Can a stripper be "saved" from this lifestyle? I've tried, motivated by personal attachment (I hate to admit). I've tried to exert my influence, via $$$ and suggestion, but have questionable success. The 1st is now working in an administrative function in a government agency. I like to believe I have some influence on her. The 2nd tried waitressing, but the lure of $$$ took her back to dancing, unfortunately. And, the 3rd is trying out being a Real Estate broker. Time will tell whether she changes. Just curious what ppl's experience has been, or is this a lost cause
First - what is ppl - poor pathetic loser? That seems redundant, so I may be way out of the ball park.
Second - it is all about supply and demand. If you "saved" a thousand strippers, this would just create demand for a thousand replacements. They would show up from various sources -- drug users, college students, attractive women who want more spending money, women who have been abused by their boyfriends, etc. etc.
So I really don't see this as a very worthwhile pursuit. But I'm still curious about "ppl"
I won't speak for the OP, but often ppl is short for people.
Saving a stripper is stupid and way out of the league of any customer without psychology training - if that is even proper.
If anyone needs saving in strip clubs it is usually the socially maladjusted/shy/unrealistic customer... the kind referred to as a PL.
You want to be a knight in shining armor - go work at a soup kitchen or a food pantry or what have you.
Girls who are stripping because they are druggies - are druggies first, strippers second.
Girls who are stripping because they have no food on the table - write to state and federal legislators about the cost of education around these fucking parts these days.
Girls who are stripping because they are flat out bitches to everyone around them - whats to save?
Girls who made a stupid decision about a boy and now have a screaming little kid to take care of - are you going to do that?
Girls who like to be the center of attention and don't have a problem of being naked - this is a sickness that needs to be cured?
Girls who see relationships with men as being about money and what they can provide for anyhow - that's why there is a 50% divorce rate in the states and it ain't nothing different other than being more "out there" in the obvious.
You are one self righteous mother fucker Leo100 thinking you are the be all and end all of decisions and morality.
hmmmm, maybe I should try to save this one stripper. She told me she was a porn star. Did a number of movies etc. I don't remember everything she was telling me. Now if I could only save her and get her back to her regular job and stop being a stripper....
I did think during a lap dance she was giving me that she was thinking about doing something other than the lapdance as she was looking in between my legs. Maybe I can save her...
Why would you want to "save" them...unless it's saving them for later... :) People have to *want* be "saved" from something in order for it to work at all. Most of this is just hustle on the part of the dancers IMO.
Save them from what? I couldn't help but think of the religious connotation of that statement. Just Friday night, I was talking with my favorite (and its about time I admit she is my favorite) when our conversation turned to religion (because I mentioned I had a baptism to go to this Sunday for my niece). She tells me about a couple of former dancers who always try to harass her into going to some religious meeting, how they don't want to dance anymore and want to praise God and whatever. Dancers don't want to be saved from the stripper lifestyle. They will want to, in time, probably, but you can't make it happen right now.
If you want to "save" strippers, then I have 2 suggestions for you:
1. Frequent cheap clubs.
2. Wait for the stripper to ask to be "saved."
Usually, after you become a regular some dancers will talk more than stripper shit. At that point a few will ask about job opportunities, etc. Also, sometimes you will run into a first time stripper that is desperate to leave the business.
Basically, for those that want to be "saved" it is just a question of money and a little guidance. And, the money needed isn't that much assuming you can find them good employment at a living wage.
I agree...strippers get a good laugh or annoyed with customers who subvertly try to "save" them. To them you are easy prey. i wished a time or two I could be saved from spending too much time and $$$ with a couple of strippers, LOL. NO JOKE. but that is way in the past. they are just not worth it. everything is pretty much a game to them.
I don't think you can ever save anyone but you can go broke trying. On the other hand, if a girl truly wants to save herself, and by that I mean she wants to break away from a terrible background and create a better life for herself, and she is highly motivated, you may be able to help. Just keep in mind that there's a fine line between helping and enabling. I got lucky and was able to help my ATF, but I think our experience is pretty rare.
I did it once. I actually gave her $1,000.00, no strings attached, to help her through a rough divorce. She quit the business a year ago and I have had no contact with her since. I have a favorite dancer that is in contact with her and she tells me that she is happy in her new life. The favorite dancer has since rocked my boat. Am I getting a substitute "Thank you"? It was a learning experience.
