Emotionally attached to ATF....Now what?
SebastianCobb
California
I was told my self that I would never be the guy to fall in love with a stripper. A started visiting the strip clubs as an escape from bad relationship. A relationship with a girl that I really loved ended in really bad terms. The clubs were the medicine that helped get through that bad time. Now the medicine seems worse than the disease. I met my ATF six months ago. When I first met I remember telling my self "OMG". She has a hot curvy body and sexy demeanor. After exchanging a couple of smiles she sat with me. When talked for a bit then headed to the VIP for FS. I only paid $100 for the room and tipped her $80. I was flattered because girls that are usually as hot as her don't charge so little unless they actually like the guy. A week later I came back to the club and noticed that she was sitting with another guy. I told my "Damn I hope she doesn't come over because I want to get a dance from a different girl". Sure enough after eyefckng me for a while, she came over and sat down. We talked for a while it was off the VIP Room for FS again. After the VIP she came and sat with me for a while. She then got up and said she was going to do some "rounds". I could tell by the look in her face that she didn't want offer any dances to any other guys. While she was doing this another dancer came over and sat with me. My ATF saw us and I could tell that she got jealous. After the other girl left, my ATF came back and sat with me for the remainder of her shift even though I wasn't dropping all kinds of crazy money on her. At that point I felt as though this girl actually liked me because of her actions. I didn't get her number because I felt it was too soon and she looks like she could be a bytch if she wants to be. I figured I'd get it next time, but there was no next time for the next 5 months. I felt as though I had waisted a good opportunity and kept asking my self what it could have been if I had just asked for her number. Finally one day in April I came across her again. She was excited to see me. I told her that I missed her and she told me that "she didn't know why she hadn't given me her number". She sat with me for the next 2.5 hours and was very affectionate. We went to the VIP and did FS and that's where she gave me her number. She made sure that I put in in my phone and suggested OTC. She told me that "we should hang out outside of the club, maybe go eat and get some drinks". We walked out of the VIP Room holding hands and she didn't want to let me go. She kept telling me "you have my number now, use it". I text her the next day but didn't receive a reply until about 3 days later. We had a very brief text convo where I got short responses from her before she stopped returning my texts. The next day I texted her again and again she replied with short answers. I asked her if she wanted to OTC for lunch. She replied and said "that she didn't hang out outside of the club". I played it cool and told her that it was unfortunate because "I really enjoyed her company". She then told me that "She was at the club and I could come see her if I wanted to". I went over to the club that day and when I walked in she was sitting with two. She excused herself and came over to me. She didn't look like she was too happy to see me and was not as affectionate as she used to be. I figured that she may have been having a bad day coupled the fact the she's not overly sexual or flirtatious as the other girls, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. After a stale conversation we went to the VIP for FS. The last time we had done VIP she let finger her but this time when I tried she pulled away. After the VIP she briefly sat with me before going to do her rounds. Her sat with an older guy and her demeanor was completely different. She was enthusiastic about their conversation, sat close to him, and seem flirty up until the point where the guy refused a dance with her...haha....She never came back to sit with me that night and after I left I texted "goodnight". Since I wasn't so invested in her yet, I figured I'd cut ties with her for good. The next day she texted me and said "sorry about last night I was a little sick and a little tired" she asked me if "I wanted to go for round 2" that day. I was so done with her that I told her I couldn't go. 10 days later she texted me back and told me that she wanted to OTC. As naive as I was I initially thought she wanted to OTC free of charge but wasn't the case. She set a price of $250 but I got her to drop down to $200. Our first "date" was very formal and exceed the standards of OTC'ing with a stripper. My ATF was on time to the date, I was the one who actually showed up 15 minutes late. She was on her best behavior, even though people were calling and texting her she did not answer her phone while she was with me. After lunch we went to the motel for FS. After everything was done I wanted her to stay and cuddle but she was up and getting dressed before I knew it. I told her I wanted her to stay longer but she said that she "couldn't because she needed to help her son with a school project". She told me to text her when I got home and I did, she replied right away. The next day I sent her a funny picture and she replied "lol". I asked her "how her son's project came out" but she never replied. A week later I texted her and told her that we should OTC again. Her reply was "hey" and nothing more. The next day she texted me saying that she "it would be cool to OTC again". I set up a date and time and she told me that she had to check her schedule but she would let me know soon. The next day she texted me and confirmed the date. On our second OTC I was on time and she was 30 minutes late. Her behavior began to really slip at this point. Her phone was ringing and she was actually answering it during our OTC as well as texting. Throughout our relationship I've caught her on multiple lies. First she told me that she was from Philadelphia and then she told me that she was from