Apparently It's Not A Two Way Street?
I've gotten to really like my CF but perhaps I've been seeing her too much. We hit it off really well but now it seems like the flame is going out.
On my last visit she wasn't as chatty as usual but then again now that I think about she's never quite kept the conversation going for an extended amount of time. She's told me that "she can't sit for a long time because the manager will get mad if she doesn't actively seek out dances". The last visit was no exception and on my last she appeared even less engaged. Perhaps she's having an off day? I gave her the benefit of the doubt but then she spends 45 minutes chatting it up with two other different customers.
I'm well aware of SS and that's fine, I really hoped that I could keep her as my CF for a long time because without going into details I can tell she has a good heart but if it's not working out anymore, then we can do like Journey and go our separate ways.
That being said I've done everything possible to be respectful of her, of her boundaries, and if she wants to give other customers more attention so be it, she is not obligated to give me what she doesn't feel like giving, I understand and respect that.
Here is where it gets interesting though. Instead of sitting in the corner like pissed pouty creep, I chose to make the best of my time at the club. While she did her thing I started to do mine and chatted with other dancers. Had a really good conversation with them and it seemingly flowed well. My CF wears her heart out on her sleeve, so when she saw she instantly became upset. You can call it jealously or competitiveness but the fact is that she was visibly mad because I was having joyous time with another dancer. When it was time for my CF to go up on stage I continued my giving my undivided attention to the dancer. In the past I've excused myself from other dancers so that I can tip my CF on stage, not this time. This was also upsetting to my CF, perhaps she was in shock? Perhaps I've been to nice to her that she didn't see this being possible? I had my budget allocated for her, but since her level of service has decreased dramatically since the first time I saw her, I decided to defund her..lol....What was supposed to be money for her, I spent on other dancers....Oh well her loss...
When she went back on stage for a second time later on in the night I did not tip her at all once again. Why should I? Just as she isn't obligated to do what she doesn't want to, I am not obligated to be generous either. When she finished her dance set on stage, she finally came up to me and looked hurt...Not an act but genuinely hurt. She tried to hide it but she really needs to work on her poker face. She made a few sarcastic remarks congruent to someone who is hurt.....
Why is this????? What is it with this "exclusivity" BS??? It's evident that I'm nobody special so why should she be anyone special?? The message was clear I'm just another easily replaceable guy but likewise she's just another dancer WHO IS ALSO EASILY REPLACEABLE. I just don't understand why this bothered her so much....I thought that guy who sees different dancers at a club is actually healthy.......
She will likely be my last CF because I rather not deal with bullshit like this. Anyone ever gone through this?
On my last visit she wasn't as chatty as usual but then again now that I think about she's never quite kept the conversation going for an extended amount of time. She's told me that "she can't sit for a long time because the manager will get mad if she doesn't actively seek out dances". The last visit was no exception and on my last she appeared even less engaged. Perhaps she's having an off day? I gave her the benefit of the doubt but then she spends 45 minutes chatting it up with two other different customers.
I'm well aware of SS and that's fine, I really hoped that I could keep her as my CF for a long time because without going into details I can tell she has a good heart but if it's not working out anymore, then we can do like Journey and go our separate ways.
That being said I've done everything possible to be respectful of her, of her boundaries, and if she wants to give other customers more attention so be it, she is not obligated to give me what she doesn't feel like giving, I understand and respect that.
Here is where it gets interesting though. Instead of sitting in the corner like pissed pouty creep, I chose to make the best of my time at the club. While she did her thing I started to do mine and chatted with other dancers. Had a really good conversation with them and it seemingly flowed well. My CF wears her heart out on her sleeve, so when she saw she instantly became upset. You can call it jealously or competitiveness but the fact is that she was visibly mad because I was having joyous time with another dancer. When it was time for my CF to go up on stage I continued my giving my undivided attention to the dancer. In the past I've excused myself from other dancers so that I can tip my CF on stage, not this time. This was also upsetting to my CF, perhaps she was in shock? Perhaps I've been to nice to her that she didn't see this being possible? I had my budget allocated for her, but since her level of service has decreased dramatically since the first time I saw her, I decided to defund her..lol....What was supposed to be money for her, I spent on other dancers....Oh well her loss...
