What is your all time favorite lawyer joke? Example 1. Why did Washington DC get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the toxic waste dumps and chemical plants? New Jersey chose first. Example 2. Two layers are walking along a deserted beach when they come across a beautiful young woman sunbathing nude on the sand. After they both check her out the first lawyer says to the second lawyer: "Look at that fucking babe. I would sure like to screw her". The second lawyer responds: "Yeah, me too. Out of what?"
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lawyer jokes
May 9, 2017, 6:16 PM
comments (29)
Sorry I don't know any lawyer jokes.
My favorite is one I posted here a couple years ago. But a good joke never grows old and so I'll post it again:
A 5th grade teacher asks her students what their mothers do for a living.
Little Billy says, "My mom is nurse."
Little Judy says, "My mom is a realtor."
Then little Johnny looks up at her and says, "My mom is a stripper. Every night, she dances in a g-string for a bunch of men, and sometimes one of the men will pay her and she'll go to the man's hotel for the night." The teacher, shocked, hurriedly moves the class along to the next activity.
The next day the teacher pulls Johnny aside and asks, "Is it really true that your mom's a stripper?"
Johnny replies, "No. She's a lawyer, but that was too embarrassing to tell the whole class."
I've got one:
Q: "What's another good name for skibum609?" A: "A fag!"
LOL!
A young lawyer is driving his new Jaguar and gets stopped by a police officer. What'd I do officer? You failed to stop at the stop sign at the last intersection. Oh, well I slowed down and just rolled through, says the lawyer. And, officer, if you can define the difference between slowing down and stopping I'll gladly pay the fine! Out of the car says the cop, grabbing his nightstick and begins thrashing the lawyer in the head. Now, do you want me to stop or just slow down?
Q. What's black and looks good on a lawyer? A. A rottweiler.
another oldie but goldie:
A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?" She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody any time, any where, any place, it doesn't matter to me." The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "No kidding? What law firm do you work for?"
Q: What do you call a hundred lawyers tossed into the bottom of a lake?
A: A good start.
You have serious issues Doug. I feel sorry for you.
I hate to admit it, but doug made me literally laugh out loud.
Q. What do you call a lawyer who doesn't have the aptitude to do anything else?
A. A family lawyer.
A. What do you call a lawyer who's an asshole, a bigot, and a moron?
A. Jeff Sessions
^^ Q
Random: "• Q. What do you call a lawyer who doesn't have the aptitude to do anything else?
A. A family lawyer."
You'll recall never the skifag never answered the question about whether he attended a top 10 school or not. Not that matter since lawyers are all, at best, in the second tier of society intellectually.
Lol!
And I say at best. A guy like skihomo is third or fourth tier.
^^^ SkiBirther is a little nuts -- but at least he's not a pussy
How does a limousine full of lawyers differ from a porcupine ? The pricks are in the inside.
A dead snake and a dead lawyer are lying in the middle of the road. Which is which?
Skid marks in front of the snake!
Top ten law schools are for the rich and the poor. As a product of the middle class I attained my JD from Suffolk University School of Law and my Llm from Boston University School of Law.
Top ten law schools are for the rich and the poor. As a product of the middle class I attained my JD from Suffolk University School of Law and my Llm from Boston University School of Law.
It seems like 1 out of 5 students are studying law in Massachusetts and the Northeast. I love to visit the area, and it's a good place to be from if you catch my drift.
" Suffolk University School of Law "
Great third-tier school, there. Do they teach un-critical thinking, birther-ism, conspiracy theories, and how-to-smoke weed-3x-per-day?
did you hear how cold it got last winter?
It was so cold that some lawyers in my firm were actually seen with their hands in their own pockets.
Jacks first joke is the best one.
Definition of a good lawyer. One who can get a charge of sodomy reduced to one of following too close.
The gate between heaven and hell was broken, as per prior agreement between St. Peter & Lucifer it was the devils turn to make the repairs. St. Peter calls Lucifer to remind him of his obligation and Lucifer replies that he'll get to it when he gets to it. Anyway St. Peter says to him I expect it to be done before the close of business or I'll sue, Lucifer laughs and says where are you going to get a lawyer.
^^^ :)
Why did the research laboratory start using lawyers instead of rats? There are some things a rat just will not do!
What do you call a disbarred lawyer? A politician!
What do you call a disbarred lawyer who has never had a job? A democrat politician!
What do you call a disbarred politician who has murdered anyone in her or her husband's way, sold nation secrets, national resources, and undermined the security of all of us while claiming to be mother of the year? "Hillary"
Did hear the real reason for the pollution in Flint Michigan's water supply? There was a skinny dipping group of lawyers swimming up stream!
Lifetime consequences from that last one, Tiredtraveler. (:
^ 5 TT.
