Have you ever rated a club a 10? Why or why not? Are there specific improvements that would change a club you've rated lower to a 10? Or is there something else?
I've only rated 1 club a 10. It's the best all-round club that I've been to in the US and it beats any other club within a 500 mile radius. I doubt that there is a perfect club so I figure that if a club is one of the country's 10 best then I can give it a 10 rating. I've been to several of the clubs in the top 40 list and, except for the Canada and Houston clubs, none are better than p+. I've learned to work around the loud music.
I won't argue the point because it's been years since my one and only visit to the place and it may be totally different now. All I can say is that my experience there was terrible and I've always had good times in Providence. I also didn't like the fact that it was so big, I much prefer smaller places, they just seem more intimate. Do they still grill dogs and burgers in the parking lot? That was the highlight of my visit.
Sorry it took so long to get back to this discussion, but my computer was down. The Mardi Gras is a club in Springfield Ma. It was a great club the last time I was there. Theyve got a weird shaped bar, that is odd, but they also have got Keeno, as well as TV's in one room, and the weird bar in the next room. Both large. Reasonable drinks and RI LDs in MA. And they HAD some great talent. This one girl, got a littler drunk cause I bought her a shot, we did a couple of lds and she took care oif business. Oh and the ld room is stacked w/ old leather couches, and its dark enuf (& comfy too!) so you can really enjoy. IMHO its the best club in MA. See MA has no contact rules for lds, but the girls dont care! Oh and last I chec ked the lds were $20. I've got to get back there soon, but its the same distance frotm my house as Providence RI, and so most times RI wins. Usually I only go when Ive got business in Springfield or west of same. I'll review the next time I get there!
To return to the original topic, I've always found it interesting that the top rated club in the US at any given time always has an average rating of less than 9. I don't think I ever remember one being more than that. So not only aren't there any concensus 10s out there, there aren't any 9s either. Curious.
You are correct. The area was originally settled (after native Americans of course) by religious farmers from Germany and Switzerland*, and their descndants today comprise the many religious sects generally referred to as Pennsylvania Dutch. And while Amish are one such sect, they are far outnumbered in the area by Mennonites. The Dutch, as they are commonly called, have their own unique way of speaking which tends to be peppered with bastardized words based on old German. Which combined with their unusual accent makes them very difficult to understand if you'r not used to it.
*I say "and Switzerland" because the earliest such settler was a Protestant minister by the name of Hans Herr, who was from the region of the then German-Swiss border and nobody knows which country he was actually from. The Hans Herr House near Quarryville is open to tourists. It's interesting but I wouldn't rate it a 10.
Actually, most Pennsylvania Dutch people aren't Amish. But your point about partying is well taken. Which is why someone needs to open up a good strip club there. And good luck with the local political establishment.
The only strip club in the area that I know of is in Columbia (PA) but I've never been to it and the reviews don't sound all that great. Anyone ever been there?
Book Guy, tell me you knew all that without having to look it up somewhere and I'll be very impressed. I knew you should become a lawyer, they always know all kinds of useless stuff.
Actually I do recall the old Biblical verb "to shrive" now that you've reminded me, but memory doesn't serve as well as it once did. In any case, Pennsylvania Dutch people always make homemade donuts to eat (or should I say "fress") on Shrove Tuesday. I think they even exchange donuts as gifts on that day.
All of which means that if you're going to open strip club in Lancaster County I guess you might want to call it Club Faschnacht. I only know of one strip club in Lancaster County, there used to be 2 but I don't think the Coronet is, which used to be a jazz club years ago and I actually saw Dizzy Gillespie (sp?) there once if anyone is interested, is a strip club anymore but I could be wrong. I often am.
Fondl: a "shrove" is a past participle. :) It's from "to shrive" which we retain in "shriven," another past participle. It means, "to get rid of" or "to appease." As in, "Lord, please make me shriven from sin." So, Shrove Tuesday is the day you get all your sins done, so you can move on to shriven-ing yourself for forty days of Lent.
A "fasch" is from the German "Fasching," which means roughly "carnival." So a "faschnacht" (also bastardized to "fastnight" even though "fasch" isn't from English "to fast" at all) is carnival night, and a donut is what you eat on the Tuesday, because you know you'll have to fast for the next forty days of Lent.
It's all about forty. Noah, Fasching, North Dallas ...
