God Has No Nuts!

It occurred to me recently that Almighty God has no nuts! My logic on this is simple and straightforward. Even the deeply religious and pious among you should be able to follow this.

First of all, God doesn’t need nuts. He is immortal. If God isn’t going to die, He has no need to replace Himself. Plus, there is no “Mrs. God.” So there is nobody for God to canoodle (assuming He ever even gets into that kind of mood in the first place).

Moreover, God doesn’t have a pee pee. What would be the point of having nuts if you don’t have a pee pee anyway?

Secondly, God is a spirit. If God has no body, can you imagine how ridiculous He would look with nuts? Just a pair of nuts floating down the hallway .... “Oh look, there goes God!”

Besides, if God had nuts His pants probably wouldn’t fit so nicely.

I am sure all those pious wonks in the Vatican with too much time on their hands are busy preparing to issue lengthy religious tomes explaining that God does indeed have nuts but that they are “spiritual nuts.”

I don’t buy that kind of nonsense. Somebody please tell me, what is the difference between a pair of nuts that are absolutely and forever incapable of detection and no nuts at all? Seems to me they’re the same.

But let’s turn to the more controversial part of this analysis. If it is conceded that God has no nuts, doesn’t this cast a deep shadow of doubt over Jesus’s pedigree?