the West Coast. She told me that she doesn't do drugs, not even smoke weed. During our second OTC another dancer sent her a text message asking her if she had crystal meth. She doesn't look like she uses it but could very well be dealing it because she doesn't show up consistently at the club so it maybe that's her other source of income. After dinner came the motel for FS. She told me that her back was hurting that day so the next day I texted her asked her if she was feeling better but she never replied. A week after that I texted her to ask her if she was going to be at the club and said yes. I went to the club and the first two hours were awesome except for the part when she called the bouncer over and told him that she wanted to hug him for no reason. Her and another girl were hanging out with me, we're drinking, having a good time but unfortunately I drank too much. It got to the point where I started feeling sick and apparently I blacked out during the VIP because what felt like 5 minutes was actually 30 minutes according to her so I got charged for the VIP twice. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I sat at the club trying to sober up and during this time she did a full sprint towards the bouncer that I mentioned earlier and jumped hugged him and wrapped her legs around him too. I asked my self what's with all of this affection?...Why isn't she that affectionate towards me even though I'm a good customer. By the end of the night I was still too drunk to drive. Not once did she come over to check to see how I was doing or to offer a ride, uber, taxi, bus. I texted her and told me that I was too drunk to drive and about an hour later she replied "I hear you, just got to know your limits". Absolutely no concern over my well being or safety which hurt because I've emotionally attached to her and at the very least it's bad customer service. I see or text her again for 10 days. At the 10th day I gave in. I texted her and asked her if she wanted to OTC. She told me that she wasn't sure of her schedule but that she would let me know for sure by the next. Almost the entire next day went by without a text from her. I gave in and texted her. She replied and we set up an OTC date for the next day. The next day she texted me and asked me if we could change the time of the OTC because she wasn't going to have a babysitter for a while. That excuse didn't make a whole of sense because according to her she lives with her parents so why couldn't her parents watch her kid?...We moved the OTC to 2 hours later. This time she showed up 1 hour late and had a look on her face like something was bothering her. She sat down and immediately afterwards got on her phone and was texting, she appeared angry. I asked her what was wrong "she told me that her ex was acting stupid and wanted to come over that day to pick up their son". That would be another lie that I caught her in because she had told me that her ex was not in her kid's life. She told me that her ex is very much involved in her kids life and takes the kid everywhere. That made realize that the whole babysitter situation is bullshyt and that she just moved the OTC time to accommodate her ex. She told me that her ex is a real toolbag who's beaten her, verbally abused her, and has threatened to kill her. I have a gut feeling that he's still in the picture and getting it for free, probably takes the money she makes dancing too. The conversation on our 3rd OTC wasn't as great as the previous two but after the FS at the motel she suggested that I go to the club with her. I agreed and went to her club. She came over to where I was sitting and briefly sat down. She then got up and said that she had "to do her rounds but that she'd be back". While she was doing her rounds she was being really flirty with another guy touching him all over and shaking her ass in front of him. I'd never seen her do that because she's usually very reserved. I wasn't enjoying the club and my body language said it all. I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable because of this. She came over and sat with me briefly once more and told me that she wanted to ask me for a dance but that we already had fun that night. I didn't get a dance and she started doing her rounds again because she couldn't spent too much time with (one customer) me). Some guy got a regular lap dance from her and they walked holding hands to the room, something she rarely does and hasn't done with me for a while. They were back there for a while before going over the VIP Room and spending some more time there. I finally got so bored that I started getting dances from other girls. When I came out of the lap dance room I saw sitting in the corner with the same guy she had just given a VIP to. She was giving him free lap dances on the main floor (so much for not being able to spend that much time with one customer). That kind of pissed me off but I just walked past them without saying a word. When she saw me she immediately jumped out of his lap and walked away.....I understand it's her bread and butter so I can deal with it but the sub par customer service that she's been providing me (a good customer) is what upsets me. Before the night was over I got another lap dance from another girl (money my ATF could have earned if she had better customer service skills). For the rest of the night my ATF would just walk past me without saying a word. At the end of the night I came up to her and wanted to her to hug her goodnight but she pushed me away. She looked wasted and I felt concerned about her. I asked her if she was going to be ok to home like that..At the very least I would've called an Uber for her. She told "Yes babe I'm fine"....My concern seemed to upset and annoy her. She told me to text her when I got home and told her to do the same. When I got home I texted her but she never replied......I still care a lot about her but the shit she does is foul even from a non-emotional, customer service standpoint....What can I do?.....Can I salvage this somehow?......
