Hiding the Tell-Tale Signs

Take your wife/GF with you. The wildest times I've ever had at a strip club was when I brought a date with me...especially after we got home!

If that's not an option...unscented baby wipes and drive home with the windows down. Use the unscented baby wipes all over. Even on your clothes. It's not perfect but it helps. If that fails then DENY, DENY, DENY.

Stop and get gas on the was home and spill some on your hands. The smell of gas will cover up anything. Heard this tip about 15 years ago, it would cost a lot more today!

I keep a bottle of Fabreez and a can of unscented Oust in my vehicle. I spray myself with fabreez to kill the stripper odor and then a litle later with Oust to kill the Fabreez smell. I also carry baby wipes for my hands, face and neck.

Regarding the tell-tale smoke signals -- get your city/state to pass universal smoking bans. Not only does the stink go away, but people will (in general) be healthier as they find it more difficult to puff away.

As for the perfume problem, that one is tougher. I'll have to get some unscented baby wipes.

I agree with the idea of spilling a little gas on your clothes on the way home. But this can't work on a regular day-in-and-day-out basis -- too prominent and noticeable.

DENY DENY DENY. YEs yes yes. Always a good idea. The whole strip club industry is based on lies. Do your part.

I used to have a built in excuse. One customer I often visited was Victoria's Secret, so scent was never a problem. Now, if the need arises, I just say I was at a regular bar next to some perfume drenched bimbo. They are quite common in South Florida.

How do you hide this? You are in the couch room with a dancer and she says "I can tell by your smell, who you have been with today".

Light up a cigar!

I never go home after a SC visit. Clubbing has always been an out-of-town activity for me. When I'm home I have better things to do.

If you can plan ahead, go to Victoria's Secret and get something perfumey that the wife might like. Give it to her as soon as you get home--telling her that you were just thinking of her. That will work once. Cigar smoke will work a couple of times. Spilled gas will work maybe once or twice. After the covers are exhausted, quit going and stay home--or lie your ass off.

Strippers universally use a perfume/oil mix that they spritz all over their body. When they rub against you, they're "marking their territory".

Only solution-change clothes before and/or after going to the club.

Dudester..I agree with you on changing your clothes. That's what I try to do if I'm going home from the club. Normally I do my clubbing out of town as well so it isn't an issue. I've also stopped by a regular bar before going home to explain the smoky smell.

Best story is this: "Honey, I was abducted by aliens. I was in my car and then 3 hours later, I was back in my car. Everything else is a total blank. All I remember is tiny grey beings with large eyes and perfume and smoke, maybe it was cigarette smoke -- then, suddenly, everything went black...and then I was back in the car. Do you know where I can report an alien abduction? Didn't your sister go through something like this once?..."

Of course you could always get a divorce, then you don't have to try and hide it. LOL

Gas works, but not very often. The suprise gift of VS purfume would no doubt cause more questions for me and I'm sure most on this board. I always have a different shirt available, that gets most of it, the pants dont seem to matter. Usually I get questioned on the "good nite kiss", my face has smells like perfume, even if I give it a good scrub!!! I blame that on the fact that I used someones phone that day.

If only women hadn't been granted that damned great sense of smell. She smells stuff I don't, sucks.

Strippers with half a brain (admittedly a teeny tiny proportion) will leave the aroma-izers untouched in the dressing room-the rest of them just need to be told. One by one-by all of us. Smelled one (she was a knock-out) approaching me the other week at the 'downer in Niagra. No sooner got the 'wanna dance' out than I flat out told her I couldn't go near a woman reeking of the bottle-how could I carry that back to mrs in the hotel? Without saying a word, she turned on a dime and marched away. Undoubtedly pissed her off, but she'll have food for thought next time she makes up.

Slothrop...your too funny. That is defiitely the best reply yet!

I can see it happening, I smell of Gas, smoke and perfume and am covered in florescent green slime. "Honey, you wouldn't believe it!".

Then again, there is always the idea of saying it was XXX. Pick someone from the office you are friends with, I'm lucky I have a cowerker who smokes and is very physical (my wife knwo this and they are friends .... Score!!!) blame it on her.

ROFLAMO!!!!

