Starting a new hobby...
poledancer83
Narnia
Geez! its packed tonight i said as i walked into the dressing room. Fridays are always a busy night and tonight was no different. Roll call ladies first up, Jackie, Jade and Mystique.... I roll my eyes as i release the bra from my chest to change. Tom was our manager and a complete perv and always studdered when a girl changed in front of him. He stammered around while i slipped on my new outfit and started to walk out to the floor. Across the room i see a nicely dressed man that looks like he could have some cash. Hey! sit down babe. As i sit on his lap he puts a few bills in my g string and asks for the VIP dance. We head to the back and i start to dance for him. As i stand up i feel the wetness and realize that i left a small spot on his pants. OMG! im sorry. He smiles and says its ok. As i turn around to face him i notice he has his pants unzipped. Wow i exclaim as i catch a glimpse. I can't... as i stop myself and realize just how excited i am. I realize life is fast forwarding and i am down with him as my mouth opens to accept him... I dont usually... As he stops me and corrects my statement... You dont usually but you do today... I feel his calloused hands on my neck as he pushes me down further each time. The strobes and loud music and the excitment in the air gets me to a new level. MMMM baby your good.... I hear him whisper as the tension builds. All of the sudden i hear the curtain zip open in a rush. What the F.... I hear him say as i realize its Tom standing over me. I cowwar to the ground as i know this isnt good. I hear a zip as i see his member fall out of the denim. Congrats baby you now have two and btw meet Luke.... he owns this place and you just became our number one girl hunny. I smile as i begin to pleasure them both solidifying my spot at this club....
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Also, if your going to write to get published, have a trusted person give you feedback and editorial advice. Seek objective and knowledgeable advice. Your ego can get bruised that way but every writer i know would agree that the feedback is important.
I do enjoy reading this type of "fiction". Does Penthouse Forum still exist?
Comments (intended to be constructive)
1. As mentioned earlier, provide more details.
2. Draw it out to build up the excitement.
3. Use spell check.
4. Include pictures.
I’m not a professional writer by any means. However I do write a lot in my job, and I enjoy writing short stories as an amateur. You might want to take a look at some of my DS sex stories for an example of what I mean by including more details.
Thanks for sharing.
I like how you write. It’s stream of consciousness writing - and it’s from your perspective. It’s actually pretty cool - how you lose yourself and then realize where you are.
Keep at your writing. You are sharing a fantasy experience - mixed with reality - and that’s a great way to write.
https://www.asstr.org/~Donna_M/Donna%27s…
Also, "I" is the subject form, as opposed to me, which is the objective form. "I" is always capitalized.
If you want to actually publish (or self publish). Then start by reading a bunch of highly-rated, published erotica. Learn from that.
I think I lost my interest in stroke letters when I was 17.
Great motto to live by.
I can say that you're excellent at maintaining the first-person perspective and past/present tense in your story. I struggle with mixing it up sometimes. Everyone else is vouching for expanding on detail. You're good at capturing the senses (what you see/smell/hear/taste/etc), but it's written quite briefly. For erotica, the closer you can make the reader feel like they're actually in the situation of the main character, the better.
Well... maybe not too much in this case, because majority of the members here are men. LOL.
@PoleDancer, if you haven't already discovered it there's a site where you can read some well-written (and a lot of terrible) erotic writing as well as getting tips and posting some of your own - just be sure to share any new stories you write here.
https://literotica.com
My guilty pleasure is reading shit on literotica and asstr while I'm at work to pass the time. I personally enjoy forced nudity stories and CFNM clothes female nude male stories. I noticed a bunch of stories on literotica deal with minors and incest. Weird.
Anyways, focus on the pacing in your stories. The pace is a little too fast. Take your time with each scene. Avoid cliches, too. Tackle originality.
To be playful, I'm gonna rewrite your story as you told it when I have time. I used to have a knack for that...
Found this while searching for an app last night.
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=Sexy%20t…
Sexy dirty talk sounds sexy.
If I got the link wrong, look for the talking clip.
I was looking for another app last night that doesn't exist. So many apps only seem to exist in my imagination.
MILF talk link.
https://soundcloud.com/efd-dom/next-door…
FYI, if you speak and record your erotic writings and this site hosts content, wouldn't mind listening. I just found this site yesterday so I don't know anything about it. I was looking for an AI app that doesn't exist.
If you do speak and record your writings, I will listen and give an opinion if you want. Target audience is important. If I'm not part of the target, others might give a better opinion.
I think I heard Edison or was it Tesla said they didn't have a 1000 failures attempting to build a light bulb, they just found 1000 ways not to build it. I think Edison wanted to use DC current which required power stations every few miles but Tesla wanted AC power. It was much cheaper and what we use now. Edison said it wasn't as safe. Everyone has disagreements.