How long do ATF's last?

I tend to think someone else will eventually come along. Or else thinking I have no use for the concept of the ATF.

Well, the question is "What do you want?". In my experience. the whole ATF thing was a great exercise in longing, and not knowing the answer to that question. Then one early morning my ATF suggested I should look out more for my own interests. That was interesting advice, as I had become somewhat dedicated to her. I took her advice. She dropped off the radar, I initiated a divorce, and I started pursuing women with a different purpose and a clearer head. So for me the ATF phase (and I had 4 of them over the course of 5 years or so) was heading somewhere. But if it's not doing that for you, don't get hung up. Why not get another ATF and comparison shop? :-)

My first lasted 2 years. My second 1 year. They have both quit the business and I have not been in contact with either of them. I never looked for an ATF. They just happened. It has been a year since my last ATF and again I am not looking for one. But if another one happens, that is OK and if not, that is OK too. I do have a lot of favorite dancers but none that I would like to see OTC. Let me rephrase that. There are some that I would but I know that it ain't gonna happen. So I will just continue to go to strip clubs to have fun and see how much shit I can get away with. Mileage!

Shadowcat has the right idea. Don't know what more a person could say. About 4 years ago I had an ATF for a few months. However we both knew that it was not MUTUAL. She eventually moved away and I adjusted. It never has happened again. If I were Rootman I would either (a) enjoy the status quo, or (b) up the ante -- but I guess that was his question - how to up the ante. Take more risks? Probably not a good idea. Probably option (a) is best, and just let nature take its course. But above all, if you are a strip club afficiando, you have to keep going to strip clubs, keep checking out the merchandise, testing the water.

I too am afflicted with ATFism. She just got her boobs done and is away from the club for a couple weeks. I think now is a good time to put some distance between us.

Six months max. Move on to another dancer, preferably at another club. This will make a clean break. Don't worry about her feelings. She'll break off with you as soon as she thinks she sees a better deal.

Sometimes they last all of five minutes. The legnth of time it takes to introduce yourself to another dancer and trade up.

She's really a c-fav but its time for something strange.

I agree with Harrydave, it all depends on what you want. After many years of clubbing and never seeing the same girl twice (which used to be a rule of mine), I met a girl I really liked and became her regular for about 8 months. When that ended (badly I might add) I found that I liked the concept of having an ATF and quickly hooked up with another girl in the same club, who I've now known for nearly 11 years. I enjoyed having an ATF but I also visited other clubs for variety when traveling on business, which I thought gave me the best of both worlds.

FONDL: Sounds like the way to go. I don't travel for business as much as I used to and there is really only one club worth going to where I live so that time is usually with the atf. You did 11 years .....I wonder how you kept the spark so long without an attachment that created problems. You may be my hero or a natural juggler.

JayADay-"She's really a c-fav but its time for something strange."

Strange? how? or is my mind just that dirty? LOL

Ok I have to ask this question, based on what someone said to me in a recent email:

When you guys talk about your "ATFs," are you simply talking about your girlfriends, or are you talking about women to whom you regularly pay money? If the former, then I don't think it is particularly courteous to just dump them as some posters suggest. If the latter, then obviously there is no real relationship there anyway, and either person can stop the transaction whenever he/she wants. There's no reason why you can't see five different prostitutes in a week. No one will mind as long as you make payment each time. (P.S. If you ARE paying them $$$, I sure hope you're having sex, and not just cumming in your pants. Lol.)

njscfan: Here's how my atf situation works. If I'm ITC with her, I pay for the laps and tip nicely. If we're OTC (which is more than 60% of the time), we just do what we do. So there's a relationship but it's not real girlfriend, full time, exclusive stuff.

If you are dating a women (regardless of her occupation), then I think you would be a real cad to just dump her, even if you both know it is a non-exclusive relationship. I mean, if I pay the woman at the dry cleaner to clean my suits, but we also go out on a date every Saturday, then it's a dating relationship. I would be a shit to just stop calling her. I still can't tell whether you are really having a sexual relationship, or whether you are just going out to dinner together, but either way (that is, regardless of whether she is a lover or a friend) to just dump her would not be right. If on the other hand the reality is that she is only spending time with you because you are paying her money (in the form of excessive tips in the club, or expensive dinners and other "gifts"), then there's no point in kidding yourself, it's just a financial transaction, and I see nothing wrong with politely telling her that you've lost interest. If you're not sure which it is, there's an easy way to find out -- stop coming to the club, and see if she still returns your calls and goes out with you.

Some of them might *think* they are talking about their gf's, but they aren't. An ATF is simply a patron's favorite dancer...at one particular club, a whole group of clubs, in their entire life, etc., etc..

To njscfan's point: Interesting question why my (or anyone's) atf goes out with me, money or other reasons. It could be the father figure thing (she's 25 years younger), she's attracted to the $$$ I have or simply wants to keep me as a reg. I'm not hung up either way, especially if she's so good I can't tell the difference. I'm no fool, it would be a lot of work to land 20/30 year olds for regular dating (I'm married and 50's). So the SC is kind of like speed dating that sometimes leads to regular dating. I'm getting sex, companionship and we have a good time. Why should I worry about the motives?

Only you can say, but if it's a business relationship, I think you're free to cut the cord whenever you want. If it's a friendship or romantic relationship, then I think you owe it to her to treat her the same way you would treat any other friend or girlfriend, and not just summarily dump her.

Rootman, she only danced for about 18 months. The first 6 months I was a regular of another girl in her club but she quickly my backup; the next 12 months I was her best customer. After she quit dancing we continued to get together and ultimately became friends. We still are. In fact I recently spent 2+ weeks vacationing in a condo 1 block from her apartment.

No girl has really ever been able to string me along for more than about four months. I could see a six-month "obsession" in which I'm the customer, and she's the dancer, might happen. Usually for me it's a lot shorter than that, but it might "recur" in the sense that I don't see her for a full year, so that I'm having intermittent bouts of interest in her, interspersed with long periods of not visiting her club (or, indeed, any club at all, perhaps).

Example: I go in and really like a girl, and she has just the right combination of looks and body type and personality, so we "hit it off." I go back a couple of times, maybe three, five times, in the coming month or so. For a total of eight trips in two months, I'm "hooked" by her. Then it fades, and I find that my emotions and lusts are starting to hanker for someone else. Often it's nothing that the girl has done. Sometimes she disappears from one club and moves on to another.

I'd add, that I'm not really a "big spender" in the manner that some girls tend to think of their regulars as doing. On a given night, I can spend maybe $400, but that will be on a wide range of girls and for a pretty consistently high level of service. I don't blow cash for nothing. In fact, at that amount, I'm highly likely to be expecting full service. I get the impression that girls will string along someone who wants less explicit service, and gives more amounts of money for it, more than they'll try to string me along, so I'm likely "let off the hook" by THEIR less conniving behavior as much as by the vagaries and vacillations of my own interests.

ATF's are like the stock market. Things can get volatile at times and your mileage may vary.