When she went back on stage for a second time later on in the night I did not tip her at all once again. Why should I? Just as she isn't obligated to do what she doesn't want to, I am not obligated to be generous either. When she finished her dance set on stage, she finally came up to me and looked hurt...Not an act but genuinely hurt. She tried to hide it but she really needs to work on her poker face. She made a few sarcastic remarks congruent to someone who is hurt.....
Why is this????? What is it with this "exclusivity" BS??? It's evident that I'm nobody special so why should she be anyone special?? The message was clear I'm just another easily replaceable guy but likewise she's just another dancer WHO IS ALSO EASILY REPLACEABLE. I just don't understand why this bothered her so much....I thought that guy who sees different dancers at a club is actually healthy.......
She will likely be my last CF because I rather not deal with bullshit like this. Anyone ever gone through this?
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27 comments
Every guy on this site it’s called the cost of tuition
Your relationship with your CF has run its course.
It is the end of the infatuation period, you really get to know her , and she gets to know you.
Some relationships don't survive this period and “break up”.
Most here have “gone through this”.
Find a new Favorite and enjoy the process.
It's like this, stripper likes to talk to you, but doesn't want to talk to you all night. She has to wonder the room to make money too, but the minute you tip another girl (with her money, at least in her mind) then you're in trouble.
Not all strippers are like this, but a lot of them are.
If you want a glimpse into the thoughts of most strippers, check out stripperweb.com
Grow some balls. A CF is NOT a girl friend.
She is a stripper, you are a PL. That's it. You may prefer her over other strippers and she may (appear to) prefer you over other PL's, but that doesn't change either of your objectives. You want hot chicks rubbing your junk and paying adoring attention to you. She wants MONEY, hopefully without having to deal with assholes.
Nothing in your description of her behavior is out of alignment with her objective. When she dropped her level of (fake) devotion to you, it's because your behavior has shown her you are officially "her bitch." So she checks in and says nice things to you, then hustles off to get 'mo money' from other PL's knowing she can drain your wallet when the club slows down. If you go to a steak house, you don't expect your wait person to sit at your table and watch you eat, do you? No difference here.
You were absolutely correct to start spending time and money on other strippers. But when she tried to guilt you for it a better response by you would been "You were too busy for me so I moved on to that hottie over there. It's cool. You gotta make your night. So I'll go hang out with Candy/Tiffany/Aja/Diamond/etc. and maybe I'll have time for a dance with you later... if I still have any cash."
She will get the message. And while she's chewing on that and trying to figure out how to put you back in the "chump" zone, you'll be getting dances (and more?) from other strippers and spending "her" budgeted dollars on YOUR enjoyment.
LOL - one of the best PL/dancer analogies I've read 😝
CJKent - That's unfortunate because It took real liking to her
Shallyn - Yeah once they start seeing the cash flowing elsewhere all of a sudden it's an "issue"
Wallanon - She needs to learn that it doesn't work that way or she'll defunded even further...lol
Wlnex - Our connection seemed sincere. She NEVER asked for tips like ever despite always putting her best foot forward in the past. Im not an asshole so I would still tip her generously but it seems that made her take me for me granted. Either way I have nothing bad to say about her. She's a very sweet girl and a wonderful human being. I don't hold any grudges against her it what it is. I find her behavior peculiar and juvenile but not with malice.
Herbtcat - That's my point she's not my gf so there shouldn't be any expectations of exclusivity from EITHER side. She's never been about money. She's NEVER asked me for a tip and I could tip her $1 or I could tip her $1,000 or anything in between and it wouldn't make a difference. She was always cool with, without, small tip, or big tip (pun not intended) and that's peculiar because it's a stripper's M.O. I appreciate your advice and agree that perhaps I was too nice to her and now she's begun to take me for granted and placed me in bad position (how she now perceives me). I don't agree with the steakhouse analogy though. To me strip clubs are more like high end residential complexes rather than steakhouses. High end residential complexes are staffed by concierge. As individuals each concierge has a different personality. So are more likable than others by the residents but all it really takes is to roll out the red carpet. The red carpet is the name of the game. Treat every single resident as if THEY are the most important person in the entire world. Of course if a resident is a disrespectful and tight waded asshole, that may not prove to be possible....BUT when a resident is polite (and this is the vast majority) and takes care of concierge really well ($$$$ tips) it is concierge's responsibility to maintain that level of satisfaction. Such professionalism literally pays off very well. Wealthy residents tend to remember even the smallest gestures by residential staff and WILL compensate them very well......As a result, concierge goes above and beyond for the most generous residents because they don't want to risk their tips. I feel the same concept for SCs but perhaps that's just too much logic for a dancer to fathom.
