The humble brag of a dancer

Not nearly as good as yours but one time I met a cute dancer and said “I’d like to get some lap dances” and she said “well I like to fuck.” I said “I like to do that too.”

Shailynn won with his post. That’s upfront.

A dancer once approached me, sat in my lap before I had even ordered a drink, and said, “What do you want, big boy? I do hand jobs for $40, blowjobs for $75 and full service for $125.”

I asked her if someone would give my car a lube job and rotate my tires while we were in the VIP room.

When she said. “no” I said, “OK, then, I’ll go elsewhere” and left.

Scuzziest club I ever went to!

sounds like the old Cheaters in Providence even if it wasn't...

I think it was a club in Nashville, and this was around 2005. It was a local's place about 15 miles outside of the city center. She sat down next to me and immediately gave me what on the Baltimore Block is called a Baltimore Handshake. After a few minutes of telling me what she wanted to do with me in the VIP, I asked for her prices. She told me "I don't do hand jobs, but I'll blow you for $60 and we can fuck for $100. Oh I and I need $3 for a condom."

I told her I had exactly $100 on me and she said "Well no problem, Hun. I'm out of condoms anyway...let's go!"

Here are ones I remember.

"I have been told I can suck the chrome off a tailpipe, for $80 I'll show you why I was told that," followed shortly by, "oh, and I have no gag reflex." I counter with $60 and she definitely proved it.

"No guy has ever last more than 5 songs inside me, and most don't even make it to four, do you want to see how long you'll last?" I barely made it past the third song, although part of that is the song length was not cut.

This dancer was sitting next to me and we talked a bit. Well she talked, I just sat there nodding and saying maybe one or two words every so often. It mostly her talking about all the things she does to keep herself looking good. Takes milk baths to keep her skin soft, only eats vegetables, and exercises daily to keep herself toned, and even teaches a yoga class at her local health club. And what she was really proud of, how her large all natural D cup tits and all the things she does to keep them firm tight and youthful looking. Eventually she hears her named called as stage and she says, "I am up next, I'll make you a bet, once I am naked, if I prove to you I have the best body here, and some of the most perfect natural breasts you have ever seen, you owe me a dance, just come up and tip me a five and I'll know to go back for a dance."

Well, she had guts, and she definitely had the best body there, and while not the most perfect breasts I have ever seen, they were definitely great, so I tipped her a five, and had a very great lap dance, with lots of tit to body rubbing and a lot of dirty talk on her part mostly centered around how soft and full her tits were.

I feel like this thread is leaning more towards TUSCLer humblebrags than dancer humblebrags 😝

I like when a hottie just plops in my lap and assumes I want her just because she is so fine. It's kinda cool actually and yeah I just go for it.

Most of the ones that I have heard concern how much money they made off a customer for doing so little.

"Do you have 5 $20s? I have to tip out and all I have are $100s."

My brain wouldn't have heard this as a humble brag.

My brain would have heard "Do have 5 real $20s for this counterfeit benji my boyfriend made."