Book Guy, are you aware that the day before Ash Wednesday is also know as Shrove Tuesday in some religions? And in Pennsylvania Dutch country it's called Faschnacht (sp?) Day. I have no idea what a shrove is, but I believe a faschnacht is a donut. So it's not just known as Fat Tuesday.
But getting back to the Springfield club, I was hoping to hear from Yoda if he's ever been there and what he thought. I believe it's the last time I ever visited a club in Massachusetts, after that trip I always arranged my New England trips so that I'd be near Providence overnight. If you plunked down Mardi Gras in Providence they'd soon go out of business because no one would ever go there more than once.
I-give-up: I've never been to Carnival in Rio, though I've seen enough of it on TV to know I do want to! :) It's a different arrangement there, though, with a "competition" among "samba schools" in the "sambadrome" amid more general partying.
But your description of New Orleans' Mardi Gras ("Just a reason for young people to get drunk and for females to show their tits for beads. ... Just an excuse to drink, like St Pattys day.") indicates clearly to me that you've had the out-of-towner's experience. Come on down TODAY and I'll show you what's already going on, that doesn't make it on to CNN.
The Orleans Avenue bonfires on New Year's to start it off; the Baby Dolls and the Mardi Gras Indians; the Tuck's Parade of Tulane students; old Momus and Comus and new Muses and Calliope; Endymion's ball, private to all, even to the anointed lucky few participants; flambeaux-bearers at night under Bacchus; crawfish boils in the back yard at sunset; the First Missionary True Love Baptist Church Fried Chicken Convention and Eat-In; the greeting when Zulu meets Rex at Jackson and St. Charles; the blacks in white-face overturn the whites in white-face (sort of); the horse-mounted policemen six abreast closing the festivities at midnight as St. Louis Cathedral rings in Lent; King Cakes every Tuesday at school home-room; satiny harlequin outfits that your Creole grandgrandmere made in the 1840s which are carefully drawn out and repaired once a year to be worn only when masking; the horseback ride to hunt for gumbo ingredients across Acadiana parishes. I could go on.
The whole get-drunk-on-Bourbon-Street game is just a childish "Girls Gone Wild" video that you tourists could experience at almost any time of year here. We locals have been distancing ourselves from it for forty years, in spite of its growing popularity. In fact, most of the strip clubs here offer bead-tossing off balconies and tit-baring 365 days of the year. The "centralized" Mardi Gras, on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday (February 20th this year) is just the culmination to two months of strange traditional festivities.
And anyway, the reason I said that the good name of Mardi Gras was being used for ill repute, was not that I objected to a strip club being named after it. It was because I objected to a BAD strip club being named after it. :)
Book Guy: Did you know that at the Melody Theatre in NYC c. 1970, they called it "Mardi Gras Time" when they first allowed strippers to come off the stage and out into the audience to rub their asses on the patrons' crotches, thus giving birth to what became lap dancing? Maybe that's where the Mass. club took its name from?
BG: Mardi Gras in New Orleans is just a weak copy cat version of Carnival In RIO. Just a reason for young people to get drunk and for females to show their tits for beads. There is no Samba or elaborite costumes. Just an excuse to drink, like St Pattys day.
It's a club in Springfield, Mass. If you like crowded and unfriendly places full of stuck-up barby-dolls with obnoxious bouncers everywhere and expensive low-contact LDs, it's your kind of place. It gets good reviews only because there's nothing else around - in Philly or Baltimore it would be a 5 at best.
I hated it, it had everything I dislike in a strip club. After one terrible dance with a girl with a huge attitude problem, I returned to discover that the bartender-with-major-attitude-problem had thrown away my nearly full beer and someone else had taken my seat (that's the only time that's ever happened to me in a club.) I left, went across town to a tiny hole-in-the-wall neighborhood place and had a great time at much lower prices with a very friendly and pretty Hispanic girl, who would have never been hired by Mardi Gras.
I happen to remember that night very well because the next morning I found a dent in my car and had no idea how it got there, which scared the crap out of me. That was about 10 years ago and is the last time I ever drank heavily while out clubbing.
Huh I went back and checked my reviews, and found that most of the times I rated a 10, I got off! I also noted how my reviews have changed thru the years. I now rate pretty consistently. Its been a while since Ive had a 10.
But spring is comin, and I'll be going to providence, and springfield (MA!) You gotta love the Mardigras!!!
Huh I went back and checked my reviews, and found that most of the times I rated a 10, I got off! I also noted how my reviews have changed thru the years. I now rate pretty consistently. Its been a while since Ive had a 10.
