How could I have salvaged this situation...

Why don’t you ask to buy her a drink rather than just head into the dance booths, chances are high that she’s being charged rent from when you first headed in.

If you want to talk, then talk. If she brings up the dance before you are ready, she will either keep talking or will leave. Some girls just want to do the dance and get the money. They have no interest in you at all. They girls that are willing to talk don't have any interest in you either, but they understand that some guys like to talk first. So they are more willing to feed your fantasy that they are actually attracted to you. I'm the same as you, I like to talk first. In my mind, I know that she has no interest in a fat, bald, guy old enough to be her father. But, when she sits on my lap, rubs my chest, and tells me convincing lies about how much she prefers older men; my dick just ignores my mind and takes over my wallet. But don't bring up the dance until you are really ready for it.

@twentyfive - Clubs don't take any cut of the money in my area.

You know in most clubs it costs the dancer per song in the VIP? The house gets their cut. You not paying her is costing her money. If you want to get to know her why not do that at the bar or the table?

oh missed that post ^^^^

^ Still buying a drink would have been a better way to get a few minutes to chat

Next time tell her you may be interested in a dance but if she has time you want to sit and maybe have a drink first before anything else.

From her perspective you committed to a dance first and foremost and then later changed to wanting to sit and chat first and then dance. So under this context she was already ready to give you a dance.

Almost all dancers just want to give a dance to anyone new. To me you should always have that understanding going into a discussion.

And the only way to know if you truly missed an opportunity to meet a good fave is to take a chance and get dances with her.

You shouldn't have tipped her the $5 and you shouldn't feel bad about groping if you think it will convince you to spend money on her. She probably didn't know about about asking for dances early on when the club is dead and you could have gotten more value by teaching her how to be a better stripper. One of the things I think you should have done is tell her what you expect from her in order to convince you to spend money.

You handled it pretty much the same way I would have. If she was couldn't be bothered to just talk for one more song without dancing and being paid then she sounds like she would do a shitty job selling a fantasy in a dance. Indeed she sounds brand new. I notice experienced dancers are way better at stuff like this. I'd have passed also.

You were wasting her time and pussyfooting around. Period. She should have bailed on you. Stop being lame. These girls ALWAYS desire money for their time, and your sweet conversational skills free of charge is a laughable concept.

I mean when it is dead asking for 1 more song of conversation (after only 1-2 min of it) isnt unreasonable. Maybe she was pissed off because you said a minute or 2 of convo initially but then asked for some more time? I mean sometimes guys try and get creative about wasting a girl's time. But I don't believe that was your intention.

Also I'm surprised anywhere in tx would be that level of dead this time of year. But someone else told me it was bad there too lately so I believe it

You did the right thing. Don't encourage "business-only" behavior. She'll either learn, eventually, or quit the business.

Your initial approach was flawed. You should have led with "mind if I sit down?". If she asks if you're interested in a dance you can say something like "I may be, I'm figuring that out".

Ok he wasn't a maybe fucker. and i walk right off with maybe fuckers. He said he was going to buy 1, and sometimes in a dead club unfortunately a girl has to be halfway nice to people. Which with like 20 girls 3-4 potential customers that was just really dumb of her after a minute or 2. like on a busy party night with a high door count by all means though.

I chat before I go for a lap dance; you asked her; you were inappropriate. Lap dance area isn't for chatting.

As has been mentioned, I think you fucked up by asking her for a dance and then telling her you wanted to talk b/f the dances - you should've just asked her if she'd like to sit with you for a bit - not every dancer's M.O. is gonna suit every custy's individual-preference - if you ask her to sit with you and she doesn't want to and wants to get to dances or nothing, then move on IMO.

The OP wrote a review about the situation and the club in question is BYOB so a bit harder to invite her for a drink if you didn't go in prepared.

Also - some clubs have the M.O. where dancers sit and chat, and some clubs are just dance factories - the club the OP was in is a Dallas club where extras are uncommon to non-existent - i.e. the girls make their $$$ on volume and these LD-factory type places often lend themselves to dancers not wanting to invest a lot of time on a custy that may perhaps pass on dances or just get one - this particular club was empty bc it was a dayshift visit (per the review), but I guess it's how the dancers are used to dealing with custies in this club - from the few reviews I've read of that club it doesn't seem the type of club to go looking for individual attention.

You shoulda asked to talk for a few minutes instead of 1-2. Then after 1-2 you wanted to talk another song. That's really the only reason I can think of for her to be pissed off which I can understand to an extent. She thought you weren't serious about buying the dance because of that. imo.

I didn't know he wrote a review... "Once we got into the VIP area I asked Scorpio if we could chat for 1-2 songs before starting the dance."

I mean if you first asked that in those terms "1-2 songs" then you didn't fuck up. if you said "1-2 minutes" and wanted more you fucked up. Do they get charged per song for being in the LD area there? or they keep it all. Like what is the deal? Does the club somehow count is against her so allll the time must be compensated?

-->"Your initial approach was flawed. You should have led with "mind if I sit down?". If she asks if you're interested in a dance you can say something like "I may be, I'm figuring that out"."

