Story of a stereotypical sex worker boyfriend.
My friend checked into a mental health facility yesterday. She is there because she had a breakdown and threatened suicide.As far as I can tell, this is something unsurprising. She has not been taking her meds for her mental health issues. Nor has she been in a rational state of mind lately. She’s displayed off and on manic behavior for a solid two months now.
Yesterday, she got fired from her job. She was shocked and upset. I was unsurprised. She was constantly coming in late/no-showing. And she’s constantly had conflict with this coworker or that coworker.
She calls me, and we chat briefly. Then we text back and forth and she seemingly calms down and says she will focus on her camming. I encourage her.
When she has had her mania surges, she would “bounce back” after a few hours. I figured yesterday would have been like that.
I find out she’s in the hospital because her boyfriend tells about it later that night when he comes home. (She, her boyfriend, and I are all roommates)
And his main emotion is that he’s annoyed. Because rent is coming up due at the end of this month and he has to take care of paying. Her erratic behaviors and mental breakdowns didn’t even register as a potential problem.
And hopefully she can get out soon so that she can start “helping out” again.
I nod, and bite my tongue. And will instead vent to a discussion board:
1. Why is a dude in his late 20s stressing about paying 2/3 of the rent on an apartment below 1k/month?
2. Her current vanilla job makes below $15/hr. And that’s the only job he believes she has been doing.
3. She’s going to magically be able to possibly be able to contribute in a week? If she has to look for another vanilla job first?
4. She’s already tried asking “permission” to dance and cam. He said no. (She will cam behind his back anyways, but that’s beside the point.)
5. If she does get discharged soon, and is able to do so, where will he think she will have gotten the money? Hmm.
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Sounds to me like you two girls could easily afford to live there without that d bag.
She better contribute, he wants to get back to playing Xbox.
At the moment, I’m more confused than bothered by his behavior.
I can’t tell whether he is:
A) Really just that stupid
B) Realize deep down what’s going on. But he enjoys being “taken care of” and so blissfully deludes himself.
Oh, ask her if some creepy guy in ankle chains hogging all the internet time in the institution library. He is likely from San Jose.
I’m not on the lease. If I wanted to bounce out, it would be easy to. Plus I know I’d definitely be leaving in May.
That being said, I have been thinking harder about “getting out of town” more often. Probably in Dallas.
But still staying here on Mondays-Wednesdays. Not only for school, but also to check up on my friend to make sure she’s mostly okay.
But everything is still tentative there on my end.
He may be worthless. But he’s not actively abusive.
Don’t withhold judgement. He’s rent is less then $333 a month and he appears to be healthy and able bodied. That guy should be more than able to pick up his girlfriends share for a little while till she’s in a better place. On top of that he’s limiting her income stream by saying she can’t cam. Fuck that. Slavery was abolished and he doesn’t get to say what she can and can’t do.
Perhaps my bud ralphthevulture. He’s kind of milquetoast! I’d like to point him to a sexy hairless ape that likes to lick cloaca. Squawk!
As far as the boyfriend, he sounds like a lost cause but I don’t know what you can do about it. As far as understanding him, I’d guess the answer is “B”.
That guy is no BF, he's using her with no care plain and simple.
He certainly is an abusive shithead !
or
b) he can't emotionally/financially handle the situation and is unable/ill-equipped to handle the situation
All I can say is that for her future wellbeing, she needs to get rid of this guy and if she is naturally co-dependent, then she needs to keep looking until she finds the person that will support her and help her to be better and become the person she has the potential to be. Keep yourself available to her and let her know that you only have her best interests in mind, and that if she needs help making life decisions, that you are willing to give your advice/suggestion when she asks/needs it, so she can be better.
Finally, if he really loved/cared for her, he would have noticed she wasn't taking her meds and forced the issue.
Stepping off my high horse now and paying my 2 cents.
About the BF, we do not walk in his shoes and so we should not judge him. Lots of people get into situations where they find it hard to go forwards.
People who have been treated with dignity and respect and been allowed to develop and apply their abilities will be very unlikely to ever develop a problem with drugs or alcohol. And if further there have not been huge holes blasted in their social and civil standing, then they probably will be better at adapting to change and loss.
And people often want to try and continue intimate relationships, these may be all the party has in life.
This is strange world we live in. We have to always start with the premise that a person is doing the very best they are able to.
Universal Basic Income is a much cheaper and simpler solution to these kinds of problems than the way things are now.
