After Gawker last discussion This quote should follow:

Yeah I feel like I am so far away from that! Ugh!!!!

While I appreciate the sentiment, bringing my ATF into my home for the past two weeks is probably the worst decision of my life. I knew she was using heroin and smoking crack, but she promised to get into detox within a couple of days ( needed to wait due to insurance - she had left detox AMA 10 days earlier)
First was several trips into the most crime ridden part of Boston to get her "stuff". While I was working like a rented mule hauling clothes & pots & pans from the 3rd floor ( including one fall down 5 stairs) she was saying goodbye to every drug dealer she could find; getting high which in her fucked up mind equates to paranoia which makes her unbearable.
Second was the big stall : Did you find a female bed in detox today? Oh, I forgot to call. Or: Here's a list with phone numbers of 23 detox facilities within 40 miles. Oh, I've been to all of them. This one has bad food; this ones non-smoking, as infinitem.
Third: damage to my house - 3 cigarette burns in the bedroom carpet - holes burned in 2 sets of sheets, one bedspread, one mattress cover and one blanket. One heavy drinking glass broken with such force that it actually nicked the granite kitchen countertop.
Fourth: having another John ( who I've known for years) into my house to fuck while I was at the nursing home visiting my wife.
Fifth: After banging the other guy she got paranoid, hid the money and we can't find it. In her search she has gone through every drawer , every cabinet and every crook and nanny. My house currently looks like a mentally impaired KGB agent tossed the house.
Sixth: constant arguing and fighting. Her lies and manipulations are all my fault and I'm a perfect asshole to call her on them.
Seventh: Her phone calls. She threw her boyfriend out of their apartment when he brought his former girlfriend into their apartment to screw (she found purple hair in their bed). So she's been texting him ( she uses a voice enabled text) about how hurt she is; how much she still loves him, how he's changed her view of all men, etc., etc., etc. So he got back to her swore it was only once, he's sorry, really loves her and she's ecstatic. Then she connects with the ex who says they've been fucking regularly and in fact is knocked up. Once again she's destitute.
Eighth: My cat is an indoor pet. She's let the 6 lb. cat (small) out 3 or 4 times. There's coyotes, owls, eagles, fisher cats & other predators out there.
Finally: I just dropped her off for a 7 day detox. She called before they took her phone away and left a message: Her BF is at the same detox. Can he move in here with her after they detox? She says he's got a job and she'll fuck me while he's at work. What do you think?

Gawker, you are one dumb son of a bitch. Of course everything is your fault. Everything bad that's ever happened to her from the moment she was conceived has been your fault. You've been with her now for how many years and you still don't know that?

Procrastination? Check. Paranoia? Check. In and out of 23 fucking detox facilities? LMFAO. Damage to your property? Check. Fucking other guys while you're at work? Check. Getting back with the abusive boyfriend who knocked her up? Check and check. 24/7 fights? check. "Losing" money? Check.

This is the funniest shit I've read all day. Wake me up when you get to the part where she calls the police and accuses you of rape.

^^^^^ok I'm sorry but I'm with Shadowcat. This guy Gawker has GOT to be a troll. Otherwise, how in the hell could you put up with all that you just wrote and call it happiness???!!!

From reading all your stories and seeing that you continue along with your ATF I know that no one is gonna change your mind about her and the situation. Some way some how it's worth it to you so hey, good luck.

Its hard for me to believe that a guy would go through all of this for a heroin addict though. That's why I'm leaning towards troll. Or at the least, someone who's good at telling crazy stories and seeing how folks react to it.

TFP - is that for Toilet Fucking Paper???
Read line 3 - I said "worst decision of my life" not happiness! If you think I'm trolling then put me on ignore. If you want a new definition of PL keep reading my shit.

Gawker, I hope you haven't been waiting for your ATF to hit rock bottom. You're the one who needs to hit rock bottom. Hopefully this is it.

I apologise for calling you a troll. I just can't fathom how someone can put their self through all this for a woman.

Anonlvone covered the entire checklist. That is so much bad stuff to go through. Can you help me understand why you put yourself through all of this? Does she really mean that much to you? I just think that for all your effort you could find a much more stable woman who would do everything and more for your time and money.

And no, TFP does not stand for Toilet Fucking Paper :).

