Earn Respect by Giving Respect
Monday, December 29, 2014 12:00 AM
I was sitting at the bar of a nice gentleman's club in the Carolina's when a group of about eight young men walked in with smiles of anticipation and encouraging back slaps. As I watched them pass through the door check, not one of the young men left so much as a dollar with the front desk girl and her eye roll was not an encouraging sign.
The head of floor security walked over and offered to show them to a table, a handsome gesture I thought. They followed him to a table less than five feet from the stage and hooted at their good fortune. Again, not one dollar left their hands and the floor man walked away with a hard to define look.
Time, drinks and dancers passed as the young men enjoyed themselves and handed over their money with no hesitation. Eventually, one of the young men noticed that they were not being served as often as other tables and their drinks took longer to arrive. All of this delivered in a voice just over loud for the circumstances.
The young man rose and headed to the bar, obviously intent on getting this service issue resolved. He flopped down in the chair next to mine and started making gestures for attention to the bartender. When she looked my way, I winked and shook my head. She gave no notice of having seen me but walked the other way. The young man was now headed for a temper tantrum and a quick exit, so I leaned over and said,"Would you rather get thrown out on your ass or learn how to get the service you think you deserve?"
He looked at me with equal parts of uncertainty and bad attitude before uttering the standby of today's youth. "Fuck you, old man", he said and smiled as he enjoyed his courage. I smiled in return and watched as the floor chief leaned over the young man and began a lengthy one sided low toned conversation. The young man's expression quickly faded into one of extreme discomfort and perhaps a touch of something else. The security chief straightened, gave me a quick shrug and walked a few steps away.
To his credit, the young man turned to me and immediately offered me an apology for his behavior and asked if I could forgive him. I assured him that his apology was accepted and nothing more need be said as honor had been satisfied on both sides. The last part might have gone over his head.
He then asked me what I meant about learning to get service and would I mind telling him? "I am happy to share what I know with you and it will not take long, so listen carefully.", I said with an even tone. "Look around you", I said, "everyone you see, except customers, is working for tips." He looked at me blankly and said, "So?".
I sighed, sure that I had never been this slow. "How many people have you tipped since you got here?", I asked. He replied quickly, "Every dancer I talked with or..." "That is my point." as I interrupted. "What about the front door girl?, What about the floor security men? What about the bartenders and servers?".
His mouth almost dropped open and he said,"But I don't have enough money to tip them all!". "Look", I said, "no one expects young fellows to have a ton of cash but that does not mean you can't offer something." "I guarantee you that offering the floor chief or door girl a five dollar bill will get you more respect than it does me, do you understand?" He astonished me by saying, "You mean the act of giving is more important than the amount, as long as it is not insulting." "Exactly correct.", I said. "These people know with a five second glance that if I am handing out ones and fives that I am offering little respect. Conversely, if I come in and greet the door girl with a ten dollar bill, the floor chief with a twenty and so forth, then I am behaving with respect for them and that they will remember." He looked at me for a few seconds and nodded his head. He rose to leave and offered me his hand, saying "Thank you, sir. I appreciate your kindness." I stood also, in respect for him, and shook his hand. This byplay did not go unnoticed I was certain.
As I rose for the last time to leave, the security chief appeared with my coat and helped me into it with a smile. He shook his head and pushed my hand down gently when I reached for my pocket. "Enjoy your evening, sir and hurry back." as he held the door for me.
I offered my salutations and tthe very patient young lovely whose gentle stroking of my leg never faltered.
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