Dedicated Monger Prep

Damn! I've never even thought of anything remotely like that. The ONLY thing I do is try to park in a place, if possible, I can drive out and appear to be leaving any place other that a drinking establishment. SC or not, doesn't matter, and the reason should be obvious.

Depends on where I'm going and when. From the house to the club, in the same city, there are a set of things I'd like to make sure of, but they're mostly just carry-alongs. Dressing right for the occasion, get my pipe, get some cash.

On a long drive trip, there might indeed be an occasion to change clothes at the destination. I'm still waiting for a WAP type of access to TUSCL so that I can download whatever info I might want from here onto my cell phone. Some day PLEASE!? I'd think that the map function, and the numerical database of review-numbers (if not the text of the reviews themselves) would be pretty easy to put up onto a smaller web-page that is designed for teeny wireless device screens rather than my big ol' home computer.

My priorities include, but are not limited to, personal hygiene / intimacy type things: making sure I take the time to groom willie properly (longer hairs caught in the grindage action is a no-no!); wearing silken undies; carrying condoms of the loose-fitting variety and maybe a little packie of lube.

Then there are the more mundane things. Wearing trousers that are baggy, slightly pouchy, of a soft material. Khakis don't quite cut it. Men's dress slacks, one of those half-silk half-wool blends, or some modern plastic concoction that adequately mimics that feel, are preferred. Button-able back pockets. Wearing a men's dress shirt is best, but white glows funny in the black-light at many clubs. No undershirt, because I like it when they unbutton me and play with my chest and nips. No belt, that goes without saying, so the pants have to fit properly at the waistline on their own. And here's a good trick: get pleated pants with what tailors would call a "long drop" to the seat, and you'll have a more ready time removing Mr. Happy. Gals tend to want to open the gap only enough to barely get Mr. Happy out, but the comfort and enjoyment is best felt only if he's totally free of encumbrance for a good six inches on all sides. Shoes have to be slip-ons with tall-ish socks (ever noticed how many chigger or flea bites you pick up at a club if you go without socks?).

Make sure my face is cleanly shaved recently. If there's bristly, painful stubble less than two days old -- the sort that girls don't want to touch their sensitive skin -- then they're less likely to get up close and personal. Of course bathed nicely, maybe wearing a LITTLE BIT of subtle cologne.

All the above must be washable. Dump it in the machine when you get home. I have no sig-oth to consider, so I'm home free about smells and lipsticks, but I'd suggest keeping a can of fabric-based Febreeze (the type that comes out as of the can a liquid, not a spray) for such exigencies. Or you can always gas up afterwards, spill some, cover yourself in the unctuous odor of petrol.

Swap out the nice watch for the crappy jogging watch that has a good night light. Leave the cell phone in the car. And then for me, the ultimate difficulty:

the pipe bag.

The pipe bag is a small packet that looks like a woman's clutch purse. In it go one or two smoking pipes (or one in the mouth), a small ziplock of whatever weed I'm currently smoking (probably at least three pipe-fuls to spare), the Czech tool (little knife-scoop thingie), about ten folded pipe cleaners, the lighter (which I have to prepare by loading with adequate butane), maybe also the little flip-stand pipe holder that allows me to set it down without it rolling over, if I am not smoking a "sitter" pipe at the time. Also, the condoms and lube (mentioned above) fit nicely into a little mint tin in the bottom of the pipe bag.

Control the wallet. Only an ID, a credit card, an ATM card. The cash separated into two wads, the big one and the little one, each with an un-fancy money clip holding them together, each in a different pocket, buttoned tight; then the last 10 $1-bills in the shirt pocket.

So: body prepared, clothing appropriate, pipe bag in hand, wallet in rear pocket, money stashes in two pockets, small bills in shirt, pipe in mouth, Willie in hand ... I'm ready to monger.

Ridiculous, isn't it?

Not THAT ridiculous. But it has gotten more complicated. Thirty years ago I just followed my dick into these places without a thought. I'm still doing that, but now subterfuge, deceit, ROB radar, money management concerns, LE wariness, time issues and alibis and your over-all spidey sense have all entered into the mix. Then clubber wisely brings up the exit issues as well. Which is where my friendly neighborhood AMPs came in for me--what to do when you've been nursing booze and hard-ons for two or three hours and leaving tipsy and horny? My first parlors were conveniently located right a short walk up the street from my fav SC. Two problems solved. Drive home relieved and moderately sober and hour later. Little by little I'm skipping the clubs and just going directly to the source.

I keep a change of cloths available to change into afterwards so the SO doesn't get a whiff of the club. I have used spilled gas ploy in an emergency. Some of the above outlined preperations seem to complex to make it worth the effort!!

