63 and single, I have no desire to have kids, despite a roommate's daily assetrtions last year that i should marry and have a family. Thank you, no. I'm enjoying a peaceful existence.
I believe there is a range. Start young and have them grow up while you are still young. Or do it later, then you might be dead by the time they hit 20. It is all in the timing you know.
Just add about 19.5 years to your current age and see if you still want to be raising one when you are that old. Just be sure you want them because you want them not because society says you ought to.
With that said, I don't care to be raising any children and I am 38. I too enjoy my peaceful existence.
Dancers who have kids at age 15. It ruins their life financially, yet there's something wonderful about young mothers who can relate to their kids as almost friends. I think this is what mother nature and human evolution really had in mind.
Opposite extreme is parents who are career-driven and wait until their late thirties. They become more like grandparents when the kids hit college age.
at age 29 I married a widow age 28 with two kids and then we had two more. I was all done by age 31 and got snipped. no regrets on the kids. but I should've divorced the wife along time ago.
"Off topic, but I couldn't resist. This transgender BS is getting out of hand. Only women, as far as I know, can have kids."
Huh? I think gaca meant have kids as in fathering kids, not literally having kids. Or is this a joke? Btw doctors were/are working on a way to impregnate men, so...
I didn't get married until I was 32. I had my 2 kids during the next 2 years and then got a vasectomy. By then I was well established in my career with job security and good pay.
I don't regret having the kids but I sure regret marrying that bitch. Oh Well. Divorced now and my kids were a great help to me in my recovery from cancer surgery 4 months ago.
For a guy, ideally have them around 30 IMO that way he's lived his 20s & won't regret (or as much) having missed out on running-around & the kids can be grown by the time he's 50 - I'd guesstimate the cutoff would be 40 so he won't be having to deal w/ child rearing when he's too old.
I made the decision around 25. Personally if I would have wanted kids I would have preferred to have started around 25 and finish having the last one before 30 that way they are out of the house before the wife and I are 50. The wife was on the same page, she would have had one for us if I really wanted one, but she'd rather do it sooner than later, to get it over with. But for me it just wasn't in the cards.
If you aren't going to have kids, I recommend pets instead. They are fulfilling in their own way.
I am 38 and have been married for almost 15 years. No kids. My wife brings it up a lot although she used to rarely bring it up. She's the same age as me and thinks that once she turns 40 she can't have a kid, or if she tried it'll likely turn out like Juice.
When it comes down to it i don't think she really wants one, but she's afraid one day she'll wake up in her 40s and regret not having one, and it'll be too late to do something about it. She usually shuts up when I say she'll have to trade in her sports car for a minivan.
Remember, it's never too late to adopt but I really can't imagine putting a kid through college when I'm 60!!!
My 2 kids, who are now independent adults, were born when I was in my 20's. I would not want to have kids at home after turning 60. I can play with the toddlers of my stripper friends.
I had my kids at 25, 28 and 38. Wife was, and is, three years younger. The kids add a lot to life and I couldn't imagine the world without them. Each one very different.
But grandkids are even better. Spoil them, send them home.
I had my kids at 25, 28 and 38. Wife was, and is, three years younger. The kids add a lot to life and I couldn't imagine the world without them. Each one very different.
But grandkids are even better. Spoil them, send them home.
Good for you guys, children are a blessing. I've never had kids, at times regret it, but that's life. My sister's kids are my special ones. I love them ae if they were mine. They are all grown up with good careers. iit is good to stay in touch with them.
I have a friend who had a child at 51 with his 32 y/o 2d wife. He is pretty happy about it. He just retired on a disability so that makes it a bit easier...
The younger your wife is when she has the kids the quicker and easier her body will bounce back. Of course that's not the most important reason but it helps in some cases. That might factor in some but if your wife is a lot younger than you are.
If I had to do it all over again, I would have had my kids in my late 20s, which is the advice I give anyone who asks. On the other side, I think I would not want to have kids much past 40, the main reason being how much your energy level goes down (being 50, and having to deal with the energy level of an 8-year-old, while being a good parent.... ugh). I have a buddy who is 50 and is just having his kids now, he seems to be happy but I don't envy him. That said, his wife is only 30-ish (definitely under 35) and doesn't work, so she has time and energy.
