MARCH 15--A pantless Florida Man was arrested yesterday after police spotted him pleasuring himself with a pickle while on a private premise, according to an arrest affidavit.
Responding to a suspicious person call around 4 PM, a cop saw Eric Detiege, 47, lying on his back in front of a townhouse in Oldsmar, a city in the Tampa Bay area.
Detiege, unencumbered by pants or underwear, had his penis in one hand and “a large uneaten pickle in his other hand.” Detiege, the cop added, was “using the pickle to penetrate his rectum while he was masturbating.”
Seen above, Detiege was arrested on a misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs charge. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $150 bond.
Detiege, whose address is listed as the Flying Cloud Mobile Home Park in Tampa, has prior convictions for theft, disorderly conduct, resisting police, and criminal mischief. Jail records note that Detiege has “Only God can judge me” tattooed on his arm.
There is no indication in court records that the pickle was seized as evidence. (1 page)
Sounds like Joe Biden found his next Secretary of Defense...