There's really not much "saving" of any other person. You can intervene about an addiction to a certain drug, if you're a member of their support network. Then they choose, either the support network or the drug. You can't really "save" someone from a lifestyle that varies and has so many different characteristics at different times of year, month, week.
What is it exactly that she would be "saved" from? Working late in the evenings? Getting naked in public? Having some loser friends who do drugs? Performing acts of prostitution? Hanging out with men on the basis of those men's monetary wealth and capacity to buy baubles? Much of this is stuff which comes up in many lifestyles that are not stripping at all. You'd have to define which you approved of, which you disapproved of, where the subtle line between an inappropriate and appropriate level of a given activity would be defined, etc.
Saving from drugs is much more cut-and-dried. Do them, or don't do them. Stop now, or don't stop now. Which activities would a stripper have to stop?
I sometimes think that *I* want to be saved *FROM* strippers. I want to be able to catch a girl whom I think of as "hot enough," and have her as my girlfriend. I want to hold hands with her in public, and cuddle with her after sex, and be gooey-sloppy-kissy sometimes in a movie theater. I want her to make me laugh and I want to make her laugh. I want her to have delectable boobies and a thin waist and a sweet girlish demeanor. I want her to like me for "the real me" rather than for what I can buy her. But I don't seem to be able to do this "in real life" so I go spend time with attractive women the only way I can -- by paying them for their time and attention. I'm not into some "fantasy" that the stripper really is my girlfriend -- I'm not sitting there going, "OK, just don't think about it and it will feel JUUUUST LIKE going out on a date." No, I"m sitting there thinking, "Gosh her body is hot. I'm glad I'm enjoying whatever part of a hot body I can. Wish I could get more of it."
To me, going to a strip club is like going to a gourmet restaurant. I don't know how to cook Eggs Sardou very well at home, so I go where I can get it. I don't think to myself, "eating this dish means I'm a good cook." I just think, "tastes good, I'd like to eat this more often at lower expense, but I'm a shitty cook."
So, to get back to the original question, I spend my time among strippers thinking, "gosh I wish there were some manner of getting this in normal life. I wish THEY would save ME from my lack of social skills, by suddenly magically transforming themselves into date-able girlfriends."
I "saved" a druggie roofer some years ago. This filthy homeless bum overhears me talking about a roof repair at Burger King and how the work is a little too much for me; I couldn't take the heat.
I couldn't believe it when this bum asks for a job?!? I look at him up and down and this poor soul looks like he belongs in a hospital. He is wearing mud encrusted rags and appears to be starving. :(
I shake my head and say that I'll buy him a Whopper and fries, but I've got enough problems with the damn roof and don't need more! He says Mister, you don't understand, I need a job and I'm a hard worker and I know roofing. I look at him and say Do you want the free meal I offered or not? He says I don't want charity. His stomach sounds hungry or maybe I was imagining it. I say fine and continue to eat my burger. He again asks for the job?! I say look, you don't want the free meal I've offered you so we don't have any further business. Besides it looks like you need medical care immediately. He says just a little food and he'll be fine. SHEESH!!! I get up and buy him the food over his protests and say how can you do the work if you're starving? He accepts the food and then wants my address. I laugh and give it to him because I don't think he has the mental capacity to find the address even if it was a block away.
What a shock. He shows up all cleaned up and ready to work. I can't believe it. I still don't think he knows anything about roofing and he still looks sick although a hell of a lot better now that he'd eaten and cleaned up.
I gave him a real low ball absurd offer with the promise I wouldn't pay a dime if I was unhappy in the least. He was grateful and said he would do the best job because I had faith in him?! Whatever.
It soon became apparent he was 1) a hard worker and 2) was very skilled. After about a week of hard work--he basically rebuilt the roof. I gave him the absurd sum that I'd promised. To my surprise he was happy and thanked me?! He starts to walk away and I call him back. I give him an extra $150 bonus and tell him that I hope he spends it wisely. He starts to cry, but man's up quick and says he won't forget.
Two years later there is a knock at the door. I don't care for knocks at the door so I get my firearm and commence to see who the hell it is. I don't recognize him and feel like just blasting away if he gets dangerous.
