The Club to OTC Transition
DougS
Florida
HYPOTHETICALLY speaking... You have a really hot time with a dancer in the club. You spend a lot of time with her and you both seem to be feeling "closer" to each other, as things get more "intimate", but maybe a little less *hot*. (more kissing/cuddling/talking, rather than grinding/grabbing/groping). You finally initiate OTC into the "relationship", and things change a little more.
In OTC, things take a further turn to being more "date-like" and less "stripclub-like". Suddenly there is NO *hot* play, but there's still a lot of kissing, cuddling, talking, along with more "date-like" things such as going out to eat, watching TV and playing games.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting a true "relationship", nor am I wanting to have sex - of course either one is fine, if it should develop. I'm just a bit perplexed. Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it.
I'm thinking what is happening is possibly one of these scenarios;
A. it's a byproduct of me rushing things too much
B. it's a sign that the feelings are all one-sided (she doesn't feel the same as I)
C. it's a sign that there are feelings on her part, but there is a conscious effort on her part to control her feelings so as not to get hurt (or cause hurt)?
D. it's a sign that we are sort of moving to the "dating phase", in which case one has to basically "start over" and reacquaint because it's now a "different relationship" separate from the club, because we are no longer in the club (ie, going from a stripper/customer relationship, to something else)
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I AM enjoying the ride... very much, in fact. I believe the best choice is what was suggested. Sit back, enjoy, and if she has any feelings she will make them known.
There IS a fairly large BUT, to that, however. We all know how women are. They give us obscure signs that they think are blatant, and expect us to gather from their signs, how they are feeling. I can see that happening here.
For what it's worth, though... as I mentioned earlier, I really don't know where I expect - or hope - this to go... it might make things more difficult to know that she had feelings, 'cause I'm not "available" to do anything about it, other than to feel flattered that she felt that way.
I don't even know why I want to know... maybe just to justify how I feel.
I disagree for at least 2 reasons. First, she's more likely to tell you what she thinks you want to hear rather than her true feelings. Second, asking such a question could easily cause her to feel pressured and to back off. Forget about her feelings for now and just enjoy the ride. If there are true feelings on her part she'll let you know soon enough.
Incidently, I've had similar relationships with other young women who were never strippers or involved in any other part of the sex industry, but money was still exchanged at times, both directly and indirectly. It started with an offer to help, followed by a shopping trip for something she needed, which eventually led to just giving her some money. I don't think that's uncommon, especially when there's a great difference in ages.
I agree that none of this should make much difference if Doug is enjoying it. However, he asked for insights into what's going on, so to consider what part money might play is not offbase. That's a far cry from saying that business and friendship are mutually exclusive.
Money necessarily clouds the issue more with strippers than with, say, a friendship with your insurance salesman. The product a stripper is selling is a kind of simulated friendship, which makes distiguishing true friendship more difficult. Furthermore, if you spend time socially with the guy who happens to sell you insurance, after playing games and watching TV together, do you give him money to make up for his time not making money?
DougS, I agree with Yoda. It doesn't matter what her motives are as long as you are enjoying the ride. Chances are she doesn't even know herself what her motives are. What you are describing is exactly how my relationship started with my ATF - that was 9 years ago and we've become very close friends.
And I'm probably in the minority here but I don't believe that a business relationship and a friedship are mutually exclusive. When my ATF was dancing I was her best customer ITC and a good friend OTC at the same time, and those were clearly two separate relationships. She was like two different people. Some girls (and maybe guys) probably can't do that but my experience is that some can. And do.
i would spend money her the same in the club , and then on her nights off we had dinner , movies etc., she even , as i said in another post came over several times to my place and danced and even brought one of the other girls...with no catch's or money exchange . it is hard to find one though i am not an expert on this .... nor do i have the funds to find out....
Chandler: My motives are unclear by what I've posted, because they are also unclear to me. To be honest, I don't know what I want. I guess I'm totally happy with how the "arrangement" is working now. Though a part of me wants there to be more to it than just a busness transaction, I don't know why, and if it WERE to be more than that, I don't know what I would do, or could do. We are both in situations that would prevent more than a customer relationship from developing very far. So, I guess I have the best of both worlds...
BTW, FONDL, could you be referring to a so-called partition theory advanced by one of our now ignored posters before he resorted to full troll mode? It's a common explanation, good to keep in mind, but I don't think it applies nearly as often as is claimed.
So, my inclination is to say the answer is B: She doesn't feel the same as you. She views it as customer appreciation, and she thinks what she's doing makes you happy. Actually, you're a little unclear about just what it is that you want. If not a true relationship or sex, then what? If it's some kind of definitive confirmation from her, then I doubt if you'll ever get it, and the money is one reason why.
That's a weird observation, I know. But human females (strippers or not) are weird.
So, you're probably going to say, "money=customer, no money=relationship"
Do you take her shopping?