Dedicated Monger Prep
ralphyboy
New Jersey
We may all have our little rituals before embarking on a trip or entering a joint. I thought mine were involved until I watched a fellow monger park in three dif spots (about ten minutes in each) changing different articles of clothing in each and in and out all four of his truck doors too many times to count today in the SC lot. In the third parking spot (he began in the back next to me, moved to center of the lot and then right up to the front on the highway)he finally ended up in sneaks, sweats and a flannel shirt, and a bag of booze. It does get involved, especially if you're sneaking. Choice of apparel is uppermost(with backups if you have to ditch the perfume-laden originals), just the right trou, commando or not, and comfy shoes (if driving some distance) and jackets with multiple pockets-cash outlays, pills if you're a popper, and for me snacks. I hit BYO places and never drink without munching. Bowels and bladder must be empty, and I almost never land at a place and go directly in-linger in the car wetting my whistle with an adult beverage, listening to the radio, possibly making a call and generally pysching myself for the adventure that awaits Some of these machinations are worthy of Sherlock Holmes himself, but I do believe my hilarious triple parker takes the cake-makes me feel like a piker by comparison.
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23 comments
On a long drive trip, there might indeed be an occasion to change clothes at the destination. I'm still waiting for a WAP type of access to TUSCL so that I can download whatever info I might want from here onto my cell phone. Some day PLEASE!? I'd think that the map function, and the numerical database of review-numbers (if not the text of the reviews themselves) would be pretty easy to put up onto a smaller web-page that is designed for teeny wireless device screens rather than my big ol' home computer.
My priorities include, but are not limited to, personal hygiene / intimacy type things: making sure I take the time to groom willie properly (longer hairs caught in the grindage action is a no-no!); wearing silken undies; carrying condoms of the loose-fitting variety and maybe a little packie of lube.
Then there are the more mundane things. Wearing trousers that are baggy, slightly pouchy, of a soft material. Khakis don't quite cut it. Men's dress slacks, one of those half-silk half-wool blends, or some modern plastic concoction that adequately mimics that feel, are preferred. Button-able back pockets. Wearing a men's dress shirt is best, but white glows funny in the black-light at many clubs. No undershirt, because I like it when they unbutton me and play with my chest and nips. No belt, that goes without saying, so the pants have to fit properly at the waistline on their own. And here's a good trick: get pleated pants with what tailors would call a "long drop" to the seat, and you'll have a more ready time removing Mr. Happy. Gals tend to want to open the gap only enough to barely get Mr. Happy out, but the comfort and enjoyment is best felt only if he's totally free of encumbrance for a good six inches on all sides. Shoes have to be slip-ons with tall-ish socks (ever noticed how many chigger or flea bites you pick up at a club if you go without socks?).
Make sure my face is cleanly shaved recently. If there's bristly, painful stubble less than two days old -- the sort that girls don't want to touch their sensitive skin -- then they're less likely to get up close and personal. Of course bathed nicely, maybe wearing a LITTLE BIT of subtle cologne.
All the above must be washable. Dump it in the machine when you get home. I have no sig-oth to consider, so I'm home free about smells and lipsticks, but I'd suggest keeping a can of fabric-based Febreeze (the type that comes out as of the can a liquid, not a spray) for such exigencies. Or you can always gas up afterwards, spill some, cover yourself in the unctuous odor of petrol.
Swap out the nice watch for the crappy jogging watch that has a good night light. Leave the cell phone in the car. And then for me, the ultimate difficulty:
the pipe bag.
The pipe bag is a small packet that looks like a woman's clutch purse. In it go one or two smoking pipes (or one in the mouth), a small ziplock of whatever weed I'm currently smoking (probably at least three pipe-fuls to spare), the Czech tool (little knife-scoop thingie), about ten folded pipe cleaners, the lighter (which I have to prepare by loading with adequate butane), maybe also the little flip-stand pipe holder that allows me to set it down without it rolling over, if I am not smoking a "sitter" pipe at the time. Also, the condoms and lube (mentioned above) fit nicely into a little mint tin in the bottom of the pipe bag.
Control the wallet. Only an ID, a credit card, an ATM card. The cash separated into two wads, the big one and the little one, each with an un-fancy money clip holding them together, each in a different pocket, buttoned tight; then the last 10 $1-bills in the shirt pocket.
So: body prepared, clothing appropriate, pipe bag in hand, wallet in rear pocket, money stashes in two pockets, small bills in shirt, pipe in mouth, Willie in hand ... I'm ready to monger.
Ridiculous, isn't it?
Always try to remember to put on fresh clothes, shower, and shave before I head out. But somtimes I forget that the plan is to bring a stripper home to fuck, and, of course, by Murphy's law, those nights seem to be the ones when it seems more likely to happen!
Oh, try and have at home or pick up some substances as further stripper bait!
A clean body & clean clothes, $$$ in the wallet, and a good alibi for the SO - that's all I need for a good time.
I agree with Chandler and lopaw, quite getting so tied up in details and just enjoy the time you have at the clubs. The girls will have condoms (if they don't you might not want to go there!!) and as long as your clean and personable you are all set.
However when I make my monthly trips to my favorite club, you might think that I was planning a weeks vacation. Actually I treat it like a mini vacation. 2 1/2 days of R&R. Sex and booze. Mostly sex. I have to burn CD's for the girls and print funny stuff and buy candy and pick out the right clothes. I have a reputation there. I am the candyman and weather it is just for my money (I doubt)or what. They make me feel at home and treat me like a friend. I know more shit about what goes on there than the average bear. 6 years of exploits there. I am already planning next months visit and on another thread, 2 fer wanted to know my plans for Jan. You gotta believe that I have FUN...
I truly believe any serious clubber would prep themselves hygenically and otherwise, not to offend our dancing friends.
Uncle Bones says: Cleanliness is next to Godliness... or was is Goddesses???
What I'm saying is that, although you guys with your checklists aren't doing it for the sake of your mindset, that may be where you get more benefit than where you intend.
Usually, I will stop at the hotel before meeting my ATF or going to a club so that I can take a quick shower and shave, etc. If I'm not stopping at the hotel first, I will swing past my office on the way out of town and at least freshen up (I have a kit at work w/razor, shaving cream, toothbrush, etc.)
I have been complimented more times than not (could be SS in most cases) about how good I smell, how smooth my face is. In my opinion, the dancers DO take notice of these small things. Also, I know that I am going to enjoy my experience and I like to think that the dancers enjoy being with me as much - usually more -than the average customer.
I know it's about the money, but if customer A and customer B have the same amount of money, but customer B is a smelly slob, who is dancer X going to spend her time with?
OTCing requires even more preparation. Gotta have the room reserved. I usually prep the room by setting up my computer and speakers (for the iTunes music) - candles if at night. I also fill the waste basket with ice and put beverages on ice (energy drinks, wine coolers, Crown, Patron and Bacardi).
I didn't mean to imply that those that don't "go that extra mile" are smelly slobs. There ARE guys that not only don't go that extra mile, but I'm betting that a micrometer would be needed to measure the distance that they DID go. I mean, I can't imagine hitting a club wearing a greasy, sweaty, smelly work uniform with my name on my pocket, but I've seen guys doing that.
For the most part, my prep work is for ME - or in other words - to increase my enjoyment by decreasing any negative thoughts. I don't want to worry that I just scratched her with untrimmed fingernails (especially if we are talking inside a very tender spot)... I don't want to give her stubble burns because I didn't shave closely, etc.
It all adds up to increase my self-confidence levels, I suppose.