Agree. Good that you stuck to your guns Paul, but the protocol at every club I've ever been to has always been that once you get to the lapdance area, she'll sit and talk to you until the next song starts, then she dances. If you just want to sit and talk, don't walk with her to the lapdance area. And this is from someone who often talks and drinks with the girls for an hour before going for a dance... but once we head to the dance area, that's for dancing. If she won't talk to you at the table even if you offer to buy her a drink, then dismiss her right there, no unpleasantness need happen in the lapdance area

There were 15 other unaccompanied girls. Why are you so concerned about this one? Or just for future reference?

I agree it's never good to come across as an asshole though. ;-)

Few more comments:

1. This club was BYOB and the dancer was under 21 so no opportunity for drinks.

2. It is perfectly normal at the clubs I go to to hang out and chat in the VIP area. If I am meeting a fav I usually don't sit anywhere else we will hang out in that area for the whole hour or two.

One of the things I would love to steer the direction towards is more how to handle those situations in the future, not really how to prevent them. There are always going to be stripper conflicts that aren't avoidable. I remember another situation long ago where a stripper wanted to smoke at my table. I told her no and things just went downhill from there.

@Liwet - I would agree I didn't owe her anything. But I think there is a balance. If I paid her what she wanted I would have been rewarding and reinforcing bad behavior. But if I didn't pay her anything that might also reinforce bad behavior because she will rationalize that I wasn't worth anything and she did herself a favor by her actions. I think paying $5 straddles that line, it shows that I am not ultra cheap and do value her time and makes the conclusion of our interaction far less adversarial. This way if I see her again in a month or two I might try again.

@flagooner - I am really picky so she was pretty much the only girl I was interested in.

If she was under 21 then likely she's an inexperienced dancer with an inexperienced hustle - sometimes one has to work with inexperienced dancers and sometimes one can't.

-->"One of the things I would love to steer the direction towards is more how to handle those situations in the future, not really how to prevent them"

Once you say that you would like to talk for a few minutes, and she requests that you pay her as if they're dances, I'm not sure what else there is to be done to handle it. I think you handled it the only way possible, rather than try to argue or beg her into conversation, risk a conflict, etc. And "teaching" a new dancer what to do isn't really my style, especially since she has no real reason to believe me. All of my focus here would be preventative, I think.

I think clarifying for her from the get-go that you intended to get dances but wanted to chat for a bit first 'may" have helped.

As others pointed out, you should have waited before you went to the LD area. Most of these girls are conditioned to think that the clock starts once you go there. In fact, IMO the decent thing for you to do after going in there with her would have been to go ahead with the dance. After all, she really didn't do anything wrong.

But since you want to steer the discussion to what you should do next time, here goes: Don't go to the dance area until you're ready for...wait for it...dances, lol.

Glad I could help. ;)

This is not a problem I've ever had, because in two decades of SCing, I can count the strippers I've enjoyed talking to on the fingers of one hand, but I might have said something like, "I'm not bullshitting you, I really am going to buy some dances, but I like to talk for a while first. I'll tell you when I'm ready. If you have somewhere else you need to be right now, you can go, and come back when you have time to talk, but I'm not going to pay you for dances when you're not dancing." That's more or less what you're thinking, right? So say that. If she doesn't go for it, you're no worse off than you were with your approach. But a baby stripper is quite likely to follow your lead if you sound like you know what you're doing.

Seems like you were a bit abrupt to cut things off. I think that most dancers expect to start the meter the moment the VIP curtains close. So, I'm not sure she was being all that pushy, especially if she's new.

For the next time, say "Once we're in there, I'd like to chat for a song or two before we start the clock. Can you do that?" if she says 'yes', then you're on the same page. If she says 'no', then it's time to part ways.

My personal method is to always hang out at the bar, buy drinks for every dancer that is at the bar without a customer, but the bartender a drink, talk, chat, laugh, and have engaging conversation with all whom I just bought drinks for. I then determine which of the group I really want to spend more time with and gravitate my body close to her. As the conversations continue, I slowly begin focusing on her. By that time, I know what I want and then go for it. After the VIP, she will usually have more drinks with me or I will thank her and tell her to go make some money so that I can either repeat the process or leave the building. I always have more fun when engaging with multiple dancers in the same night.

^Sounds like a good and not overwhelmingly expensive strategy if you don't care much about a decent view of what's occurring on stage which at most clubs doesn't happen from the bar.

I would have asked her if she was sending me dirty text messages again

OP, I read your post as saying you proceeded to the dance area before it all broke down. The dance area is the dividing line here IMO.

I don't know how your clubs are laid out. Most clubs I go to there is the bar, there is the stage and rail, there is the open floor, and then there are dance areas (with dedicated chairs, couches, booths, and/or rooms for getting dances). Once I take the girl to the dance area, my purpose and her reasonable expectation is that I'm getting dances and the dances are going to start at beginning of next song.

If you hadn't actually taken her to dance area and were instead in open floor chairs then there's room for your stated position but there's certainly also room for hers based on you saying you "walked right over and asked if she was busy and told her I was interested in a dance." If where you took her was the dance area, you should've started your dance at beginning of next song and not asked her to wait yet another song.