He greets me with the statement: nice gun. :) He then notices my rage and says you don't remember me? I say NO!!! And, what da hell is your business and then get moving along the faster the better. He says I'm Vaden! with a big smile. My God thou art in Heaven. It was Vaden, but he looked normal and healthy and it was almost impossible to believe it was the same man---starving filthy homeless druggie roofer. I give him a quick pop quizz just to make sure. Sure enough Vaden wasn't as dumb as I thought. He passed 100%.
He just wanted to thank me. :) He claimed the extra bonus got him settled on the right track and that he would have died without that extra money. Thanks to me, he had a woman a home a job a etc. If I'd known the bonus would turn him around, then I'd have given it to him without any work or other demands. One of the few bright spots in my life. :)
The story doesn't end, however. He comes to visit again about 2 years after his last visit. He needs work. I say not from me, you don't! Then he explains why he is bothering me. He shot himself in the hand (or someone shot him, imo). It looked NASTY once he unwrapped the filthy bandage--I insisted on seeing the wound----I don't trust people. I told him, forget about work you NEED medical care NOW!!! He doesn't want to go to the hospital and he just wants work. I say get work from someone else. He says no one will hire him with the injury. I say damn straight, you can't work with the hand like that! I can't even believe you're walking or standing let alone talking nonsense about work.
Against my better judgment, I tell him to hang on. I give him $200 and say that is the end of the line. I want him to get bed rest and clean the dang wound before you lose your hand or arm. He promises to clean it, if I insist. I insist and tell him how---and clean wrappings. I wished him the best and thought that was that. He showed up for work the next morning. :( He wanted to prove he could work and needed to work. Damn, even with a bullet hole in the hand he worked hard and did excellent work.
He thanked me for saving him again. I told him that I didn't save him. He saved himself. He says NO, no one else just hands out extra cash or even will hire an injured person. :(
I never saw Vaden again. He seemed like a very good guy. Said, he got hooked on drugs immediately and then had lost everything very quick until he met me at Burger King.
YES, I believe strippers can be "saved" also. Usually, not by a square, imho.
Even if they want to be "saved" it can be difficult. If all they understand is "ghetto" or "underworld" culture, then it can be a rude awakening into another culture. Friends and family can be pulling 'em back----intentionally or unintentionally. A little dog fighting anyone? :) A big toodoo about little, imo. (I dislike dog fighting, cock fighting, bull fighting, boxing, etc., btw.)
One problem I have with this alleged "saving" business is usually the person doing the "saving" expects something in return. It is just another you wash my back and I'll wash your back barter; usually it is a barter that, imo, is bad for both parties.
I prefer to save strippers from those annoying boobie covers. Let those breasts be free. Save the strippers from those terrible bandages. I've told many strippers that they don't need to put that back on. Same goes for panties or bikinis in a nude club. Many dancers apparently do not realize that guys are visually stimulated. If the dancer looks good to him he may start acting irrationally and start tipping a whole lot more than normal if she gets naked and stays naked. I don't know why some dancers keep their tops on instead of taking it off and getting tips like they typically would.
Trying to save a stripper from stripping is something that happens without trying. Give her 10 to 20 years and most will have moved on. It's just a temporary job. I guess you could always marry a stripper and get her to quit and then support her if that makes you happy.
Hey Leo100 -- Turns out you created a very interesting thread, Man. Are you still following it? Now ya oughta give us a followup commentary, from the OP viewpoint.
To Jablake and Book Guy -- you both write very well. Have either of you ever done free lance writing in the "regular market"? (Lots of magazines publish articles - airline magazines for example. Takes a strong interest and talent. I think both of you have the talent.
Sometimes people have multiple problems going on at once, and fixing or even acknowledging more than one at a time is too much for them. Strippers in need of saving may be in this category. So even if a customer could save them (unlikely!) it would also be a matter of waiting until they are ready.
They like the life and don't want to be saved. When a woman makes a decision to live off her looks and charm, she chooses to play men for fools. When that no longer works, she feels trapped because she didn't finish school, couldn't trap the baby's father, can't feed her drug/shopping addiction and has no social skills. You can't save people from making bad choices.
