Worst Strip Club Still in Business
harrydave
New Jersey
Thanks, DougS for the previous "best of" thread. Here's the obvious opposite...What is the worst club you have ever been in (for more than 5 minutes) that is still in business, defying all rules of business logic and sensibility. And why?
My worst, by far:
Blue Moon, an all nude club in Phoenix. Let me count the ways:
1) Bad part of town, old sign, no exterior maintenance
2) Run by a couple of old geezers, so old that even Vitamin V can't get them interested in girls again
3) Dirty, decrepit interior, the plainest furniture
4) No DJ, no juke box, just a boom box near the stage
5) Girls you turn away from and feel sorry for
6) Cheapskate customers sitting at the rail, sipping water and doling out dollars at the rate of one every 15 minutes, all for some views of a little pink
7) No private dances, a couple of chairs in the corner
8) $41 to get first lap dance, including $20 for the house
9) Poor dance mileage, 'cuz it's an all nude club in Phoenix, and you can't expect much
The horror...the horror!
My worst, by far:
Blue Moon, an all nude club in Phoenix. Let me count the ways:
1) Bad part of town, old sign, no exterior maintenance
2) Run by a couple of old geezers, so old that even Vitamin V can't get them interested in girls again
3) Dirty, decrepit interior, the plainest furniture
4) No DJ, no juke box, just a boom box near the stage
5) Girls you turn away from and feel sorry for
6) Cheapskate customers sitting at the rail, sipping water and doling out dollars at the rate of one every 15 minutes, all for some views of a little pink
7) No private dances, a couple of chairs in the corner
8) $41 to get first lap dance, including $20 for the house
9) Poor dance mileage, 'cuz it's an all nude club in Phoenix, and you can't expect much
The horror...the horror!
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39 comments
I'll rate Lady Godiva's I as the worst club I have been in. I visited one time and never had a desire to return even though I've driven past it many times.
Here are some quotes from reviews:
Quotes from stillworks
There was no dancer I could rate higher than 4.
Three dancers, fat, saggy or dirty.
Quotes from Polarman
If you like them (dancers) a little overweight and kinda sleazy you'd be in heaven here.
If this is the crowd during the day I would advise anyone to come with friends at night.
Quote from Bones7599
the club appeared somewhat dirty and in need of repairs or renovation.
Reason it stays in business- I think some guys must like it sleazy.
I wondered if I visited at a bad time. Then I found TUSCL and read other reviews.
Nothing more than a clip joint aimed to part horny tourists with their money, AND they don't serve alcohol.
Little Daddy's - Kokomo, IN I've given it three chances, and each time there are very few dancers and they are nothing that I'd want to touch, even if I was totally blitzed. A lot of tats, snagly / missing teeth, heavy, old... eeeesh, no thanks!
Another club comes to mind, but I don't even remember the name. It was near the corner of Manheim and Lake St. in Chicago, near what is now Scores (at that time it was called Diamond's, if I remember right). Anyhow, the club that I can't remember the name of was within a block of Diamond's, and was a real dive (inside and out). A bevy of old, ugly women were dancing. Dances were just $5, which I had no interest in partaking of. Nasty, nasty nasty!
At no point in the last two years have I seen more than three cars in the lot at one time (the lot looks like a parking lot in Bosnia would, with craters that could do some serious damage to your car if you hit them going at any speed).
I've been in the club no less than 10 times. . . mostly to see if it really is as bad as it has been. There are usually two dancers working, the one is maybe a 6, but she also doubles as the bartender. The other is maybe a 5. The only phrase the girls know is, "do you want to buy me a drink?" which, at $8, is a tad high for the area. One might figure that the act of buying somebody a drink would come with a little conversation, which is not the case. The girl will pound the drink (or shot) and then walk away, coming back moments later to ask the only question she knows.
The dancers perform on top a small, round stage that has a pole in the middle of it. The stage can't be more than five feet across and it doesn't have stairs (which makes it awkward for the girls to get up and down from).
I have never seen a private dance done in the club (there usually is no more than one other person whenever I've gone in) and one night, I went into it intent on getting one just for the experience. I asked both dancers about dances and never got any kind of understandable response. I guess they don't do them.
If you are in the Cleveland area, stop in (no cover). It is pretty funny.
