Just friends?

34 comments

• steeldog65

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  5 years ago

  Perhaps she's playing a long game with you or perhaps she just enjoys your company. I do have one dancer whenever she sees me she always talks about going to a comedy club with me or something like that. We did schedule one time, but then I ended up having a meeting pop up in was able to attend. She was a little put out with me and the next time I went to the club she barely talk to me. It was very strange almost like a girlfriend getting angry for blowing off a date. There was no discussion of p4p be with her, I have done OTC with her but she has never asked for money. I normally at least put a $100 bill in her purse and pay for her Uber back to the club or home from the hotel I stay at. Just saying people are strange and you never really know what's going to motivate them or cause them to do things.
• Call.Me.Ishmael

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  5 years ago

  Possibly playing a long con, but who knows? They're human, after all. That said, I'd be wary for a good long while before employing the "F" word in any real way. If you're having fun, then keep on keeping on. Just stay alert and know what you want.
• Papi_Chulo

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  5 years ago

  Strippers don't do anything for free - what other reason for being a stripper (w/ few exceptions) - I put this in the same category of a dancer telling you she will give you a dance for free and you don't have to pay for it if you don't like it - just a bit-different hustle - perhaps she's angling to make him a regular of sugar-daddy - IMO it's rare for dancers to do things out of the kindness of their hearts, there are usually ulterior motive$ - it's a tough-business and most dancers do what they gotta do to survive and PLs are a mean$-to-an-end (except for the studs on TUSCL, they are always the exception of course)
• rickdugan

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  5 years ago

  Sounds like the worst of all worlds to me. To have to go out and listen to her share her feelings and deep views on life, gossip about whatever and otherwise keep clucking at me, all just so I can leave WITHOUT getting laid? That's like buying the food, cooking the meal and setting the table, but then not getting to eat. What's the point?
• rickdugan

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  5 years ago

  Now on a more serious note... I have no idea if she has an ulterior motive or not. Usually they do, but maybe you've met the unicorn who does not. The safe bet would be to assume she does. These girls are conditioned to think of guys as income sources, especially the ones that they meet in clubs. But what I do know is that using a stripper to fill some void in your life is always a bad idea. Remember that if she is out of your league in a regular bar, then she is out of your league regardless of where you met her, so there is probably no chance where this turns into a legit romance story. So there is zero upside and lots of potential downside in seeing her in some confused OTC situation, including the likely risk that she is running some type of game. If you want a friend, you'd be much better of getting a dog or a dating app or both. ;)
• Papi_Chulo

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  5 years ago

  In the simplest of terms, if one has to ask/wonder if they're getting played, they likely are
• Subraman

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  5 years ago

  Ha, rick and I totally part there -- I love talking and drinking with strippers, and given the opportunity, I always choose to buy them drinks or dinner if offered, provided they don't want to charge me extra $ just for the honor of buying them dinner. I've said this before: I think our analysis of strippers is far too one-dimension -- underneath all that maybelline, they are people, kinda sorta, and will often have multiple reasons for doing something, just like other people. They can accomplish multiple things at once, for example: - She can give the illusion of closeness and romance, since obviously people with a REAL CONNECTION are who go to dinner together. This is an extension of her hustle, and makes you more loyal to her without her doing anything sexual. It's a pretty brilliant, low-risk investment for her - She can get you to buy her a fancy dinner she wouldn't have otherwise bought herself. If she's not revolted by you, this is no-lose for her. I've met any number of strippers through the years who are happy to go to dinner with any regular that doesn't creep her out. In her low 20s, my ATATF had already been to Nobu and other high-end restaurants, probably as many times as I have in my life. This isn't romantic interest, but you had to pass some (minimal) bar for the invitation to be there
• Papi_Chulo

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  5 years ago

  Problem is it seems many PLs see this type of situation thru "romantic lenses" and either get-burned or butt-hurt when it's not what they thought it was - as long as the PL can see it for what it is, i.e. 99% of the time just an extension of the ITC hustle, then yeah, enjoy the OTC time as one would enjoy the ITC time, as long as you are wearing your "reality lenses" and not your "RIL lenses".
• BoringLoser

