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Counterfeit dollar bills?

Nov 30, 2017, 1:48 PM

I write it like I mean it, but mostly they just want my money.

Recently encountered what MUST have been counterfeit USA $1 one-dollar bills at a strip club. Didn't really know what to do about it. Not sure which exchange I got them at. I'm not sure if the bogus $1s were from a PREVIOUS night of strip-clubbing, or were from the door-girl, or were from the bartender. Got about ten of them, roughly. Didn't count.

(Details, if you must know, this is my usual method of carrying wallets for strip-clubbing. I generally have "two wallets," not exactly, but two locations on my body where I stash money bills. One location is the "normal" wallet, which contains a usual amount as I would carry for any average civilian event. The other location is the "extra" wallet, where a big ol' whack of extra money from an ATM gets stuck. Usually it's just in a money-clip and in a separate (well buttoned) pants pocket. Sometimes I actually carry two leather billfolds. Sometimes I put the "extra" in a sub-compartment of the same leather billfold that is holding my "normal" money. This night, I had a money-clip with a lot of cash in one back pocket, and I had a "normal" wallet with a smaller supply of cash, plus IDs and so on, in the other back pocket. The "extra" money had mostly $20s, but also smaller bills including $1s, from a PREVIOUS night of strip-clubbing, which I had not yet integrated into the "normal" money.)

(Also, more details, if you must know, these are suspect transactions. So, on the night I found the bogus bills, here's what happened. I went into the club. I had my own supply of $20s fresh from an ATM (and these were BRAND NEW bills, too, annoyingly stuck to each other) plus a few odd assorted $1s $5s or $10s in one of my two wallets, not sure of the specifics. Cashed in my first $20 at the door for an $8 (IIRC) cover charge, counted my change quickly but did not happen to examine the bills nearly close enough to question their validity. Tipped the (un)hot woman at the door (because you have to) and stuck the remainder of the money which I had just received from her into one or the other of my wallets, disorganized, not sure which location. Went to sit at the bar and ordered a drink, paid by breaking a second new $20, got the proper change, and stuck those new bills into one or another wallet too. And then, while waiting for my drink to arrive, I sorted out all the bills in both of my wallets. I chose to put a lot of $20s into the "extra" money-clip, and take out all the $1s $5s and $10s and get them into the "normal" wallet ready for stage-tipping or for the next purchase (of either drinks or dances). In the process of organizing, I noticed, "hey, several of these $1 are bogus!")

I think I managed to simply re-exchange most of the problem bills back into the strip-clubbing economy, using them for stage-tips mostly. I believe I might not have stage-tipped as much, had I not wanted to get rid of the funny bills.

Makes me wonder, just how much of this cash-economy in strip-clubs is entirely bad bills? I mean, they could even ruin the stash in their private-purveyor ATM machines couldn't they, and we'd never know, would we? Hmm.

comments (16)

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tumblingdice8 years ago

Your post just gave me vertigo.

Call.Me.Ishmael8 years ago

I think this post needs more nested narratives and parenthetical statements.

shailynn8 years ago

Let me save you from writing another book. Just stuff that shit in a garter or g-string next time you’re at perv row and you’re rid of them.

Call.Me.Ishmael8 years ago

"(Details, if you must know, this is my usual method of carrying wallets for strip-clubbing..."

Summary: "I carry two cash stashes when I hit the strip club."

"(Also, more details, if you must know, these are suspect transactions..."

Summary: "I actually have no idea how I got the funny money."

s275ironman8 years ago

A while back, I had a few $20's and a few $1's left in my wallet after visiting a club. A few days later, I tried inserting a dollar into a vending machine and the machine would not take it. The bill looked brand new and did not have any curled up corners. There was no reason why the machine shouldn't accept it. I must've tried feeding the dollar into the machine at least 10 times and it kept rejecting it. Eventually, I got the machine to accept the bill and it suddenly gave an error message because of a paper jam. I had to locate someone to do some maintenance on the machine in order for me to finish the transaction. All this trouble just to buy a coke. The dollar was probably counterfeit.

tumblingdice8 years ago

I'm surprised you went through all that for a dollar.