47 comments
Run as far and as fast as you can ! If you don't you are dead meat just waiting for the butcher.
Yes one other thing take up philately, this is not the hobby for you.
Yeah dude strippers are about one thing and one thing only, the money. She doesn't care about you, once your money is gone she will be gone. Don't get attached to these strippers, you will get your heart broken. If I were you I'd find a stripper that has better customer service than her.
First, paragraphs and punctuation are your friends. Use your friends. Please, use your friends.
Second, I say you have two choices, either marry the bitch or run as fast as you can away from her. Oh, yea, delete her number from your phone immediately. Then run the other way.
Paragraph (ˈperəˌɡraf/noun): 1. a distinct section of a piece of writing, usually dealing with a single theme and indicated by a new line, indentation, or numbering.
Brevity (ˈbrevədē/noun): 1. concise and exact use of words in writing or speech.
Best case scenario - she is playing you like a grand-piano and you have no idea - you meet a hot chick - you fuck her the first time (for $$$) - and it's b/c you're special? Fat chance.
Worst case scenario - she actually likes you and you will be subject to the curse of being a stripper-BF - think about it:
+ do you want to be romantically involved w/ a person who's job is at best getting naked and being groped by dozens of men and at worst sucking dozens of dicks.
+ if a hot-stripper can be *genuinely* into you; then you should be able to get a hot civvie and if you can't get a hot civvy then why a hot-stripper for anything other than her having something to gain
If you are new to strip-clubs then don't get personally involved w/ strippers b/c you don't know what you're getting into - and if you think "she's different" then you have proven the point of not knowing stripperville.
You, sir, are fucked.
I skimmed this post, but it's pretty obvious that you need to and run. And, perhaps find a hobby that isn't strip clubs. Not sure it's the right place for you. I'm also not sure why you have feelings for her. Aside from the fact that she fucks you, she sounds like a horrible person.
-->"The clubs were the medicine that helped get through that bad time. Now the medicine seems worse than the disease."
I've been doing this for a few decades, and the one time I got raked over the coals, was with a stripper I got involved with just as I split from my wife. I told myself she was helping me get through a bad time; I realize now, people in emotionally vulnerable states tell themselves things like that, the way heroin users must tell themselves they just need one last hit and then they'll quit. Being in the strip club at that time is the worst thing I could have done for myself. No, the strip club does not help you get over a relationship, it makes you vulnerable to take things from bad to far worse.
IMHO the problem is not the stripper - it's him - if he goes to another club good-chance he'll get "smitten" by another dancer
Just have fun bro. And enjoy your time there. If the stripper suggest OTC just laugh that shit off... and don't ever text a stripper. Let her text you.
(with rare exceptions)
All the rest of your drivel tells me you clearly prefer look past any and every warning sign to drop this whore. What good would any our advice do?
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
You go to a strip club because you want fantasy, You want pussy and tits. You want a read head. You go to a strip club because you want a blow job. You DO NOT go to a strip club because you want a relationship
* tl;dr -- Good Lord, man! Break this logorrhea into some paragraphs!! I can't imagine that anyone actually read all of that, Larry's claim to the contrary notwithstanding.
* Oh yeah, and: Run, Forrest, run!
