Ten Things For Strip Club Owners to Consider
JacksonEsskay
Virginia
Friday, January 13, 2012 12:00 AM
1. Turn down the volume. I have never been in a strip club where it was even remotely possibly to have a conversation with anyone. Not with the dancers, not with the waitresses, not with the bartenders, not with the floor men. I've even been in clubs where the music was so loud that you could not have a conversation in the restroom. There is simply no reason that the music has to that loud. I am not suggesting that it be played at "elevator music" levels, but there is no need to max out the amps either. (In reality, there is a reason to play the music so loud – it's because you are too cheap to run speakers to the private dance area, so you have the DJs crank so that it can be heard there. What? You think we didn't know? Which leads to my next point.
2. Don't be so cheap. OK, I get it. You are running a business, and you are in that business to make money. I am not suggesting that you give away drinks or waive the cover charge. What I am suggesting is that, to quote my dad, don't be penny-wise and pound-foolish. If you are trying to run a "gentlemen's club" you've probably got quite a few dollars invested in the lights, the sound system, the decor, in fact, you've probably got more invested in these items than you need to. Most clubs I've been to have a light and sound system that most heavy metal bands on tour would be going, "hey, dudes, tone it down a bit." At the same time, the toilet paper in the bathroom is the cheapest stuff on the planet (or absent entirely) and the lighting in the parking lot is so low you need night vision goggles to find your car. Make a reasonably nice club and keep it that ways by putting a little money back into on a regular basis.
3. Speaking of the lighting system, make sure it enhances the dancers' performance. I can't tell you then number of times I've had to move from seat to seat at the stage or look for the one table in a club where a spot or strobe won't blind me if I want to see anything but the dancer's ankles. I bet you paid some geek a lot of money to run the wires and hook up the controls to sync the lights to your sounds system. If it was done right, it should highlight what is happening on the stage. If the system is variable, don't let you DJs mess with unless they know what they are doing (and unless they are moonlighting from their day jobs as lightening designer techs, they don't).
4. Cut back on the pointless house rules. I know that you think the restrictions and fines that you place on dancers are necessary, but the truth is most of them are pointless and the dancers resent them. Case in point: fining a dancer because she told a customer what the house's take from a private dance is. Seriously? Did you think we didn't know that you were getting your share? I assume the logic of this rule is that it allows the customer to select the dance that is most beneficial to the dancer. Well, maybe so, but wouldn't it make more sense for you to have a rational system for determining the house's take?
5. If you are going to serve food, please make it edible. I've been to a few clubs were the food was truly restaurant quality, but mostly I've been concerned about whether I would get food poisoning. Most clubs serve food because its required by the ABC laws, but they also know that very few customers are there to dine. I would guess that more food is ordered by dancers than by customers. If you offer a "free" buffet, stick to basics that can't be screwed up. And if you cannot afford to hire a decent short order cook, stock your freezer with Lean Cuisine and Marie Callender's microwave dinners, assuming local law allows it (buying in bulk when they are on sale, and you'll even realize a profit). And for goodness sake, offer some decent desserts! If for no other reason than the sales that will be generated by dancers asking customers to share something with a whipped topping J
6. Make sure that everyone know the rules. I mean everyone – the dancers, the doormen, the floormen, the bartenders, the waitresses, the restroom attendants, but most especially, the customers. I would guess that on any given weeknight, a fair number of your customers are going to be first-timers and mostly from out-of-town. Nothing is going to sour their opinion of your club faster than being called out for "breaking a rule." I'm not a big fan of those florescent signs behind the bar and scotch taped to the mirrors on the wall. I'd prefer table tents with a simple list – or how about a card handed out when you pay your cover. Make it classy. Laminate them or have them printed on plastic and title it "How to Have the Best Time possible here at Club Swanky." List dance prices one side and the house rules (and local laws) on the other. If you are too cheap to do this (please see number 2), then I'm fine with the fluorescent signs.