Most of the time I visit clubs I'm out of state on business, in NJ there is a smoking ban, so if I stop at a Pennslvyania club on the way home form day trip the smoking is a probem, drive with windows down to try to clear that as much as possible.
And I have turned away a couple of girls for dances that were drentched with perfume.
Have a diesel car (45 mpg!) so can't spill diesel on my hands as thats a bitch to clean.

Febreeze.
Stop at gas station. Spill.
Cigars.
Your own personal scent.
Baby-wipes in the car.
Condoms in the car.
Separate bank account with only electronic access, no mailed paper statement to the house.
Separate pre-pay cell phone with separate hardware, electronic access only, no mailed paper statement to the house.

Buy an incredibly strong cologne like Farenhiet. Buy two bottles one for home for everyday use and one in your car. Gals love it and it covers up any scent. Regarding the blonde hairs.....a lint brush works wonders in your car.

I had a real problem once. Getting some hot dances in the afternoon and I notice glitter on the neck and boobs of the dancer and she has been all over me. After too many dances I am leaving and stop in the restroom - damn stuff is all over my shirt, face - 5 o'clock shadow and won't just brush off!! Tried a wet wipe - no luck - had to spend about 20 minutes picking it off piece by piece and scratching it off my face and neck. Right in the shower when I got home!! Beware of Glitter!!

I try to avoid getting dances from girls that reek of too much perfume, or are wearing red lipstick. But sometimes they are just too fine to turn down! Glitter cream... very dangerous - hard to see it in dim light. Good idea to stop by the mens' room on the way out, get up close to the mirror and look for lipstick, glitter and hairs. Assuming there is a mirror.

Scented hand lotion in the car rubbed all over the face and neck and shirt and pants. Great for re-moisturizing the skin. Be rubbing your dried out, chapped hands with it when you come in the house. Makes it look like you're taking better care of yourself.

A lot of clubs have mens room attendants, hustling tips. Maybe they should have some of these coverups and brush offs to earn their tips and help us out.
Client/contact lie: Well, the guys from work wanted to entertain the client, new guy, retiree, new boss, etc. I had to go to keep up with the guys at work. Works once--maybe.

Wow guys-- these are some great and amusing suggestions.

I do notice a trend here in these, though-- the idea that these will work only for so long! Maybe at some point, I'll just need to fess up!

You married guys are always afraid of getting caught. So why do you do it? Has your SO gotten old, fat, ugly and bitchy? Do you just stay with her because of the kids? Are you afraid of the cost of a divorce? I did but after 27 years of marriage and 4 years later, I am a much happier person. I have financial freedom to do what ever I want. I don't worry about going home, smelly.

Well, shadowcat, my ex claimed that the smells from SC were the reason for the divorce. Now she's broke and disbarred.

I love the hand-lotion suggestion! :)

One thing is for sure, if the girl is wearing perfume or glitter makeup she's not to bright. Those that I've known that are successful and in the business for a while recognize that that is a way to cause a customer trouble and therefore lose them. Many of the girls I know now use one of the water based body spays instead since they aren't as strong and don't transfer as readily. In addition, since they are not oil baed they wash off easily, don't seem to penetrate your clothes and are easily covered up with a fresh shot of your own aftershave if need be.

Excellent suggestions so far. I have a couple more to add for the discriminating hobbyist:

1. On the way home buy a hamburger and extra greasy fries. The smell will permeate the car and you. If really desperate you can wipe off some of the grease on your clothes.

2. Keep extra clothes in the trunk. I play golf and workout so I keep a couple of extra shirts/pants in the trunk.

3. Roll down the windows and open the sunroof (if you have one) to let out the bad and let in the good.

4. I know this one will have eyes rolling. Buy a movie ticket for the time accounted for and conveniently drop it on the closet or bedroom floor.

5. Always, always double check pockets for any contraband. Things like receits, vip cards, prophylactics, etc. can ruin your day.

LOL @ movie-ticket suggestion. But yes, very smart, very smart indeed.

The problem with that is (a) you'd have to get the movie ticket BEFORE the mongering, thus requiring those prohibitively difficult aspects of foresight and planning, and (b) you'd have to get your mongering done in about the amount of time it takes to see an average movie.

I agree with FONDL. never crap where you eat. i limit my SC trips to business trips.

i go during the day and workout afterwards. 45 minutes on the stair machine and the only thing i smell like is a full sweaty workout.