Uh-oh . . . I think I'm falling in love with a stripper.
Hank67
I don't do taglines
New member here. Decided to join for the sole purpose of getting feedback on my new conundrum. First, I'm 51, married, in good shape for my age and considered attractive. I'm also married and my wife and I aren't getting divorced but our relationship has morphed into more of a platonic one over the past year. Lots of reasons for that which I won't go into here. I recently stopped by the local club one afternoon about a month ago with absolutely no intention of doing anything more than having a beer, maybe throwing some ones at a dancer or two, and leaving. What happened was anything but that. I had the pleasure of meeting an incredibly attractive, funny, enthusiastic, smart and interesting lady who I'll call "Andrea." I was taken aback at first site - because she looked like she could be the twin sister of a woman I had a 4-year relationship with back when I was in my 20s. This woman is one of those ones you'll never forget - incredibly mind-blowing sex, but many, many MANY problems outside the bedroom and I consider myself quite fortunate to have escaped that relationship with only a broken-off engagement and a major broken heart, which healed after awhile as hearts always do. Anyway, back to "Andrea." Besides being my ideal of feminine beauty she was also a very interesting person and though she's only 22 we found we had quite a bit in common and spent the better part of 90 minutes sitting at the bar, talking. I bought her a couple drinks. I even used the obligatory "Your boyfriend is a lucky man" line just to see how she'd respond and she responded with "I don't have a boyfriend - I don't have time for one right now. I was hooked. I don't know what came over me. I'm definitely not one of those guys who makes a hobby out of dating - or trying to date - strippers. I don't spend much time in strip clubs, though I've known and hung out with some back in my younger days as a perk of being in a band and partaking in the late night club scene. After I said goodbye to Andrea that first afternoon I did what I would otherwise describe as being unthinkable and a waste of time and money. I purchased a $50.00 floral arrangement on my phone and had it sent to the club care of "Andrea Andrea" (because the recipient line on the order form called for a first AND last name.) Oh and I included my phone number in the note I left, with some "pie-in-the-sky" platitudes about it being only shortly after Memorial Day weekend and that I hoped to get to know her over the summer. She texted me back a couple days later thanking me profusely for the flowers and we made arrangements to see each other again at the club. That was four weeks ago. Over the past four weeks I've visited her four times, buying her drinks, getting VIP/Champagne room dances, giving her back rubs and foot rubs, discussing all sorts of topics and finding that we really do enjoy each other's company. And yes, I bit the bullet and asked if we could see each other outside of the club and she said "yes." We're supposed to get together tomorrow for lunch at a restaurant which features a particular ethnic cuisine we're both fond of. I've also made an entre into asking her to go to a professional sporting event with me and she's given me a firm "maybe." I'm not gonna lie - part of me feels like I'm 18 again - in more ways than one - and is on top of the world. Another part of me wonders how much time it will take until everything fizzles out and I admit that I can't sustain this kind of relationship - whatever that may be - at my age, with my marriage, work, etc, etc. Still another part of me wonders if I should just come clean to my wife - and if that will end in divorce, or understanding. I guess the reason I'm writing all this is because I'm seeking answers. Or at least, advice. What happens if we do go out to lunch tomorrow. If she blows me off, or comes up with some sort of excuse, I think I'll know that it's a charade. But if it actually happens, then we will have reached a relationship level that is more than just stripper/client. Do we continue meeting outside the club. Do we continue down the path of inevitably broaching the subject of a sexual relationship? I have made a point of being the ultimate gentleman at all times with Andrea over the past four weeks, but still our flirting has gotten more and more suggestive. And we've also begun to share intimate details about each other's lives that I would never imagine happens in the "usual stripper/client" scenario. I know I'm not special. I also know I'm not made of money. Have I lucked into the ultimate scenario - a once-in-awhile thing with a stripper young enough to be my daughter that is mutually satisfying and doesn't interfere with either of our lives? Or should I run - not walk - as fast as I can in the other direction and never see this woman again? For the past four weeks I've been putting a lot of effort into playing this thing cool and doing what I sense are the right things to keep this a growing "relationship" (I hate using that word - especially unless and until we actually start seeing each other outside the club.) And ultimately, I know that there is a shelf life for this sort of arrangement. I'm not getting a divorce and marrying her. That's not gonna happen. Is this just a brief distraction from everyday life? Is it a feather in my cap? Is it doomed to fail?
