tuscl

Ecosexuality

ppwh
Myanmar
Monday, August 20, 2018 10:45 PM
So, I was fuckin this tree, right, and a stripper I recognized from the club yelled down that I better find another tree because it was her first day at her new job as branch manager.... But seriously, between calls #37 and #38 tonight to my CF to see if I could make an appointment (don't worry, we have an agreement where if she's with a customer, I can try calling later - it's a Monday night, so I guess the club must be bumpin) Anyway, I was over at Twitter as a plan b and read that more people are fucking trees - [view link] Has anyone tried this? It sounds like a potentially good backup plan after encountering a ROB, but everything I have seen about it has been women. Any experiences to share? (Women, too, of course, but since I'm looking at paying down some bills, I am looking for more practical advice vs idealistic "ecosexuality's posthumanist tendencies queering our speciest model of belonging and fostering an environmentalism that is not foundationally anthropocentric nor steeped in reproductive futurism." I mean, would one tape a CF's photo to a tree before fucking it, or more try to get into the how soft its bark is, say, if you have your eye on a birch? Also, what about the friction angle? Is this a strictly LDK-type activity? I remember reading about a guy barebacking a fence and being like "that just ain't me... those chain links look heinous!"

21 comments

  • ATACdawg
    •
    6 years ago
    I considered getting a blowjob froma female Chestnut tree, but it turned out that her bark was worse than her bite.....
  • ppwh
    •
    6 years ago
    So if you're looking for a tree that's closer to your own age, would you go by "tree years", or just guestimate? Or like closer to your CF's age... mine is pretty slim with soft skin, so I am leaning toward finding a nice silver birch. I don't want a Papi Chulo mode tree, so I'm worried about getting one with a trunk that's too thick. Since a birch lives to around 50, does that mean if it's 18, that's like being with a 28 year-old? Not that I'm into redwoods (see Papi Chulo mode comment) but damn, the potential there is pretty mind-boggling
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    If you fuck a doug fir does that make you gay?
  • nicespice
    •
    6 years ago
    Lol! I think it’s more that wasting gas and environmental resources to drive to the club all the time for ejaculation services are making you guys a chump. Apprach the human, plant, or animal you want. The one you want to wake up to every morning, so that you don’t always keep destroying the environment with your mongering.
  • Pizza (hiatus)
    •
    6 years ago
    Purchasing a tree at the nursery is a chump's game. You need to start with a front lawn watering session. Get your tree all nice and wet. Then take your tree out for OTC (outdoor tree copulation) or TLN (tree loving at night.) You'll have your tree begging for your MiracleGro. I only slip some fertilizer underneath the roots to show my appreciation.
  • jackslash
    •
    6 years ago
    I said, "Birch, spread those limbs." But she wanted me to put a tree ring on it. So I told her to leaf.
  • 4got2wipe
    •
    6 years ago
    SirLapdancealot, fucking a Doug fir definitely makes you gay. And a practioner fo botaniality (plant equivalent of beastiality) Not that there is anything wrong with that. Beastiality = unethical because you can hurt an animal and that is fucked up. Seriously non-brilliant. Unless it is a rick animal and the rick animal gives consent, of course. #rickanimalstoo But plants don't have a nervous system, so no harm no foul. Go for it if it's your thing! ;)
  • ATACdawg
    •
    6 years ago
    I think that ppwh needs to turn over a new leaf, and stop screwing underage saplings. If you quit pining for them, people will stop needling you......
  • Jascoi
    •
    6 years ago
    I am laughing my fucking ass off.,..
  • shadowcat
    •
    6 years ago
    I had a favorite but she was too Poplar.
  • Uprightcitizen
    •
    6 years ago
    Sweet Cherry my favorite. Papi is probably more of a thick trunk Black Cherry lover.
  • ATACdawg
    •
    6 years ago
    Seriously, I think that ppwh is part of a splinter group that gives a whole new meaning to morning wood......
  • GeneraI
    •
    6 years ago
    Nicespice is the best at tuscl!!!
  • galiziabob.sabbatical
    •
    6 years ago
    Nuts on the wall, you have a walnut. Nuts on her chest makes her a chestnut tree. Nuts on her chin means she has a dick in her mouth.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    @4got2wipe my doug fir has a big a woody. Buncha faggots on fire in this thread.
  • ppwh
    •
    6 years ago
    Wow, this thread got kind of derailed. > I think that ppwh needs to turn over a new leaf, and stop screwing underage saplings. If you quit pining for them, people will stop needling you...... I'm not into midgets, but hypothetically, say if things got a little heated while I was fucking my neighbor's bonsai and one of her branches snapped and that motherfucker sued for damages based on $15/hour for him trimming the fucking thing for 20 years, that wouldn't exactly help save money. Anyway, about the sapling thing, it sounds like the same concept might apply based on the stability of the root system and topsoil quality. Ie., even if a tree were well over-age in human years, if she were growing in clay soil and uprooted during sex, it sounds like the tree owner could go after someone for property damage (nevermind the bullshit patriarchal concepts this is based on) Also, say word got out about my favorite silver birch (which have epic root systems, btw, so I'm not worried about her getting knocked over even if the fucking gets a little intense) and she started looking like the VIP at Follies after a busy day... Anyone know if Listermint is harmful to the tree? I guess if everyone used it, enough could seep down into the topsoil to start harming the tree. Anyway, if I greased a park ranger to give us privacy for a while and the other guys just snuck in for a quickie and sprayed her down with Listermint, I would be worried about him thinking it was me with the Listermint even if I found a cleanup method that is more tree-friendly.
  • SirLapdancealot
    •
    6 years ago
    The other day my ATF DT* was with a PW** for hours. * Dream Tree ** Pathetic Woodpecker
  • ATACdawg
    •
    6 years ago
    What's with the Listermint? Pine Sol is much less detectable in this application. Never work against the grain!
  • whodey
    •
    6 years ago
    My only rule is that the only wood allowed in the bed is my own. I don't mind gucking a nice bush from time to time as long as it is nicely trimmed but an overgrown bush is only acceptable if I'm desperate.
  • ppwh
    •
    6 years ago
    > What's with the Listermint? Pine Sol is much less detectable in this application. Never work against the grain! This is the kind of advice that keeps me coming back to TUSCL! Ranger Dan tips his hat to you and said he wished he had thought of that years ago
  • Pizza (hiatus)
    •
    6 years ago
    When I first saw the thread title I thought it read “Echosexuality.” The answer to that is heterosexual, of course....
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