15 Strippers we could do without (Types 1-5)
carlos_spiceyweiner
Ohio
1. The skunk. Except for the top of the line clubs, every strip bar has at least one. She's the girl suffering from stink coming off her ass, crotch, armpits or breath. Sometimes the stink is bad enough that you know to turn this girl down the minute she gets near you. The worst is when the stink is not immediately apparent and you agree to a dance, only to get get a whiff of absolute hell shit when she bends over or gets near you. Now you're stuck with paying her. The rule here: tell her you need to leave, and get up and move. Don't waste money on a smelly pig when there are better dancers out there. Ladies, if you're going to work a job where you need to attract men, shouldn't you be as clean as possible? Shouldn't you wear nice perfumes and lotions and wipe yourself off with baby wipes? You should always be using breath mints, especially if you smoke or drink coffee or alcohol. If you're on your period, there's a good chance every guy in the place will know unless you take some precautions. If you stink, even once, we're not going to get a dance from you EVER again.
2. The lazy Susan. This is the dancer that doesn't dance. She just sits at a bar or table, sipping a water or other drink, while she talks with customers or other dancers. Or maybe she just sits lost in her own thoughts. Whatever the case, guys looking to spend their money wait around trying to make eye contact and let this girl know that, "Hey, I have money to spend on you." Never mind, she's just going to sit there gabbing away or wasting everyone's time until frustrated customers get up and leave. I knew a club owner who had a reputation as a bad guy because he would scream at his employees. It turned owned, he just screamed at dancers who wouldn't work. We need more owners like that.
3. The lazy superstar. This is a specialized type of lazy Susan - the hot, hot girl who spends her nights sitting with a select customer or two or three - who pay her for her time and only ask her to do an occasional table dance. Every once in a while she goes on stage, and you tip her and ask her to stop by. She agrees, but never does. I'm happy this girl is making money, but she needs to carry a sign that says, "Off Limits."
4. The poor girl. This is the dancer who drops all her money problems on you at the end of the month. She needs rent. Her power is getting shut off. Her car needs repaired. You've already stopped at this club a few times that month, and every time she was there she had a garter packed with cash. Dancers should never talk about money problems cause this reminds customers of their own financial issues so they spend less. You need to tell this particular bitch: Maybe it's time your live-in heroin-addicted boyfriend gets a job. Or maybe you shouldn't have spent $2500 at the mall on jewelry and clothes. Or maybe that whole rock star thing isn't happening for your baby daddy. Don't let this buzz kill ruin your night. Don't buy a dance or anything for her. Move on. You didn't walk into a bar with money you made just to become part of some loser's self-made hell.
5. The money whore. Strippers are in the club for one reason - to make money. I have nothing but respect for ladies who hustle around the club looking for dance opportunities. What I don't like are those who do the hard up-sell. They push hard - to the point of being obnoxious - for a VIP after you've already bought multiple table dances and told her that you want a break. She'll demand a bigger tip after you've already paid for a dance. She'll tell you her other customers always pay more. Or always get a champagne room. If you are dumb enough to drop $300 or more on a VIP, she's gone the moment the last song is over, with hardly a thank you. The rule here: never go for the hard sell. The more a dancer pushes you, the less you will get, and the bigger the bitch she'll be. She's also most likely be one of the worst dancers in the place. Oh, and never get a dance from a stripper who complains that the last guy didn't pay her enough. She'll just tell the guy after you that you're cheap.
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19 comments
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#1- That type is extremely rare in the clubs I've been to. If anything, dancers that overdo perfume, spray tan, or glitter are far more common.
#4- Agree that listening to money problems can be a buzz kill. On the flip side, some of these sob story dancers turned out to be more motivated to deliver a good performance.
#1 - Where I live there are a number of "dive" clubs. You run into that. However, I have a friend who works at really nice clubs and says she has heard customers say the same about some of her co-workers. You're lucky for not having experienced it. You're right about the spray tan and glitter.
#4 - Good call. These girls depress me so much that I've never pursued that. Maybe in the future . . .
I think you hit on all 5 of these. But I totally agree with minnow that number 1 is rare. However, it does happen because I've heard other TUSCL'ers complain about it.