Clean up the home. Have a good supply of condoms, lube, alcohol and snacks there. Have a pack w/ condoms, lube, cleanup supplies in the car, in case I decide the girl is shady enough that I am only going to take her to a motel instead of home. Change of clothes in the car as well.

Always try to remember to put on fresh clothes, shower, and shave before I head out. But somtimes I forget that the plan is to bring a stripper home to fuck, and, of course, by Murphy's law, those nights seem to be the ones when it seems more likely to happen!

Oh, try and have at home or pick up some substances as further stripper bait!

OMFG - if I had to think about all of these preparations before I ventured out into the day/nite to a SC I'd lose interest before I got out the frontdoor! And I'm "married"! Geez!

A clean body & clean clothes, $$$ in the wallet, and a good alibi for the SO - that's all I need for a good time.

Geez, and how! I prep no more than I do any time I go out, probably less. About the only thing I do differently is to dress down more, since my clothes are liable to get roughed up, and it doesn't much matter how I look. I'm definitely not into hanging out in the parking lot nor watching what other guys do in the parking lot. I prefer to spend as much time as possible IN the club, like, hanging out with half-naked chicks.

I really dislike ending up at a strip club while wearing blue jeans. I think there are two reasons -- 1. I might want to get lappers, and I want to be able to really enjoy the experience; 2. I don't want to look like a typical down-market chump, I want an air of sophisticated decency about me. So many dudes show up on Bourbon Street wearing a baseball-style cap with a football team's logo, the brim bent down into a tight curve; baggy cargo-shorts or blue jeans; flip-flops; and a lame-ass golf or polo shirt -- I just don't want to be one of them. Ever.

I typically wear black khakis to a strip club, not blue jeans. However, the few times I have been wearing jeans for whatever reason, I've had a good time and enjoyed the lap dances. Same goes for the few times I've been overdressed. I've never felt the slightest regret over going on account of what I was or wasn't wearing.

If I show up in the shirt and tie I normally have on for work, sometimes I get a little more, at the clubs I don't frequent at least.

I agree with Chandler and lopaw, quite getting so tied up in details and just enjoy the time you have at the clubs. The girls will have condoms (if they don't you might not want to go there!!) and as long as your clean and personable you are all set.

I am probably the worst monger. If I am just meeting Trogangreg at an Atlanta club, nothing special. Shave and shower and make sure to have enough money.

However when I make my monthly trips to my favorite club, you might think that I was planning a weeks vacation. Actually I treat it like a mini vacation. 2 1/2 days of R&R. Sex and booze. Mostly sex. I have to burn CD's for the girls and print funny stuff and buy candy and pick out the right clothes. I have a reputation there. I am the candyman and weather it is just for my money (I doubt)or what. They make me feel at home and treat me like a friend. I know more shit about what goes on there than the average bear. 6 years of exploits there. I am already planning next months visit and on another thread, 2 fer wanted to know my plans for Jan. You gotta believe that I have FUN...

Shadowcat and I took hours to prep our daily visits to the PP during the TUSCL convention! Nice long shower with a deep scalp hair massage. Body lotion over the entrie body. Fingernails clipped and clean. Excess nose and ear hairs clipped. Selecting clean matching outerware. Cologneing our favorite spots.

I truly believe any serious clubber would prep themselves hygenically and otherwise, not to offend our dancing friends.

Uncle Bones says: Cleanliness is next to Godliness... or was is Goddesses???

I don't begrudge anybody who makes a huge deal out of prepping. If it makes it all more fun for you, I say go ahead, knock yourself out. It just ain't my idea of fun, and I question whether the strippers take much notice of the results. However, some probably pick up on your enthusiasm, so the secondary benefit could count for something. I have my own way of working up enthusiasm (and it doesn't occur in the parking lot), so maybe I'm just not as dedicated as some.

Most of my prep isn't about somehow having a positive mind-set, it's more about having the equipment set up properly. I dislike attending clubs in jeans because the lappers are less enjoyable, since the pants are too thick and tight to allow for movement and sensation; I prefer attending in baggier, softer pants to improve my tactile experience. It's not about any perception of "style" or visual appeal. So on for most of my preps -- if there's ever a moment in which I'm considering trying to look good to impress other people, it's strictly because I figure there's some kind of enlightened self-interest at the end of the logic. Hmm, look good, girl will spend more time on me, I like girl spending more time for the same money, therefore look good. Etc.

