Guy Allows Wife / GF / SO to Strip.... WTF?!
DougS
Florida
Call me old fashioned, traditional, or just too damned jealous (which is probably the truth), but there is NO way in hell that I'd allow my SO to strip. I could NOT handle the thought of her rubbing herself all over other guys (and maybe even enjoying doing so).
My ATF is married (to a real, undeserving doofus, if you ask me). The story is, he makes so little money that she is "forced" (not by him, but by the situation) to strip. I've told her countless times that if she were with me, she would never have to dance again. (seems like that would be very inviting, but maybe she will come around sometime)
Personally, even though I know I have no claim to her, it bothers the hell out of ME knowing that she's dancing. She knows how I feel and can somewhat understand, so she never talks about any of her other customers, and very little about the club. When we were still ITCing, she was very good about not talking to ANY other guys while I was there, and kept herself "exclusive" to me while I was there.
I know there is at least one poster on this board that is married to an ex-dancer, whom I THINK was dancing before they married. I'm just trying to understand how a guy can handle the jealousies involved. I know someone will say "sure she plays with guys at the club, but she comes home to me", but that wouldn't set MY mind to ease.
Any dancers care to comment? I know a few dancers on the board are and/or were married while dancing. How does your SO handle it?
My ATF is married (to a real, undeserving doofus, if you ask me). The story is, he makes so little money that she is "forced" (not by him, but by the situation) to strip. I've told her countless times that if she were with me, she would never have to dance again. (seems like that would be very inviting, but maybe she will come around sometime)
Personally, even though I know I have no claim to her, it bothers the hell out of ME knowing that she's dancing. She knows how I feel and can somewhat understand, so she never talks about any of her other customers, and very little about the club. When we were still ITCing, she was very good about not talking to ANY other guys while I was there, and kept herself "exclusive" to me while I was there.
I know there is at least one poster on this board that is married to an ex-dancer, whom I THINK was dancing before they married. I'm just trying to understand how a guy can handle the jealousies involved. I know someone will say "sure she plays with guys at the club, but she comes home to me", but that wouldn't set MY mind to ease.
Any dancers care to comment? I know a few dancers on the board are and/or were married while dancing. How does your SO handle it?
Got something to say?
Start your own discussion
34 comments
I am an entertainer and I have a BF. I actually met my current BF in the club where I am currently employed. It started out as him and his friends hanging out with me there, and then we started dating casually outside of the club. Over time our feelings grew and he realized that I was a good girl. One I think a man, or any person, should realize that where you work, or your job, does not dictate who you are as a person. Two, he has to trust that the woman he is with is a "stand-up" gal. An honest woman is an honest woman, and a skank is a skank no matter where she works. For all any guy knows, their darling wife, or GF, could be sleeping with her boss @ her nice office job just to get a raise (now there's something to think about). I think a man has to be one whom is content with himself, which makes him not so envious. My BF has no problem with me continuing to work there nor has he every pressured me to stop. He makes good $$ @ his job so he doesnt need my $$. He still hangs out in there with his friends while I'm working. We have a great relationship because my job it is what it is; just work. And that doesnt or hasnt changed the fact that we get along like best friends, we hang out in other strip clubs together, we are both silly as all hell, care about each other, and we both know where each others head and heart are.
My former ATF was married and had 2 kids. She described her husband as laid back. When ever I was in the club, she stuck by me. Some times another of her regulars would come in and want to get a dance from her. She always asked me if that was OK. I always said yes. Then I could spend some brief time with my other favorites. Bones was a party to this conversation with her. I wanted to get a dance from another dancer and I asked her if it was alright. She said "Of course. you don't have to ask me." I said "Well you always ask me before doing a dance for another customer." She said "That is out of respect for you." Later Bones asked me if it was alright to get a dance from my ATF. I said "of course. YOu don't have to ask me."
My former ATF is now in the process of getting divorced. Caught him cheating on her with a much younger non stripper and using her money to do it. He kicked her out of the house that they were living in (owned by his parents). She then began staying in hotels. 6 months ago she hooked up with some guy and moved in with him. He wouldn't let her continue dancing. 2 months ago, another dancer who keeps in contact with her, told me that she was unhappy with the guy and wanted to come back dancing but she had to figure a way out of the relationship first. Impossible for her to save up any money because he controls the purse.
I once asked her if she was giving me special dances, She said yes. Only one other customer got the same treatment. I said "Donny?" "No, it was a long time ago and the he does not come into the club anymore. Bones commented to me after getting several lap dances from her, that they were good but that he knew that I was getting better ones. No jealousy.
