Things You'll Never Hear a Stripper Say

"Do you mind if I smoke?"

(Just kidding....there are actually a FEW dancers that say that.)

Insead of you buying a bunch of dances from me. Why don't you let me treat you. I'll buy you a bunch of dancers with Margo. She is the sexiest and nastiest bitch working here. Then you can go home, wipe your dick off, have a nightcap, and get a great nights sleep. Then come back tomorrow. I'll buy you some drinks while you tell me about how good she was.

I've heard "do you mind if I smoke?" a lot.

How about "this dance is free." ? I heard that one recently but that doesn't happen very often with most dancers.

"That song was too short, I'm not counting it." Well, I've heard a few dancers tell me this but most don't.

"You should be dancing for me."

"I can't wait for this song and dance to be over with."

How about "I'll pay you if you let me dance for you."

"Dude, I'm making so much money. I can't complain."

"Buy me an overpriced drink? No way!"

"let me go and pay my tip out and then I'll get us a room at the hotel down the street. Then we can really have some fun."

"Just for you? Are you kidding? I do this for any guy with a twenty."

"Sweetie, you smell really bad. Ever hear of soap?"

"There's not enough money in the world to make me do that."

"Well, you know what Nietzsche said about that..."

"Actually, I do my best lap dances when I have a bad case of crabs- it really feels good by the end of the night after the little buggers have jumped off goin for fresh meat"

"NO-NO!!- I'll pay the goon at the VIP door"

"Anytime you're up for a free booty call here's my number..."

Almost got this one- "Would you like breakfast in bed before or after 10am?"

"Maybe if I smash your face between my boobs long enough, the hormones might come back to your head and make your hair grow up there again..." (the perfect woman)

"Just a minute- Let me get my foxy big breasted friend to bury your face into her chest while I grind on you - two for the price of one- how about that?" (I can dream, can't I?"

"Would you feel my tits and tell me if they feel okay to you? (actually happened after I hadn't seen an ATF in a long while and she had a boob job. She was serious!)

"Is this gift for me? You remembered my birthday! If you take me home tonight, we could play some headboard hockey! This is gonna be my best birthday yet!"

"After I get you drunk, I'm gonna give you back all of your money, and then make you snuggle up with me in my bed for the rest of the night"

"Have you ever had three girls dance for you? Well you are now, because you remembered my birthday, and now it's your birthday- paybacks don't have to be a bitch"

"My car isn't working very well- would you follow me, and when we get to my place, drive me home?"

"I love all of the girls I work with- we never have our outfits stolen, there are no drama queens, no one ever complains, and we are all the best of buddies"

"None of the dancers here smoke"

Dancer refusing rejection.

Dancer after the wanna dance question. Customer "no thanks"

Dancer "well, how about if I dance for free? You don't have to pay me anything. I just want to dance for you." Customer "no thanks"

Dancer "Ok, how about I just take you home with me. Then I can give you a wild night of fun."

1. Does my ass make these jeans look fat?
2. Do you want me to swallow?
3. I'm only here for the money.
4. Management really takes care of us girls.
5. All of us dancers get along just fine.

"My dances come with a money back guarantee if you're not satisfied."

"You don't have to pay me; I didn't perform to your expectations."

"Does my breath smell?"

"Does my perfume bother you?"

"Where precisely do you want me to rub?"

Does my glitter bother you?

How do I smell down there?

I'll give you free lap dances if you go out with me.

I don't do lap dances, you'll have to get either a blowjob or sex and I'm not taking no for an answer.

Here's your change...

Let me tip you.

Here's a new one for me that I had not heard before. customer asking dancer "You mind if I tip her?" (a dancer on stage) dancer "Yes" Then she grabs my hand and leads me off to the dance room.

I have a boyfriend (if she's smart)

"Keep your money, honey, I make more than you do."

"Do I like my job? Get real! It's a living hell, but I'm too lazy to do real work."