But spring is comin, and I'll be going to providence, and springfield (MA!) You gotta love the Mardigras!!!
Just checked my reviews; I've given two 10s, both in cases where I went to a club that I know fairly well, and got a bunch more mileage than I expected. That was a few years ago.
Now, I'd need to see close to perfection. Dances nude, with booze, in private areas, 2-way contact, fresh air, happy ending. If that were in place, then I'd also want the other things not to be too annoying (music volume, bouncer, wait service, bathrooms, etc.)
For those of you with high standards, are there any 10s out there?
"Probably because his suit didn't fit right. :)" BookGuy, you hit the nail on the head - he was overwieght and his suit was too tight. How did you know? And I agree with your other comments about casual clothing - money doesn't buy taste. I'll be glad when actors stop wearing dress shits with the coat-tails hanging out with a suit, talk about looking really stupid. Who makes up this crap anyway?
But to get back to the topic at hand - Bones, I thought we were rating strip clubs, not brothels.
I still think there is a big gap in "class" dressing in America. I'm all for comfortable-fitting clothing, and clothes that are sturdy and allow me to bend and squat in order to fix the dang photocopier. But for me, that means that a nicely tailored suit is MORE likely to be useful, than an off-the-rack piece of department-store trash that passes for "corporate casual."
I do judge people on the basis of their knowledge of appropriate degrees of formality -- for example, a "semi-formal" affair means SUIT AND TIE for the men. It's "almost formal." Formal would be evening dress -- a tuxedo and black (bow) tie. Women's clothing is a little more free to wiffle-waffle among a variety of things -- little-black-dress for cocktails, etc.
But people who don't get the concept bug me. The expensive sports jersey over the top of jeans and sneakers and lots of rapper bling-bling, is supposedly "nicer" than a tailored suit? Or there's the fancy-schmancy leather jacket with lots of brand names and nicknames of "ma homies" all over it? They are demonstrating that, although they may have the money to buy something expensive, money can't buy taste or class. It's just another form of nouveau riche.
"I might not like the atmosphere that results from excluding non-corporate-type customers." I certainly agree with that. Nepals never struck me as being that kind of place. In fact no strip clubs do anymore, since companies tightened up on expense accounts a decade or so ago.
Of course it's become difficult to tell since most corporate types wear casual clothing these days. It's kind of funny the way you used to be able to spot the corporate guys in places like airports and restaurants (and strip clubs), where most of them wore suits. I recently took my ATF to an airport and we were talking about the fact that we only saw one guy in a suit, and he stood out like a sore thumb. He also looked miserable.
Chandler, I don't recall ever being screened there. I did have to show a hotel room key because it's a private club, and I might have had to sign in (with an illegible signature) but other than that I don't recall anything unusual. Lots of places are like that.
Nepals said they require a hotel key or a coprorate ID or else there's a 24-hour wait to be admitted. I wouldn't recall being screened either if I had passed through it like you. However, I wasn't staying at a hotel and I don't work for a corporation, so it took me several minutes to convince the cashier to let me in. I didn't mind the hassle too much, but I might not like the atmosphere that results from excluding non-corporate-type customers.
FONDL: Yes, I've been to Nepals. We've discussed it before. It was a lot fancier than most clubs I'm comfortable in, but that's not an issue either way for me. What I was more apprehensive about was the way they screened customers before admitting. I wouldn't want it to give the place a hermetic feeling, but it was pretty laid back once you got inside.
"FONDL, I was being a little sarcastic about bathroom fixtures ..." Chandler, I assumed that you were, I was too.
I don't even like clubs that are super fancy, I find that a turn-off in itself, plus it usually means that they're overpriced, which is another big turn-off. But I do like my surroundings to be fairly clean and pleasant and that adds to the overall experience for me. And I like the seating to be comfortable, especially in VIP. So a club doesn't have to be fancy to please me, but if it is a total dump, and a lot of strip clubs are, that's going to detract from my enjoyment and I will deduct points accordingly.
Have you ever been to Nepals? That's my idea of the right level of decor - clean and comfortable without being overly fancy. In fact if they had a little more privacy and allowed a little more contact they'd be a 10 in my book. But they have goons peeking in to the VIP rooms and they require you to sit on your hands - 2 big turn-offs for me - so I think I've generally rated tham an 8.