DoctorPhil8 years ago

any good lawyer could tell you that it's a crime to knowingly pass counterfeit money along

s275ironman8 years ago

@tumblingdice, I had one dollar in the machine already and the troublesome dollar was the last one I had in my wallet. If I had a different dollar to try, I would've done just that. The only other cash I had was $20's

jackslash8 years ago

Dr Phil is right. You don't want to pass counterfeit bills and get caught. If you find ten $1's, it would probably be better to turn them over to the police. But are you sure they were counterfeit? Usually nothing below a $20 is counterfeited because you don't get much profit for the risk.

Cashman12348 years ago

That was a long winding passage to say that he keeps two stashes of clubbing money - and he doesn’t know where he got fake singles.

It would seem that making fake singles would cost more that it’s worth.

JohnTitor8 years ago

I'm gonna put counterfeit ones pretty much at the bottom of my list of many concerns.

Clubber8 years ago

Jack,

I received two counterfeit $5 notes when I owned a pizza shop. Easy to spot and the same serial numbers. One of the local field workers passed them to us. He placed a to go order and came back afterwards to get his pizza. I told him I didn't give him enough change, some he took out of his pocket exactly what I had given him. I said thanks and told him he had given me counterfeit bills. He sort of shrugged and walked away.

I called the police to report it. About a 1/2 later a police car drives up and ask me to identify the fellow in the back of the car. Not even close. I felt bad for the guy who was likely minding his own business and the police take him into custody. Left him there and didn't even take him back to where they got him. When the police left I offered him a pizza but he just wanted to leave.

I went to the bank I use across the parking lot to turn in the notes. They acted like they were deadly! Wouldn't take them. Something about my losing money. I said that I had lost nothing, but still they acted like they where poison. I just set them on the counter and told them do with them what they wished.

No idea what they did. Perhaps they are still sitting there. :)

Lloyd_Gross8 years ago

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that a hypothetical OP was as certain that the singles in question were counterfeit, as it were, as he is that his writing style, notwithstanding heretofore correct grammar and syntax, could be construed as both clear, and more importantly - concise (Details, if you will - consider the source).

On a more serious note, I can confirm that standard procedure for retailers if someone attempts to pass a counterfeit bill is to confiscate the cash, notify the authorities, and (within reason) attempt to detain the person passing the bill.

I recall a few years ago getting a pre-1960 $20 bill in a stack of cash from my local bank (it stood out to me immediately and I made sure it wasn't a silver certificate bill, knowing better than to spend one of those). I didn't think any more of it, until after I passed it on to a single mom friend to buy dinner for herself and her kid.

She called me in tears after trying to use the $20 at a local fast food joint - the counter jockey saw a slightly strange looking bill and did what he'd been trained to do: swipe the bill with the "foolproof" iodine pen they keep by the register to verify currency. Except bills that old had a different chemical makeup, thus he got a false positive for the bill being fake. My friend wisely left in a hurry before the cops arrived.

It was hours later before I could go by and talk to the manager, and even then - showing him multiple articles online about the problem with the pens and old bills - he wouldn't back down and even give back the $20.

I finally decided my time was worth more than changing the idiot's mind, and just learned to be careful of those bills in the future.

twentyfive8 years ago

You would think someone might have better things to do than trying to counterfeit one dollar bills.

Clubber8 years ago

25,

There was a Barney Miller episode about that very thing in season 5 episode 19.

imdb.com

Rick9998 years ago

If I wasn't sure if the bills were counterfeit, I think I would give them away in a strip club. However if someone was stupid enough to make cheap fake one dollar bills, they might be stupid enough to do bigger bills too. If I liked the strip club and wanted the stupid counterfeiter caught, someone needs to notify the police and let the secret service investigate. I once had a one dollar bill that glowed brightly in the light in the strip club. I couldn't tell it was counterfeit. A stripper suggested it might have gone through the laundry and have detergent on it.