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She Didn’t Exactly Say She Wanted to Fuck

reverendhornibastard

Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy

We are visiting the village nestled among the picturesque terraced rice paddies of East Java where my wife grew up. The only thing that separates this sleepy little village from the middle of fucking nowhere is two miles of very bad road.

Almost no one in the village has indoor plumbing. If you take an early morning stroll along the river that passes through the village you will see most of the neighbors bathing in the river.

I discovered this early morning bathing ritual years ago and now avoid walking along the river early in the morning so the locals can have some privacy away from the prying eyes of this ugly American.

Yesterday as I took a LATE morning walk along the river I unexpectedly encountered a young woman who I will call “Yuni” (not her real name). Yuni, a close friend of my wife, was butt naked, bathing in the river.

So you can fully appreciate the scene I should add that Yuni is a true hottie (~880 mh) and that the “river” is really more like a creek. It is barely knee-deep.

I was stuck!

The only sensible path to my destination was along the river. I decided to just keep walking and to pretend I didn’t notice Yuni.

Yuni had her back to me and was initially unaware of my approach. When she eventually heard my footsteps she looked my way and greeted me by name.

We’d met many times before but never under such awkward circumstances.

Turning toward me and giving me a tantalizing full frontal view, she struck up what I thought was an epically weird conversation.

“Mau kemana?” (Where are you going?), Yuni asked me. Her tone was innocent enough even if her nudity seemed otherwise.

“Jalan-jalan saja.” (Just out for a walk) I replied as nonchalantly as I could considering I was having a conversation with a gorgeous young tropical Asian woman who was just a few feet from me, standing knee-deep in a creek wearing nothing but a few soap suds that she was busily rearranging on her sexy body.

“Nanti Mister mau naik gunung?” (Does Mister want to hike on the mountain later?)

For some reason, everyone in the village (other than my wife and kids) calls me “Mister.”

“Mungkin.” (Maybe) I replied.

Those soap suds were mesmerizing!

I was desperate to lick them off her.

“Kalau mau, aku bisa ikut! Boleh?” (If you want, I can accompany you! OK?”

That was the last straw! Why was this gorgeous woman standing naked in front of me, rearranging her soap suds and offering to hike the local mountain with me where I knew damn well we would be all alone?

I smiled and said “Boleh, kalau aku ngak terlalu capek. Masih jet lag.” (OK, if I’m not too tired. Still jet lagged.)

It seemed like a reasonably good excuse that might keep me out of serious trouble.

We exchanged our “sampai nanti”s (until later)s and I trundled onward to the home of my wife’s family, wondering whether I had just been invited to mountainside exchange of bodily fluids.

I wondered what, if anything, to say to my wife. At first, I thought it might be best to say nothing at all. But what if Yuni said something to my wife? My wife might find it suspicious that I’d had a conversation with Yuni (while she was naked, no less) but failed to mention it. She might think I had something to hide.

So I opted to go with full disclosure.

I waited for my wife to ask how my walk had been but she was too busy jabbering away with her friends and family. Eventually, when my wife was alone, I mentioned that I had seen her good pal, Yuni.

“Yeah? Where was she?”

“In the river.”

“Was she washing clothes?”

“No, she was taking a bath.”

My wife seemed unconcerned. The conversation might even already be finished!

I was surprised at my wife’s lack of concern and resolved to better understand her mysterious nonchalance.

“I was surprised that she struck up a conversation with me.”

“Why? You’ve met Yuni before. You know how chatty she can be. That girl just can’t keep her mouth shut! What did she have to say this time?”

“Just chit-chat. She wanted to know if I was going to hike on the mountain. She offered to go with me.”

“Great! That would be lots of fun for you! Yuni knows the mountain well and can show you around. Be sure to take plenty of water.”

This was bewildering! Not at all what I expected. Plus, I really felt that Yuni had offered to show me around her MOUND - NOT the mountain!

I decided to just let it all out.

“I just thought it was so weird for Yuni to strike up a conversation with me while she was naked.”

My wife just looked at me like she didn’t understand my point.

“You know almost no one here has a private bath. Where else would Yuni be bathing?”

“Yeah, I know, but, as much as I hate to admit it, I’m unaccustomed to having a naked woman volunteer to go hike on a mountain where we will be all alone.”

“Did Yuni say she wanted you to fuck her?”

“No.” I mumbled while thinking to myself, “not in so many words.”

My wife just rolled her Asian eyes at me saying, “I keep forgetting how ‘American’ you are in your ways!”

For the record, I’m NOT going to hike on the mountain with Yuni. But if I do end up hiking the mountain and Yuni decides to tag along, I’m taking my kids with me (as character witnesses in case my wife subsequently launches an investigation).

My wife is a petite Asian gal. They might be little but they can be also be mean.

I once saw my wife cutting sugar cane with a machete.

I got the message.