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  5 years ago

  I figured it was an extension of the ITC hustle. I just got confused when she wouldn’t let me pay. I was fully expecting to pay for both of us, but she actually paid for me. She’s not my CF at that club, and I’m not looking to change that. I guess it’s possible that my CF has heard about this by now. Maybe she’s looking to stir up some drama.
• loper

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  5 years ago

  I agree with Subraman. Strippers are not necessarily all about the money and they are not all the same.
• JamesSD

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  5 years ago

  Some strippers have no social network. Parents are a mess, they avoid making friends with other girls and maybe they are new in town. It's not crazy for girls to crave friends. And frankly friendship plus alcohol often leads to hook ups.
• Papi_Chulo

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  5 years ago

  A common theme on TUSCL is how flaky strippers are about meeting OTC, even when they're gonna be paid - now the theme is "sure strippers like to hang with SCers OTC, and even invite them to dinner and pay for it - lots of strippers like and do that" - I can see that on rare occasions with guys that can get hot young tail in the civvy world but for w/e reason still hit clubs regularly - but one would assume most guys that go to strip clubs for female companionship are not raking in the pussy in civvy world but "somehow hot young strippers really dig them".
• twentyfive

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  5 years ago

  ^ Jaded PL
• BoringLoser

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  5 years ago

  Lol, maybe papi is jaded, but that doesn’t make him wrong. Not that I would really know. I’m still new to this.
• Cristobal

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  5 years ago

  When I was a PL in the Vietnamese Bikini Coffee Shop scene, I would OTCS (outside the coffee shop) with the waitresses as friends thinking it was cool to hang out and eat dinner (occasionally they offer to pay). These are civvies but still the job is get PLs to visit and tip at the CS, eventually you learn to be on alert because these girls will use you in various ways aside from visits and tips: meals, rides, I even had a girl ask me to help get an apartment (I didn't). So when I became a PL at SCs, I was leary of any OTC offer and turned down a few because it just didn't feel right. The point is you can do what you want as long as you don't do it blindly.
• clres007

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  5 years ago

  @papi_chulo "In the simplest of terms, if one has to ask/wonder if they're getting played, they likely are" - This is an excellent advice in general!
• rickdugan

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  5 years ago

  Subraman posted: "I've said this before: I think our analysis of strippers is far too one-dimension -- underneath all that maybelline, they are people, kinda sorta, and will often have multiple reasons for doing something..." Sub, my eyes have been opened! I have now come to realize that they are people too. ;) Seriously though, I don't think that this is a really big problem around here. If anything, I think the preponderance of seasoned posters here in the VIP section are more prone to seek them out for company than they are to view them through a one dimensional lens. I am just in a different situation than some here as my cup already overfloweth with daily female interaction. When I deal with strippers, I just want to be entertained. At the end of the day, I think that there are pros and cons to either approach. Some guys who share my views tend to take it to the extreme and completely dehumanize these girls, which is not good. Those who seek these girls out for company sometimes go too far the other way and get too emotional over girls that will never return those affections. For every guy like you who can keep balance there is probably a lonely PL who loses his perspective. Anyway, just my random thoughts on this fwiw.
• Papi_Chulo

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  5 years ago

  There's a difference b/w having fun at the strip club, and treating the strip club as a girlfriend supermarket where the PL is looking at the stripper as a future S.O.- the PL that walks into a strip club with his civilian-lenses vs his strip club bizarro lenses, is usually in for a rude awakening (and often an expensive rude awakening).
• Papi_Chulo

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  5 years ago

  Dating strippers is like wrestling alligators - can it be done, sure, but you better know what you're doing
• flagooner

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  5 years ago

  You might want to suggest a game of checkers or working on a jigsaw puzzle during your next OTC.
• Subraman

