ATF Blowout - how to deal with the fallout
So for the last few weeks I've been trying cut my current ATF loose. The spark is gone, the treatment is not up to par, and the blunt money grubbing is constant. So first I tried to just to be a dick to her about what I was seeing and she wouldn't accept it and kept begging me to come in. Then I told her the money ran out and she said we could figure something out and begged me to come in. Finally I decided to slow roll it and just say I was busy and go to a different club. Damn the bad luck today she went to work at the club I've been attending for the last couple of weeks and got an earful of what a good guy I was and the money I was spending and BLAM the shit hit the fan. So now I got my ex-ATF's number blocked but I think she has bad mouthed me all over the club I now like. I know, the first comment is going to be to grow a pair and tell her to fuck the hell off but I just can't be that kind of a person, and don't want to be. I'm thinking ignore the whole thing and keep going business as usual to the new club but I don't want any unaddressed drama with my new girls. An evil part of me wants to hire the best looking girl I can find and go drinking with her to my ex-ATFs club in the middle of her shift but then someone may get hurt (sharp heels on them shoes). I'll take any advise that is not to stop treating her like I owe her anything, which I know I don't as everything we've ever done has been paid at high above market rates.
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38 comments
Don't react. It adds fuel to fire.
Before you enter next fling, have some idea on exit path.
Not that I'm Mr Efficiency here but I've learned the hardaway and the too-slow-a-way that it's business and best to be direct and be the one in control instead of getting jerked around by your dick - the nicer you are in SS world it's like damn quicksand; the deeper you sink - most of these girls are sharks that use our "niceness" against us like a baseball-bat over our heads - I seriously doubt she gives a shit about *your* feelings; ust your wallet - 99% of the time once your $$$ is gone (financial issues; job-loss; etc); so are they (gone in 60 seconds) - you are an ATM; not their buddy - they have their "buddies" outside the club and you are not one of them.
Sure - always be polite and best to let her off easy and hope she gets the hint - but if she persists w/ her SS and guilt-tripping then you gotta be honest and blunt and tell her you wanna see other dancers - they know custies feel this way but still use the guilt-tripping w/ gullible custies while the assholes custies that treat her like shit keep her in-line and they (dancers) don't try that guilt-trip shit w/ them and still give them what they want.
Believe me - the other bitches in the club don't give a shit and will gladly take your $$$ - they may be hands-off at first out of "professional courtesy" thinking you are her regular; but you gotta nip that in the bud and make it clear to other dancers you are free-fucking-agent and make the move if they don't - and the fave will know when it's over if you make it clear instead of pussyfooting around the situation.
Go business as usual at the new club, don't worry about the bad mouthing to new dancers (the smart ones will see right through that).
Also don't burn bridges - you may need to cross them again someday. If she confronts you again tell her why you need a break.
:)
Don't invite more drama.
Just move on and don't let her intimidate you. And, oh yea, grow a pair and man up. It's your time and money.
Had an ATF (first ever as I consider February to be the beginning of my SC world). Service started to drop, more money was requested, but the problem was I had REAL bad "oneitus", as I've heard it called in the PUA community. Like, this stripper was the one for me, I'd never find another like her, blah blah blah.
Turns out, the advice of more seasoned friends was spot on. "Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else", was basically what they told me. I went to the club, was polite to her (no need to be an ass), at the end of the night she basically said, "you spent time with all your other girls, but not with me". I said something like, "yeah, sorry it didn't work out this time. We'll catch up I'm sure." Non-chalant, like I didn't really care (by this point I didn't really care), because meanwhile I had found another I was really getting into.
However, if I go down the CF route again, I vow two things:
1. I won't get hung up on one stripper, and will constantly remind myself that she's just a stripper, there are plenty of them.
2. In order to help with #1, I will continually cultivate a few so-called faves, instead of just one. I have two I like now, couldn't really decide which I like more, and would love a third. Easier this way to not get hung up on one.
second - for you let your money do the talking, the other stripper will see u throwing cash to them and will ignore the BS that she told them. the only true loyalty strippers have is to dead guys - mostly all of them were presidents except for big ben frank!
third - if you really wanna piss her off meet her at teh new club yall at tell her your broke then when she goes into VIP take another stripper in VIP and let that one blow you in front of your ex-ATF and ball out on her - make it rain on the new stripper!!!!!!!!!!
OR...
Keep getting manipulated by strippers. There is nothing noble about being the meek nice guy in a strip club. It's just the path of least resistance for guys who are afraid of conflict and who need the approval of others. There is a % of strippers who are good at smelling weakness and pulling crap like that on guys like you. If you don't toughen up a bit, then it is very likely that you'll deal with plenty of this and/or other crap again in the future.
Some guys keep their women out of town, as a kind of regulation system.
Email is the best. Never want a woman who is mad to be able to get you on the phone.
Reply to her by email, not texting. Write well thought out messages saying things of importance.
Let her chill out. See if there are issues you want to resolve with her, or things you want to help her with. Otherwise just let her chill.
Hey, I was married, I know how bad it can get. That's why I'm not married now.
SJG
Satie - Je te veux
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbT9DeUL…
rickdugan +1
Really though, Follow the advice of rickdugan and subraman on this discussion board. Learn how to hold fast, make solid eye contact, lean in, crack a wry smile, and tell her no thanks, or that's not my gig baby, or whatever verbal judo you can muster. Extra points if you think of something funny to use. You'll do much better if you aren't intimidated by them (teenagers in lingerie) nor scared off by a little conflict.
As you can see by avoiding conflict, you may have ended up with more drama than if you had just asserted yourself from the beginning. It's up to you, though.
Happy hunting!
I just use the line, "I'm looking for some variety tonight." It's simple and direct and gets the point across. They always come back at some point in the future, if you still interested and have money. It's pretty simple. Polite yet firm. Smile wryly and make eye contact.
I wouldn't explain it to the dancer, other than, e.g., if she remarked that I left early, telling her that I had gotten bored because nothing was going on in the club, or if she said something about getting dances from a different dancer, to shrug and tell her that no one was sitting with me for 15 minutes after I came in.
The goal is to not have to have a lot of discussions with dancers about etiquette and lawyer them into showing you respect. Rather, it's to spend more time with the ones who feel great to be around.