If Big Daddy's wasn't the worst, there was a place in Southington, CT (outside of Hartford) that probably was just as bad. It was down the street from my hotel so I stopped in for a few minutes. Rough biker bar with ugly girls - I think at the time (7 or 8 years ago) it was a bikini bar. They now call themselves "Club Lazelle" although I don't think it was called that at that time. TUSCL now says it is topless and one reviewer says it has been re-modeled.
lof201- It sounds as though reason for CanCan being lousy has changed over the years. A fellow hotel van rider in the mid90's told me that CCR had a bunch of fuglies and lame shows. Now it sounds like they are going down same path as 90's Tabu( located ard. Paradise&Flamingo)- eg the clip joint route. I think Tabu has gone out of business- maybe shopping center was rebuilt??
Shadowcat - great imagery, the stuff of nightmares
Tom - 10 times? You get my "hope springs eternal" award.
One other place that comes to mind was a tiny rural club (if you can call it that) in western PA that resembled a small barn, and after finally finding the unmarked entrance I went in and there was an empty room with nothing but a crude stage - no food, no bar, no people, nothing. A fat girl came out to dance and I almost left then and there but I persevered. She was followed by one of the best looking strippers I've ever seen who turned out to be a really nice girl and a great dancer in private and I had a wonderful time. Who woulda thunk it?
I forgot to mention a club in Barre, VT, Planet Rock. I think there are only a few clubs in all of VT. Now, Barre, VT is just a town in the middle of nowhere, with a deep granite quary next to the highway. The club is in a basement in a downtown building. It has all the charm of a basement rec room from 1965, and it appears to be decorated in the same way; heavy use of cheap paneling and other home handyman stuff; plus a bunch of halloween decorations, although it was January. I made a comment to one of the dancers, and she told me to keep my voice down, since the old lady behind the bar evidently moonlighted as the interior decorator. Everything about the place was hilarious. Last post on TUSCL says it is up for sale. Oh no!
I remember Dancers. I would have said Dancers, but I knew they were closed. My one experience there was awful. I got stuck with some Eastern European chick there. It was the biggest ripoff of my life.
Another awful place, especially in recent years, that I have visited is the Foxy Lady on O Street in Lincoln, NE. They always had the worst dancers of any place in Lincoln, and they don't have any type of private dancing and it would probably be air dances, anyway. But what really sucks is after Lincoln passed their anti-smoking law, they came up with the brilliant idea of having a "beer garden", which is the loop hole in the law. Only it's a covered beer garden which shouldn't meet the definition in the law, but does, somehow, the details of which escape me at the moment. Anyway, all the girls, once they are done dancing their set, go immediately to the beer garden area, which sucks if you don't smoke, and only come out to dance onstage again.
Another club in Kokomo is Diva's, only because you rarely see the "hookers"... uh um, I mean "dancers" dancing on their stage! I visit this club 'not to party or get laps', just to get a quick Tune-Up like Jiffy Lube! But, I usually get teased at Hip Hugger first.
I'd post about a gentleman's club, except I never go to them unless I've heard that they're good.
Also, most gentlemen's clubs I know of are located near airports or somewhere on the outskirts, not downtown (which, BTW, is my favorite place to go). It may be different on the east coast.
The hybrids, on the other hand, usually have the friendly atmosphere and reasonable prices of a neighborhod bar but are often bigger and feature LDs much more so than do most neighborhood bars. I'd but Brad's in that category. But those are my classificatins, others probably classify clubs differently (or not at all.)
And Chandler, I don't know of any true GCs that are located near airports, although your area may be different. Or more likely your definition of a GC may be different than mine; by my definition, there aren't very many GCs anywhere, they're not very common. Although that's what everyone thinks of when they hear "strip club." Except us of course. We know better.
Philadelphia has a couple strip clubs nearby but none of them would meet anyone's definition of a Gentlemen's Club, they're small and pretty downscale (but not bad).
BWI (Baltimore) - no strip clubs nearby.
Dulles (Washington) - the closest strip club is an hour away.
Reagan (Washington) - only one club nearby and it's a small neighborhood bar-type place.
New York - 3 major airports, no strip clubs near any of them that I know of.
