother me. After finally finding the bridge of the ship with controls, I didn't understand how to work the controls to their enormous ship so I couldn't fly it myself. I was worried about getting stuck on board and starving. I did leave a number of scientist type aliens alive so they could fly it. (don't ask me how I knew what line of work they did). Anway while I was having some fun chasing three rather terrified aliens down a corridor, they had some type of emergency beam out device in the corridor. The alien scientists apparently had me on a monitor and activated the beam device. I suddenly woke up in bed with a message that I had been blacklisted from all future alien abductions. I sent them a message back that I'll be waiting for them. Now it's possible that I told this story and one dancer believed it but forgot the part where I said it was a dream I had. I don't remember what I told her. If I have a few beers and start talking, I could talk about all kinds of weird stuff some dancers seem to be fascinated with.