Here are some situations where my favorites have made statements that I think were stupid. I had just sat down at the table, my favorite excuses herself from a customer she is with and comes and talks to me. she is there for maybe 3minutes and then asks me "Are you going to be here for a while?" I am thinking to myself I just got here 3minutes ago and you know I don't stay in town so why would I get up and leave so soon? Another time I had left work early one day and decided to go the this club I hadn't vistited in months. My favorite dancer comes over and we engage in a friendly conversation. I told her that I had gotten off from work early her response was "So you decided to come to the club tonight?" Oh I thought I was coming to see how you were doing? She knows I am coming to see her because she mentioned it in a previous visit that the new DJ use to be a customer and he came to visit her just like me. So why make the statement that I am just wanting to hang out at that stripclub with no specific dancer I am wanting to see when she knows it is her?
Every form of entertainment is dumb if it's not your thing. For example, I can't imagine sitting outside all afternoon in below freezing weather to watch a bunch of overpaid and overweight guys trying to shove a ball up and down a field against each other. To me that's a lot dumber than sitting inside with a scantily-clad pretty girl. And the time with the pretty girls probably costs less too. Maybe we're the smart ones.
On the original question--
Why shouldn't they insult our intelligence? We're dumb enough to come into a club and give them tons of money for a no brain activity, FAUX sex and attention and pretend relationships. We must be real dumb to keep doing this?
Some excellent posts here about the difference between male and female communication. The best book that I know is John Gray's MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS.
Yes, sometimes that can be a real blessing. My sister lost a friend and I think $1,500 or was $3,000? Whatever, her lady friend was bad news.
I believe my friends were good news. Usually, it is just that the temptation not to repay was too much for them. Also, different people have different issues and for some people the issue is not repaying their friends or anyone else. So I look at the positives when dealing with friends. It is funny I think every single time I've offered to make a gift of the $$$, *if* they're not going to repay or they think there might be a problem repaying. Invariably the friend will insist that they will repay and even go so far as offering a written agreement. I reply if I needed a written agreement I wouldn't give or lend you money. ***I also tell them that if they are taking the $$$ as loan I will be very unhappy if they don't repay me.***
The last friend I lent $300 to in an emergency and offered the money as a gift because I didn't think he would be capable of repaying me. Besides he was always taking his time helping me etc. He really deserved the money and more. He said that he always repays what he owes even and he doesn't take handouts. He disappeared, but according to other friends he is really hurting $$$ wise. I don't mind losing the $$$ to him even a little bit and was prepared to give him a gift. I think he was a good friend that I lost. :(
Perhaps he was just the exeception to the rule. :) Also, he did offer to fix me up with hot latinas who would be *free*, but I told him I'd much rather have paid relationships. :) He did know some hotties . . .
Kyle, there's an old saying that if you lend money to a friend and never see either one of them again, it was probably worth it. I've found that to be true.
I was thinking about the following scenario: There is a business relationship and later a friendship. The friend terminates the business relationship and you suffer the loss of your potential earnings.
If there was a valid lawsuit which could compensate you for the loss of your potential earnings plus other damages, then would you sue your friend?
I have lent relatively small amounts of $ to friends and never been repaid and although I don't seek repayment the friend will usually fade away and I will have lost a friend. A wealthy friend of mine--who has no problem lending to friends--says I *should* have gotten everything in writing and be prepared to sue. I said that if it needed it to be in writing or enforced in the court, then I wouldn't make the loan in the first place. He thought that was crazy. I thought it was crazy that he would sue his friends or former friends over what to him is peanuts. He values friendship more highly than I do and perhaps that is the reason why. :)
My sister's former husband stole about $6,000 dollars from her. And, she sued and got a default judgment. He goes into bankruptcy and escapes the debt. I can't understand her suing. I had a girlfriend for 11 years and I just couldn't imagine suing her if she had done me wrong like that. Perhaps if I had married her, then I would feel differently. :)
At the time I was angry and then devastated back and forth in the extreme. A lawsuit was definitely one option I considered, but I needed to cool down and calmly decide what was right.