But to answer the original question, a place would probably have to be illegal to get a 10 from me. It's not that I like extras, I don't, but I do like total privacy - no bouncers or camereas watching - and any place like that is almost certain to have at least some girls doing extras.
I rate a club based on my own personal experience. Not what I think the club could be, not what I think a majority of people might feel about it, not what my past experience has been or what I hope it to be (unless I'm grouping ratings for multiple visits). If a dancer ticks me off and ruins my visit in an otherwise excellent club, that club will not get a good rating from me. I figure if it's a good club, other raters will rate the club as they experience it and the club rating will end up as it should be. Likewise if I'm having a generally good time and one or two dancers make my visit one to remember, I may give the club a 10 but that doesn't happen too often. Guess I'm pickier now.
FONDL, I was being a little sarcastic about bathroom fixtures, although I have read reviews that seem to give points for stuff like decor. I just don't believe in taking away points for every feature that is less than ideal. I guess I'm less concerned about an absence of flaws than the presence of what I'm going there for. Parking, drink prices, even the attitudes of the staff could be typical of most clubs, i.e., kind of bad, and for other reasons I still might consider a club the best I've ever been to and, therefore, worthy of a 10.
Chandler, when I suggest rating the club rather than how good of a time one has on a particular occasion, I'm not referring to the decor - I don't care what the bathroom fixtures are like as long as there is a bathroom and that's it's been cleaned sometime within the last decade. What I mean is this: is the overall atmosphere friendly and relaxed, are there some attractive dancers, is the place comfortable and reasonbly clean, are prices reasonable, is management fairly laid back?
I grew up in a rural area and happen to like the little rural places that one sometimes stumbles across, and when I traveled extensively I'd often seek out such places. They generally have three things that I like: young amateur dancers, a very friendly laid-back atmosphere, and low prices. You'll usually see a parking lot with mostly pick-up trucks and motorcycles, rather than Mercedes and Beemers (except mine of course). No bouncers, DJs, parking lot or bathroom attendants, or other silly management policies to annoy you. And no seasoned professional dancers with attitudes trying to con the customers - they'd never survive. Most customers are locals in jeans and T-shirts. It feels more like a party than a club. My ATF danced in such a place.
The problem in many small clubs like this is that there often aren't very many dancers (because there aren't very many customers) so you can run into a shift where there are few if any attractrive girls working. So it's very hit or miss. But it only takes one girl to keep me happy.
I'm wondering how many people here are familiar with places like this? They're very different from the more upscale metropolitan clubs that we seem to focus on here.
FONDL, I would give it a high rating. If others have less luck than you, I would expect them to rate the club lower and the score to even out in the long run. I would describe it all in my review so that others can gauge for themselves whether to take the chance.
Chandler, I'm reminded of one very memorable occasion that I had in a rural area in western PA many years ago. I dropped in this little club, which turned out to be a dirty and seedy old barn with a stage surrounded by some old kitchen chairs. No drinks, no nothing, just a small stage and some chairs. I didn't see anyone anywhere - no customers, no dancers, no one at all. I was about to leave when a dancer came out and got up on stage - and she was seriously overweight. So just to be polite I sat down figuring as soon as she finished I'd leave. And I was about to do so when a drop-dead gorgeous girl came out and got up on stage. Needless to say, when she finished dancing we headed off to a more private corner and she turned out to be very nice and extremely friendly. It was one of the best times I've ever had in a club, in probably the worst club I've ever seen. I wouldn't go back there if you paid me because the odds of something like that happening again there are probably one in thousands. So how would you rate that place? I don't believe I ever wrote a review of that night. But I sure remember it.
The way I see it, if I had a good time, any defects having to do with parking, bathrooms or drink prices, must not have been very important. Likewise, all the good things about the club aren't doing me any good if they don't contribute to finding a hot stripper for some nasty fun. It makes sense that I score by it, because it's mainly what I write about. I think strippers and dances make a more interesting review than bathroom fixtures. Besides, you get a pretty good idea about those considerations from the 'Club Detals' info at the top of the page. From what I can tell, there's a mix of reviewers who take my approach and yours, which seems to balance out okay in the end.
I once suggested to Founder that when we rate a club, the form presented should have separate scoring categories, so that the club could be rated separately from the dancers and the liquor, etc.
I guess I'm different than most of you, I try to rate the club, not the kind of experience I had on any specific occasion. I guess I've had too many good times in bad clubs and too many bad times in good clubs. I think you have to separate the two, they're two different things entirely.