SJG
"B) Realize deep down what’s going on. But he enjoys being “taken care of” and so blissfully deludes himself."
i vote this one. he might also be ignorant when it comes to mental health stuff. like people who think being sad for a few days over something is the same as clinical depression and tell you to do yoga outside and eat better and you'll be cured. so maybe he doesn't understand the severity of the situation and why she can't just go back to normal and make rent
———
At any rate, her boyfriend is (most likely) is less of a scum bag than this salty.nutz troll is.
Btw salty, get the basic facts right before you start distorting them. I already said camming, not stripping.
You have a history of trying to pick fights with several dancers on here.
I remember for me specifically, you were trying multiple times to claim I was racist and only liked white customers. But you were caught in the act just projecting the whole time. Remember this?
https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php5?id…
You can try to intensify the smear campaign on me with even more outlandish claims. But keep in mind, I enjoy trolling on occasion too. And I’m better at it than you are.
I just aim for enjoying her friendship as is. I’m hoping that since she is getting medical attention, that will be even easier to do.
Thats cool that they sympathize , but I genuinely am.curious of they would have the same level of sympathy if the roles were reversed .
;-)
If the roles were reversed? As in, if a female wants to contribute minimal emotional support to her man, and doesn’t even have any children with him, but nonetheless wants him to pay her bills? Best not to ask that question. ;)
i have a history of smashing my roomates of the opposite sex, so yeah im projecting.
I apologize if I made it seem otherwise. These two never had a clear discussion together about “fair agreements” and deciding how bills are split. They just pitch in for that stuff together on a joint bank account.
And occasionally he picks up the slack when she’s in between jobs. But otherwise, the vast majority of stuff gets paid by her. Including his student loan debt. Before moving in an apartment at home together, he was living with his mom for the longest time.
It might not only be the amount paid that’s stressing him out. He might also be stressed at the task of having to go to the apartment office to present a check.
Like I said..I'm not blaming her for anything, but he at at least has a legitimate right to get angry , because it was thru her actions that he is having financial consequences , since even tho they didn't have explicit agreement , she IMPLIED how much she could contribute based on how much she contributed in past.
If for whatever reason your parents weren’t able to keep you financially afloat so that you could get away with being a jobless 24 year old sophomore/junior, then I’d hate to imagine how angry *you* would be.
———
But anyways, I’m copying and pasting my earlier question, because I’m interested in hearing what others have to say:
I have no idea what the fine line between “abusive” and “scumbag” is. What do you guys think the difference is then? There seems to be a divide in opinions here.
The thing is, is that this is mostly not *my* issue. Sure it happens in front of me, but I can mostly choose how much to participate. I was considering venturing out so that it would even be less of my problem.
But that being said, I’m not going to outright ghost my friend.
Hey nice spice.what does my parents not backing out on supporting me have anything to do with ur friend who actually backed out of committing to something ?
Is that the similarity youre drawing lmao? That when people make finanical commitments, they have an obligation to commit .and if they don't commit, the other person obviously has a right to feel mad? Lmao .
If you had your own place even with another roommate you could let her come stay with you on the condition that he is not welcome. Guys like this never come correct anyway, so before you could help her she needs to help herself and ditch the bum.
Ooh look. You tried to bring up the *same* thing up again. I’ll copy and paste what I *already* replied earlier:
“These two never had a clear discussion together about “fair agreements” and deciding how bills are split. They just pitch in for that stuff together on a joint bank account.
And occasionally he picks up the slack when she’s in between jobs. But otherwise, the vast majority of stuff gets paid by her. Including his student loan debt.”
The reason I brought up a similarity between him and you, is that he’s comfortable with feeling entitled to keep the spoiling train going for himself. Just like *you* are.
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That being said, that’s why I want to ask the question *again* whether the boyfriend is truly emotionally abusive? As opposed to just simply lazy and entitled?
(Because if so, then I have to ask if Nicole’s relationship with her family would be considered abusive as well)
Thank you for your input. I have nothing much to say in response at the moment. I’ll just say that I’ll give it some thought.
As for the idea of men providing, I personally hold more egalitarian viewpoints. But I definitely don’t agree with men actively leeching either.
Everyone will be pursing an appropriate and demanding career, as well as continuing their education. No one would ever have to rely on themselves. That is an idiotic idea. The organization has the responsibility of making things work for people.
So the whole idea of who is a success and who is a fuck up does not even exist. Libertarianism does not exist.
SJG
Mainstreet
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Mary Jane's Last Dance - Tom Petty
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Golden Earing ~ Radar Love (extended) 1973
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TJ Street
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Attributed to Denis Diderot, "Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."
SJG
u say: And occasionally he picks up the slack when she’s in between jobs. But otherwise, the vast majority of stuff gets paid by her. Including his student loan debt.