Book Guy: Not sure I see the difference between looking good to impress strippers and what you call enlightened self-interest(?). I guess my thinking goes like this: I dress for comfort, because if I feel comfortable, strippers will feel more comfortable in my company and lots of excellent benefits will come to me. As long as I'm clean, obviously, and reasonably presentable, for which the SC bar is set pretty low. On the other hand, if I kept a long checklist of things that had to be just perfect before I felt I had any chance of enjoying my visit, I might be jittery and kind of a drag to be around. But I've never stopped to analyze it at all. It's just the way I roll.

What I'm saying is that, although you guys with your checklists aren't doing it for the sake of your mindset, that may be where you get more benefit than where you intend.

Though most of my mongering in the last few years has been of a pre-arranged OTC variety, which in my mind takes extra preparation, the I also perform the rituals alluded to by BookGuy and Bones. KNOWING that I am clean, well groomed, etc., makes me feel more comfortable - no worries like "do I have nose hairs showing?" or "do I smell fresh (everywhere)?"

Usually, I will stop at the hotel before meeting my ATF or going to a club so that I can take a quick shower and shave, etc. If I'm not stopping at the hotel first, I will swing past my office on the way out of town and at least freshen up (I have a kit at work w/razor, shaving cream, toothbrush, etc.)

I have been complimented more times than not (could be SS in most cases) about how good I smell, how smooth my face is. In my opinion, the dancers DO take notice of these small things. Also, I know that I am going to enjoy my experience and I like to think that the dancers enjoy being with me as much - usually more -than the average customer.

I know it's about the money, but if customer A and customer B have the same amount of money, but customer B is a smelly slob, who is dancer X going to spend her time with?

OTCing requires even more preparation. Gotta have the room reserved. I usually prep the room by setting up my computer and speakers (for the iTunes music) - candles if at night. I also fill the waste basket with ice and put beverages on ice (energy drinks, wine coolers, Crown, Patron and Bacardi).

Doug, I haven't seen anybody here say it doesn't matter if you're a smelly slob. I said I treat it like any night out, and I bathe and change my underwear daily. What I've said doesn't matter is all of these "extra mile" rituals some of you guys think are so necessary. They're fine for you if they make you feel better, but I don't believe guys (& gals) like me who prefer to keep things simple and easygoing are at any disadvantage with dancers on account of our failure to adhere to a detailed checklist.

I agree, Chandler, there's a rule of diminishing returns on most items. If I were to fail to bring my tobacco or my cleaners, my pipe would be useless, and therefore I conclude that one type of preparation has direct bearing on my opportunity for a particular type of enjoyment. Likewise with soft underwear and pants. But if I forget to wear the right cologne, I suspect that another type of preparation is having a lot less bearing on my opportunity for any particular type of enjoyment at all. Just a mental state thing, probably, with the cologne ...

Chandler:
I didn't mean to imply that those that don't "go that extra mile" are smelly slobs. There ARE guys that not only don't go that extra mile, but I'm betting that a micrometer would be needed to measure the distance that they DID go. I mean, I can't imagine hitting a club wearing a greasy, sweaty, smelly work uniform with my name on my pocket, but I've seen guys doing that.

For the most part, my prep work is for ME - or in other words - to increase my enjoyment by decreasing any negative thoughts. I don't want to worry that I just scratched her with untrimmed fingernails (especially if we are talking inside a very tender spot)... I don't want to give her stubble burns because I didn't shave closely, etc.

It all adds up to increase my self-confidence levels, I suppose.

Some dancers, probably a tiny minority, actually like stubble! Safest bet of course is close shave!

Chandler: I think some guys want to "look good" in the same way they'd think about going out on a date with someone, or sitting a job interview -- she's judging me, I want her to like me, I want to make the best possible impression. For me (and probably you) the "look good" is a lot more cynical -- I'm interested in maximum contact in a lapper, and the best ratio of price per service, and therefore I do whatever I can to increase the chances of that. If there's any "she approves of me and that makes me feel like I'm getting somewhere" that judgment is strictly limited to the confines of that night, those services, alone.

Book Guy, for me, looking good is simply a function of being civilized and showing a requisite degree of courtesy to other people who encounter me in public. I try to meet a certain standard whenever I leave the house, if only to pick up a loaf of bread, and I don't appreciate seeing somebody at the grocery who can't be bothered to bathe or change out of their exercise clothes. I may feel like doing it the easy way and going as a slob myself, but can't in good conscience be that thoughtless. That's sort of what I thought enlightened self-interest meant: to act in the interest of others in the belief that I, along with everyone else, will benefit in the long run. But that's a far cry from the dedicated monger prep some have confessed to here.

Agree with Book Guy, plus the prep itself can be for many part of enjoyment of the hobby itself. Remember the girls are going to great lengths to optimize whatever they got, so this is all part of the fun of the game. Of course as any rational person knows, its not a date