Meanwhile life goes on. My#1 favorite (not ATF) is filling her shoes nicely. Always asks me if it is OK for her to do a dance for another customer and I always say sure. Last month I met a dancer new to the club but didn't get a chance to get any dances from her. Next day, I mentioned this to #1 favorite. When she got off stage, she came back to here I was sitting and had the newbie in tow. What a cute little spinner. We talked for awhile and they talked about the difference in their tit sizes. They both had them exposed. I got 4 lap dances from the newbie and she made it onto my favorites list. Later #1 asked me how was it. "very good" I replied. No jealousy here. If nothing changes between now and OCT 26th, I will asked her to be the hostess with the mostest for our group. Does that sound good to you, Bones?
However, as far as a 'girlfriend', I believe I could learn to deal with that situation better. If the g/f fell in love with a customer or fellow emplyee (guy or gal), then that would be her choice and my loss, but what the fuck, no legal binding shit to get involved with. Besides, maybe the ole g/f would bring me home some pussy if she were bi!
Thanks for your response... You pretty much summed up my thoughts about jealousy/trust, etc. It's kind of a weird scenario that I find myself in. I believe that Miss ATF's husband trusts her (otherwise he wouldn't allow her to be working in a club, right), and >>I<< trust her, too. At the same time, I am interested in pursuing our "relationship", but if anything happens, that means that she's broken her husband's trust, and knowing that, perhaps she is less trustworthy in MY mind, too. Of course it's a two-way street, in that my ATF knows I'm interested, and willing, which means she knows that I'm up for breaking my wife's trust, which again implies that >>I'M<< not trustworthy, right? Maybe that's part of her apprehension... Very early on, when discussing our partners, my ATF asked me to do two things... 1) go home and buy my wife flowers, and 2) NEVER f^ck a woman other than my wife. Stange, huh?
Comments to the above are welcomed... also, you said something that raised a few interesting thoughts. You said that you actually met your BF in a SC. Pardon me for being nosy, but were you apprehensive to dating a customer, or did he never buy dances from you? I've read that if a guy is interested in dating a dancer, the worst mistake he can make is to buy dances from her. Once he does, she will always see him as a customer, rather than a romantic possibility. Any truth to that?
Actually yes I was apprehensive. Never before had I mixed business with pleasure in the form of a relationship or anything else. Yet, as stated before, he would just come in and hang out with me while I was working. Actually I think the fact that he would come in and we would just chill out, laugh, and have a few drinks is what drew me to him. He never really pushed the issue, as far has having my phone number, or going on a date. He didnt come across as the typical guy trying to pick up a girl, or dancer, like most I've come into contact with. The irony of it all is, through our many conversations, we discovered that we grew up in the same part of town, had previously hung out in the same places, knew a lot of the same people, and had alot in common, as far as our personalities and views on life, but never crossed paths before (seems like something out of a movie, right?). Yes, there were a few dances here and there, but a good person is a good person. So by the time he asked me out, which was a lunch break from work (4 him), I took a chance and it's been almost 2 yrs now.
Hmm. It never really seems to work out that way.
Perhaps I haven't read the thread well enough, but . . . I think generally being a "good person" qualifies you for being a woman's girlfriend more than a love interest. My bud's stripper/prostitute girl friend was in love with him because he met her requirements 1) Very Tall 2) Very Powerful 3) Extremely Aggressive----enough to get himself locked up, if the police were in a bad mood or followed the law. Her interest in nice wealthy guys was near zero as far as a romantic relationship. Sex not a big deal at all in her mind, but she'd rather you find a real girlfriend instead of trying to buy her. No big deal that her boyfriend sleeps around and takes all her money. You want her as your woman? It ain't that hard if you meet her physical requirements. Just act like a total thug and pound her current boyfriend into the ground, but remember he isn't exactly an easy mark and loves spilt blood especially if it ain't his and he did the spilling.
Does she know this is brain dead? Yes, but she feels she doesn't have much choice in what attracts her and gets her wet. She had plenty of chances to move in with a wealthy guy and probably be treated like a queen. Money was actually a pretty low priority for her except to keep her boyfriend from roughing her up.
BTW, I thought she was a real sweetie--just her taste in men was warped.
Second, it kept her in shape, she liked the way her body looked when she was dancing, and it was like joining the gym and getting paid to do it.
Third, I never minded it since it was a compliment of sorts that she was in the position she was. She always came home to me, and was never a "nasty" dancer. You might be asking yourself, how I knew that......well I had people known to me, but not to her who went into the club(s) and witnessed this firsthand. She now knows that and was not upset and was in fact flattered that I cared about her safety and well being in a round about sort of way.
