tuscl

How do you think dancers feel about rejection?

Sunday, August 12, 2007 3:42 PM
Decided to start a new topic about dancers getting rejected. I remember one dancer tried her best to get a dance from me one night. I thought it was a lousy attempt since she spent over 10 to 15 minutes just arguing with me and then started accusing me of being afraid of the strippers. I flat out told her I wasn't afraid of any stripper. The other night I noticed she still had a grudge. Skipped past me when I was sitting at the stage. I don't consider it rejection if I was having a not so great night and not spending money on dances from any dancer that night. I guess she saw it different. Last night I had an old favorite (not too old she's only around 20 or 21) ask if I would like a two for one dance. I hadn't seen her in months. I said ok and then she smiled and said good but I have to go talk to some people first. I sat down at a different table a few minutes later. Suddenly two dancers (her and another favorite) were coming at me at the same time. Unfortunately for me the other girl got there faster. I was feeling let's say a bit uninhibited at that moment. I saw my other favorite do a quick turn around after she got beat. I quickly told the dancer who sat with me I had already agreed to get a dance from another dancer (maybe I didn't say it that tactfully). Left her sitting at the table in a flash. Do you think she might be pissed off at me now too? I guess it depends on what I told her. I don't remember now.

33 comments

  • casualguy
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    17 years ago
    I did get the lap dances from the pretty 21 year old dancer. I also remember seeing the older dancer looking at her when I was going to the lap dance room with her. I didn't see the older dancer later. She's probably upset. I didn't take any time to explain since I wanted to catch the other dancer before it got too late. Oh well, I probably upset another dancer without even trying.
  • casualguy
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    17 years ago
    Lol, I'm glad I didn't tell the dancer who was in street clothes at the door too much. I thought she was a customer until she started talking to me. She says "hi (name here)", "I was just leaving, and I guess you're just arriving. Maybe I'll catch you next time." I just say yeah, ok. No problem. I didn't even know who it was. I told this to another dancer and she suggested maybe I didn't recognize her with clothes on. Might be right. More girls will have to flash me now I suppose if they want me to remember. Actually it may sound funny, but I've had some girls who weren't working as dancers flash me to get me to remember. Best answer after they do so "Oh yeah, now I remember."
  • lopaw
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    17 years ago
    You would think that most dancers must get used to rejection after having danced a while. Like in the general populace, some women are more sensitive than others, and I'm sure that the ultra-sensitive ones never really make it as dancers and soon quit. Most just shrug it off and move on to the next victim. It is all about the $$$, after all.
  • chandler
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    17 years ago
    I suppose they don't like it. They would prefer a yes, or else why would they risk asking? How much it bothers them, if at all, can run the gamut, as Lopaw describes. You can't always tell, but you shouldn't let it bother you, either, because there's no way to avoid it. All you can do is reject her offer politely but unambiguously so she knows not to waste her time on you. And try to realize than not every look she gives you afterwards (on some later night even ) is some comment on your having rejected her. Most likely, you aren't as prominent in her memory as you imagine yourself to be.
  • ThisOldManPlayed1
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    17 years ago
    Excellent topicc casualguy! I believe that MOST dancers are used to rejection, as it's just part of the game. However, I'm sure each and everyone of us has run into those few dancers that CAN'T accept rejection easily. Those dancers shouldn't be in the business, if you ask me. I've rejected my share of dancers for various reasons; too fat; too ugly; waiting for my faves; knowing their limited mileage already; odor bearing; alcholic; known for diseases; etc.