Number 2 annoys me the most. You pretty much explained why in the paragraph you wrote. I've had a few occasions where I wanted to get a dance from a particular dancer, but she just sat in the corner talking to a customer for a long period of time. What puzzled me even more is that it never seemed like it was "her turn" to get up on stage and dance.
Thanks for the comments.
- Type 1 is so awful, you just can't get forget her easily. When it happens again, it's enough to keep you away from the club for awhile.
- Clubs really need to get after the lazy ones. It's one thing to sit with a regular when the club is slow, but to keep other customers waiting around is ridiculous. I can't count the number of times I've seen a girl sit forever with a regular who ends up buying just one dance. Meanwhile, three other guys with cash walked in the club, got bored and left.
2. The lazy Susan. ****Yet another guy on this board bitching because (1) he absolutely has to have one particular girl; and (2) she has the audacity to be sitting with another customer? Be better than that, seriously dude.
3. The lazy superstar. ****The guy she's sitting next to is me, so you're shit out of luck until I decide that I'm finished with her. You can whine about it some more or man up, let it roll off of you, and find a girl who wants your money.
4. The poor girl. ****Au contraire dude, this one is among my favorites. When I hear sad stories from hot girls, I cannot help but to offer them earning opportunities. ;)
5. The money whore. ****I agree with this too, though I don't really get too worked up over this or pretty much any bad behavior. I just send a girl like this away to make room for the next contestant.
Type 2 - I'm talking about the girls that never seem to dance. I have no problem with waiting around for a girl. I've done it many, many, many times. But if she's just sitting there gabbing endlessly, maybe she should just keep her clothes on and go to a regular bar.
Type 3 - Again, I'm not whining. If she's sitting with a high roller, good for her. But how does she not I'm not an even higher roller if she never stops by? Here's the interesting thing about the superstar: I've met several of these girls and always found them to be boring, and usually kind of lame. Most of them would be better off going to a sugar daddy site and hooking up that way since that's all they're really looking for.
Now we also know that, outside of entertaining regulars, there are any number of reasons why a particular girl may sit around, with or without a customer next to her. She may be shy; she may be loading up on booze before she starts her shift; she may be tired and/or lazy; she could be waiting for dinner or regulars to arrive (sometimes at the same time); it could be a full moon; she might just hate guys at that moment; or [insert one of a 1000 other reasons here].
Whatever. We can't control it and neither can the club really. They are independent contractors who pay to work there, not indentured servants. So why get worked up over it? There are plenty of fish in the sea.
Maybe I missed it among the three articles, but I figured there'd be one called "The Life Story" or maybe "The Tragedy." I had to deal with a couple of those at one club.
One middle-aged dancer plopped herself down at my table and immediately started telling me about how her mother had died months earlier and how I should spend more time with my own mother and blah-blah-blah. Luckily one of my ATFs wandered into sight; the moment I gave the ATF a small wave, The Tragedy got all uppity, said she was wasting her time with me, and left.
Another time, I had just settled in for a bed dance with a very cute young woman -- who's mother had killed herself a couple months earlier and now she was seeing her every place. Yeah, I didn't get any more dances from her that night.
1) The mooch. She sits with you. She yammers on and on and on. And she asks you to buy her drink after drink, munchie after munchie, and, even occasionally, a lap dance. She also tries to get you to buy everything on the menu for her BFFs, too. In the end, you're paying out the nose for just a couple of relatively lame lap dances.
2) Fish out of water. Dancing takes a very particular mindset, especially in clubs where dancers work for those extra tips in the VIP or OTC. Sometimes though, a woman will take a job there to try to make the bills, but this job is too far outside of her comfort zone. These women will give half-ass lap dances and either cut their time short with a customer or cling to you, hoping you'll give them more money. Or they'll get so stinking drunk or stoned trying to deal with the job, you'll still wind up with half-ass lap dances and wishing you're any place else.
Sure, they all have their limitations, as do we all. But if one has gotten to know one of them, then there can still be some mutual respect. Until this is there, I never go beyond $1 at a time with them, like when they are on stage. So most of this stuff is just to be expected.
SJG
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-pmxgkpjr…