Glad you like my writing. :) It seems like it is either hit or miss with people either appreciating it or deprecating it. I have very little formal education and a fair portion of that was created either for my benefit and or the schools' benefit. The few English teachers that I've had didn't like my writing even an iota. At least 2 asked me if English was my second language; what they were trying to teach seemed very difficult to me.
Later in life, I did write motions, briefs, contracts, reports, and plans. A Mr. Don Landry, a friend of mine, offered me a very lucrative opportunity to write a novel based on my political beliefs----at the time I appreciated the very generous offer of upfront $$$ greatly, but it was just too depressing to write regardless of compensation. And, I also realized my writing was very unstable based on praise and complaints from employers. He was funny in that because I was broke he said that I had NO choice. Coming from him that seemed weird in that he knew me fairly well, but not well enough apparently. He was a very good man. Said he was even willing to pay me for garbage---just write anything! :)
I just didn't want to work, especially at something that would engage my mind strenuously. I'll always appreciate his strong vote of confidence. Writing what he wanted might have driven me off the edge or I may have been afraid for no good reason.
Saving a stripper is insulting to them. Help them be what they want to be, whether now or in the future. Sometimes that's being a stripper. Sometimes it something else. Sometimes is both. But "saving" is too judgmental for someone in this hobby.
Yes GK you've said some very wise words there. In fact, the way to MOST women's hearts is to show them you can "help them to be what they want to be." The trick is to figure out what that thing, that they want to be, actually is, in the first place; then make it appealing to them; then demonstrate that YOU are the doorway to it ...
There are a lot of points of view here and it really depends on the individual girl. Do they want to be 'saved'? Some yes, some no. I have personal experience with this and like to think I helped my Atf quit the business and get a regular job (at lower $$) now that her kids are a little older. Many of these girls are a product of their environment and need guidance. For example, I discovered she didn't even really know how much her monthly bills came to. Or how to search for a job. A lot of them need help, some don't want it and some don't even deserve it. If you find one deserving, why not try to help? We all have our problems (customers and dancers alike). I try to keep that in perspective and we all can help each other with the parts of our lives that are not quite together.
To quote Confucius: "Jesus Saves... Moses Invests"
I got bitten by the "Save the Stripper" bug once; it was a waste of time, money and effort. Never again.
Maybe consider, like Moses, investing in a stripper instead.
Examples:
- Kingpin a deal with her drug dealer boyfriend
- Set her up as an escort for a percentage
- Pay her to provide "company" for a political rival while your PD snaps photos
- and so on... be creative!
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But a customer? I'll take a snowball's chances in hell any day.
Second - it is all about supply and demand. If you "saved" a thousand strippers, this would just create demand for a thousand replacements. They would show up from various sources -- drug users, college students, attractive women who want more spending money, women who have been abused by their boyfriends, etc. etc.
So I really don't see this as a very worthwhile pursuit. But I'm still curious about "ppl"
Saving a stripper is stupid and way out of the league of any customer without psychology training - if that is even proper.
If anyone needs saving in strip clubs it is usually the socially maladjusted/shy/unrealistic customer... the kind referred to as a PL.
You want to be a knight in shining armor - go work at a soup kitchen or a food pantry or what have you.
Girls who are stripping because they are druggies - are druggies first, strippers second.
Girls who are stripping because they have no food on the table - write to state and federal legislators about the cost of education around these fucking parts these days.
Girls who are stripping because they are flat out bitches to everyone around them - whats to save?
Girls who made a stupid decision about a boy and now have a screaming little kid to take care of - are you going to do that?
Girls who like to be the center of attention and don't have a problem of being naked - this is a sickness that needs to be cured?
Girls who see relationships with men as being about money and what they can provide for anyhow - that's why there is a 50% divorce rate in the states and it ain't nothing different other than being more "out there" in the obvious.
You are one self righteous mother fucker Leo100 thinking you are the be all and end all of decisions and morality.
I did think during a lap dance she was giving me that she was thinking about doing something other than the lapdance as she was looking in between my legs. Maybe I can save her...
Lol, just joking.
Over 30, their own ass saves them. It gets too big to dance anymore, and they marry a Permanently Pathetic Loser.
I too think "ppl's" = people's.
