Starting a new hobby...

Its not bad....you'll have to work on developing it more and expand on the details....The more details you can come up with, probably better. The more things you can get a reader to relate to as far as sights, sounds, smells, tactile sensations, etc the more they'll get into it...and also try to develop your characters....Told from her point of view is cool....some authors stick with one pov, others rotate...good luck...I'm sure anyone here would read it...I work so many damn hours and hardly get out, I'll take anything to cheer me up....Hell I been tipping a couple girls on switter lately sending me videos they make, lol.....custom porn? ok I've said to much I need to get back to work...

lol thank you i appreciate the comments

Don't quit your stripper job yet.

Ouch ok thanks i think lol

Keep writing. The more you work on it in general and the more you work on an individual piece, the better it gets.

Also, if your going to write to get published, have a trusted person give you feedback and editorial advice. Seek objective and knowledgeable advice. Your ego can get bruised that way but every writer i know would agree that the feedback is important.

No worries poledancer. Shadowcat wanted a erotic story about ron jeremy. He wants to suck his duck

Sounds like you have an oral fixation. What club do you work in again ? Wink, wink.

i enjoy money....and oral lol warrior

Take notes from my man John Smith69

Hmmm. I do enjoy reading this type of "fiction". Does Penthouse Forum still exist?

Comments (intended to be constructive)

1. As mentioned earlier, provide more details.
2. Draw it out to build up the excitement.
3. Use spell check.
4. Include pictures.

PD, good start. I like the surprise twist at the end. The main suggestion I have is that you need a lot more detail. In this story you’d need to provide more detail about them meeting, and more details about what it’s like for her and the guys as she ducks their dicks.

I’m not a professional writer by any means. However I do write a lot in my job, and I enjoy writing short stories as an amateur. You might want to take a look at some of my DS sex stories for an example of what I mean by including more details.

Thanks for sharing.

You have a good start here.

I like how you write. It’s stream of consciousness writing - and it’s from your perspective. It’s actually pretty cool - how you lose yourself and then realize where you are.

Keep at your writing. You are sharing a fantasy experience - mixed with reality - and that’s a great way to write.

girl... you allready write better than me.

thank you

Want some hints" Go to:

asstr.org

Also, "I" is the subject form, as opposed to me, which is the objective form. "I" is always capitalized.

Very nice. I agree more detail. Expand and create visuals. There is s website called casualsexproject where you could get some ideas or submit a story or two. Keep at it!

Good start. More elaboration. For example, about the wet spot you left on his pants. Say something about how excited you were, and your pussy was soaked when he rubbed you over your panties and how much you wanted his cock. We like the dirty talk.

If you intend to just post here, then you should write your stories featuring TUSCL users as characters, and go for comedy as much as erotica. And don't worry about hurt feelings. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

If you want to actually publish (or self publish). Then start by reading a bunch of highly-rated, published erotica. Learn from that.

I think I lost my interest in stroke letters when I was 17.

^ "And don't worry about hurt feelings. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke."

Great motto to live by.

I can't take a joke PD. Fuck me.

Send a message if you'd like. I studied English and Creative Writing in school, so I can't write reviews without telling a story, so to speak.

I can say that you're excellent at maintaining the first-person perspective and past/present tense in your story. I struggle with mixing it up sometimes. Everyone else is vouching for expanding on detail. You're good at capturing the senses (what you see/smell/hear/taste/etc), but it's written quite briefly. For erotica, the closer you can make the reader feel like they're actually in the situation of the main character, the better.

Well... maybe not too much in this case, because majority of the members here are men. LOL.

@Eve, we like to hear what's going on in a woman's mind if she's having a good time. It helps maintain the fantasy when we don't otherwise know what she's thinking ;-)

@PoleDancer, if you haven't already discovered it there's a site where you can read some well-written (and a lot of terrible) erotic writing as well as getting tips and posting some of your own - just be sure to share any new stories you write here.

literotica.com

I was gonna also suggest literotica.com

My guilty pleasure is reading shit on literotica and asstr while I'm at work to pass the time. I personally enjoy forced nudity stories and CFNM clothes female nude male stories. I noticed a bunch of stories on literotica deal with minors and incest. Weird.

Anyways, focus on the pacing in your stories. The pace is a little too fast. Take your time with each scene. Avoid cliches, too. Tackle originality.

To be playful, I'm gonna rewrite your story as you told it when I have time. I used to have a knack for that...

Also don't be so literal and straight-forward all the time. Make your reader guess for themselves. Instead of flatly stating that Tom's a perv, give us a clue that Tom is a perv. Say he still wears shoes with mirrors on 'em and is always asking you to wear black things or something. Let us guess he's a perv..

Work on your grammar (using correct punctuation) and focus on details. Anybody can write fan fiction but it takes a talented writer for that fan fiction to actually have an audience. Perhaps you can take a writing class if you are serious about it

If you want it to sound really erotic, make it sound more like this stuff. Found this while searching for an app last night. soundcloud.com

Sexy dirty talk sounds sexy. If I got the link wrong, look for the talking clip.

I was looking for another app last night that doesn't exist. So many apps only seem to exist in my imagination.

There's actually a lot of content on this site. MILF talk link. soundcloud.com

I probably could be an app millionaire if Apple allowed content I think of and had a team to develop apps and sexy AI like I think of. However I'm probably not the only one to notice there is a lack of potentially thousands of money making apps with sexual content on mobile devices.

FYI, if you speak and record your erotic writings and this site hosts content, wouldn't mind listening. I just found this site yesterday so I don't know anything about it. I was looking for an AI app that doesn't exist.

Good start as far as writing. I heard if you keep trying until you get everything right, you are successful. Everything else is practice. Thanks for starting the thread. I might have forgotten that link I found and didn't realize all the music tracks on the site. If you do speak and record your writings, I will listen and give an opinion if you want. Target audience is important. If I'm not part of the target, others might give a better opinion.

I think I heard Edison or was it Tesla said they didn't have a 1000 failures attempting to build a light bulb, they just found 1000 ways not to build it. I think Edison wanted to use DC current which required power stations every few miles but Tesla wanted AC power. It was much cheaper and what we use now. Edison said it wasn't as safe. Everyone has disagreements.