SA...a cautionary tale
abqspencer
somewhere fun
I'm starting this discussion topic simply so you can learn from my mistake. I already know how careless I was, but feel free to call me an idiot (I've been doing a lot of that myself already). This is going to be long...sorry.
Cliff's Notes: I was being extorted by a girl on SA, never met, only texts.
Here's the run-down.
Day One:
Get messages from a girl on SA, cutie, decent messages. She asks me to text so we can get to know each other better. We start texting (I use a Google Voice number, as does she). We go from introductions to pics pretty quickly. Nothing over the top, though.
Day Two:
She sends more pics, a little hotter, then asks what I'm looking for in a SB. I tell her, honestly, that I'm in an arrangement and want to devote my time and energy to this one girl. But I also describe my ideal SB. She's fine with everything and says she's honestly just looking for someone to help with groceries and the occasional bill here and there, as she's in college.
We continue to text/sext throughout the day some. She's "in class" so the texts are spread apart some. She keeps mentioning wanting to meet, so she can get some $$. I continue to tell her no, I can't. She asks a few more times for grocery $$...I give in and ask her how much she needs. It's only $40, so I figure, sure...least I can do for the pics/vids she's sent me.
She requests PayPal and sends me her link for it.....THIS IS WHERE I WENT WAY WRONG!!!!!
I send her $40 through PayPal that evening.
She sends more pics/vids, thanks me, etc. Then when she's "at the store" she says the total was close to $60 so can I send a little more. I send $25 more, we are now at $65.
Still begging to meet up, to make it up to me, etc. More pics are sent to me, vids, snapchats...she wants to talk on the phone that night, so she calls me through snapchat.
Gives me a sob story about her phone going to be turned off, so I figure, let's meet the next AM, I'll pay her phone bill (she says $60) and have some fun with this hot chick. Then she says she'll meet me 5 days later instead. At this point I'm thinking, never mind, this girl is flaky, I don't want to meet her after all.
She's begging for cell phone bill money now. I tell her no, I paid upfront on the groceries and won't pay upfront for anything else. She says she understands.
Day Three:
Says she got her phone bill paid. Then says "small world, my sis knows some of your family"
Uh oh...wtf.
Says my wife's name. FUCK
I ask her how this came up and she says she was showing her sis my profile or something, and knew my wife and my pics from seeing her on FB or something. Whatever...shit just got real.
Immediately goes in to the When can we meet stuff. I tell her not sure (I was busy at the moment anyway, but stalling to figure shit out too). She blows up my phone constantly during all of this. Tons of messages. Wants to meet, etc. She promises my wife won't find out, nothing's wrong, and so on. But I'm on high alert.
She asks for money again. I tell her no, I helped her yesterday. Then she says she feels like a side piece...wtf.
Then the threats start. She says my wife will find out since I'm being mean (um, what?). Wants me to pay her for her silence. Wants me to send by PayPal again. I tell her no way, in person only (I wanted to get her in person so I could make her delete everything in her phone...I realize she might have had stuff sent to a friend or something, but it's the best I could do). She says no, money now AND in person.
Then she says fine, money now and SEX in person. Ugh...I tell her again, money in person only. She says no, she's telling my wife everything. Says she'll ruin my marriage, etc. It's a mess of texts back and forth of course.
She finally agrees to meet if I send $50 now and $$ in person. I make her give me her address before i send. It's apartments and she'll send the apartment number when I get close. So I send the $50 (I know...shut it!).
I call a good friend and say "I need a no questions asked favor right now, can you help?" And he agrees. I wanted back up in case shit went even more sideways than they already are. Go pick him up and we head over there. Plan is to drop him off nearby so he can walk around acting like his on his phone, but watching my back. I had no intention of going in the apartment at any time, but he's there for extra security in case there's others nearby.
I get the apartment number when we are there. We got there early to drive around the complex and scope it out.
We get there and she goes radio silent. Nothing for like 30 minutes past the meet time. Look around for the apartment number, and the number she gave does not match that complex. At all. So we split after waiting a while.
