How to arrange dinner with big time ATF?

4/25/2017 3:12:36 PM

I am still a young noob on this site but some of you may remember my siuation from a few weeks back. If not, have a brief scan through it here https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=4…

We have known eachother well since the new year, I am exclusive to her ITC (Probably a negative here), we talk everyday through Facebook and some OTC action has happened but only ever after work or on her nights off. This has all taken place at local bars and regular clubs close by her work.

We've done the whole birthday presents thing and she has called me a friend, as well as saving my ass one time when I lost my wallet.

Basically, my family are away and I cant really cook, nor can I be bothered, I am pretty useless/lazy and I comfortably live with my parents.
I'm gonna visit a restaurant of some sort tomorrow and I would love this girl to join me, however I don't know how to word it.

It really is pathetic and theres a decent chance that she'll say yes anyway, but even with girls at school, I was always too shy to just come out with things like this. Its not always rejection thats the fear, its often just feeling stupid and not knowing how to phrase it knowing that i'll have to face her afterwards.

I will pay for the meal but I dont want it to be me paying for her time, I just wanna hangout with a similarly aged girl who I seem to get along with well, and I know she is single so what else will she be doing on a Wednesday afternoon thats better than nice company and a free meal?

The main reason I fear rejection is that our town is very small and everyone knows her and many people know me, more than half of my visits to the local supermarket end up with me bumping into the strip club manager and having a convo with him. Ive also seen dancers out for meals with their partners so she would likely fear that someone might see us and jeapordise her position, I would happily travel to somewhere away from town if she accepted.

6 comments

Latest

san_jose_guy

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8 years ago

Strip clubs can be a place to learn how to interact with women, and to learn more about how they tic. They have been such for me.

But basically, if you like a girl, you get her outside. You don't have to horse around, just take her to bed. But if you keep seeing her in the club, then you are a pathetic looser.

If the issue is that you are married, well I have been there myself. But most of the girls who dance in strip clubs will not be able to help you with your problem. You need either a marriage counselor or a divorce lawyer.

SJG

OTO Tree of Life
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anonlvone

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8 years ago

I remember you. If she'll meet up with you after work at a dance club, I don't understand why she wouldn't meet up with you for dinner - although I don't understand how the clubbing thing started if you're that shy and she's that afraid of being recognized by someone. I think the real issue behind your hesitation is that you're not really asking her for dinner, you're asking her for a relationship, which brings me back to how the whole clubbing thing started. Seems to me you could just easily build on that. What could be more natural than going out for breakfast after a night of clubbing? Do that, and then suggest a nice restaurant just a little outside of town.

HarryJones

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8 years ago

Anonlvone thats actually solid advice. Totally makes sense. Thank you sir

rockstar666

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8 years ago

I agree with anon. It's common for newbie clubbers to be looking for a relationship; when pretty girls pay massive attention to you it's easy to think they actually "like" you. Trust me, they don't if they require money for services. It took me a while to truly learn that lesson. Clubbing is a LOT more fun when you're not looking for your next ex-wife.

If you've been to bars with this dancer OTC, it should be easy to ask her out. Just ask! The question I have is will you pay her for her time or does she "like" you enough for a free date? I would be prepared both mentally and financially to pay her if she asks. I've only had free dates with one dancer in my life, but then again I don't do much OTC as I have free girlfriends now.

san_jose_guy

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8 years ago

In talking with them you see if real relationship is possible. If the girl looks down on you or otherwise does not like you, sooner you can surface that the better.

Trying to pay a girl into liking you is even worse than a chump's game.

SJG

sinclair

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8 years ago

It sounds like you want to be in a relationship with this girl. From what you have relayed in your posts, it sounds like she is into you based on her hanging out at bar and clubs with you, her getting your wallet back to you, talking on Facebook, exchanging birthday gifts, etc. I hope you have cut off going to see her in the strip club by this point, because that will just reinforce that you are a loser and not a potential lover. You will never be more than a "friend from work" if you are going to her job just to see her.

I take it you are shy. Just man up and ask her out. Tell her that you cannot stop thinking about her when you are at work/school. Tell her how happy you are when you get to spend time with her. Tell her how you go home smiling. You might get shot down, but at least you will know where you stand with her. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been because you were scared to ask her out. Trust me, you do not want to go through life living with regret.

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