1. Frequent cheap clubs.
2. Wait for the stripper to ask to be "saved."
Usually, after you become a regular some dancers will talk more than stripper shit. At that point a few will ask about job opportunities, etc. Also, sometimes you will run into a first time stripper that is desperate to leave the business.
Basically, for those that want to be "saved" it is just a question of money and a little guidance. And, the money needed isn't that much assuming you can find them good employment at a living wage.
Maybe some of you need to grow the fuck up and see this for what it is.
What is it exactly that she would be "saved" from? Working late in the evenings? Getting naked in public? Having some loser friends who do drugs? Performing acts of prostitution? Hanging out with men on the basis of those men's monetary wealth and capacity to buy baubles? Much of this is stuff which comes up in many lifestyles that are not stripping at all. You'd have to define which you approved of, which you disapproved of, where the subtle line between an inappropriate and appropriate level of a given activity would be defined, etc.
Saving from drugs is much more cut-and-dried. Do them, or don't do them. Stop now, or don't stop now. Which activities would a stripper have to stop?
I sometimes think that *I* want to be saved *FROM* strippers. I want to be able to catch a girl whom I think of as "hot enough," and have her as my girlfriend. I want to hold hands with her in public, and cuddle with her after sex, and be gooey-sloppy-kissy sometimes in a movie theater. I want her to make me laugh and I want to make her laugh. I want her to have delectable boobies and a thin waist and a sweet girlish demeanor. I want her to like me for "the real me" rather than for what I can buy her. But I don't seem to be able to do this "in real life" so I go spend time with attractive women the only way I can -- by paying them for their time and attention. I'm not into some "fantasy" that the stripper really is my girlfriend -- I'm not sitting there going, "OK, just don't think about it and it will feel JUUUUST LIKE going out on a date." No, I"m sitting there thinking, "Gosh her body is hot. I'm glad I'm enjoying whatever part of a hot body I can. Wish I could get more of it."
To me, going to a strip club is like going to a gourmet restaurant. I don't know how to cook Eggs Sardou very well at home, so I go where I can get it. I don't think to myself, "eating this dish means I'm a good cook." I just think, "tastes good, I'd like to eat this more often at lower expense, but I'm a shitty cook."
So, to get back to the original question, I spend my time among strippers thinking, "gosh I wish there were some manner of getting this in normal life. I wish THEY would save ME from my lack of social skills, by suddenly magically transforming themselves into date-able girlfriends."
I couldn't believe it when this bum asks for a job?!? I look at him up and down and this poor soul looks like he belongs in a hospital. He is wearing mud encrusted rags and appears to be starving. :(
I shake my head and say that I'll buy him a Whopper and fries, but I've got enough problems with the damn roof and don't need more! He says Mister, you don't understand, I need a job and I'm a hard worker and I know roofing. I look at him and say Do you want the free meal I offered or not? He says I don't want charity. His stomach sounds hungry or maybe I was imagining it. I say fine and continue to eat my burger. He again asks for the job?! I say look, you don't want the free meal I've offered you so we don't have any further business. Besides it looks like you need medical care immediately. He says just a little food and he'll be fine. SHEESH!!! I get up and buy him the food over his protests and say how can you do the work if you're starving? He accepts the food and then wants my address. I laugh and give it to him because I don't think he has the mental capacity to find the address even if it was a block away.
What a shock. He shows up all cleaned up and ready to work. I can't believe it. I still don't think he knows anything about roofing and he still looks sick although a hell of a lot better now that he'd eaten and cleaned up.
I gave him a real low ball absurd offer with the promise I wouldn't pay a dime if I was unhappy in the least. He was grateful and said he would do the best job because I had faith in him?! Whatever.
It soon became apparent he was 1) a hard worker and 2) was very skilled. After about a week of hard work--he basically rebuilt the roof. I gave him the absurd sum that I'd promised. To my surprise he was happy and thanked me?! He starts to walk away and I call him back. I give him an extra $150 bonus and tell him that I hope he spends it wisely. He starts to cry, but man's up quick and says he won't forget.
Two years later there is a knock at the door. I don't care for knocks at the door so I get my firearm and commence to see who the hell it is. I don't recognize him and feel like just blasting away if he gets dangerous.
