Both men and women have hormones to deal with. Unfortunately, the burdens of managing hormones fall unequally on the two genders. From the onset of puberty until old ripe age, men live under constant pressure to restrain their hormonal urges. Meanwhile, women are free to use their hormones as a “get out of jail free card.”
It just isn’t fair. A woman’s monthly hormonal hurricane is regarded as a perfectly viable explanation for why she is in a wretched, bitchy mood for up to 10 days every month or for her recurring urge to rearrange all the furniture in the house.
We all recognize the symptoms. Not only is she in a bitchy mood, but there will be no canoodling for a week AND you have to help her rearrange the furniture all weekend!
And it doesn’t stop there. Women sometimes literally get away with murder because of mental stresses induced by wild hormonal swings.
Men have hormones too! But the rules that apply to men are very different. Unlike women, men are routinely held accountable for their hormonally motivated misconduct. Like it or not, men’s hormones do not cause us to write symphonies, find cures for cancer or do rocket science. Neither do our male hormones transform us into crusaders for world peace.
When it’s all said and done, male hormones just make us fuck and fight too much.
Try explaining to your wife (while she is stuffing the suitcases and your the kids into the car as she prepares to drive out of your life just because she caught you fucking the nanny ... again) that it wasn’t your fault. You were just suffering from a hormonal surge probably induced by an excess of liver and other red meats in your diet.
Next time some guy tries to hit on your wife (or the nanny) and you end up being arrested for bashing his head in with a pipe wrench, try the “sorry, judge, ... it was just my hormones” defense and let me know how that works out for you.
It’s painfully obvious that male hormones are the cause of the most common forms of male misconduct. It’s also clear to me that frequent desplooginations can be an effective way of managing hormonally induced male urges that can lead to socially inappropriate fucking and fighting.
I don’t know about you, but I always feel a lot more mellow and relaxed when I wake up after a good, thorough despoogination!
It’s time for the medical community to acknowledge that men also have hormones to deal with! Maybe the “Male - Me Too!” movement will finally catch on. Maybe some day Medicare or other widely available commercial medical insurance plans will cover twice-weekly desplooginations at the strip club!
I can hardly wait to see Tom Selleck on TV talking about the desplooginaiton coverage plan offered by the Humana Medicare Advantage Program!
Seriously dude? After living with women almost all of my adult life, including two marriages and two other live-in relationships, I can tell you without a second of hesitation that being a man is much better.
Would you like to have monthly periods, or carry and deliver babies for 9+ months, or breastfeed each kid for 12-18 months, or have to wait in lines to take a piss, or go through multi-year menopause, or...[I'm sure there's other shit I'm not thinking about]?
I know this thread was tongue-in-cheek, but even so the notion that we are somehow disadvantaged is so over-the-top that I can't get there on the humor. It is very good to be a man and it doesn't take more than a little discretion to work out some of that stuff without losing your wife or your freedom.