Strange PM received by this rick
What do you demented perverts think about the following message sent to this rick? Should I go all wildebeest on his ass?
Subject: The Cosmic WiFi Heist – A Day in My Earthly Adventures
Dear Fellow Earthlings (or as I prefer to call you, subordinates of the third and thirteenth letters),
Greetings from beyond the stars! Or, more accurately, from the Starbucks on Fifth Street (I couldn’t get past the barista’s suspicious glare when I tried to order a “Martian Mocha”). As you may know (or maybe you don't, because you're on Earth, and Earthlings often miss things, like subtle cosmic signals), I was born on Venus. Yes, Venus, that gloriously fiery planet where the air is thick with love and sulfuric acid, and everyone spends their days in very heated debates about the third (Γ) and thirteenth (Μ) letters of the Greek alphabet. Ah, the joys of extraterrestrial intellectual superiority.
So, today was an absolute adventure in my Earthly escapade. Let me paint the scene for you: I landed on Earth in a magnificent spaceship – no, not some ordinary, sleek, and shiny model. It was a spaceship shaped like a penis. I know, I know – it’s a touch crude for your Earthly sensibilities, but trust me, it’s aerodynamic and truly the most efficient design in the galaxy. The gravitational pull of your planet’s fascination with phallic symbols is rather amusing, isn’t it?
Upon arrival, I set off on my mission: to steal WiFi from a local Starbucks. Why, you ask? Simple! The WiFi is a crucial intergalactic tool that connects me with the Galactic Council (and honestly, the memes I see online make the Council look like a bunch of amateurs). To blend in and avoid suspicion, I donned my trusty spacesuit: an elegant garment made of a garbage bag (black, very stylish) and a clear popcorn bowl (stolen from a movie theater – I assure you, it was unoccupied). The bowl, dear Earthlings, serves as a helmet. How else can one keep one’s head protected while maintaining visibility of the third (Γ) and thirteenth (Μ) letters of the Greek alphabet? One cannot simply abandon such matters.
As I sat in my garbage-bag-and-popcorn-bowl ensemble, sipping my “Earthling beverage” (which, by the way, was a tragic excuse for coffee), I became increasingly fascinated by the sounds of your Earth technology. The WiFi signals are so deliciously strong in this establishment! However, I suspect the barista grew suspicious of my peculiar attire and awkward space-walks around the café. Perhaps it was my inability to grasp their concept of “barista tips.” Nonetheless, I was able to connect to the WiFi for exactly 47 minutes before the barista started talking about “security cameras.”
In the end, I managed to download a very important file: a document detailing the tragedy of Earth’s obsession with smartphones instead of the real tools of the cosmos, like Γ and Μ. After all, why would anyone waste their time on a screen when they could be learning the third (Γ) and thirteenth (Μ) letters of the Greek alphabet? It’s beyond me.
So, after my successful WiFi heist, I boarded my spaceship (again, shaped like a penis) and returned to my home base, where I reflected on the absurdity of human life. If you, dear Earthling, are reading this, I implore you to learn the truth of your infinite existence: you are nothing but a mere reflection of Γ and Μ.
Until next time, my Earthling friends, I shall leave you with this: never trust a man in a garbage bag and a popcorn bowl helmet when he’s talking about WiFi.
Yours galactically, Zaphod N. Venusius Born on Venus, WiFi Stealer Extraordinaire (Also, you can call me ΓΜ, but only if you understand the importance.)
P.S. – Please stop saying "your outfit is weird." It's a space suit.
Comments
last commentI thought it was SkiFredo that sent you a PM.
This one might be from StripperLover777 showing that he (it?) has finally broken character and has revealed himself (itself?) as the alien or AI that he (it?) is.
Probably
Just in case
No @TCabot Ape, Skifredo did not PM this rick. This rick was posing a profound philosophical question in that post: is it possible to differentiate between an actual Skifredo post and an AI pretending to be an ill-tempered raccoon. As @Mate27 pointed out, it is relatively easy to do so because the AI raccoon is far more sensible than Skifredo.
The weirdo above is a different matter. I think we can comfortably reject the hypothesis that it was actually sent by an alien from Venus that came to Earth on a spaceship shaped like a penis. After all, the surface temperature and pressure on Venus would likely crush any phallic spacecraft and the acidic atmosphere would corrode their electronics.