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  5 years ago

  -->"the job is get PLs to visit and tip at the CS, eventually you learn to be on alert because these girls will use you in various ways aside from visits and tips: meals, rides," Cristobal, I think it's good that you have the awareness that some (or all) of this is an extension of her hustle -- build loyalty, get you spending on her ITC, sometimes to give you a little YMMV to make you feel special that does not include sex. On the other hand, I wouldn't go too far: to me, a drinking lunch or dinner with my CF is the epitome of win-win. For me, at least, it's inconceivable that dinner with a gorgeous 22-year-old stripper is anything but out-fucking-rageously fun -- and even spending for a decent restaurant, is probably the cheapest I'll pay for her time. And the loyalty bought goes both ways -- IME, outside lunches and dinners are the best tip off in the world that that stripper knows how to obtain and retain her high-value regulars, and there's no doubt that after an awesome lunch plus shots of Jameson, she'll be spending the next 4 hours with me ITC. And, regarding rides, I had a very popular ATF years ago who used to arrive by ferry; on my way in to the club, I'd time my arrival to pick her up at the ferry building, and we'd drive together to the club. That pretty much cost me nothing, and what it bought me was, one of the most in-demand girls in the club would emerge from the dressing room, walk straight over to me, and hang out with me until I was done. In short, there's a lot of territory between "I think she might want to be my girlfriend" and "she's using me and I'm getting nothing out of it". Meals and bar hopping and even rides CAN BE a pretty win-win activity with strippers, IMO -- especially if they buy you her time and attention ITC, and do not take the place of what you're really after OTC.
• BoringLoser

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  5 years ago

  Something I’ve noticed is that some of the other girls seem to know that we’ve been hanging out. I think they’re more comfortable around me because of it. These are all girls I’ve talked to/danced with before, but it’s a little different now. It’s hard to put my finger on, but I think it’s a good thing.
• IceyLoco

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  5 years ago

  So here's the thing, do guys hang out with strippers coz they want to be friends or look for something long lasting or do they usually have ulterior motives????? Take it one step at a time. If she doesn't give you a reason to doubt, don't doubt. If you start doubting she'll sense your insecurity and you'll kill whatever potential there could have been. If she starts asking for money or to meet her at the club, well, you'll get your answer. But til then, enjoy the ride.
• IceyLoco

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  5 years ago

  Also, consider the types you attract. If she's similar to that type or not has a lot to do with whatever s going on
• IceyLoco

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  5 years ago

  As far as actually dating strippers, they tend to be pretty forward and don't play games. If they really like you, you know it.... When she introduces you as her boyfriend at family events you kinda know where you stand.
• rickdugan

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  5 years ago

  ^ "Friends" DC? Do you get invited to their weddings? Family get togethers or their kids' birthdays? Do you expect to be named as the God father of any of their kids? Now if the answer to any of these questions is yes then maybe you have made a true friend. But for the most part a "friendship" with a dancer you meet in a club will last about as long as your spending on her does. First and foremost, we are sources of income.
• IceyLoco

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  5 years ago

  Yeah, you're not her friend if you just see her at the club or pay to see her. She's cordial and offers good friendly customer service, but it isn't friendship. Rick is right.
• BoringLoser

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  5 years ago

  @Icey Yeah I’ll just go with it for now. She’s chill. I like chilling with her. I’m not trying to fuck her. She seems cool with that. I don’t need to worry about p4p unless she brings it up. If that happens I’ll be disappointed.
• IceyLoco

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  5 years ago

  BoringLoser, if she brings up P4P just play stupid and ask her what she means... try to guilt trip her. Fuck with her head. Nashman, many are lonely.... among other things.
• rickdugan

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  5 years ago

  DC, idk, I usually think of coffee as something acquaintances do. Friends, otoh, most definitely get invited to weddings and often more. But hey, to each his own. If you like seeing her for coffee every so often then so be it, but if I were you I'd still be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• JamesSD

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  5 years ago

  Rick has a strict definition of friendship. I probably have 2 friends by his definition. I used to define friendship as someone who would help you move. But we're all so old and brittle these days it's better to hire someone.
• IceyLoco

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  5 years ago

  I actually agree with Rick on this one. To me, when it comes to female friends, you know she's a friend when she trusts you enough to fall asleep with you. That's a big step with any girl, whether she's just a friend or your bitch. To me an acquaintance is someone you keep formalities with. A friend is someone who farts in front of you and eats off your plate without asking, gives you weed and takes care of you when you're drunk.
• BoringLoser

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  5 years ago

  Ok cool. I’m gonna see if I can get her to fall asleep.
• IceyLoco

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  5 years ago

  hang out real late and see if she falls asleep on your lap or in your arms.... one of the best signs from a girl.