Strip Clubs and Significant Others
Vantablack
GOODBYE TUSCL!! :)
I'm not married and I don't have a girlfriend, but for those of you that are, how does your significant other feel about your strip clubbing habits? Are they indifferent? Do they loathe it? Or are they completely unaware?
Do they consider it as infidelity?
Do they consider it as infidelity?
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https://www.tuscl.net/discussion.php?id=…
My wife and I had this discussion recently about how she would have been "okay" with me going to strip clubs in my twenties (which I never did early in our marriage). I said, no you wouldn't have been and neither would a lot of women in their twenties due to the insecurity either from body image comparisons or fear of being left or emotional abandonment. I think as some women mature they realize isn't no big deal or the guy is less likely to do something stupid to force it to be a big deal as he matures.
I never had a problem with this in high school with mom, my GFs, or her close friends. I think they expect young men to have a good sexual appetite and laughed it off as boys-being-boys since there was no evidence of misogyny nor bleed over of female objectification from nudie juice bars into normal life.
Back then, first period class and homeroom functioned much the way Tuscl does today (locker room jock talk)
Either my SO never knew, or just was accepting. I never kept it a secret that I stopped by a club once in awhile with the guys after work, Also, she went to a club a few times with me for specific reasons, not just a club visit. As far as I know, she knew nothing of my real clubbing.
My dad is mentally unstable and in the last five years had decided to come to Jesus. So he’d have an especially big problem with me going to hell and all. Since I want to be in his life and keep tabs on him and make sure he’s doing alright, I keep my harlotry to myself.
My mom is a shopaholic. Three weeks ago, I had to bail her out of getting the car insurance cancelled ($500) and a 1.5 months ago, I bailed her out of getting the utilities cut off ($300). If she knew I stripped, she would be coming after me to pay her bills more aggressively and probably think it’s money she was owed.
If it was just my mom, I could probably get over it and just be honest. (Albeit with extra firm boundaries.)
But as it is, it’s what I hate about stripping. Way more than the actual job itself. I hate lying to them and making up fake jobs that I do. Some dancers are super open with their moms about it, and it makes me jealous.
As far as significant others...no problems there. My boyfriend can go to clubs all he wants, and so do I. There’s rules both of us have to follow, but since we trust each other, it’s not a big deal.
I remember stumbling onto some of that when I first searched for strip club forums.
Pretty cynical, my friend! :)
w.r.t. family only my brother knows and I tend to downplay my SCing bc although he's ok with it (he SCed when he was single) he's concerned I may be spending too much (and there's basis for that concern) - the rest of my family is pretty-conservative (not drinkers nor partiers) so they'd likely look down on me for SCing.
Benignly tolerant with a dash of indifference.
“Do they consider it as infidelity?”
No, because it’s not.
In his case, however, he had secular views while being a part of a very traditional Muslim family. Dating, without the possibility of marriage, was out of the question for him.
I didn’t get the impression he told many others about this though. Especially when he had a roommate that got him into trouble with his parents because he snitched on using weed. But there had to be some others aside from me he talked about this with. We weren’t that close of friends.
What you said is true, and almost too wise for this discussion board. In this guy’s case however, I don’t think he was dealing so much with idolizing his parents as he didn’t want them to cut him off financially. (His family had money)
How old are you? I feel like we might be the youngest ones here
I had a mentor who I had known from being in H.S. and on into my adult life. It was hard at the time to understand how he presented his views changed when I passed the H.S./college/work boundary. Particularly WRT to infidelity and escorts.
While (I was) a minor he was very much vocally against cheating, infidelity, "..If I ever catch you cheating .. it will be the end of you .. don't ever do that to a woman." He's never let anyone dare ever cheat on his daugher, for example. Men don't cheat, he advised.
As (I was) an adult, the advice took a 180 turn. I thought he was a misogynistic philandering hypocrite and so I dismissed all of his advice. He said as an adult, and you can't every tell your mother or sister, ever, as they won't understand: there comes a time where you need to see something extra on the side or you just need to get laid. You take care of business then you get back to business, you know? Maybe you have a need and you need identical twins. Boom. Make it happen. We can help you. Call me 24/7 anytime you need something and I will set it up as we have a private club. It's how we get stuff done. Male coping. For now, I can spot you and pay all of your escort fees until you are able in a few years to pay your own way.
I remember asking other successful affluent men, and the advice was mostly the same! Roughly 85% agreed with him. For a while this shook me. Men do this all the time. It's just that we tell white lies to women and children. I think I would have prefered to know the whole story since day. But I understand this @rickdugan and @shailynn rationale here. So I'm over it.
I wished now I would have kept him as a mentor. I think it took me 20 years and Tuscl to come to grips with it.
I'm in the same age range
So what you're basically saying is it's not cheating if nobody knows about it?
The vast majority of women - and men - are not OK with their S.O. receiving sex from another person whether paid or for free.
That said, it's pretty easy to observe that most people most of the time will do what they can get away with then justify the behavior later. Denying urges is tough, and willpower is limited. Excuses, on the other hand, are cheap, plentiful, and comforting. Like a warm box of donuts from the convenience store.
I tried coming clean once, about minor shit, probing to see how she'd react. She said "just let me know when you go, so you not lying." I told her the next time, and she lost her shit. I found that it was better that I claim I lost interest and no longer tell her shit. Her words said be honest, but her actions said "let me pretend."
The answer is yes. @twentyfive answered it more concisely that I could.
"Personally I probably still wouldn't do it, because I wouldn't want my wife/GF going behind my back to fuck someone else."
That's always something to keep in mind, and a good one, too. I always keep that in mind because I was always told growing up that if you have the time to cheat, so does she! ;)
Unless you are @rickdugan. Then your SAHW and SAHM is too busy taking care of his 3 or 5 kids or whatever cooking meals and helping with homework in his green leafy town to have any spare time to prowl for ass the way he does. Manipulative and smart. Wicked smaht. /s
SJG