I agree with SomeYoungGuySomeYoungGuy ... my "pee-pee" (ROFL!) must get serviced, for the club to be a 10. But also, there has to be a lot of other stuff ... I can get appropriate pee-pee service at a club I rate a 4.
I don't have any checklist of features or services I require. More than anything, I go by the experience I come away with. How does it compare with great times I've had in clubs before? If nothing has surpsassed it, I'd call it a 10.
There have been times I might have rated a club a 10, but I wasn't posting reviews at the time. Recently, I gave a club a 9 then went back the next week and had an even better time with the same stripper. However, by the time my six-week posting restriction was up, I had been back again with less spectacular results.
1) She has to see my pee-pee.
2) An HJ, at least.
3) I leave satisfied.
If any lapdance fulfills all three conditions, it doesn't matter if I had to pay $50 cover and I get the shit beat out of me by the bouncer, I'm giving it a 10. That may sound arbitrary and cheap to some, but I can't lie to you guys, that is my rule.
Anything short of that is at most a 9 and subject to my whims of anything included in the stripclub experience: stage dances, music selection, how the crowd was, lighting, even if the bathrooms were clean. I've been to places where I get fantastic two-way LD's, but have given it a 6 because the talent was subpar. I've been to clubs that are all air dances, but have given it an 8 because the atmosphere was fantastic. That's the way I want to work it. So you can keep that in mind whenever you read my reviews.
I've never given any club a 10 and I've given very few 9s. But theoretically it shouldn't be that hard to get a 10 from me. As I've said before, when I rate a club I start with 10 and subtact for everything I find annoying - eg. unfriendly atmosphere, a plethora of fuglies, overly aggressive dancers, overpriced drinks or dances, insufficient privacy, insufficient contact, lack of cleanliness, overly-loud music, annoying DJ, annoying bouncers, or anything else I dislike.
I've only ever enountered 1 club that I would rate a 10 (Pirate's Cove in Key West), but that was before I started doing reviews and they're no longer in business (probably for the same reasons I'd give them a 10 LOL.) The closest place to a 10 I know of now would be Brad's Brass Flamingo, but they don't offer quite enough privacy or contact to make it. Club Risque in Bristol, PA, also comes close as do a couple of others. But they're all lacking something.
I've only given a 10 rating once, to a club that had:
-Low cover ($5)
-BYOB (sure hate paying $8 for a Coors Light!)
-No annoying DJ
-Friendly and fun casual atmosphere
-Music the right volume: conversation possible
-Reasonable selection of decent-looking dancers ( I don't require all 9s and 10s..)
-Nice 2-way contact as dancers circulate for dollars
-Private lap booths with doors
-Happy Ending guaranteed.
In my rating, I tend to let two other factors influence the score. If it's one of my favorite clubs that I "frequent", I might increase the score by one, over what I might rate a similar visit at another club. Sometimes it's hard to keep all of the fond memories, and the "home club pride" out of the equation.
I also might increase at rating because of a recent bogus rating of the club. I've see a lot of times when a club will be given a 1, or an otherwise very low, undeserved score. I've read these reviews and typically you can tell it's either from a customer that has an axe to grind, someone from another club, or it will even say something like "I'm giving this club a 1 because it doesn't deserve to be a top 10 club."
I try to make a conscious effort to be honest with my ratings, and over the last few years have tried to be more unbiased.
Thinking back, I think I rate clubs with the same attitude as I would rate a woman - there is no such thing as a 10. If a club was totally awesome and I had a great experience it would get a 9, it would take an act of god for a club to get a 10 from me (maybe having the time of my life and leaving the club with more money than I walked in with!).
If I had a fantastic time in a club, I might give it a 10. Once in a blue moon I might give a club a 10 if I'm in a really good mood. I think my requirements for a 10 now are set so high, I will only do it just to be different from some other posters. Of course if I compare what I give some clubs when I rate them a 7 or 8 compared to the 9 I give somewhere else, there's actually a big difference in how much fun I had. 10 seems to be perfection though to me now so I don't give that rating much anymore.
I have to agree with chitown. In my early days of reviewing I probabbly gave out too may 10's. I am a lot more expierenced now and haven't give out a 10 in 5 years. I always give my favorite club a 9. What stops it from getting a 10 is the extremely loud music and obnoxious DJ's.