Consider yourself lucky for finding a hot stripper you're attracted to and getting dirt cheap ITC and OTC. GoV is a veteran member and he is still working on his first OTC.
Stop giving a shit about how she treats others. It will only mess with your head.
Flagooner: "Hey fishsticks, cut and paste your response and send it to yourself" LMAO
If you are not ready to do that, then clean up your own side of the sidewalk first.
If you need a Marriage Councilor or a Divorce Lawyer, find one. Not so many of them dancing in strip clubs.
If your wife needs a process server, I am tied up now. But in the future I will be traveling around the country.
But don't ever buy dances in a strip club. That is a chump's game.
SJG
George Benson and Al Jarreau - Live in concert 2007.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lupHXWVP…
Josephine Baker
http://www.cmgww.com/stars/baker/shoppin…
Anyway, these girls are gonna be erratic and will definitely be giving other guys "attention" at the very least. Get used to it.
Try to move on though. Realize you are causing this drama on yourself. You pay, she shows up and does what you pay her for, that's it, that's all you're getting. Any feelings or additional caring for you or whatever isn't gonna happen.
I recommend finding another. Except this time realize you're only money to her.
Repeat the poem (Mantra) to yourself before during and after every SC visit.
Learn the meaning of SS.
You're thinking ATF, she is thinking ATM.
Bottom line is enjoy her for what it is, a business transaction. It'll never come more than likely, but the day she pays or y'all have sex for free and she consistently returns your text, then I'd say it's probably safer to invest some emotions with this girl.
first time that fave fucked my head up. however that prepared me to deal with this 2nd one who is treating basically the same as that first one as well as that fave of yours.
here are ways to handle this shit:
-you already have a nice itc thing going on already, as she's giving you more in extras than most guys in the club.
-do NOT show that you care about her. even though you already have, from this point onward do not show any more of that shit. that actually turns them off. if you show them that you don't care they remain a little more interested in you-like you're presenting a little of a challenge. showing care means to them that you of no challenge at all, and makes them feel like they can walk all over your ass.
-go to other clubs and get more girls to get you off. that way you can start to have a rotation of sorts. you will be better of well served in the long run as your fave will one day just stop showing up. this happens to all of us.
these girls 98% will serve up the stripper shit in a rather large platter. you got to be wise, stay strong and get a real good grasp of the whole situation.
best of luck
When we think of a fave; we picture her smile, her bod, her company - when a fave thinks of us she pictures a pile of $20s
In the end, it's completely self-induced. You can cut it all off at any point. There's no doubt that it was a lesson well learned, and I will recover (at least financially), but it will take some time to get over. Feelings go involved, obviously, as that is the only way to truly get bamboozled by a stripper. There is no doubt that it has jaded me quite a bit, and I doubt I'll treat this whole strip-club thing the same ever again (probably for the better). I'm ok with the fact that I will go into any relationship (I use that term now very loosely) with a stripper, with my guard completely up... I only hope I can keep my wits about me, and make sure I give a fair shake to civvies out there, as I am single.
Don't beat yourself up too-much over-it - getting emotionally suckered by strippers is part of the learning experience if one SCs regularly - not too uncommon at all - kinda like professional athletes getting injured - part of the game and happens and one learns from it and learns to take better care of themselves.
Make it a TUSCL article if it's pretty-involved.
If it was more obvious then many of us would not get/have-gotten played - part of the game - has happened to tons of PLs and will continue to happen to tons of PLs (lest they are TUSCLarly educated and even then)
you are way to much emotionally involved with this girl. don't get so tied up with her.
I think one of the biggest hustles in the strip club / trap is the illusion that the PL can deal with a woman of his choosing whereas a lot of guys are taking what they can get in the real world. The stripper has the upper hand because she knows what the PL likes but the PL doesn't know what the she likes. When your ATF made you pay for OTC she showed you that she wasn't interested. When your ATF did FS with you after first meeting you, she wasn't letting you know that you were special. She was letting you know that she is a prostitute.
There is probably a stripper in the club that is interested in you but finding her is easier said than done. You'll have to be open minded, letting go the "its my money and I'll spend it on who I want" attitude, and be willing to take what you can get just like in the real world.