How could I have salvaged this situation...
PaulDrake
Off again on again PL
Thursday, February 28, 2019 11:55 AM
So I walk into this club on a Wednesday afternoon and it DEAD. There are at least 20 dancers and only 3-4 customers most of which are there for the buffet. Tipped a few girls on stage and I see a girl on the other side of the room lounging and playing on her phone. I walked right over and asked if she was busy and told her I was interested in a dance.
We get to the dance are and I asked her if we could chat for a minute or two before we started. I generally am not comfortable touching someone the first second I meet them and find that a little conversation puts me at ease. She said that was fine. Almost immediately after that a new song started, and at this point the entire interaction was no more than 1-2 minutes (just enough for her to tell me she was brand new to stripping):
Her: Is it ok if I start?
Me: Would you mind waiting for one more song?
Her: Sure but do you mind paying me for this song?
Me: No sorry.... and in fact I am just going to decline the dance as well.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: I don't like being rushed so I changed my mind and I don't want a dance anymore.
Then I stood up and tipped her $5 and left. For the record I was not groping her at all. Given that the club was dead my request for 1 song worth of conversation was not unreasonable. But I don't think she was being a ROB.
In the past I have caved and paid the dancer what she wanted. But then I didn't enjoy the dance because I felt bad for being a little bitch. I have also said no to requests for extra money before and then found that the dance wasn't as good or sensual. I also tend to think that a dancer who is demanding more money right off the bat like this girl did is not a good candidate for a fav anyway so it was best to just walk away.
What would be a better way to salvage something like that?
We get to the dance are and I asked her if we could chat for a minute or two before we started. I generally am not comfortable touching someone the first second I meet them and find that a little conversation puts me at ease. She said that was fine. Almost immediately after that a new song started, and at this point the entire interaction was no more than 1-2 minutes (just enough for her to tell me she was brand new to stripping):
Her: Is it ok if I start?
Me: Would you mind waiting for one more song?
Her: Sure but do you mind paying me for this song?
Me: No sorry.... and in fact I am just going to decline the dance as well.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: I don't like being rushed so I changed my mind and I don't want a dance anymore.
Then I stood up and tipped her $5 and left. For the record I was not groping her at all. Given that the club was dead my request for 1 song worth of conversation was not unreasonable. But I don't think she was being a ROB.
In the past I have caved and paid the dancer what she wanted. But then I didn't enjoy the dance because I felt bad for being a little bitch. I have also said no to requests for extra money before and then found that the dance wasn't as good or sensual. I also tend to think that a dancer who is demanding more money right off the bat like this girl did is not a good candidate for a fav anyway so it was best to just walk away.
What would be a better way to salvage something like that?
Got something to say?
Start your own discussion
32 comments
From her perspective you committed to a dance first and foremost and then later changed to wanting to sit and chat first and then dance. So under this context she was already ready to give you a dance.
Almost all dancers just want to give a dance to anyone new. To me you should always have that understanding going into a discussion.
And the only way to know if you truly missed an opportunity to meet a good fave is to take a chance and get dances with her.
The OP wrote a review about the situation and the club in question is BYOB so a bit harder to invite her for a drink if you didn't go in prepared.
Also - some clubs have the M.O. where dancers sit and chat, and some clubs are just dance factories - the club the OP was in is a Dallas club where extras are uncommon to non-existent - i.e.
the girls make their $$$ on volume and these LD-factory type places often lend themselves to dancers not wanting to invest a lot of time on a custy that may perhaps pass on dances or just get one - this particular club was empty bc it was a dayshift visit (per the review), but I guess it's how the dancers are used to dealing with custies in this club - from the few reviews I've read of that club it doesn't seem the type of club to go looking for individual attention.
I mean if you first asked that in those terms "1-2 songs" then you didn't fuck up. if you said "1-2 minutes" and wanted more you fucked up. Do they get charged per song for being in the LD area there? or they keep it all. Like what is the deal? Does the club somehow count is against her so allll the time must be compensated?
Agree. Good that you stuck to your guns Paul, but the protocol at every club I've ever been to has always been that once you get to the lapdance area, she'll sit and talk to you until the next song starts, then she dances. If you just want to sit and talk, don't walk with her to the lapdance area. And this is from someone who often talks and drinks with the girls for an hour before going for a dance... but once we head to the dance area, that's for dancing. If she won't talk to you at the table even if you offer to buy her a drink, then dismiss her right there, no unpleasantness need happen in the lapdance area
I agree it's never good to come across as an asshole though.
;-)
1. This club was BYOB and the dancer was under 21 so no opportunity for drinks.
2. It is perfectly normal at the clubs I go to to hang out and chat in the VIP area. If I am meeting a fav I usually don't sit anywhere else we will hang out in that area for the whole hour or two.
One of the things I would love to steer the direction towards is more how to handle those situations in the future, not really how to prevent them. There are always going to be stripper conflicts that aren't avoidable. I remember another situation long ago where a stripper wanted to smoke at my table. I told her no and things just went downhill from there.
@Liwet - I would agree I didn't owe her anything. But I think there is a balance. If I paid her what she wanted I would have been rewarding and reinforcing bad behavior. But if I didn't pay her anything that might also reinforce bad behavior because she will rationalize that I wasn't worth anything and she did herself a favor by her actions. I think paying $5 straddles that line, it shows that I am not ultra cheap and do value her time and makes the conclusion of our interaction far less adversarial. This way if I see her again in a month or two I might try again.
@flagooner - I am really picky so she was pretty much the only girl I was interested in.
Once you say that you would like to talk for a few minutes, and she requests that you pay her as if they're dances, I'm not sure what else there is to be done to handle it. I think you handled it the only way possible, rather than try to argue or beg her into conversation, risk a conflict, etc. And "teaching" a new dancer what to do isn't really my style, especially since she has no real reason to believe me. All of my focus here would be preventative, I think.
But since you want to steer the discussion to what you should do next time, here goes: Don't go to the dance area until you're ready for...wait for it...dances, lol.
Glad I could help. ;)
For the next time, say "Once we're in there, I'd like to chat for a song or two before we start the clock. Can you do that?" if she says 'yes', then you're on the same page. If she says 'no', then it's time to part ways.
I don't know how your clubs are laid out. Most clubs I go to there is the bar, there is the stage and rail, there is the open floor, and then there are dance areas (with dedicated chairs, couches, booths, and/or rooms for getting dances). Once I take the girl to the dance area, my purpose and her reasonable expectation is that I'm getting dances and the dances are going to start at beginning of next song.
If you hadn't actually taken her to dance area and were instead in open floor chairs then there's room for your stated position but there's certainly also room for hers based on you saying you "walked right over and asked if she was busy and told her I was interested in a dance." If where you took her was the dance area, you should've started your dance at beginning of next song and not asked her to wait yet another song.