7. Get a website and keep it relatively up to date. Seriously, in this day and age if you can't afford a website and can't keep it at least nominally current, why would I want to come to your club?
8. Do not instruct you staff to lie to the customers about anything. Case in point, if I call your club at 8 PM and ask if Skyler is dancing tonight, if you've told your employees to always say "Sure, she's here until 3AM," and when I arrive at 8:15 PM to say "oh, sorry, she wasn't feeling well and went home," I am going to be pissed. Yes, I will probably stay and I will possibly spend as much as I would have on Skylar . . . but I'm going to be pissed. Likewise, don't have them lie about what is available in the private dance rooms. And by lie, I also mean "imply," "insinuate," "hint" etc. First, it puts the dancers in an awkward position. Second, regardless of your "strict rules against anything of that sort," I know any number of skilled prosecutors who can turn that innocent insinuation into a pandering charge that will stick if the dancer does not follow those strict rules.
9. Don't overload your schedule when you know that there will not be enough customers to justify it. I frequent two clubs that within a few blocks of each other in one of the cities I visit regularly for business. Both open for lunch and stay open in the afternoon. I can guarantee that on Monday and Tuesday, there will be almost no customers there at lunch at probably none at all between 2:30 and 4:00 p.m. At one club, they limit the number of dancers to 4. At the other club, there are always 10 dancers (and, I've been told that unlike the prime shifts Friday afternoon and weekends, the management will allow any dancer who wants "an extra shift" to just show up. I don't like this for any number of reasons, but mainly because I think a club where the dancers out number the customers is a real buzz kill. Likewise, the floormen have nothing to do, and wind up harassing the dancers, the customers, or both.
10. Do what you have to keep the schedule full with the best dancer when there will be enough customers to justify it. If you can't get your A-list dancers on the prime shifts to have a decent ratio of customers to dancers, you're doing something wrong. Most likely you are not treating the dancers with sufficient respect. If you bully them to work the busy shifts, or worse try to blackmail them by requiring extra shifts or higher tip outs, you are going to piss them off and lose them to another club. Instead, try offering them an incentive. In the long run, they will be happier and make more money, your customers will be happier and make more money, and that means you will make more money too.
This is the first of what I plan in a series of "10 things" articles for TUSCL. I hope that these articles will spark debate and response from other list members. I will put my biographical information at the end of every article to give you, the reader, a sense of the perspective from which I am writing.
Who I am: I am a fifty-year-old married professional with two teenage children. I travel frequently for business and most of my visits to strip clubs occur on business trips. This is so for two reasons. First, in the city where I live, there is only on strip club and its not a particular nice one, nor are its hours conducive to my schedule. Second, when I am traveling is when I am most in need of the relaxation that I get from going to clubs. I visit strip clubs for several reasons, but mostly because I like to look at attractive women wearing little or no clothing and moving in highly suggestive ways. I also like having these women dance close to me, especially if that closeness involves actual contact. It's a fantasy, and I find that fantasy relaxing and stimulating at the same time, and I don't mind paying for it. I make no apologies for this. To quote Neal Boortz, "All men are pigs, no exceptions, myself included – oink, oink." However, even if I am a pig, I am not interested in "extras." That is not fantasy – and it is most likely criminal. I am also not foolish enough to believe that the dancer who just rubbed her ass on my crotch for three minutes is remotely interested in seeing me outside the club, though I am willing to believe that at least some dancers are genuinely interested in me as a customer. By this, I mean that all other things (i.e. tips and dances paid for) being equal, some dancers will prefer my company to someone who does not dress as nicely or bother to shower and shave before going to the club. I almost always wear a suit and tie, or at least a dress shirt and slacks. If I sit at the stage, I will tip every dancer at least once during her set (my rationale for when and how I tip will be the subject of a future article) and will usually buy at least one dance (and usually several) during the course of my visit.
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