….^ I think that I skipped that part when reading. if that is true, I guess you're right. but idk..if you are right, that would mean that she pays for his expenses and most of the groceries as opposed to them splitting these fees.
GTFO
The relevance is that you tried to come in and make a harsh statement just because it’s different than others’ opinion here.
You didn’t even ask questions first to see if there was a chance you were right. You even tried to make your usual “sexism” nonsense early on, before you gave up on that.
But I’m in a trolling mood, so I will play along with your crap.
@dblednmike
I don’t care for it either. Ideally, she would dump him and cam and strip to her heart’s content. But it is what it is.
Maybe I’ll try later.
Ok so lmao what does me having my rent paid for have to do with making a harsh statement that is different?
Oh, and do I not have the right to make a harsh statement that is different ? Oh, u thought I was out of line by making harsh statement without giving u chance that u would be right ? I mean sorry I cant read ur mind to be able to know the exact details of the financial situation..a situation which it seemed like u conveyed the main details of
Of.course I cant predict every little situation..
Nicespice are your costumers this pathetic in da club....lol...wow
Me making a harsh statement wasn't assuming anything about ppl I don't know, but rather making a claim on a reasonable amount of information provided by you initially.
Update: she has left the hospital and is home. I think she said she still has to do stuff to prove she’s taking her prescribed medication.
So she will be able to continue camming and pay for (most) of the mutual bills, his student loans, and restaurant tabs. Plus occasional gifts every so often.
So hooray for happy endings?
Rent there is higher than what I'm paying each week for a hotel, ouch.
———
We hung out earlier today to walk the dog. We were in the car together. I road raged because someone merging on the freeway didn’t want to yield to me when I had the right of way.
I yelled out “oh just try me dipshit! The one you’re trying to hit is suicidal anyways!”
And she laughed at that and said “I do care! The dog might get hurt!”
...And I am reminded why I put up with her shit. It’s because she’s gracious enough with mine. Lol!
Lol, DC. Your driving style would fit right in if you ever moved to Texas.
Does it really count as a happy ending? (That's rhetorical). This girl sounds like the kind of crazy TUSCLers might like. You guys know who you are. Is she cute?
He sounds like a whiney, unsupportive, little bitch.
Any guy who isn't okay with their s.o. dancing or being a sex worker has preconceived ideas and insecurities pestering that literally nobody has time for.
Fuck that loser.
I hope your friend is feeling better soon and good luck to you and her.
I feel for your friend who has the mental problems. Mental illness is very much misunderstood and as a horrible disease medications can be a big help the can also be a problem that it is almost impossible to find the right combination. Biggest Problem with mental illness is if they try to self medicate with street drugs. If you can get her to find a regular job instead of camming I think it would be better. More structure is better for someone with that illness. Have yourself an exit plan pre worked up. Situation could go from bad to oh my God quickly...
But I agree that a bit of structure would probably be good. I could use a bit more of that myself.
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I appreciate the feedback guys. Especially from PSD, 25, DrEvil, Dblednmike, MackTruck, huntsman, shailynn, DC9428, blahblah, flag, iam4u2screw, papi, April, trickystick, OrionSmith, waffle, skibum, crazyjoe, and ASUS12.
I’m considering asking my roommate to read this thread and allowing her to come to her own conclusions.
...But if I do that, then I will be waiting for a couple of months at least.
In her case, she has a relatively low paying (but above minimum wage) jobs. But until she gets a grip on her mental health she’s going to have a hard time keeping one stable. His income I believe is similar. I don’t think he works a full 40 hrs/wk.
She’s decided now she’s going to just cam more seriously now. Idk how long it’s going to take for him to catch on.
I live with them because not only because she asked me to, but the apartment location is nearby a bus route that is convenient to campus.
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San Antonio is definitely more ratchet. One girl straight up asked me if I had a condom once (in a club without a private booth to do that discreetly.) And I’ve overheard more than one phone call in the dressing room where a dancer is on the phone asking for “permission” to leave the club.
Income potential I think is less than Austin, but not as bad as a couple of years ago. Idk if it was me that improved or the customers.
But yeah. I need to stop being lazy and get my butt out of town more often. Especially because my school schedule is currently lighter than I thought it would be a few months ago.
At the very least he is taking advantage of her financially if she is paying most of the Bill's including his student loans. He is abusing her financially.
Also https://news4sanantonio.com/news/local/s…
@MackTruck She wants to do it though. I don’t agree with her nonsense, but she likes providing for him. It’s that pesky codependency.
The guy doesn't have to be a douchebag. So what if he doesn't want her dancing? And so what if he has problems coming up with rent money. That doesn't make him a bad person.