He greets me with the statement: nice gun. :) He then notices my rage and says you don't remember me? I say NO!!! And, what da hell is your business and then get moving along the faster the better. He says I'm Vaden! with a big smile. My God thou art in Heaven. It was Vaden, but he looked normal and healthy and it was almost impossible to believe it was the same man---starving filthy homeless druggie roofer. I give him a quick pop quizz just to make sure. Sure enough Vaden wasn't as dumb as I thought. He passed 100%.
He just wanted to thank me. :) He claimed the extra bonus got him settled on the right track and that he would have died without that extra money. Thanks to me, he had a woman a home a job a etc. If I'd known the bonus would turn him around, then I'd have given it to him without any work or other demands. One of the few bright spots in my life. :)
The story doesn't end, however. He comes to visit again about 2 years after his last visit. He needs work. I say not from me, you don't! Then he explains why he is bothering me. He shot himself in the hand (or someone shot him, imo). It looked NASTY once he unwrapped the filthy bandage--I insisted on seeing the wound----I don't trust people. I told him, forget about work you NEED medical care NOW!!! He doesn't want to go to the hospital and he just wants work. I say get work from someone else. He says no one will hire him with the injury. I say damn straight, you can't work with the hand like that! I can't even believe you're walking or standing let alone talking nonsense about work.
Against my better judgment, I tell him to hang on. I give him $200 and say that is the end of the line. I want him to get bed rest and clean the dang wound before you lose your hand or arm. He promises to clean it, if I insist. I insist and tell him how---and clean wrappings. I wished him the best and thought that was that. He showed up for work the next morning. :( He wanted to prove he could work and needed to work. Damn, even with a bullet hole in the hand he worked hard and did excellent work.
He thanked me for saving him again. I told him that I didn't save him. He saved himself. He says NO, no one else just hands out extra cash or even will hire an injured person. :(
I never saw Vaden again. He seemed like a very good guy. Said, he got hooked on drugs immediately and then had lost everything very quick until he met me at Burger King.
YES, I believe strippers can be "saved" also. Usually, not by a square, imho.
Even if they want to be "saved" it can be difficult. If all they understand is "ghetto" or "underworld" culture, then it can be a rude awakening into another culture. Friends and family can be pulling 'em back----intentionally or unintentionally. A little dog fighting anyone? :) A big toodoo about little, imo. (I dislike dog fighting, cock fighting, bull fighting, boxing, etc., btw.)
One problem I have with this alleged "saving" business is usually the person doing the "saving" expects something in return. It is just another you wash my back and I'll wash your back barter; usually it is a barter that, imo, is bad for both parties.
To Jablake and Book Guy -- you both write very well. Have either of you ever done free lance writing in the "regular market"? (Lots of magazines publish articles - airline magazines for example. Takes a strong interest and talent. I think both of you have the talent.
Glad you like my writing. :) It seems like it is either hit or miss with people either appreciating it or deprecating it. I have very little formal education and a fair portion of that was created either for my benefit and or the schools' benefit. The few English teachers that I've had didn't like my writing even an iota. At least 2 asked me if English was my second language; what they were trying to teach seemed very difficult to me.
Later in life, I did write motions, briefs, contracts, reports, and plans. A Mr. Don Landry, a friend of mine, offered me a very lucrative opportunity to write a novel based on my political beliefs----at the time I appreciated the very generous offer of upfront $$$ greatly, but it was just too depressing to write regardless of compensation. And, I also realized my writing was very unstable based on praise and complaints from employers. He was funny in that because I was broke he said that I had NO choice. Coming from him that seemed weird in that he knew me fairly well, but not well enough apparently. He was a very good man. Said he was even willing to pay me for garbage---just write anything! :)
I just didn't want to work, especially at something that would engage my mind strenuously. I'll always appreciate his strong vote of confidence. Writing what he wanted might have driven me off the edge or I may have been afraid for no good reason.
I got bitten by the "Save the Stripper" bug once; it was a waste of time, money and effort. Never again.
Maybe consider, like Moses, investing in a stripper instead.
Examples:
- Kingpin a deal with her drug dealer boyfriend
- Set her up as an escort for a percentage
- Pay her to provide "company" for a political rival while your PD snaps photos
- and so on... be creative!
See, this hobby *can* be self-sustaining.
O.
Hmmmm...good idea...