Gawker, what did you expect? She doesn't respect you and most certainly doesn't see you as any sort of moral authority. Why? Because, at the end of the day, you are a John to her and nothing more. A special John to be sure given everything you've done for her, but still a John. Shit, you even take her to get her drugs. How fucked up is that?

So you might as well save yourself all of this emotional angst, because if anyone ever really saves her, it won't be you. As I've said before, you can either be a source of moral authority or the old guy who fucks the young girl for money (or other shit), but not both. You've already made your choice, time and again. She sees you as a special enabling John that you are and is using you accordingly. What you need to decide is whether what you are getting from her is worth the trouble.

I hope things improve for you - and for the girl too. If she can get it together - it seems that several people’s lives will improve too.

You don’t need the stress that she brings. Nobody needs it. Sadly, her drug addiction has added to her mental health issues, and it’s not a pretty picture.

I wish you the best.

@TFP, you have been on TUSCL for what, four months? Gawker has been active for years, and a strip club monger for much longer. Maybe since before you were born? Yea, he has a fucked up dancer in his life. Those of us who have been here with him for years know his story well. He has problems like no one should ever have to deal with, some self inflicted others completely out of his control.

I've never met Gawker but have often thought he would be very interesting to meet some day. But you, TFP, should respect him, no matter how fucked up his situation, and pull your head out of your ass before claiming you know anything about him, his situation or before slamming him as a troll.

If you want to try and understand Gawker look through his older posts about him, his life and his seriously fucked up stripper. He's a hell of a guy with great stories and plenty of self inflicted shit in his life. Otherwise, we will assume TFP stands for Total Fucking Prick and not Toilet Fucking Paper. :)

Best of luck to you Gawker hope you are OK. Great pussy is as addictive as crack.

Corvus, calm the fuck down.

I already apologized for calling him a troll. Still, any person after reading that whole ordeal that Gawker posted would wonder the same thing. Why in the holy hell would a person go through all of that? I would think no person in the world would deal with all that shit and still think it's worth it.

I don't give a fuck how long he's been on this board. Or if he's been mongering since before I was born. And I've read enough of his stories and seen enough of the responses. As well as his own response just now saying it's not happiness. Well if it's not happiness why do you continue down this road? I know if I continue to do something it's usually because the result is gonna be some kind of happiness or content. Yet his stories are full of disappointment, uneasiness, and worry. Yet he doesn't change anything. It's hard for a sane person to understand.

Corvus it's cool you're up for defending your friend. But I can tell my head ain't up anybody's ass, unlike your friend Gawker. I don't claim to know anything about this guy except reading the stories he posts. And since you say you've never met him then I can assume your only knowledge of him also comes from his stories. So since you seem to sympathize with him so much, help me understand why he'd go through all of this. I certainly wouldn't. You would?

^^^ biggest troll on tuscl... ignored

Gawker; I am sorry to hear that you think it was the worst decision, my friend had a experience like yours with the girl he made a relationship agreement with.
"When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He is the last one to know
Loving eyes can't ever see..."
The ancient Greeks called love:
"The madness of the gods"
Modern psychologists defined it as:
"The strong desire for emotional union with another person."
It is a "natural" addiction and treating it like and addiction can help you.
The only thing that "saved" my friend was that a better nicer ex-ATF came back into his life, otherwise I am sure he would still be dealing with the bad one.
Gawker I hope you can find a better nicer ATF and get out of this situation.
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life, Live it like there is no tomorrow, find a good ATF that bring s you Mira happiness and less problems"
I wish you the best, thank for sharing your adventures and pleased keep sharing them.

More not Mira damn autocorrect

I have to wonder... at some point a heavy drug user like being described starts to lose their looks. The body deteriorates because they don’t take care of themselves and all they care about is the drugs. They get real thin because food isn’t as important as the drug. The teeth start to rot. Hair is thinning and a mess,

If this girl has been in and out of as many detox places as she says, I have to believe she’s no where near as hot as when you first met.

No sex is hot enough, no woman's body is perfect enough, no man is saint enough to justify enduring this hell. If even half of what gawker has described is accurate, then he is a masochist and needs professional therapy. Him, not the girl. She is definitely a lost cause, and he will be too if he doesn't sever all ties and talk to a psychologist immediately.