  • driver01
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    17 years ago
    Dancers are no different than anyone else in this regard. Do car salesmen feel rejected when you tell one that you'd rather deal with someone else when car shopping? Possibly but I think salesmen are thinking about the potentially lost $$ more so than any idea they have been personally rejected. As always, there are exceptions for individual cases but I tend to think that most of the girls who are experienced dancers tend to view customers like any salesperson who does cold calls. It's a numbers game. For every 5 or 10 calls made, they make one sale. Similarly, good dancers know they won't get dances from every guy, but the more of them they approach, the more dances they get-- a numbers game. I'm speaking here primarily of unknown customers. I always smile to myself when a dancer approaches me with what is obviously some good stripper lines that have worked for her in the past-- it's all about sale. As far as regular customers, things can get a little more complicated. Some girls do get possessive with their regulars. It's happened to me- but at the end of the day, I find that their anxiety is proportional to the amount of $$ they have earned from me in the past and anticipate earning in the future, more so than any sense that they have been "personally" rejected. A dancer often views HER regular as just that-- HER regular-- HER money. And when the regular decides to try someone new, drama often ensues. I know many dancers and the stripper shit that transpires in the dressing room over "regulars" usually revolves around $$ and the financial threat she faces by another dancer "hitting on" her "man"...lol--stripper shit. There is a book that needs to be written on stripper dressing room shit alone! Many of us have experiences with dancers OTC that often don't involve $$-- I'm talking above about the norms as I see them, not the exceptions. It's very easy to fall into the idea that a dancer gets "hurt emotionally" if a customer "rejects" her. The good ones know what a man wants and have learned how to play into that. Like the car salesman, they are smooth talkers and into play acting( many are also high--lol)... Always remember you are at the "theatre" and that the GEO PRISM does not ride like a Mercedes no matter what the saleman says.
  • chandler
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    17 years ago
    Some dancers play the pity card act like your rejection bothers them more than it does. I think they're especially liable to target this at customers who seem to think it's all personal.
  • ozymandias
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    17 years ago
    In my experience dancers, on the whole, don't handle rejection well. I'm very tactful declining a dance though, which helps - key thing is to allow them to save face. Usually I ask her name, mention I'm waiting on someone, then thank her for asking me and assure her "maybe later". O.
  • FONDL
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    17 years ago
    Seems to me that the rejection works both ways. I'm sure we've all had the experience of asking a girl to join us when she's onstage, she says she'll be right over, then she joins someone else. They obviously don't care how we feel when we're rejected, so why should we care about how they might feel when we say no?
  • motorhead
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    17 years ago
    My only comment on this topic is that I absolutley hate it when dancers use "rejection" as an excuse for not asking customers for dances. At clubs known for a low hustle factor, I've asked girls that I have gotten to know why so many girls don't work the room more - the standard response is "they don't like the constant rejection". That is just a bullshit excuse. It's just laziness or they really don't like the idea of dancing.
  • casualguy
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    17 years ago
    I do remember a nice looking visiting dancer simply asked to sit at my table one night. I immediately told her I didn't want any dances. I think she was wondering why everyone was being so hostile to her. She ended up sitting down next to me anyway and talking for a few minutes. The last group of guys she approached were pretty rude when she asked to join them. She said they said something like "get lost bitch, we don't want any fucking dances!" This was a nice looking dancer from Ohio just visiting a club temporarily working here in South Carolina. I guess I don't like rejection either though. What the one dancer failed to realize was that there was a real bitch of a dancer being rude and obnoxious in beating her path to anyone she cared to go to (pushing chairs into other customers she didn't care about), and then was rude when you said no to her with what you might call a snotty or stuck up attitude when she left if you said no. If I see a dancer like that coming at me, I don't expect anything good to become of it.
  • shadowcat
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    17 years ago
    Who cares? I have also been the victim of "I'll be right over or I'll be right back." There is one dancer at my favorite club that I have probably known for 3+ years. Beautiful face. A 10 from the neck up. From the neck down skinny as hell. One dancer on club chat said that she was so skinny that she would choke on a grain of rice. Because she has such a pretty face, she is always able to get dances at a higher price than I want to pay. But not from me. Last month she hit me up again and I said no thanks. She countered with "Not even 2 for $20 but no touching the kitty?" I said no again. I'll bet that she will be back again but she knows who my favorites are and that they give me high mileage. Since she has raisins for tits, she will have to give up the kitty or face more rejection from me.
  • casualguy
    •
    17 years ago
    It's your money and you aren't married to her. I do believe if you have a favorite that you rejected for some pretty young dancer, that could generate fireworks. Probably more of a money issue but dancers can be touchy too. There are many touchy dancers. What is even worse is if you can't see a dancer in the dark very well and as soon as she gets naked, you notice she's a fugly and you just want her to take the stupid dollar and let you get away. You make a mental note to stay away. Any dancer that makes you go eewww, she looks better with clothes on, makes you want to run away.