Want to know how to tell if a stripper is really into you?
She will want to be with/around you in situations that don't involve money. Both in the club and out of the club. I've had it happen a few times. But far more times I have been with someone who is pleasant as long as there is money in it for them.
Has she ever come up to you in the club and told you she was leaving work early and asked you to met her at a (non-strip) bar?
Discount everything you hear in the club. It's called "stripper shit" for a reason.
If you "think she has a good heart," and "she's never been about money," you're seeing your relationship as something other than customer and service provider. If she's "in shock" that you don't drop everything to be with her, if she's getting sarcastic and hurt that you're paying others, it's because she thought she was "exclusive" with you as her ATM.
Not only are you not anything more than a customer to her, but you never were. Don't take it personally; get up, dust yourself off, and find a new dancer or club.
Heck, that's all the more reason I don't do CFs/ATFs. In fact, if a girl thinks I'm her sure thing, I'll go out of my way to "spread the wealth." I won't be a spiteful jerk about it, I'll treat her just as warmly the next time I see her. And we all understand one another.
Bavarian....That's what I'm saying why would she fuck up something good? The age gap is 10 years.
Tetradon.....And perhaps it would've been that way had she not started acting the way she did. Overall I still feel like she's a magnificent person without a doubt...Her reaction also bothers me because it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel guilty because I realize that she's at her job. I don't intend to anchor her for her entire shift, I don't want her get that impression, and I don't want her job to become stressful....She has uniquely sunny disposition which most people don't have, she radiates positive energy, but somewhere along her life I get the impression that something went seriously wrong. I feel like there's perhaps a sad past and maybe dancing was her escape. So I'm dealing with feelings of a lot of guilt because it wasn't my intention to upset her. I wasn't trying to get a reaction out of her but apparently I got one and I honestly feel really bad about it.......But what was I supposed to do? When I started talking to other dances I just wanted to socialize. There's nothing else to do but just sit there and you can't even be on your phone. She was busy working and I totally get it but I was also there to enjoy myself....I wish she would realize that.
Only you should have ended it with a period instead of a question mark.
You fell in love with a stripper. She only liked your wallet.
Get over it.
Reading this thread makes me feel a strong sense of empathy for women working as strippers.
She’s just trying to earn a living
Get over it.
“Her reaction also bothers me because it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel guilty”
“She has uniquely sunny disposition which most people don't have”
“she radiates positive energy,”
“but somewhere along her life I get the impression that something went seriously wrong. I feel like there's perhaps a sad past”
“I honestly feel really bad about it”
You are a customer. Not her friend. Not her favorite. Definitely not her knight in shining armor. Want emotional intimacy, date a non-professional.
You. Are. A. Customer.
If you're looking for real connection, look elsewhere, it's all fantasy. She doesn't ask for dances but yet you still tip her generously... think on it, it's transactional albeit informal. Quick test, don't tip as much, see how she responds.
NAAAASTY
Your instincts to move on were right but the anguish over her feelings isn't right under current conditions. You can still be nice to her but I wouldn't get too concerned about her feeling at this point.
It's simple. She was counting on you as a regular worth $x and became disappointed when you withheld your money. Maybe she did take it a little personally too since what she is selling is herself, which could have tinged her responses to you. Because this is a job for her but not for you, she might not completely see the two way street angle to it that you do.
Now that is not to say that she has become attached to you as a person, lol. It's of course about your money, but many of these girls sometimes view a customer's money and "loyalty" as a confirmation of their self worth. The reaction that comes about when a regular switches gears can look similar to that which happens when a girl had her feelings hurt for relationship reasons, which is why so many PL's easily confuse one for the other.
And sure, sometimes she may use you as a port in the storm on a slow night or when she just doesn't want to deal with assholes. Some managers bitch at girls who hide out in the DR too long, so they instead find a safe customer to sit with. Don't read too much into that either - it just means that she finds you to be non-threatening.
As many others have said, all you can do in these situations is move on and weather whatever hurt feelings come your way. She'll adjust soon enough.
and tetradon says it well. YOU. ARE. A. CUSTOMER.
Ad far as feelings go. If you only see her as a customer then that's all you are.