ATF Blowout - how to deal with the fallout

Ghost that bitch.

This problem will solve itself. Give it time.

Don't react. It adds fuel to fire.

Before you enter next fling, have some idea on exit path.

Being 'bad mouthed' at a club from a past ATF is not a bad thing, it's an opportunity!! THe other dancers think, "Hey, he spent $$$$ on 'dancer X' but now she hates him. OPPORTUNITY!!!" You might find you're unusually popular. This happened to me; my ATF 'retired' and since the dancers all know about me, I became a hot property. If you were generous, you will too. Dump the bitch and explore new universes.

Grow a pair and tell her to fuck the hell off.

How old are you dude? Seems like a H.S. breakup drama kinda thing.

Not that I'm Mr Efficiency here but I've learned the hardaway and the too-slow-a-way that it's business and best to be direct and be the one in control instead of getting jerked around by your dick - the nicer you are in SS world it's like damn quicksand; the deeper you sink - most of these girls are sharks that use our "niceness" against us like a baseball-bat over our heads - I seriously doubt she gives a shit about *your* feelings; ust your wallet - 99% of the time once your $$$ is gone (financial issues; job-loss; etc); so are they (gone in 60 seconds) - you are an ATM; not their buddy - they have their "buddies" outside the club and you are not one of them.

Sure - always be polite and best to let her off easy and hope she gets the hint - but if she persists w/ her SS and guilt-tripping then you gotta be honest and blunt and tell her you wanna see other dancers - they know custies feel this way but still use the guilt-tripping w/ gullible custies while the assholes custies that treat her like shit keep her in-line and they (dancers) don't try that guilt-trip shit w/ them and still give them what they want.

Believe me - the other bitches in the club don't give a shit and will gladly take your $$$ - they may be hands-off at first out of "professional courtesy" thinking you are her regular; but you gotta nip that in the bud and make it clear to other dancers you are free-fucking-agent and make the move if they don't - and the fave will know when it's over if you make it clear instead of pussyfooting around the situation.

Oh yeah, I forgot - grow a pair

As long as she doesn't show up at your door step (if you're married) then there's not much she can do.

Go business as usual at the new club, don't worry about the bad mouthing to new dancers (the smart ones will see right through that).

Also don't burn bridges - you may need to cross them again someday. If she confronts you again tell her why you need a break.

IMO, even if you tell her to f' off; she'll still take your $$$ in the future - not saying to go ahead and tell her to f' off; just do what you gotta do - it's *your* $$$; not hers - you don't tell her that she can't be w/ other custies, right?

I just thought of the perfect solution - fly Juice in to your city and take him to the club and point out the bitch to him - done deal

:)

Be polite but direct. No need to be reactive nor an ass. Tell her you're looking for something different, wish her the best, and move on. You won't be able to control how she responds but you can how you react.

"An evil part of me wants to hire the best looking girl I can find and go drinking with her to my ex-ATFs club"

Don't invite more drama.

It's your money, YOU control that, don't forget that.

Your green outweighs her "bad mouthing" every time.

Damn, lots of solid advise here, and a couple of the funny expected comments (thanks John and Papi we can always count on you) I think I'm going to give the BAU approach a try. If nothing else it will let me gage the damage. I've contacted some of my new faves tonight and things seem to be all good. I'll check it out on my next visit and report. And not invite more drama for sure. And she is on probation so if she gets vindictive and threatens my real world ill threaten to find her PO and drop a solicitation dime on her ass. She knows I know her case number. That should do away with that idea. Oh forgot, Juice if you come in to Dallas I'll be happy to point out the crazy one to you.

I recently dumped my ATF, or the closest I've ever had to an ATF. I travel to the city she dances in so no chance to just run into her. But I deleted her number from everywhere I had it stored. She'll figure it out eventually. The poor service, taking me and my money for granted, screw that. She'll never get another dime from me. I've already found a replacement from the same club.

Just move on and don't let her intimidate you. And, oh yea, grow a pair and man up. It's your time and money.

PRBoy, I could have literally written your post, and just signed my name on it. Almost went through the exact same thing, so I can at least tell you how I dealt with it.

Had an ATF (first ever as I consider February to be the beginning of my SC world). Service started to drop, more money was requested, but the problem was I had REAL bad "oneitus", as I've heard it called in the PUA community. Like, this stripper was the one for me, I'd never find another like her, blah blah blah.

Turns out, the advice of more seasoned friends was spot on. "Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else", was basically what they told me. I went to the club, was polite to her (no need to be an ass), at the end of the night she basically said, "you spent time with all your other girls, but not with me". I said something like, "yeah, sorry it didn't work out this time. We'll catch up I'm sure." Non-chalant, like I didn't really care (by this point I didn't really care), because meanwhile I had found another I was really getting into.

However, if I go down the CF route again, I vow two things:

1. I won't get hung up on one stripper, and will constantly remind myself that she's just a stripper, there are plenty of them.

2. In order to help with #1, I will continually cultivate a few so-called faves, instead of just one. I have two I like now, couldn't really decide which I like more, and would love a third. Easier this way to not get hung up on one.

first - she needs to be put in her place she aint a wife or girlfriend so her mouth is only good for one thing and it aint talking!!!!!!!

second - for you let your money do the talking, the other stripper will see u throwing cash to them and will ignore the BS that she told them. the only true loyalty strippers have is to dead guys - mostly all of them were presidents except for big ben frank!

third - if you really wanna piss her off meet her at teh new club yall at tell her your broke then when she goes into VIP take another stripper in VIP and let that one blow you in front of your ex-ATF and ball out on her - make it rain on the new stripper!!!!!!!!!!