I thought about all the good things that my former employer did for me. How he gave me a opportunity. How he always emphasized being honest and to the point. How he praised my work and gave me my own office. I thought about my fellow employees who I was friends with.
It wasn't that I didn't want to bothered. And, although it may sound like this happened yesterday it is ancient history except in my mind. When a person treats me the way my former employer treated me--giving me an opportunity after so many doors had been slammed in my face--then I wouldn't feel right about suing him even if he was dead wrong. I feel my boss vindicated my decision by offering me my job back at a much higher salary. It meant a lot at the time and still means a lot to me. :)
The problem at that point was me. I no longer had the mental sharpness to do the job and I was afraid he would think I was doing a poor job to get even or that I was taking advantage. I didn't want to see my friends again after what had happened. I decided I needed to avoid that situation from ever happening again. If I worked for somebody, then I wouldn't be thinking long term. I be ready to pack in a moment's notice. Best thing is just to work for myself or be a bum--same difference. :) See winners don't think like that. But, I've always been a dollar short and a day late and losing gets to be a bad habit. The bottom line is I need to change my thinking to be successful, but I'd rather be me. :)
BTW, I'm not adverse to suing. I have a case (barring settlement) coming up where I sought the advice of 2 attorneys before proceeding. Both stated that I had a very strong case. Still a judge can pretty much do as he pleases so I'm prepared to get clobbered or win.
Excellent post. This young woman who I worked with baked me a chocolate cake for my birthday and she hadn't done that for any of the other employees so I thought it meant she liked me. (WRONG. :( ) So I asked her out to lunch and she very nicely told me that she had plans, but maybe we could another time. I wait a week and ask her again. This time she is much cooler and just says NO. I had planned on asking her one final time, but got called into the boss's office. He was a super nice guy and very high quality person. He tells me the young lady says that I'm sexually harrassing her by repeatedly asking her out on dates. I say she baked me a chocolate cake for my birthday (before she baked the cake for me, I hadn't approached her) and I asked her out to lunch twice. He says if she complains again he will be forced to fire me because he doesn't want a sexual harassment lawsuit.
I see her the next day and I ignore her figuring that is what she wants. I go into the library and about 5 minutes later she follows me and says she needs my help. (She has had job less time than me and makes a lot more $$$. The boss explained that it was because of her looks that she could impress clients where I couldn't. Seems reasonable.) So I excuse myself for less than a minute. I'm on very good terms with all the other female employees so there is no problem in my asking for a favor. I ask this very nice woman if she can please do her work in library. She says NO problem anytime you need my help just ask. (She knew from other sources about sexual harassment complaint.) I help the other lady with her problem and I think everything is going great. I'm a happy camper. :) Till the next day when I get fired. :( The boss says the lady complained that I asked another female employee into the library. I said yes sir, I needed a witness I'm afraid to be alone with that woman. The boss says this looks like a lawsuit and I can't afford that so "I'm sorry, but you're fired." I'm pretty upset, but I tell him he is a great boss (which was the truth) and it was a pleasure working for him.
About 2 months later the boss calls me. He wants to know what I'm doing. I say just hanging out on the street checking out the girls or hitting the bars. He wants me to come back to work. I say NOT with that lady working there. He says she is no longer working there and he wants me back. I say I don't want to work. He laughs and says I will give you as much as she was making--you won't see clients, but you'll earn a lot more. I thank him, but say that I'm finished. He says I'll give you a hefty raise over what she was making. This time I thank him even more profusely and tell him what a great boss he was, but that my brain is gone and I can't do work that requires too much thinking anymore. He says you have a right to be upset, yada, yada, yada, and he will keep the job open in case I change my mind.
Well, it wasn't a question of changing my mind. I didn't think I was capable of doing the job anymore. And, I didn't want to see my old buddies--male or female--just wayyyyyyyyyy too much for me. :(
Moral of the story: It pays to understand what a woman is really saying.