Then my phone blows up. Babe where are you? We had a deal. YOu're fucked. Etc. I tell her she's playing games, that number doesn't exist, and we are done.
She goes off on a rant. Says I owe her $50 for "setting her up" and if I don't pay by X time she's blocking me and telling my wife everything. I decide to go silent on her. I give nothing, no replies. Just let her continue ranting.
Day Four:
In the afternoon she texts and says I owe her $100 or she's telling my wife. Goes off on everything ,etc.
I reply and tell her I've told my wife and while she's upset we are fine. I then tell her what she's doing is Extortion and is a 3rd degree felony. If she contacts me, my wife, or any of my friends I go to the authorities with everything. She goes silent, except for a snapchat message late that night.
OH...during this Day Four, a few of her texts actually came from a real number, I assume hers...so she really messed up there.
Bottom line, I screwed up paypaling her $$ since it was connected to my email addy and she was able to find out more about me than I should ever possibly allow.
I've notified the SA website that she was extorting me and they are looking in to it. She's blocked me on there, but I've found another of her profiles, very similar name, same pics that I've seen.
Be wary, guys...there are scammers everywhere. I got lucky (so far).
Cliff's Notes: I was being extorted by a girl on SA, never met, only texts.
Here's the run-down.
Day One:
Get messages from a girl on SA, cutie, decent messages. She asks me to text so we can get to know each other better. We start texting (I use a Google Voice number, as does she). We go from introductions to pics pretty quickly. Nothing over the top, though.
Day Two:
She sends more pics, a little hotter, then asks what I'm looking for in a SB. I tell her, honestly, that I'm in an arrangement and want to devote my time and energy to this one girl. But I also describe my ideal SB. She's fine with everything and says she's honestly just looking for someone to help with groceries and the occasional bill here and there, as she's in college.
We continue to text/sext throughout the day some. She's "in class" so the texts are spread apart some. She keeps mentioning wanting to meet, so she can get some $$. I continue to tell her no, I can't. She asks a few more times for grocery $$...I give in and ask her how much she needs. It's only $40, so I figure, sure...least I can do for the pics/vids she's sent me.
She requests PayPal and sends me her link for it.....THIS IS WHERE I WENT WAY WRONG!!!!!
I send her $40 through PayPal that evening.
She sends more pics/vids, thanks me, etc. Then when she's "at the store" she says the total was close to $60 so can I send a little more. I send $25 more, we are now at $65.
Still begging to meet up, to make it up to me, etc. More pics are sent to me, vids, snapchats...she wants to talk on the phone that night, so she calls me through snapchat.
Gives me a sob story about her phone going to be turned off, so I figure, let's meet the next AM, I'll pay her phone bill (she says $60) and have some fun with this hot chick. Then she says she'll meet me 5 days later instead. At this point I'm thinking, never mind, this girl is flaky, I don't want to meet her after all.
She's begging for cell phone bill money now. I tell her no, I paid upfront on the groceries and won't pay upfront for anything else. She says she understands.
Day Three:
Says she got her phone bill paid. Then says "small world, my sis knows some of your family"
Uh oh...wtf.
Says my wife's name. FUCK
I ask her how this came up and she says she was showing her sis my profile or something, and knew my wife and my pics from seeing her on FB or something. Whatever...shit just got real.
Immediately goes in to the When can we meet stuff. I tell her not sure (I was busy at the moment anyway, but stalling to figure shit out too). She blows up my phone constantly during all of this. Tons of messages. Wants to meet, etc. She promises my wife won't find out, nothing's wrong, and so on. But I'm on high alert.
She asks for money again. I tell her no, I helped her yesterday. Then she says she feels like a side piece...wtf.
Then the threats start. She says my wife will find out since I'm being mean (um, what?). Wants me to pay her for her silence. Wants me to send by PayPal again. I tell her no way, in person only (I wanted to get her in person so I could make her delete everything in her phone...I realize she might have had stuff sent to a friend or something, but it's the best I could do). She says no, money now AND in person.
Then she says fine, money now and SEX in person. Ugh...I tell her again, money in person only. She says no, she's telling my wife everything. Says she'll ruin my marriage, etc. It's a mess of texts back and forth of course.