Tampa - several strip clubs nearby but primarily because the airport is downtown and so are the clubs, and I wouldn't call any of them GCs, not even close.
Boston - no strip clubs nearby, no GCs anywhere in the city, or state for that matter.
Providence - no strip clubs nearby, they're mostly downtown, a good half hour away.
I guess I'd have to agree with Shadowcat.
Chandler, let me describe Gentlemn's Gold Club in Baltimore, which is the GC I'm most familiar with. From the outside it looks like an ultra-fancy restaurant and is brightly lit, you can see it from a mile away. You pull under the protico at the entrance and a parking attendant takes your car and the doorman opens the door for you. Or if you're in a downtown hotel, they will send a limo for you if you call (unlike most GCs, GGC isn't downtown.) You walk into the large reception area and there's a counter where you can purchase souvenirs (glasswear, T-shirts, photos) and expensive cigars. You then pay an admission fee and enter the club through a turnstile and metal detector. And you can go into the main club to the left or the private party room to the right. If you go into the main room, there are two large plush full bars connected by a long large stage, the entrance to the stage is a long fancy staircase leading down from the upstairs dressing room. The area between the two bars and on either side of the stage (which is more like a runway) is full of plush easy chairs and little cocktail tables, including several more private elevated areas along the walls and in the corners. There will be about 20-40 dancers there, depending on the time of day, most of whom are pretty attractive including several knockouts, and except when onstage, the dancers are all in long gowns. There's a private walled in LD area in one corner, plus 3 different large VIP rooms with different decor, different degrees of privacy and different price levels, and a fourth room for private shower shows. There's a full kitchen that's always open. There's a dj booth elevated above the larger bar. There are about 40 dancers and maybe half a dozen well-dressed bouncers, all of whom look like ex-college football players. And there are attendants in the mens' room, which is probably the cleanest and fanciest men's room I've ever seen. The whole place, inside and out, is extremely fancy and it's huge. And it's also expensive - the girl I used to hang with had a customer who gave her $1,000 every time he came in. It's the kind of place where you expect to see professional athletes hanging out. And they have regular features including the annual Miss Nude Baltimore contest, first prize $5,000. They also have a fancy van that they use to take some of the dancers to special outside events like Ravens games. And they have a fancy web site that includes lots of photos, an active message board, girls' schedules and more (http://www.gentlemensgoldclubgirls.com). That's my idea of a true gentlemen's club. And I don't know of many other places that are remotely like it.
Chandler- I'll restore some of your bubble by naming some Gentlemen Club type places near airports:
Phoenix- Christies Cabaret
Tampa- Penthouse Club, Thee Dollhouse(plus Monz & 2001, but they're not GC's
Vegas- Club Paradise, across from Hard Rock probably closest to airport, though its hard to tell where things begin & end there, with all the building they've been doing.
San Antonio- PT's- maybe not quite a true GC, but close enough.
Airports with seedy/subpar clubs(some can be seedy in a good way): San Diego, New York(JFK), Miami, Seattle. Honorable mention includes LAX, and maybe Toronto or Montreal. Also, many general aviation/secondary airports have clubs fairly close (East St. Louis).
FONDL, I find your designation of a "true gentleman's club" a little illusory. They're all wannabes as far as I'm concerned. I don't believe the Atheneum or Lyceum ever had strippers. And isn't a garish name like Gold Club considered just a bit declassé?
My idea of a GC is a place that has the atmosphere of an exclusive private club. That includes a high level of amenities (eg. a choice of different fancy VIP rooms and a full bar with good brands and a bartender who knows what she's doing - GCs sell mostly mixed drinks not beer), a very nice physical plant, and customers are treated with the utmost courtesy (I've never seen bouncers anywhere who are as courteous as those at GGC. Or dancers and bartenders either for that matter.) A GC doesn't have to be large (eg. I consider Nepals to be a GC) although most of them are. And it doesn't have to be expensive athough again most of them are - they generally need to be to pay for the plush surroundings.
I don't know of many such places anywhere, and I don't know of any that are near an airport although there probably are a few. Most of the places that consider themselves to be GCs may have fancy decor but lack the courteous private-club atmosphere. I consider such places to be GC-wannabes. And there are loads of those around. They're the places I avoid - places with GC prices but not the GC environment.