I think the 10 rating should be reserved for a combination of the things mentioned. While I have gotten dances that would easily be considered a 10+ anywhere, they were in clubs who could NEVER get a 10 and therefore my rating would be and is much lower. On the other hand I have had lousy dances in glitzy clubs, and of course the same holds true.
A reasonable cover ($5.00 or less);
Reasonable drink prices (ideally, no greater than those found in other bars/taverns)
A wide diversity of girls, so that I would have a decent chance of finding at least a couple that appealed to me;
Dancers who provided very high contact;
A VIP area that provides truly private areas for dances;
A clientele with a minimum of the hootin'-n-hollerin' type;
Music played at a volume that permits comfortable conversation for the 2/3 of the seating furthest from the stage;
DJ's whose focus is on the dancers, and who don't fancy themselves unappreciated comedians;
A large enough contingent of dancers that I have no difficulty selecting one from the group that I find truly attractive.
I've probably been too liberal with my 10s, when rating my favorite clubs. Especially when someone has recently rated it way too low.
I've tried to raise my scale a little bit, 'cause there really shouldn't be that many 10s given.
Currently, in my mind, a visit rating a 10 would have to have a large percentage of hot girls working... a LOT of high mileage during the dances - including 2-way contact, and enough girls working to prevent a long wait for a dancer. Also, I'd probably have feel like I'd made a connection with at least one dancer.
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Or Dutch.
*I say "and Switzerland" because the earliest such settler was a Protestant minister by the name of Hans Herr, who was from the region of the then German-Swiss border and nobody knows which country he was actually from. The Hans Herr House near Quarryville is open to tourists. It's interesting but I wouldn't rate it a 10.
The only strip club in the area that I know of is in Columbia (PA) but I've never been to it and the reviews don't sound all that great. Anyone ever been there?
Actually I do recall the old Biblical verb "to shrive" now that you've reminded me, but memory doesn't serve as well as it once did. In any case, Pennsylvania Dutch people always make homemade donuts to eat (or should I say "fress") on Shrove Tuesday. I think they even exchange donuts as gifts on that day.
All of which means that if you're going to open strip club in Lancaster County I guess you might want to call it Club Faschnacht. I only know of one strip club in Lancaster County, there used to be 2 but I don't think the Coronet is, which used to be a jazz club years ago and I actually saw Dizzy Gillespie (sp?) there once if anyone is interested, is a strip club anymore but I could be wrong. I often am.
A "fasch" is from the German "Fasching," which means roughly "carnival." So a "faschnacht" (also bastardized to "fastnight" even though "fasch" isn't from English "to fast" at all) is carnival night, and a donut is what you eat on the Tuesday, because you know you'll have to fast for the next forty days of Lent.
It's all about forty. Noah, Fasching, North Dallas ...
But getting back to the Springfield club, I was hoping to hear from Yoda if he's ever been there and what he thought. I believe it's the last time I ever visited a club in Massachusetts, after that trip I always arranged my New England trips so that I'd be near Providence overnight. If you plunked down Mardi Gras in Providence they'd soon go out of business because no one would ever go there more than once.
But your description of New Orleans' Mardi Gras ("Just a reason for young people to get drunk and for females to show their tits for beads. ... Just an excuse to drink, like St Pattys day.") indicates clearly to me that you've had the out-of-towner's experience. Come on down TODAY and I'll show you what's already going on, that doesn't make it on to CNN.
The Orleans Avenue bonfires on New Year's to start it off; the Baby Dolls and the Mardi Gras Indians; the Tuck's Parade of Tulane students; old Momus and Comus and new Muses and Calliope; Endymion's ball, private to all, even to the anointed lucky few participants; flambeaux-bearers at night under Bacchus; crawfish boils in the back yard at sunset; the First Missionary True Love Baptist Church Fried Chicken Convention and Eat-In; the greeting when Zulu meets Rex at Jackson and St. Charles; the blacks in white-face overturn the whites in white-face (sort of); the horse-mounted policemen six abreast closing the festivities at midnight as St. Louis Cathedral rings in Lent; King Cakes every Tuesday at school home-room; satiny harlequin outfits that your Creole grandgrandmere made in the 1840s which are carefully drawn out and repaired once a year to be worn only when masking; the horseback ride to hunt for gumbo ingredients across Acadiana parishes. I could go on.