  • Clubber
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    17 years ago
    I don't try to be rude or un-kind, but I really don't care how they feel.
  • minnow
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    17 years ago
    Depends on crowd level- on crowded nights, dancer just moves on. During slower times, they don't seem to handle it well, especially if they see you getting dances with OTHER dancers, but not THEM.
  • DougS
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    17 years ago
    My ATF has never gotten used to rejection. As a result, she RARELY - if ever - asks a guy to dance. She either waits for him to ask, or she asks when she is 100% sure that the answer will be a yes. She definitely has a FEAR of rejection, which I feel is completely unfounded because she has a natural beauty, nice body, etc. She counters that argument by saying that guys turn her down because they know she isn't a "dirty" dancer. (true that) Either way, it definitely takes a girl with a lot of guts, self confidence or a lot of desperation to go around asking guys if they want a dance.
  • emmy7
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    17 years ago
    I was told the first week dancing that dancing is entertainment and sales. I am so grateful for that advice and I've never forgotten it. Sure, we are all pretty much the same with our emotions-it feels good to be liked and it feels bad to not be "liked". Unfortunately there isn't a lot of training for new dancers. Myself and my fellow dancers who are successful at this don't think of someone not wanting a dance from us as rejection. We either think 1) they are waiting for someone, 2) they don't have good taste so wouldn't appreciate a great lap dance anyway (!), or 3) they don't have any money! Really, though, I think dancers who know better realize that there are a million reasons for a guy not wanting a dance at the moment. And if I go back to my first week's lesson, it's necessary to still treat the guy like he's a great customer even if he's not going to be mine! And everyone is happy. Next!
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    17 years ago
    From my experience as long as the customer is polite and there are other fish rejection is preferable to wasting time on an uninterested customer for most dancers. How they feel about being told no dozens of times per night will probably depend on how many times they were told yes in addition to other factors mentioned. Overall though it's not like they're telemarketers being verbally abused continually for minimum wage. They make a lot of money off the customers that want them and are usualy treated politely by the ones that don't.
  • chandler
    •
    17 years ago
    Well, if you take one group of people with crappy self-esteem (strippers) and confront them with another group with crappy social skills (strip club goers), is it any wonder some feelings get hurt? (Pardon my crappy stereotyping.)
  • FONDL
    •
    17 years ago
    How do strippers feel about rejection? I assume some of them feel rejected. And I agree with Chandler.
  • FONDL
    •
    17 years ago
    But to be serious about this, put yourself in the girl's shoes (which is probably all she's wearing.) She spends an hour fixing her hair just so, choosing the sexiest outfit she can find, and otherwise prettying herself up, then goes out onstage and gets naked under spotlights. Then because he makes eye contact she flirts with some disgusting old scumbag who if he said hello to her in a normal bar she'd tell him to fuck off. Then she gets off stage and goes over and talks to him and tries to convince him that she finds him really attractive in spite of his bad breath. Then she offers to go off in private and rub her naked body all over him and let him feel her up while he has an orgasm, all for a lousy $20. And he says no he's not interested. Seems to me that's a whole 'nother level of rejection, way beyond what any normal salesman would ever encounter. I think a young girl would have to be really self confident and well adjusted or extremely hardened not to feel some hurt by that experience.
  • AbbieNormal
    •
    17 years ago
    FONDL, fair points, but I'd contend that they are exactly why she doesn't feel "rejected" by said scumbag. Does she care what some disgusting old scumbag thinks of her? She knows she is way out of his league (in most cases). He doesn't want to part with $20? Fine, next.
  • casualguy
    •
    17 years ago
    Being a customer who said no I can give a slightly different scenario than the one FONDL described more from a dancer point of view. I almost didn't even go out to any strip club. Recovering from an illness and finishing up some medicine so I couldn't relax as much by drinking anything. Just arrived at a club since I decided that would be bettere than staying home. A dancer whom I never saw before and wasn't up on stage when I got there sat beside me. From my personal experience lap dances were way overpriced at the club costing $40 with no touching what so ever allowed. I always like to watch the dancers for a while to start with anyway even on most nights. I told her no thanks. She kept going on arguing with me instead of leaving or changing the subject. From there, things went downhill.