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59 comments
At your age, you should have learned how paragraphs work. Could you have Andrea or your wife type this up, hitting enter a few times in strategic locations to break up the wall of text?
The only way to make her think of you as not just another customer in the club is if you make her see you're there for your own hustle or you know her hustle. It changes the dynamic. You then have to escalate it to something more personal. Otherwise, you're just being sold a fantasy.
Having a few things in common doesn't mean that she has feelings for you or that there's even any potential there. Women don't think, you can't convince them of shit. Its all about how you make them feel and having them think of how you make them feel when you're not around. You're not going to get that if you see her once a week in an environment where she's just hustling and you're one of how many men she hustles.
If you take her out, don't mention her work, don't think about anything, make her have a good time and enjoy herself. The next time you see her, remind her of something funny that happened during lunch or how she felt then. Bring up her smile or whatever. Don't ever mention any experience you had with her at the club. You want her to see you as a person in the real world and her real world feelings.
If you really want to bond with her during lunch, if she likes any drugs, get some and use them with her before lunch.
But honestly, I think you need to be really careful.I'm not being an asshole, I'm trying to give real advice. From my experience, strippers that young don't usually like men your age cos they think you have money and they can see you OTC to get you to come back for more ITC action. If after lunch she wants to see you ITC, be weary.
Also remember this, there are more ways to use someone than just for money.
If she really likes you.
She will
1- Make plans to see you on her days off
2- She will keep in touch
3- She isn't going to make it all about money. It will be more about spending time with her.
4- She will start to open up and won't put on an act. If she's down or pissed off, she'll let you see how she really feels.
5- She's going to get possessive and jealous. She might mark you with hickies and shit.
1. You're falling in love with a stripper. This is not unnatural. But it won't end well. You're having a mid-life crisis, and you're going to make a fool of yourself and lose your money and your marriage.
2. She doesn't have boyfriend. Right. All strippers have boyfriends. He is most likely an unemployed drug addict with 2000 tattoos. To you he would appear to be a loser. But she loves him, not you.
3. How likely is it that an attractive 22-year-old would fall for a 51-year-old? She is playing you in order to get your money (which she will spend on her boyfriend).
4. There have been many discussions about dating strippers on TUSCL. Read some of them. Read the stories by one of our members Gawker. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
5. My advice: Run, Forrest, run!
AMEN BROTHER!!!!
I read about 10 lines and gave up. I'll try to get to it next time I take a sitter break.
"First, I'm 51, married, in good shape for my age and considered attractive. I'm also married and my wife and I aren't getting divorced but our relationship has morphed into more of a platonic one over the past year..."
That could be me except for the part about good shape and attractive.
It's a really bad idea and she is just hustling you, but none of that matters because it's not about her it's about you. You obviously want out of your marriage and you're acting out in a way that will surely lead to a divorce. But what you haven't calculated is that it will also lead to a loss of reputation and respect that you seemingly nice work hard for many years to attain. at 22 years old I don't give a shit how much she has in common with you but you guys don't have in common is emotional maturity and physical Vibrance.
I usually am anywhere between 12 to 14 years older and than the strippers I'm fucking. And that 12 years absolutely makes a difference and I still in my thirties bro.
think it's been a while since you've had some decent sex I can make any man fall head over heels and lose their shit because sex is a drug and she is your dealer. But don't mistake a very enthusiastic friendly dealer as anything but a dealer.
I say go and get high AKA get your nut more than a few times but keep your mouth shut dude don't lose your marriage don't lose your reputation and do not Bet Your Good Life on the stripper.
Ya, that sounds like a solid plan what could possibly go wrong?
Guess I'm hitting to close to home :(
This level is called stripper/regular.
> Another part of me wonders how much time it will take until everything fizzles out and I admit that I can't sustain this kind of relationship
The usual length of a CF relationship is about three months.
> Have I lucked into the ultimate scenario - a once-in-awhile thing with a stripper young enough to be my daughter that is mutually satisfying and doesn't interfere with either of our lives?
Possibly. It hinges on how jealous her boyfriend and your wife get if you decide to bail her out of jail.