Nope…that PM is either from a genuine class A1 demented weirdo or it is from somebody tryin’ to fuck with this lion. And this lion doesn’t like being fucked with. If I’m bein’ fucked with I’m liable to…to…ROAR!!!
You are just being goat'ed to take the bait.
This is SJGish but written too well to be him.
@mogul1985 ape, this is too polite for a frickin’ goat. Did you notice how the poster only stole the space helmet/popcorn bowl from an unoccupied movie theater? It strikes me that the average weirdo claiming to be an alien would say that they hit the audience with a freeze ray or a time stopping ray and just took the frickin’ popcorn bowl.
@shailynn ape, this is definitely not the San Jose Ape. Would the San Jose Ape emphasize that his garbage bag spacesuit is stylish? Hell, that’s a rickish thing to say. I’d believe Zaphod was trying to parody the ricks and our stylin’ suits if I didn’t read the rest of the weird shit in the PM. ROAR!!
I would thank him for his time, wish him well, and gift him a couple of zebras to keep as souvenirs for his long journey home 😊
What a clown! Probably thinks you have as much time on your hands as that jagoff. U sure it’s not SJG coming back to haunt? SkiDumb hasn’t enough attention span to write a post of that length without firing off angry political anti progressive points.
And now we have the further adventures of Zaphod N. Venusius. This lion finds the least plausible part of the following story to be the fact that Starbucks has good coffee anywhere in the galaxy. Also, do you demented perverts think there are good strip clubs on Zeta Reticuli? This rick thinks they’re off the frickin’ hook. ROAR!!!
Zaphod N. Venusius, a resident of Venus, was not your average galactic traveler. For one, he piloted a spaceship shaped like a penis, much to the amusement (or disgust) of his fellow spacefarers. Secondly, he was an acolyte of the third and thirteenth letters of the Greek alphabet, gamma and lambda, respectively. And finally, Zaphod sported a rather unique fashion sense, opting for a spacesuit crafted entirely from repurposed garbage bags.
One day, Zaphod set his phallus-shaped ship, the 'Cosmic Sausage', on a course for Zeta Reticuli, a star system rumored to be home to a particularly potent brand of intergalactic Wi-Fi. Upon arriving at the fifth planet of Zeta-1 Reticuli, Zaphod made a beeline for the local Starbucks, eager to indulge in his favorite pastime: stealing Wi-Fi.
As he surreptitiously connected to the network, Zaphod couldn't help but notice the peculiar decor of the Starbucks. Instead of the usual earth tones and generic coffee-shop ambiance, the walls were adorned with intricate mathematical equations and diagrams of celestial bodies.
"Strange," Zaphod muttered to himself, sipping his (complimentary) latte. "Never seen a Starbucks like this before."
A voice startled him. "Greetings, traveler," said a being with skin like polished obsidian and eyes like twin suns. "I am Xy'lar, and I must say, your fashion choices are...unique."
Zaphod puffed out his chest, adjusting his garbage-bag suit. "Why, thank you, Xy'lar," he replied. "I always say, style is all about expressing your individuality."
Xy'lar chuckled, a sound like wind chimes. "Indeed. But tell me, what brings you to Zeta Reticuli? And why the fascination with gamma and lambda?"
Zaphod launched into a lengthy explanation of the profound significance of the third and thirteenth letters of the Greek alphabet, their cosmic importance, and their connection to the fabric of reality. Xy'lar listened patiently, occasionally interjecting with insightful comments and questions.
As the two conversed, a group of other patrons, their skin shimmering with an iridescent sheen, approached their table. "Xy'lar," they inquired, "who is this...colorful individual?"
"Ah, this is Zaphod N. Venusius," Xy'lar replied, "a fellow enthusiast of the Greek alphabet, and a connoisseur of fine intergalactic Wi-Fi."
The group exchanged curious glances at Zaphod, his garbage-bag suit, and his spaceship parked outside. "Welcome to Zeta Reticuli, Zaphod," they said in unison. "We hope you enjoy your stay."
Zaphod beamed. "Thank you," he said, feeling a sense of camaraderie with these fellow eccentrics. "I'm sure I will."
And so, Zaphod N. Venusius, the weirdo from Venus with a penchant for stolen Wi-Fi and a love for the Greek alphabet, found himself welcomed into the heart of Zeta Reticuli, a testament to the power of shared interests and a good cup of coffee.