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Ask Gawker.

I'm trying to "save" DS III from a life of extreme poverty and dysfunction. It's still a work in progress but is not going very well.

I think gawker's experience proves that you can never save a dancer from drug addiction. All you can do is help a little if she is determined to help herself.

Becoming Cap'n Sav-A-Ho is an exercise in futility, and a complete and utter waste of time and energy.

Growing up in a house full of drug addicts and alcoholics, it is a waste of time. I have tried and failed many times. You can't save someone that don't want to be saved. I'm not understanding why so many feel the need to be a savior. It's up to that person to really WANT to make that change. Then, and only then, you can assist that person in making that change.

-->" I'm not understanding why so many feel the need to be a savior"

I think it's difficult for someone who has grown up around normal psychology, to understand addict psychological. And someone who is used to normal psychology will want to help someone they care about ... often not realizing that their attempt at helping is actually enabling.

I agree with 25

if you are rich then or well off at least then talk with Gawker as jacklash pointed out. Gawker is the specialitst in this area of the club life

It's a tough path to go down, and there's a lot of more failures than successes.

Mrs S has tried to do this with some people (not strippers - duh) and all have failed.

I have found that even though you can help with money, rides, advice, food, healthcare, a bed and a shower, it's up to the individual if they will succeed or not. You can only attempt to influence them, but ultimately you cannot make the decision for them.

keep in mind that all men are depraved and only true change is a act of God


any time money or any thing you gift to her should be seen as this...a gift of love....something that you expect no return on investment....what you put into this you must be ok with never seeing it back...in that way your acting in the purest form of love in your actions

keep in mind no one can change a mans hart expect God

I wrote a comment worthy of SJG in length, went to post it and my iPad had disconnected from wi-fi. Arghhhh.
Bottom line, she is the only one who can break her addiction. Everything I've done has just enabled. When I say I'll buy food & pay rent, she then has more of her earned income for drugs. If I say I won't see you if you're using, she has no trouble finding other PL's who'll gladly pay.
I've talked for hours with her mother & her Baby-Daddy who have both given up.
She went 10 months once while on methadone but she feels she's trading one addiction for another.
I've brought her to detox and rehab countless times but she's always relapsed. She's in treatment voluntarily right now & pleaded with me to come get her last night. I said no.
I wish I could be optimistic but frankly my best guess is within 6 months she'll either be in jail or a cemetery.

good advice gawker.

I alos hate when you go to make a large post then the connection fucks it all up and all that work is gone

after those words of wisdom it looks like you should either just avoid her and save yourself the pain or just decide to be the only light in her life even if she never changes. at least if she dies she will have a sweet memory as she goes of the light of love she had in her life

One of my favorite favorites started down the smack road shortly after I started seeing her. When I first saw the track marks, I told her that I wasn't going to be able to see her anymore.

That's the extent of my Cap'n Sav-a-Ho escapades.

-->" Everything I've done has just enabled."

I think that's the key -- and tough to admit -- realization. If you don't know what you're doing (and I certainly don't!), "stay the fuck out of it" may well be the best action, because otherwise, there's a good chance you'll make things worse, even with all your good intentions

Very difficult to save someone from themselves - and as a custy probably even much more difficult - if successful it'll probably take years - it's rarely ever enough to just wanna help & trying to throw $$$ at the problem rarely works either.

Well, I don't think you ever can or could "Save" her from being stripper / sex worker. And given that that is how you know her, you can't.

I mean as David Stuart writes in Guaymas Chornicles, the girl would just say, "Okay then marry me right now ( very nasty Spanish language swear word )."

As far as drugs, alcohol, tobacco, Born Again Christianity, and psychiatric medication, I don't go along with the concept of "Recovery", as it amounts to just blaming the victim.

If the party wants to feel their feelings and start to live from that, they will drop all their intoxicants and denial systems. I am convinced that people will do this when given a chance to be part of the solution, a chance to fight back. It comes with political consciousness.

SJG

SRV Mary Had A Little Lamb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aP2RzLN…

Step one of a 12 step program is to admit that you are powerless in the face of your addiction. In my readings and personal contact with former addicts, they almost all say they "beat it" by feeling empowered to take control of their lives. Those of you who are conspiracy theorists might join me in questioning if "being powerless" is promoted by the $43 billion rehab industry.
My ATF is not a candidate for the award of "Success Story of the Year" from Psychology Today. She is narcissistic, self-centered, and probably has a personality disorder. But she's beautiful, has a subtle sense of humor, a great laugh, and is fun to be with. When using heroin at a "maintenance dose" ( in her case about 2 - 4 grams a day depending upon strength) she functions fine. When on methadone her dosage ranges from 80 to 5 mg. depending upon her progress in decreasing usage
, she has highs and lows. My point is when she's not getting high she's perfectly normal - just spending $150 to $300 a day.

I try to keep my distance from anyone using drugs as soon as I find out about it. I don't try to change them, I just try to keep a safe distance away so they don't mess up my life. I remember I once had some suite mates in college that came back from somewhere one evening and told me not to move too fast and they stared at the wall for like 30 minutes saying they were seeing interesting shapes or something.

They were kind of funny though. One of them said don't give him anything, referring to me saying I had some kind of natural high. I think he was afraid I might carry out some of my crazy ideas. I wasn't interested anyway. I didn't do anything as crazy as some other students did like climb up utility poles with live power up on the lines while doing some celebrations. One time I did tie a rope across my dorm room and hung up some pants and a shirt to make it look like someone standing there in front of my roommates bed and put my glow in the dark skull at the head. It didn't even bother him.

I did used to get rides from a drunk driver as a college freshman because freshmen weren't allowed to have cars. My drunk suite mate didn't mind giving me a ride. He wasn't scary to ride with compared with someone I later knew from Lebanon who said they don't have speed limits where he comes from. I probably could have used some drugs to tranquilize my nerves after riding with him. His driving didn't scare me until he succeeded in getting his car up on only two wheels in a curve. I think the car would have flipped over if I didn't keep my weight on the far side. It seemed like I only knew crazy people. Most of my suite mates already were using drugs. No thanks. The drunk driver got caught about 2 years later. He said he blew something like a .26 and set off all the bells and whistles.

You can't save someone else. Don't waste your time. You might be abke to help someone that is saving herself.
If you are successful, don't expect anything. You are likely to be seen as an enabler or part of the life she is leaving behind and she at best will cut all ties. Worse will be the damage to your life .

The only person that you can save is yourself and even then we can not accomplish this alone

Trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and he will give you rest

" White knights are also addicted to drama, too, feeding into the cycle of dependency"
this is from another thread posted by meat applies perfectly here.

This thread is full of honest and truthful advice. The facts are simple - as you can't save anyone who doesn't want to be saved. It's also true that many have no control over the substance causing their addiction.

I think - until they want to be saved - you are basically an enabler. Once they are ready - that's when you switch to the role of savior?

I am totally opposed to the 12 step groups. I do however support lifelong abstinence, which these groups also do.

I think our society is just plain wrong about addiction:

http://www.democracynow.org/2015/3/11/jo…

http://www.democracynow.org/2015/2/6/par…

http://www.democracynow.org/2012/12/25/d…

http://www.democracynow.org/2010/2/3/add…

SJG