My advice: Enjoy it for what it is, but turn off the fantasy once you walk out the door. The further along you string this, the more likely your wife will find out if she doesn't already know.
No? Your heart and wallet are in for a rough time.
Yes? ... what’s the problem, go get more.
(7 Habits of Highly Effective People, habit # 2: begin with the end in mind. What is the end goal regarding this girl? Marriage? Sex? Indefinite platonic companionship?)
Calling me a troll is racist, I'm African-American and prefer to be referred to as "Dat Nigga" thank you
My circumstances are somewhat different than yours in that I'm in an open (though I think the more accurate term would be "poly-amorous", even if I'm the only one amoring) relationship with my wife. She knows what I'm about, and doesn't have a problem with it. The girl for whom I fell knows I'm married and doesn't have a problem with it. I truly believe that those things are the only reasons I've not experienced some kind of drama or marital catastrophe.
You don't have that luxury however, and you'll actually be cheating on your wife (assuming your marriage vows are, explicitly or implicitly, near the American standard). This will sooner or later manifest in both of your relationships and probably end up poisoning both. Divorce is a messy business both financially and emotionally. Are you prepared for that?
Are you prepared to find out that your new love interest doesn't actually reciprocate your feelings and is only playing along for the money? That sex isn't on the menu and all she really wants is a sugar daddy who will spend time and money on her?
If not, then you should *be* prepared.
Notice I got a you people in there too;)
OP, if the reasons for the platonic nature of your marriage are in the realm of “it’s boring”, you might ask your wife if she’d like to bring in someone else. :)
Think about what good could come from going on a date with this stripper. Maybe you have a nice meal with an attractive young woman. Maybe you have great chemistry on that date. Maybe you have sex with her.
Now think of the downside - or downsides. Your wife finds out. From what you’ve mentioned - your wife is a good woman. Does she deserve to feel the betrayal? Even if she doesn’t divorce you - she will never trust you again. You will never be as close again. This will remain a wedge that exists from you being as close as you are now.
You aren’t a rich man, and half of a non-rich mans money hurts a lot. Think about the total cost of this piece of pussy - as you’ve paid her on each visit already. Now add the cost of your potential divorce to the total cost of seeing this dancer. Is it still worth it?
I know the temptation is there. It can be very strong. But - it’s not worth it. You should spend that money on your wife - and invest that time in your marriage.
If you are prepared to lose your marriage and possibly get your heart broken then I would tell her that if you are going to have a relationship with her then it needs to be a normal relationship and not a provider-client relationship and only see her outside the club. Never see her there again- Period. Ever.
Take her to dinners, hotels, trips but do not under any circumstances giver her cash, pay her bills, give her access to your bank acoount or credit cards. This will be a short fling if it works out at all so don’t get overly hopeful for a long term relationship. Have fun while it lasts but always prepared for it to end abruptly. Last but not least- practice safe sex ALWAYS! Cheers!
PaulDrake, it hasn't even left the club yet. Let him get his feet wet and see. yeah you're probably right but its always worth a shot smile now cry later
PhatBoy99 - troll status incredibly likely
Only you can know whether taking it to the next level is stupid or extremely stupid. If I had it all to do over I honestly don't know what I'd do. I was 63 when I met her and am 72 now. I'm unsure if I'll make 73 and am unsure if I want to make 73.
In my case her drug use and abuse has been a major negative factor. Her promiscuity has been tittilating and disturbing at the same time. I've recently made the worst decision of my life and am too embarrassed to admit it ( even here) but expect I will 'fess up when it causes me to either be incarcerated or otherwise exposed to public ridicule.
Good luck, sucker.
She readily admits that if she doesn't kick her habit she'll be dead soon. She shoots 3 to 4 grams of heroin daily and has no idea how much fentynal is mixed in.
She recently overdosed in my living room and got 2 shots of narcan in the ambulance and 6 more at the hospital. The Dr. told me she tested positive for heroin, fentynal, amphetamines, cocaine, and benzodiazamines.
I brought her to a secure detox program on Monday of this week and will not go to pick her up before she completes the protocol. Then she MUST go to a 10 day inpatient program. Then, within 2 days she is to move about 1500 miles away to spend a month with her father who is an addict in recovery. After that we'll assess where we stand.