Juice to the rescue !!

So it sounds like this is a common occurrence, I'm ready to move on and I've already cultivated 2 new faves at the club (and a third that says she wants to do OTC, we will see on that) I go to now and also picked up a new one at a different club, but she's a"good girl" so we will also see where that goes. Never again will I focus all my attention on one stripper, variety is the spice of life and keeping these crazy women from getting too comfortable is the right strategy to max my fun and enjoyment!

Grow a pair and tell her to fuck the hell off. +2 [Dammit I thought I was going to cleverly be the first to write that before I scrolled down]

OR...

Keep getting manipulated by strippers. There is nothing noble about being the meek nice guy in a strip club. It's just the path of least resistance for guys who are afraid of conflict and who need the approval of others. There is a % of strippers who are good at smelling weakness and pulling crap like that on guys like you. If you don't toughen up a bit, then it is very likely that you'll deal with plenty of this and/or other crap again in the future.

Thanks for the tough love Mr. Dugan, well received.

Also, never giver her a dime again. Ever.

I don't think it needs to be a big deal.

Some guys keep their women out of town, as a kind of regulation system.

Email is the best. Never want a woman who is mad to be able to get you on the phone.

Reply to her by email, not texting. Write well thought out messages saying things of importance.

Let her chill out. See if there are issues you want to resolve with her, or things you want to help her with. Otherwise just let her chill.

Hey, I was married, I know how bad it can get. That's why I'm not married now.

SJG

Satie - Je te veux
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbT9DeUL…

I have not heard from the crazy all day so things are looking up. Also checked in with an old fave at the club and all is well there too. I'm heading in tomorrow to get lunch (steak and lobster $10) so stay tuned. BTW a good friend told me to never get in this situation again don't have favorite dancers, get a favorite waitress that can get you whatever dancer you want. Sounds like a decent idea. And letting it chill is very good I think.

Sure. You should have multiple faves in rotation at any one time. They're play-things not monogamous-things, after all. Concubines.

rickdugan +1

Really though, Follow the advice of rickdugan and subraman on this discussion board. Learn how to hold fast, make solid eye contact, lean in, crack a wry smile, and tell her no thanks, or that's not my gig baby, or whatever verbal judo you can muster. Extra points if you think of something funny to use. You'll do much better if you aren't intimidated by them (teenagers in lingerie) nor scared off by a little conflict.

As you can see by avoiding conflict, you may have ended up with more drama than if you had just asserted yourself from the beginning. It's up to you, though.

Happy hunting!

Alright! I like it. And it sounds like it would be a fun game to play. I'm a senior sales guy so I very much enjoy gamesmanship and negotiation. I know the techniques. And I've obviously been playing this game all wrong. The game restarts tomorrow around 12:30 CST, armor on!!

be nice in your conversation with her.

This has to be BS!

If not, I cut it off with my ATF and have regretted it since.

Clubber it is not BS. Went in yesterday to the club and all was well, someone said I may be more popular and I saw some of that. One of the girls even came over and gave the whole spill on what my ex-ATF had said. Seems she was drunk and her primary complaint was the loss of my wallet. This validates everything I've heard here on the board. After getting to know a few new hotties and getting reacquainted with others I can say I do not regret cutting this girl loose. I also had a great time for about half the money I would've usually spent so that helps too. I am running a small crew of favs now as well as a fantastic waitress (that kept bringing me new girls yesterday to ease my pain

New update: As usual the sage known as Papi is correct, she came back for my money. Now I get a redo under my terms. After a lot of begging on her part (2 days worth) I agreed to go into the club tomorrow, she immediately started with the " I'm worried you'll get mad if I have to go work while you're in the club (read I want you to sit around and wait for me like a good PL and not spend any money until I'm done taking care of everyone else I can). So applying the good advice here my response was very straight, "if you decide to go sit with others I'll just find another stripper or go to a different club to have my fun, plenty of choices in this town". She agreed which I don't believe. Can't wait to see how it plays out tomorrow.

Sounds like typical stripper drama. She misses your $$$$$ Good luck

Sounds like typical stripper drama. She misses your $$$$$ Good luck

Hell yes it's all about the $$$$$. I just get to have fun with this now, not get angry or hurt i.e. Growing a pair!! If it gets stupid then I'll just tell her to fuck off, plenty of fish in this part of the sea, and the hooks are already baited! !!

IME the more one tries to appease a stripper the more they will double-down on their SS - if one stands their ground and makes the rules clear IME more often than not the better and fairer treatment one will get.

It's all about the $$$ - the asshole custies get what they want if they are spending $$$ - the "nice guys" get a pad on the head like a good lap-dog and don't get much for their $$$ - not saying one needs to be a a-hole; just be assertive and not let the dancers walk all over you - "he who holds the gold makes the rules" - we are the one w/ the $$$; thus we make the rules, IMO.

The one holding the cash in any negotiation has the upper hand.

I just use the line, "I'm looking for some variety tonight." It's simple and direct and gets the point across. They always come back at some point in the future, if you still interested and have money. It's pretty simple. Polite yet firm. Smile wryly and make eye contact.

100% agree with Papi_Chulo.

I wouldn't explain it to the dancer, other than, e.g., if she remarked that I left early, telling her that I had gotten bored because nothing was going on in the club, or if she said something about getting dances from a different dancer, to shrug and tell her that no one was sitting with me for 15 minutes after I came in.

The goal is to not have to have a lot of discussions with dancers about etiquette and lawyer them into showing you respect. Rather, it's to spend more time with the ones who feel great to be around.