  • casualguy
    •
    17 years ago
    By the way, arguing with a customer for 10 to 15 minutes certainly doesn't get one in the mood to get a lap dance from the girl you're arguing with. Unless you're a bit stranger than me. I was ready to walk away from her by that time since she wasn't leaving. I did that by tipping someone else. Meanwhile if she had just been nice or even a bit more seductive and left and come back later, I might have agreed. Not even getting a chance to see her on stage and she's all covered up in an evening gown doesn't let a guy get much idea of how she looks. Well I had one idea but I was nice and didn't say anything since I really hadn't seen her naked. Kind of like the way you feel about dancers sneaking up from behind you and then without even seeing them at all, they ask right in your face "wanna dance?" I'll always say no to that if I never saw them before.
  • casualguy
    •
    17 years ago
    Out of hundreds of dancers, only 2 that I remember argued with me about it longer than 10 to 15 minutes. After 10 minutes of arguing, I'm wondering where I can go to get away. That's not the reason I go to strip clubs.
  • casualguy
    •
    17 years ago
    Maybe some dancers need to learn how to seduce instead of argue.
  • FONDL
    •
    17 years ago
    I've probably said no to more girls than I've said yes to, because I rarely buy a dance unless the girl really turns me on. But I can understand why some girls take it personally, after all they're not selling some product or service like a typical sales person is, they're selling themselves, they are the product. So it would be pratty hard not to take it personally. I agree that they should learn to be polite about it, but let's face it, a lot of these girls don't have much in the way of people skills. I once ended up being a regular of a girl who I turned down the first time she apporached me. It pays to be polite.
  • chandler
    •
    17 years ago
    I'd guess I've said no to at least 5 girls for every one I've said yes to. Even that would be a ratio a dancer could make a killing from and never suffer from rejection blues unless she was the type who was determined to take it personally. Alas, many are that type.
  • chandler
    •
    17 years ago
    >She spends an hour fixing her hair just so, choosing the sexiest outfit she can find, and otherwise prettying herself up, then goes out onstage and gets naked under spotlights. Then because he makes eye contact she flirts with some disgusting old scumbag who if he said hello to her in a normal bar she'd tell him to fuck off. Then she gets off stage and goes over and talks to him and tries to convince him that she finds him really attractive in spite of his bad breath. Then she offers to go off in private and rub her naked body all over him and let him feel her up while he has an orgasm, all for a lousy $20. And he says no he's not interested.< I might be a little late with this, but I've got to comment here......are strip clubs a great concept, or what?
  • FONDL
    •
    17 years ago
    Chandler, yes they are. Even if you're a dirty old scumbag. Especially if you're a dirty old scumbag.
  • David9999
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    17 years ago
    Many actually get a bit upset because its intrepreted (rightly or wrongly) as yes or not vote on primarily their appearance - when often times the guy is either just broke or a cheapskate. More american girls also seemed bothered by this, than for example Brazilian dancers - who often times spent childhoods in Brazilian slums or near slums - and see these chances as only opportunities. Note very pretty girls who get turned down alot also seem to even take it harder. An attractive girl that actually can handle lots of rejection in this business - will tend to make lots of money
  • FONDL
    •
    17 years ago
    Handling rejection - in this or any other business - is a learned skill, the good ones learn how to handle it, the bad ones don't. But I think the lesson is harder to learn in this business because (a) these are young immature girls or at least they start out that way, (b) they often don't have a high level of self-esteem or a lot of self-confidence, (c) at least when they start out they aren't used to being with older men and are often somewhat intimidated, and (d) as I said earlier, they are selling themselves, especially their appearance, not some product, so it's harder not to take it personally. All of that works to our advantage, it gives the customer the upper hand.
  • FONDL
    •
    17 years ago
    I also think a lot of dancers have been rejected by their family since they were born. They've come to expect it.
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