For the Married Clubbers

As a divorced clubber. If you have these fears. Don't get married.

As a happily married clubber, If you are so immature that you are worried about cheating before you have even popped the question then you shouldn’t get married. You do not seem to have any concept of what being married means.

Have you approached your girlfriend about going with you? Maybe you’ll get lucky and she’ll enjoy it. Then you’ll have added another dimension to your sex life.

Two people who never get along have given you excellent advice. If you beleive marriage cannot satisfy your wonerlust, do not do it, even if she is rich.

WHAT IS THIS? I thought I was the only "Clubber"! In answer to your question as THE Clubber, if you have ANY questions about getting married, DON'T! Figure out the answers to your question before even asking. Saves a lot of grief in the end. As one married for over 38 years, I think you reasons are somewhat accurate. I can interact with lovely women OTC when my wife is around, but not as I might were she not. So, I think the club removes that "barrier". Let's face it, no one looks as appealing at 60 as they did at 20, and to be that 60 and be with that 20, is a pleasurable experience. Of course, one has to find that 20 that has some intelligence and personality, or just stay home with your spouse and her intelligence and personality.

The big problem clubs pose for married guys is coming home smelling like smoke and perfume - dead giveaway!

I have a full bath with shower at my office, so it's not an issue for me, but lacking that it's wise to have a health club membership or something that allows you to clean up before coming home.

O.

My ex-wife equated SC activity with adultery and went nuts about it. Many women claim to be tolerant or accepting of a "guy's night out." They are liars. A wife wants total commitment. If you can't give it, on her terms, don't get married.

Not married and never have been. ALL I see amongst married people that I know is UNHAPPINESS. Oh, there was one happily married couple and the key was that the husband had a very low sex drive and obeyed his wife. Or, maybe I just know the wrong married and divorced people.

Divorce court? You might never be free of it; yes supposedly times are different now, however, I hear horror stories involving fathers routinely.

TUSCL-Brother has a very important point, "You won't have the $ to club anymore." Actually, if you get married you won't have as much money to club as you do now! I say that not because the new wife will cost more, it's true even if she is rich, even if she is the major breadwinner. When you're married, you will be tracked (one way or another) on what you spend and here you spend it. If you love her and don't want to hurt her you will cut back and avoid big outlays that cannot be otherwise explained. Even if she knows and is "OK" with your SC trips (and she won't really be OK with the trips) you still won't be able to spend like you were single.
I agree with the others, if you have doubts now, don't get married!!
On the other hand, divorce attorneys need money too.

dallas702,

Not all SO's track money. i Know mine has no clue. And no, she doesn't track it on the side. If I were single, I likely wouldn't have as much money, but I bet I'd have more big boy toys!

I've been with my "wife" for 16 years, and I consider myself one of the lucky ones. Lucky in that we get along well,still love each other & are still intimate. Over the years she has sort of turned a blind eye to my clubbing - she knows I go, but probably has no idea how frequently. A sort of "don't ask, don't tell" scenario.

My two keys to a happy marriage is love and honesty. When I was sneaking around to SCs, I felt bad and undeserving of a wonderful wife. When she found out, she told me I was undeserving of a wonderful wife. Once we hashed it out, we found out that she has bisexual/lesbian feeling that she can express in a SC. I now have a wife that likes to hear about my trips and goes occasionally. I'm soooooooooo undeserving of that!

So my advice would be to discuss your concerns with her. See what she thinks. Maybe you'll reconsider asking her to marry you or maybe you'll connect with her on another that makes it almost impossible for the two of you to even consider divorce.

I know this applies and works for a very small percentage of people. I'm just glad it works for us.

Fwiw, we're vacationing in Jacksonville Beach. She wanted to go to a club in town but now is considering the 230 mile drive to Mons Venus. As horny as she gets after a club visit, I don't know if I could survive the return trip.

Don't ask, Don't tell is probably the best way. Unless you have a spouse or SO who enjoys "being naughty" and going along to the club occasionally, I think you have to "compartmentalize" and never discuss it. Yes, I think wives know that when we travel, we go to clubs. But what happens there is pretty much beyond the scope of their imagination unless they have been to one. The sad fact is that most marriages "wind down" on the physical side. And men can be totally committed to a relationship but still need the diversion or adventure of a SC. Some guys go hunting, some guys gamble... I go to clubs. I don't tell and she doesn't ask..

Hmmm, interesting question. I suppose it is different for every person and every relationship. I've been married for 37 years and only started going to clubs about 5 years ago. At first, my wife was open minded about an occasional night out, but that changed with their frequency and she became very jealous. I've had to use more discretion and she doesn't monitor as close. Actually the cash flow thing is usually an exposure. It's not that hard to "follow the money".

I think it's healthy to be aware of the concerns you express. It's really not out of the ordinary for one or both members of a relationship to need some outside expression, but we all live by fairly complex rules and have varied needs and desires. Balancing those in any relationship, with or without a written contract, takes a lot of give and take. Only you are close enough to your partner and your own situation to judge your options. Take a hard look and make your best decision.