The whole get-drunk-on-Bourbon-Street game is just a childish "Girls Gone Wild" video that you tourists could experience at almost any time of year here. We locals have been distancing ourselves from it for forty years, in spite of its growing popularity. In fact, most of the strip clubs here offer bead-tossing off balconies and tit-baring 365 days of the year. The "centralized" Mardi Gras, on the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday (February 20th this year) is just the culmination to two months of strange traditional festivities.
And anyway, the reason I said that the good name of Mardi Gras was being used for ill repute, was not that I objected to a strip club being named after it. It was because I objected to a BAD strip club being named after it. :)
Good enough for me.
Seriously, as a New Orleanian, I take official umbrage at the misuse to which the good name of Fat Tuesday is being put.
I hated it, it had everything I dislike in a strip club. After one terrible dance with a girl with a huge attitude problem, I returned to discover that the bartender-with-major-attitude-problem had thrown away my nearly full beer and someone else had taken my seat (that's the only time that's ever happened to me in a club.) I left, went across town to a tiny hole-in-the-wall neighborhood place and had a great time at much lower prices with a very friendly and pretty Hispanic girl, who would have never been hired by Mardi Gras.
I happen to remember that night very well because the next morning I found a dent in my car and had no idea how it got there, which scared the crap out of me. That was about 10 years ago and is the last time I ever drank heavily while out clubbing.
But spring is comin, and I'll be going to providence, and springfield (MA!) You gotta love the Mardigras!!!
But spring is comin, and I'll be going to providence, and springfield (MA!) You gotta love the Mardigras!!!
Now, I'd need to see close to perfection. Dances nude, with booze, in private areas, 2-way contact, fresh air, happy ending. If that were in place, then I'd also want the other things not to be too annoying (music volume, bouncer, wait service, bathrooms, etc.)
For those of you with high standards, are there any 10s out there?
But to get back to the topic at hand - Bones, I thought we were rating strip clubs, not brothels.
I still think there is a big gap in "class" dressing in America. I'm all for comfortable-fitting clothing, and clothes that are sturdy and allow me to bend and squat in order to fix the dang photocopier. But for me, that means that a nicely tailored suit is MORE likely to be useful, than an off-the-rack piece of department-store trash that passes for "corporate casual."
I do judge people on the basis of their knowledge of appropriate degrees of formality -- for example, a "semi-formal" affair means SUIT AND TIE for the men. It's "almost formal." Formal would be evening dress -- a tuxedo and black (bow) tie. Women's clothing is a little more free to wiffle-waffle among a variety of things -- little-black-dress for cocktails, etc.
But people who don't get the concept bug me. The expensive sports jersey over the top of jeans and sneakers and lots of rapper bling-bling, is supposedly "nicer" than a tailored suit? Or there's the fancy-schmancy leather jacket with lots of brand names and nicknames of "ma homies" all over it? They are demonstrating that, although they may have the money to buy something expensive, money can't buy taste or class. It's just another form of nouveau riche.
Of course it's become difficult to tell since most corporate types wear casual clothing these days. It's kind of funny the way you used to be able to spot the corporate guys in places like airports and restaurants (and strip clubs), where most of them wore suits. I recently took my ATF to an airport and we were talking about the fact that we only saw one guy in a suit, and he stood out like a sore thumb. He also looked miserable.
Spitting, swolling and gargleing...
I don't even like clubs that are super fancy, I find that a turn-off in itself, plus it usually means that they're overpriced, which is another big turn-off. But I do like my surroundings to be fairly clean and pleasant and that adds to the overall experience for me. And I like the seating to be comfortable, especially in VIP. So a club doesn't have to be fancy to please me, but if it is a total dump, and a lot of strip clubs are, that's going to detract from my enjoyment and I will deduct points accordingly.
Have you ever been to Nepals? That's my idea of the right level of decor - clean and comfortable without being overly fancy. In fact if they had a little more privacy and allowed a little more contact they'd be a 10 in my book. But they have goons peeking in to the VIP rooms and they require you to sit on your hands - 2 big turn-offs for me - so I think I've generally rated tham an 8.
But to answer the original question, a place would probably have to be illegal to get a 10 from me. It's not that I like extras, I don't, but I do like total privacy - no bouncers or camereas watching - and any place like that is almost certain to have at least some girls doing extras.