She finally agrees to meet if I send $50 now and $$ in person. I make her give me her address before i send. It's apartments and she'll send the apartment number when I get close. So I send the $50 (I know...shut it!).
I call a good friend and say "I need a no questions asked favor right now, can you help?" And he agrees. I wanted back up in case shit went even more sideways than they already are. Go pick him up and we head over there. Plan is to drop him off nearby so he can walk around acting like his on his phone, but watching my back. I had no intention of going in the apartment at any time, but he's there for extra security in case there's others nearby.
I get the apartment number when we are there. We got there early to drive around the complex and scope it out.
We get there and she goes radio silent. Nothing for like 30 minutes past the meet time. Look around for the apartment number, and the number she gave does not match that complex. At all. So we split after waiting a while.
Then my phone blows up. Babe where are you? We had a deal. YOu're fucked. Etc. I tell her she's playing games, that number doesn't exist, and we are done.
She goes off on a rant. Says I owe her $50 for "setting her up" and if I don't pay by X time she's blocking me and telling my wife everything. I decide to go silent on her. I give nothing, no replies. Just let her continue ranting.
Day Four:
In the afternoon she texts and says I owe her $100 or she's telling my wife. Goes off on everything ,etc.
I reply and tell her I've told my wife and while she's upset we are fine. I then tell her what she's doing is Extortion and is a 3rd degree felony. If she contacts me, my wife, or any of my friends I go to the authorities with everything. She goes silent, except for a snapchat message late that night.
OH...during this Day Four, a few of her texts actually came from a real number, I assume hers...so she really messed up there.
Bottom line, I screwed up paypaling her $$ since it was connected to my email addy and she was able to find out more about me than I should ever possibly allow.
I've notified the SA website that she was extorting me and they are looking in to it. She's blocked me on there, but I've found another of her profiles, very similar name, same pics that I've seen.
Be wary, guys...there are scammers everywhere. I got lucky (so far).
43 comments
dude you should have planned better before setting on this adventure. disposable phone, new email addy, pics slightly disguised, shit like that.
always assume the worst. anything positive is all gravy. this applies to SA , doing OTC after leaving a club, or backpage,/CL before those recently ended.
Never give/send money in advance. That is the golden rule for dealing with SB's. Since you were using PayPal, you should have her full name. Don't PayPal accounts have to be connected to a real bank account, which is in turn connected to a Social Security number? It is not like she can use a fake identity to set up a shill PayPal account.
http://virtualsugarbaby.tumblr.com/post/…
She says she spends 4 to 6 hours on SA per day. She has had several accounts banned, but keeps doing it. She claims that if she messages 700 guys, she can get 125 to reply and 20 to send her money.
Glad you did not let her prevail and reported to SA.
@ BJ99 - these social media sites are fucked up and care little about individual's privacy.
I was surprised to see several dancers I know show up in my Whatsap directory. Each with their full face photo and "last seen" time. I don't think the dancers intended for me to have their photo and the time she slept last night, when they gave their cell #.
Of course, now I realize I am in each's directory too - with my mugshot and "last seen" timestamp.
This is benign - but I suspect social media is tracking, sharing more than it let's users know.
I'll give the girl a "not brilliant" but the story a "brilliant"! And I'll advise you to get a fixer from a crappy law school that isn't making money lawyering and put him on retainer for this shit. He could even answer phones and texts for you. Though I admit the advice only works if your net worth is above a certain line.
Imagine this, about 200 messages in she blocks his number. 10 seconds later crazyjoe messages from another number and he sends audio of him arguing with the McD's manager while he does the deed in a locked stall. She blocks that but crazyjoe is prepared because he's a crazy fucker: he has another phone!
After the first 600 texts about shitting various places with audio and video included she'd be begging to pay you! You might even make money.
I actually did get a random request during this from a person with the same alleged first name as this chick. Instant ignore.
Both of our accounts are pretty locked down to limit non-friends from seeing personal details.
All this said, I am in a positive sugar relationship currently and I hope to keep it going for some time.