That sums it up for me. Do you want to be in a relationship where you feel you have to spy on your SO? No thanks. I understand it's her job, and she has to make a living, it's just not a situation for which I could make the necessary commitment. A casual romance-level commitment, maybe, but not anything serious. Say all you want about it depending on the couple, some jobs and situations are just asking for trouble. Remaining faithful takes more than good intentions. It calls for both parties to avoid situations where common sense tells you you're greatly increasing the chance of getting intimately involved with another. So, for example, I would expect an SO to sacrifice going on dates with other men. Likewise, I would quit going to strip clubs by myself and hanging out in singles bars. Private eyes or not.
The kind of jealousy you describe I think depends a lot more on the couple and each partner's attitude. Some guys aren't bothered by it, some go crazy over thoughts that have no foundation in reality. I'm like you in that it would bother me a lot with an SO who was a stripper. And I wouldn't be as sure as you of her refraining from dancing nasty or falling prey to other temptations on the job. Again, even good people are fallible in the wrong situations. However, I definitely wouldn't let any of this bother me with an ATF. Are you kidding? Of course she's being nasty with other customers. She wouldn't be my fave if she weren't.
But I probably wouldn't be like that. I'm not sure it would be JEALOUSY exactly that would get to me. I don't really think I "own" any partner to the extent that I don't want other guys to look at her naked at all. In fact, I might even be PROUD (kind of another sin!) of the fact that she could command that kind of attention but then *I* got to take her home! More likely it would be distrust. If she's stripping for all those guys, then how many is she giving handjobs to? How many is she spending a half-hour OTC servicing? I don't think I would handle very well the close associations between prostitution and stripping. I know what can go on at a strip club -- I've been the recipient of many of those services! And I wouldn't want to be intimately involved with someone doing those things, because then I'd be getting those diseases, taking those risks, and likely also trying to be intimate with someone who was slipping down the slippery slope toward other vices.
Of course, none of that is necessarily true about a stripper, or even about a girl turning tricks. But it would run through my head over and over and over ...
When we (my boyfriend and I) met, he was made quite aware of my job; had he a problem with it, he could've chose not to pursue me. Clearly, seeing as we're together, and I continue to dance, he has no major qualms with my work.
Now, if a situation were to arise, and he expected me to quit, he'd be more than welcome to show himself the door after I kindly explained to him that I already have a father.
I think perhaps my choice of words didn't correctly portray the gist of what I was trying to say. When I said I wouldn't allow my wife to dance, I didn't intend it to sound so male chauvinistic. The whole premise to the discussion topic was trying to understand how a guy could put his SO (wife in this case) into a situation where she felt forced to dance. My ATF MUST dance because her husband doesn't make enough money to support the family. She doesn't like dancing, nor does she want to dance. I just don't understand how he could permit that situation to occur.
I believe this situation is different than a dancer that wants and likes to dance. If my SO loved her job dancing, I would not ask that she quit. I'm not saying that it wouldn't bother me, though I would hope that she would choose to quit in order to respect my feelings, just as I would stop doing something that I knew my SO didn't like me doing.
As for your other point... Yes, in an ideal situation, your SO would choose to quit in order to respect your feelings. However, quitting isn't always a feasible option. In my situation, for example, both my boyfriend and I completed our undergrad work within the arena of liberal arts. Until he or I (or both of us) complete our grad work, I have two options: strip or find some low-paying job and live paycheck to paycheck. I recognize, mostly because there are no children involved, that I DO have a choice and I COULD choose not to dance. However, as much as I would like to call it quits, I'd much prefer NOT to live with the overwhelming stress that accompanies just barely making end's meet. My boyfriend understands this, and out of respect for my sanity, never brings up the issue of my retirement.
But then again, I just don't think my job irks him as much as it might some other guys. I think it comes down to us having a great deal of trust and communication in our relationship, and the recognition on both our parts that my job is simply that: a job.
I thought I had some inhibitions against getting a lap dance from a married dancer as well but one dancer asked me the other night right after I just finished a few drinks and then before I know it, I'm getting a lap dance. Seemed weird that she told me she was married and then added that her husband was ok with it. I think she wanted me to remember her. I'm not even sure why she told me she was married. Another weird night.
Actually some dancers prefer that their SO don't work outside the home because it doesn't make any sense. Although I do believe in the stereotype of the worthless boyfriend, there are boyfriends who treat their girlfriends very well. And, the relationships appear to be a win/win. Like one dancer pointed out to me, she isn't looking at the dollar every 3 seconds. Yes, bills need to be paid but to her money was not a high priority. The way she treated me, money definitely wasn't at the top of her list. She told me she'd been with her boyfriend for almost 3 years. The first year she insisted he that he work even if he made peanuts. Later she decided it would nicer if he was willing to take care of the home and other traditional female roles. She thinks he makes a better househusband, then she would make a housewife and says he does a very good job and that there is a lot less stress on the home front. She hates cooking and cleaning while he thinks doing those chores is NO problem at all.