Reviews by PAWG_Patrol

Part I: Saturday AM shift Sandwiched between a 7 Eleven and a Chinese spot after a shitty left turn is Crystal City Restaurant. A no frills club that’s been open for decades. My first visit. 2PM....

Saturday. 3PM. My buddy and I had just left Sins. There were only 3 dancers. Pulled up to Doll House next and saw a nearly deserted parking lot. That didn’t inspire much confidence. Hadn’t...

Saturday. 2pm. Before taking $5 each from me and my friend, the DJ warned us there were only 3 girls working. I thanked him for his honesty. I could’ve turned around right then but...

$10 Uber from a dispensary in Adams Morgan. Before going in, I smoked half a preroll in the baseball field at the end of the block next to the Whole Foods. 2pm. Never a cover....

Friday. Early afternoon. $5 cover. You’re required to buy a non-alcoholic beverage. $6 for my bottle of water. $7 for my friend’s Monster. Very quiet day shift. 1 or 2 customers other than us....

Rainy Friday afternoon. Barely any parking spots in the entire run down strip mall as usual. No cover at dayshift. Me and my friend got a bucket of 4 beers for $10. We started at...

Thursday. 2PM. $12 Uber from Midtown. ID check, empty pockets, walk through metal detector. No cover. I’d only been here for night shift so it was a relief to not have to fight for a...

9PM. Free parking. Just 3 cars in the lot so I know got there too early. $10 entry. There’s a “sign in sheet” at the desk but most customers had barely scribbled only a first...

2pm. $5 entry. No booze. 1 required non-alcoholic beverage each ($5 Gatorade/$4 bottle of water). The recent review that said Doll House looks like someone tried to build a strip club in their basement...

Thursday. 3pm. $5 to get in. $6 required non-alcoholic beverage. Another club, another quiet day shift. My friend and I had just left Doll House. He was quite satisfied but the girls were slightly...

Thursday. 2pm. Usually swing by this place on weekends. The practically empty parking lot wasn’t promising. $5 to get in + $5 required non alcoholic beverage. At least the Gatorade was cold this time. Only...

1AM. Saturday. Haven’t been here since summer 2020. Went with a group of coworkers. Including a strip club first timer. Outside, bouncers check IDs, pat you down, and make sure there’s no liquor in...

8PM. $10 entry. $6 Millers. Cash only. ATM fee is $6. Ok let me start by saying this is one of the tackiest, trashiest dives I have ever been to… but despite that I had...

Haven’t been to GG since 2017. Back then, there were no LDs of any kind. Now there are curtained off rooms with couches. So I had to check it out. This neighborhood has only gotten...

33rd street. Not downtown, but not midtown either. I originally planned to go to Flashdancers downtown, but TUSCL had its hours incorrectly listed as noon to 4am when really it doesn’t open until 5pm....

Saturday. 4PM. My buddy was already spent from his favorite blonde at Doll House, but we’d never checked out Sins day shift only at night. The DJ took $5 each for admission. Reading...

2pm. $5 entry + required $5 non-alcoholic beverage. My friend and I ended up with room temperature Gatorades. Gross. Not as many girls hiding in the back left corner by the slots this time. Only...

Had low expectations for Orlando clubs. Almost went to Rachel’s, but reviews weren’t great. Almost went to Dancers Royale because it had a day shift, but DH seemed slightly more promising even without one....

Saturday. 1PM. Memorial Day weekend. My buddy and I spent the day before at Doll House and Sins. We pulled up to Wackos and there was a lot of parking. Maybe too much parking...

Friday. 9PM. Spent the afternoon at Doll House and had way too much fun. Parking spot right by the door. Free. Relieved my friend and I didn’t have to park in the alleyway by...

My friend and I were in JAX for some Memorial Day weekend hijinx. Ended up popping into DH, Sins, & Wackos. We started at Doll House on a rainy Friday afternoon… 2pm. No door person....

Cinco De Mayo. $18 Uber from the Grant Park area. 2PM. $10 entry. Light pat down. Haven’t been here since January and the plastic couch covering is all ripped to shit. They just need to...

$21 Uber from the airport area. Had to empty my pockets and get wanded. $20 admission. Door guy says “by the way, next time… sweatpants aren’t allowed here.” Not a promising start. Small club. Neon...

On April 1st, the Niagara Falls border lifted its pricey pre-entry COVID test requirement. You have to use the ArriveCAN app to enter your ID and vax card info. Kind of a pain to...