It's really with the rise of the middle-class, that you could have a question like this.
In primitive societies and traditional societies, children are just a fact of life. Short of religious celibacy, you can't plan or avoid them.
But with that understanding, we all need to understand that being middle-class is a reactionary identification system. The middle-class family only emerged because it was allowed to exploit children by turning them into private property.
So the middle-class family is held up as an ideal, with all sorts of romanticization, but it encourages people to exploit children.
So if one is not truly naïve, they need to be honest about the pressures they are feeling. And as I see it, one must abstain when it would mean using children. Not everyone is in this kind of a situation, feeling conformist pressures. But many are.
What Simone de Beauvoir said was that for most women, "maternity was an inauthentic choice".
Certainly there are countless ways one could be involved in the lives of children which are extremely positive, like trying to help eliminate the need for permanent family separation by becoming a CASA volunteer.
There is a huge amount of work which needs to be done. Our society creates scapegoats, and now it is getting these in the scapegoats created by the middle-class family. So there is a huge amount of work to do, to get us to the place where this is routinely understood and interdicted.
31 comments
Just add about 19.5 years to your current age and see if you still want to be raising one when you are that old. Just be sure you want them because you want them not because society says you ought to.
With that said, I don't care to be raising any children and I am 38. I too enjoy my peaceful existence.
Dancers who have kids at age 15. It ruins their life financially, yet there's something wonderful about young mothers who can relate to their kids as almost friends. I think this is what mother nature and human evolution really had in mind.
Opposite extreme is parents who are career-driven and wait until their late thirties. They become more like grandparents when the kids hit college age.
Happy medium is probably late 20s.
Kids and pets are fine as long as they are someone else's and go HOME
Huh? I think gaca meant have kids as in fathering kids, not literally having kids. Or is this a joke? Btw doctors were/are working on a way to impregnate men, so...
I don't regret having the kids but I sure regret marrying that bitch. Oh Well. Divorced now and my kids were a great help to me in my recovery from cancer surgery 4 months ago.
If you aren't going to have kids, I recommend pets instead. They are fulfilling in their own way.
I am 38 and have been married for almost 15 years. No kids. My wife brings it up a lot although she used to rarely bring it up. She's the same age as me and thinks that once she turns 40 she can't have a kid, or if she tried it'll likely turn out like Juice.
When it comes down to it i don't think she really wants one, but she's afraid one day she'll wake up in her 40s and regret not having one, and it'll be too late to do something about it. She usually shuts up when I say she'll have to trade in her sports car for a minivan.
Remember, it's never too late to adopt but I really can't imagine putting a kid through college when I'm 60!!!
My main issue is will you be retiring before they are out of high school? If you're not rich, you might be to old to be a good dad.
Generally I don't think men should be new father's after 50. The truly rich are different, those kids are set.
Would've preferred to have done it earlier but that's just the way life turned out.
And yes both passed once I was in my very early 20's
20 for dad at age 65
22 for mom at age 60
Daughter I was 19
Son I was 22
I seriously have given this thoughts
But grandkids are even better. Spoil them, send them home.
But grandkids are even better. Spoil them, send them home.
:-)
In primitive societies and traditional societies, children are just a fact of life. Short of religious celibacy, you can't plan or avoid them.
But with that understanding, we all need to understand that being middle-class is a reactionary identification system. The middle-class family only emerged because it was allowed to exploit children by turning them into private property.
So the middle-class family is held up as an ideal, with all sorts of romanticization, but it encourages people to exploit children.
So if one is not truly naïve, they need to be honest about the pressures they are feeling. And as I see it, one must abstain when it would mean using children. Not everyone is in this kind of a situation, feeling conformist pressures. But many are.
What Simone de Beauvoir said was that for most women, "maternity was an inauthentic choice".
Certainly there are countless ways one could be involved in the lives of children which are extremely positive, like trying to help eliminate the need for permanent family separation by becoming a CASA volunteer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dEYM0AC…
There is a huge amount of work which needs to be done. Our society creates scapegoats, and now it is getting these in the scapegoats created by the middle-class family. So there is a huge amount of work to do, to get us to the place where this is routinely understood and interdicted.
SJG
The Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter @ Glastonbury
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxPoCgk7…