Good post there. You're exactly right - the key point here is you will never hear a woman say "no". Instead you'll get various "maybes" or "laters", which 90% of the time is just them trying to say no in a nice way. Even worse though is where she'll go out with you and not be truly interested. Usually the result there is a broken heart, dinged wallet, and wasted time.
Part of the fun in going to a SC, I suppose, is the tables turn. I've learned if you're not interested in a dancer, just say "no thanks" and let her move on to another opportunity. Now, of only women would do that for us, things would be a lot simpler.
Because they think differently, men and women communicate differently. Men tend to be direct, women tend to be anything but. Simple example: your teenage son gets a call from his guy friend inviting him to go to a movie, he doens't feel like it so he says "no thanks, I don't feel like it." Your teenage girl gets a call from her girl friend inviting her to go to a movie, she doens't feel like it and says "I'd love to but I have to wash my hair, do my nails, clean my room, do my homework ..." They both know it means exactly the same thing as what the guy said.
No problem as long as we're talking man to man or woman to woman. The problem arises when the boy calls the girls and asks her to go to the movie, and she says exactly the same thing that she said to her girl friend. He thinks she's said she'd love to go out with him sometime but can't make it this time, she thinks she's blown him off. So he keeps calling and she keeps making excuses. Eventually he'll figure it out and be pissed because he thinks she led him on. And she won't have any idea why he's pissed or why he kept calling. Men and women don't speak the same language.
More to the point most regulars probably do not care if they are being told crazy lies or good lies or bad lies. They're interested in a FANTASY. And, some customers may have a fantasy of helping women in distress. Contribute to a good cause and get to grab some hooters! What in tarnation could be a better deal!? :)
I look forward to interacting with a smooth con woman dancer. It is entertaining and educating. Unfortunately, even the best don't seem to be able to keep the act going too long under discerning eyes. Of course, it helps significantly that I do NOT want (1) a real relationship or (2) something for nothing.
You're taking her questions too literally. Try listening for what she really means rather than what she actually said. For example, by her first question she probably meant "I'm with another customer right now but I'd like to see you later, will you wait for me?" She didn't actually say that because it takes longer, plus maybe she was a little embarrassed to come right out and say it. We all use shorthand when talking and say things when we mean something slightly different. People rarely say exactly what they mean. Part of being a good listener is the ability to hear what others mean rather than just hearing what they say.
If you think those insults to your intelligence how about all the crazy lies they tell? I mean some are so outrageous how can they expect anyone to beleive them. But some customers must else they would learn not to even try. Sad, sad, sad...
"Are you going to be here for a while?" I've been asked that question under similar circumstances and there may be a good reason for it. She might be afraid that you're in a hurry for some reason and in that case she'd rather spend the time with you (a sure thing). Or, she may see it as showing a sign of respect e.g. I understand your time is valuable and I don't want to miss out.
I believe the second question also has a purpose. She might appreciate hearing you say "You're special and I made a special visit to see you." Some people, even dancers, need repeated verbal stroking.
I'm good at saying stupid things in conversation. :) Hey, I'm just trying to avoid an awkward silence or get the other person speaking or I'm nervous or etc.
The examples you gave that "insult your intelligence" seem innocous to me. I wonder why you see the statements in such a negative light???
18 comments
Latest
Why shouldn't they insult our intelligence? We're dumb enough to come into a club and give them tons of money for a no brain activity, FAUX sex and attention and pretend relationships. We must be real dumb to keep doing this?
Yes, sometimes that can be a real blessing. My sister lost a friend and I think $1,500 or was $3,000? Whatever, her lady friend was bad news.