A. I., Google tracking, and what is known as dark social analytics are a must read for anyone that really wants to understand how all of your on line interactions.
When you couple this information with doing a little research on who owns what in the world these days and how much information, money, power, and ownership ties back to very few companies/families and your eyes open very wide.
-->"We continue to text/sext throughout the day some. She's "in class" so the texts are spread apart some. She keeps mentioning wanting to meet, so she can get some $$. I continue to tell her no, I can't. She asks a few more times for grocery $$."
This is where I block her. The moment a girl asks for $ for nothing, 100% of the time she is a scammer. Not necessarily a blackmail scammer, as you were unfortunate enough to run into. But if it were me in this story, the moment she asked for money, I'd block her and that would have been that. Doesn't matter how pretty her pic is, doesn't matter how well we got along during messaging so far. Makes for a far more boring story though :)
I tend to immediately block, or at least cease contact for:
- Asking for $ outside of the context of a meet
- Her very first response is to ask for my number
- Her very first response is to ask to meet tonight
The 2nd & 3rd responses aren't necessarily scammers, but they do usually tend to be pros, and I'm not on SA to meet backpage escorts (no judgement, nothing wrong with it, and I realize most tuscl guys have exactly been using SA as an alternative backpage. But I like things to feel a little bit more SD/SB than escort/john, so I like the girls who are a little more cautious)
I should also mention, this is also textbook -- you paid her $ for nothing, so she knows she's got a live one. She pushes a little more to see exactly how much of a live one you are... paying even more for nothing pretty much told her (or more likely, them -- a criminal ring that does) that she should move the scam forward, you'll take anything. Although the initial $40 should never have happened, huge alarm bells should have be ringing at this point
Sadly, you made a single mistake, and she found it - and exploited it. I’m thinking that most SA girls want a mutual arrangement - but it only takes one to spoil things.
Using Paypal: Obvious tragic mistake that anyone could have made, but:
Paying her the initial $40 for nothing, instead of blocking her when she asked for it: established him as a mark
Paying the additional $25, instead of blocking her when she asked for THAT: established him as an *easy* mark, since the request had clearly gone to outrageous
Staying in communication with her when she asked him to pay her phone bill: showed her that her easy mark was no longer going to shell out for nothing, so she should move to phase 2.
I would submit that, given the number of signs spencer did not understand how to interpret, even if he hadn't made the mistake of using paypal, she eventually would have manipulated him into making a different mistake. Root problem is not recognizing the con and permanently ceasing communication immediately. Then there never would have been any chance to goof up by using paypal. No bashing here (really!), just think it's important to understand the lesson, and that lesson is NOT just about paypal
By sending money upfront - he was established as a potential mark. She then began the con - to continue extracting money. Along the way - any stumbles would be noted and exploited.
I didn’t see everything on my first read - but now I see how this relationship was never going to deliver any satisfaction to the mark.
The truth could be - that she didn’t have any knowledge of his wife - but it’s like a married mark can play a game of chicken - as the girl had less to lose.
Many of his actions seem reasonable - and there are no huge mistakes in his approach. However - when a scammer is watching closely - a single mistake is all the opening needed.
If anyone wants to walk me through making this an article, I'm happy to. It's certainly a good life-lesson for me and if others can learn from it, it won't be for nothing.
Big lesson for all of us is to slow down, and stick to the tried and true rules of this hobby. I’ve slowed my OTC roll after being burned a couple times.
2) These guys have vpns with us ip and create many profiles in many different places
3) They then proceed to romance scam, blackmail, MIM (Man in the middle), and whatever else their creative hearts can think of.
I've noticed in all the years of scamming for some reason one of the favorite names chosen by scammers is Jenny....And if not that, they always choose a female name to garner sympathy and get guys guard down....
The extortion strategy is:
- Extortions are usually preceded by an escalating series of test-steps -- block her immediately once that starts happening (e.g., the moment she asks for $ before you've met)
- If somehow I didn't recognize that I failed the initial test, cut off communication -- if "she" can't get messages to you, she can't scare you into doing something dumb
Of course, if the stars align, and she wants to see me naked, I’ll be ok with that.