I grew up in a rural area and happen to like the little rural places that one sometimes stumbles across, and when I traveled extensively I'd often seek out such places. They generally have three things that I like: young amateur dancers, a very friendly laid-back atmosphere, and low prices. You'll usually see a parking lot with mostly pick-up trucks and motorcycles, rather than Mercedes and Beemers (except mine of course). No bouncers, DJs, parking lot or bathroom attendants, or other silly management policies to annoy you. And no seasoned professional dancers with attitudes trying to con the customers - they'd never survive. Most customers are locals in jeans and T-shirts. It feels more like a party than a club. My ATF danced in such a place.
The problem in many small clubs like this is that there often aren't very many dancers (because there aren't very many customers) so you can run into a shift where there are few if any attractrive girls working. So it's very hit or miss. But it only takes one girl to keep me happy.
I'm wondering how many people here are familiar with places like this? They're very different from the more upscale metropolitan clubs that we seem to focus on here.
Guess that never happened...
There have been times I might have rated a club a 10, but I wasn't posting reviews at the time. Recently, I gave a club a 9 then went back the next week and had an even better time with the same stripper. However, by the time my six-week posting restriction was up, I had been back again with less spectacular results.
1) She has to see my pee-pee.
2) An HJ, at least.
3) I leave satisfied.
If any lapdance fulfills all three conditions, it doesn't matter if I had to pay $50 cover and I get the shit beat out of me by the bouncer, I'm giving it a 10. That may sound arbitrary and cheap to some, but I can't lie to you guys, that is my rule.
Anything short of that is at most a 9 and subject to my whims of anything included in the stripclub experience: stage dances, music selection, how the crowd was, lighting, even if the bathrooms were clean. I've been to places where I get fantastic two-way LD's, but have given it a 6 because the talent was subpar. I've been to clubs that are all air dances, but have given it an 8 because the atmosphere was fantastic. That's the way I want to work it. So you can keep that in mind whenever you read my reviews.
I've only ever enountered 1 club that I would rate a 10 (Pirate's Cove in Key West), but that was before I started doing reviews and they're no longer in business (probably for the same reasons I'd give them a 10 LOL.) The closest place to a 10 I know of now would be Brad's Brass Flamingo, but they don't offer quite enough privacy or contact to make it. Club Risque in Bristol, PA, also comes close as do a couple of others. But they're all lacking something.
-Low cover ($5)
-BYOB (sure hate paying $8 for a Coors Light!)
-No annoying DJ
-Friendly and fun casual atmosphere
-Music the right volume: conversation possible
-Reasonable selection of decent-looking dancers ( I don't require all 9s and 10s..)
-Nice 2-way contact as dancers circulate for dollars
-Private lap booths with doors
-Happy Ending guaranteed.
(and no, this club isn't on the Block!)
-reasonable soft drink prices since I do not drink alcohol
-wide range of natural dancers. no barbies, posers or hustlers
-no fancy costumes
-level of contact left up to the individual girl.
-private lap dance areas.
-no bouncers
-no vip room charge a la Ybor Strip
-a plethora of naturally busty, and non anorexic girls
-limited tattoos
-non annoying DJ
The kind of place where when you leave, you don't feel like you just got fleeced.
I also might increase at rating because of a recent bogus rating of the club. I've see a lot of times when a club will be given a 1, or an otherwise very low, undeserved score. I've read these reviews and typically you can tell it's either from a customer that has an axe to grind, someone from another club, or it will even say something like "I'm giving this club a 1 because it doesn't deserve to be a top 10 club."
I try to make a conscious effort to be honest with my ratings, and over the last few years have tried to be more unbiased.
A "10" strip club would have
A reasonable cover ($5.00 or less);
Reasonable drink prices (ideally, no greater than those found in other bars/taverns)
A wide diversity of girls, so that I would have a decent chance of finding at least a couple that appealed to me;
Dancers who provided very high contact;
A VIP area that provides truly private areas for dances;
A clientele with a minimum of the hootin'-n-hollerin' type;
Music played at a volume that permits comfortable conversation for the 2/3 of the seating furthest from the stage;
DJ's whose focus is on the dancers, and who don't fancy themselves unappreciated comedians;
A large enough contingent of dancers that I have no difficulty selecting one from the group that I find truly attractive.
I've tried to raise my scale a little bit, 'cause there really shouldn't be that many 10s given.
Currently, in my mind, a visit rating a 10 would have to have a large percentage of hot girls working... a LOT of high mileage during the dances - including 2-way contact, and enough girls working to prevent a long wait for a dancer. Also, I'd probably have feel like I'd made a connection with at least one dancer.