I believe my friends were good news. Usually, it is just that the temptation not to repay was too much for them. Also, different people have different issues and for some people the issue is not repaying their friends or anyone else. So I look at the positives when dealing with friends. It is funny I think every single time I've offered to make a gift of the $$$, *if* they're not going to repay or they think there might be a problem repaying. Invariably the friend will insist that they will repay and even go so far as offering a written agreement. I reply if I needed a written agreement I wouldn't give or lend you money. ***I also tell them that if they are taking the $$$ as loan I will be very unhappy if they don't repay me.***
The last friend I lent $300 to in an emergency and offered the money as a gift because I didn't think he would be capable of repaying me. Besides he was always taking his time helping me etc. He really deserved the money and more. He said that he always repays what he owes even and he doesn't take handouts. He disappeared, but according to other friends he is really hurting $$$ wise. I don't mind losing the $$$ to him even a little bit and was prepared to give him a gift. I think he was a good friend that I lost. :(
Perhaps he was just the exeception to the rule. :) Also, he did offer to fix me up with hot latinas who would be *free*, but I told him I'd much rather have paid relationships. :) He did know some hotties . . .
I was thinking about the following scenario: There is a business relationship and later a friendship. The friend terminates the business relationship and you suffer the loss of your potential earnings.
If there was a valid lawsuit which could compensate you for the loss of your potential earnings plus other damages, then would you sue your friend?
I have lent relatively small amounts of $ to friends and never been repaid and although I don't seek repayment the friend will usually fade away and I will have lost a friend. A wealthy friend of mine--who has no problem lending to friends--says I *should* have gotten everything in writing and be prepared to sue. I said that if it needed it to be in writing or enforced in the court, then I wouldn't make the loan in the first place. He thought that was crazy. I thought it was crazy that he would sue his friends or former friends over what to him is peanuts. He values friendship more highly than I do and perhaps that is the reason why. :)
My sister's former husband stole about $6,000 dollars from her. And, she sued and got a default judgment. He goes into bankruptcy and escapes the debt. I can't understand her suing. I had a girlfriend for 11 years and I just couldn't imagine suing her if she had done me wrong like that. Perhaps if I had married her, then I would feel differently. :)
At the time I was angry and then devastated back and forth in the extreme. A lawsuit was definitely one option I considered, but I needed to cool down and calmly decide what was right.
I thought about all the good things that my former employer did for me. How he gave me a opportunity. How he always emphasized being honest and to the point. How he praised my work and gave me my own office. I thought about my fellow employees who I was friends with.
It wasn't that I didn't want to bothered. And, although it may sound like this happened yesterday it is ancient history except in my mind. When a person treats me the way my former employer treated me--giving me an opportunity after so many doors had been slammed in my face--then I wouldn't feel right about suing him even if he was dead wrong. I feel my boss vindicated my decision by offering me my job back at a much higher salary. It meant a lot at the time and still means a lot to me. :)
The problem at that point was me. I no longer had the mental sharpness to do the job and I was afraid he would think I was doing a poor job to get even or that I was taking advantage. I didn't want to see my friends again after what had happened. I decided I needed to avoid that situation from ever happening again. If I worked for somebody, then I wouldn't be thinking long term. I be ready to pack in a moment's notice. Best thing is just to work for myself or be a bum--same difference. :) See winners don't think like that. But, I've always been a dollar short and a day late and losing gets to be a bad habit. The bottom line is I need to change my thinking to be successful, but I'd rather be me. :)
BTW, I'm not adverse to suing. I have a case (barring settlement) coming up where I sought the advice of 2 attorneys before proceeding. Both stated that I had a very strong case. Still a judge can pretty much do as he pleases so I'm prepared to get clobbered or win.
Excellent post. This young woman who I worked with baked me a chocolate cake for my birthday and she hadn't done that for any of the other employees so I thought it meant she liked me. (WRONG. :( ) So I asked her out to lunch and she very nicely told me that she had plans, but maybe we could another time. I wait a week and ask her again. This time she is much cooler and just says NO. I had planned on asking her one final time, but got called into the boss's office. He was a super nice guy and very high quality person. He tells me the young lady says that I'm sexually harrassing her by repeatedly asking her out on dates. I say she baked me a chocolate cake for my birthday (before she baked the cake for me, I hadn't approached her) and I asked her out to lunch twice. He says if she complains again he will be forced to fire me because he doesn't want a sexual harassment lawsuit.
I see her the next day and I ignore her figuring that is what she wants. I go into the library and about 5 minutes later she follows me and says she needs my help. (She has had job less time than me and makes a lot more $$$. The boss explained that it was because of her looks that she could impress clients where I couldn't. Seems reasonable.) So I excuse myself for less than a minute. I'm on very good terms with all the other female employees so there is no problem in my asking for a favor. I ask this very nice woman if she can please do her work in library. She says NO problem anytime you need my help just ask. (She knew from other sources about sexual harassment complaint.) I help the other lady with her problem and I think everything is going great. I'm a happy camper. :) Till the next day when I get fired. :( The boss says the lady complained that I asked another female employee into the library. I said yes sir, I needed a witness I'm afraid to be alone with that woman. The boss says this looks like a lawsuit and I can't afford that so "I'm sorry, but you're fired." I'm pretty upset, but I tell him he is a great boss (which was the truth) and it was a pleasure working for him.
About 2 months later the boss calls me. He wants to know what I'm doing. I say just hanging out on the street checking out the girls or hitting the bars. He wants me to come back to work. I say NOT with that lady working there. He says she is no longer working there and he wants me back. I say I don't want to work. He laughs and says I will give you as much as she was making--you won't see clients, but you'll earn a lot more. I thank him, but say that I'm finished. He says I'll give you a hefty raise over what she was making. This time I thank him even more profusely and tell him what a great boss he was, but that my brain is gone and I can't do work that requires too much thinking anymore. He says you have a right to be upset, yada, yada, yada, and he will keep the job open in case I change my mind.
Well, it wasn't a question of changing my mind. I didn't think I was capable of doing the job anymore. And, I didn't want to see my old buddies--male or female--just wayyyyyyyyyy too much for me. :(
Moral of the story: It pays to understand what a woman is really saying.
Part of the fun in going to a SC, I suppose, is the tables turn. I've learned if you're not interested in a dancer, just say "no thanks" and let her move on to another opportunity. Now, of only women would do that for us, things would be a lot simpler.
No problem as long as we're talking man to man or woman to woman. The problem arises when the boy calls the girls and asks her to go to the movie, and she says exactly the same thing that she said to her girl friend. He thinks she's said she'd love to go out with him sometime but can't make it this time, she thinks she's blown him off. So he keeps calling and she keeps making excuses. Eventually he'll figure it out and be pissed because he thinks she led him on. And she won't have any idea why he's pissed or why he kept calling. Men and women don't speak the same language.
I think you hit the nail on the head!
It is like when someone asks "How are you doing?" The usual translation is just "Hi."
Sometimes crazy lies are actually the truth.
More to the point most regulars probably do not care if they are being told crazy lies or good lies or bad lies. They're interested in a FANTASY. And, some customers may have a fantasy of helping women in distress. Contribute to a good cause and get to grab some hooters! What in tarnation could be a better deal!? :)
I look forward to interacting with a smooth con woman dancer. It is entertaining and educating. Unfortunately, even the best don't seem to be able to keep the act going too long under discerning eyes. Of course, it helps significantly that I do NOT want (1) a real relationship or (2) something for nothing.
"Are you going to be here for a while?" I've been asked that question under similar circumstances and there may be a good reason for it. She might be afraid that you're in a hurry for some reason and in that case she'd rather spend the time with you (a sure thing). Or, she may see it as showing a sign of respect e.g. I understand your time is valuable and I don't want to miss out.
I believe the second question also has a purpose. She might appreciate hearing you say "You're special and I made a special visit to see you." Some people, even dancers, need repeated verbal stroking.
I'm good at saying stupid things in conversation. :) Hey, I'm just trying to avoid an awkward silence or get the other person speaking or I'm nervous or etc.
The examples you gave that "insult your intelligence" seem innocous to me. I wonder why you see the statements in such a negative light???